For many parents, feeding their kids is a bit overwhelming, especially in the beginning. It’s really straight forward when they are babies, right? Milk, then baby food. Simple. Things start to get a little tricky when real food is introduced and the bottles and baby food are weaned away. Those babes turn into toddlers and the eating transition can be challenging. I’m not just talking about how to get them to start eating table foods, I’ve already covered that in: How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food. It’s all the other things that come along with this transition like when, what, and where to feed them…. when and how do they feed themselves… how long should they sit in a high chair… etc.
Okay, if you weren’t overwhelmed already, I am probably overwhelming you now! Obviously, I am going to walk you through the most common mistakes parents seem to make and how you can avoid them to get your kid’s eating started with a good foundation. As an early intervention occupational therapist, these have been common problems I’ve helped parents with over and over again, and they are mostly simple things that the Pediatrician doesn’t have time to tell you or may not even know.
Staying on Baby Food Too Long
Going to get this one out of the way first. Generally speaking babies should be starting to eat table foods around 8-9 months and should be done eating baby food by their first birthday. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if your child has developmental delays. Each child is an individual and I do want you to follow their lead, BUT often I see parents sticking with baby food way too long because it is easier or THEY are uncomfortable exposing their child to more table foods. You may think, where is the harm in it? Although most kids will move onto table foods fairly easily, some can get stuck in a rut and refuse table foods if they are kept on baby food for too long. If you need more help with this transition check out part one and two of How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.
Abandoning the High Chair
I know the big high chairs can be cumbersome in kitchens and the trays are annoying to keep cleaning, but these seats and their ability to confine, ahem, I mean keep you child safe are the best bet for a while. Babies have learned to associate eating with this chair and toddlers are notoriously distracted. If you try to have them eat at their own little table or at a big table before the age of 2.5, you are most likely going to be in a constant struggle just to keep them sitting at the table and their eating habits will surely suffer.
There is nothing wrong with keeping your kid in a high chair or booster seat with a strap until they are 3. If you never stray from this, they won’t ever know the difference, sitting in a high chair or booster is all they have ever know. Once you let them kneel on a big chair or don’t strap them into the booster, it could be very difficult to return to the original set up.
This is my favorite strapped booster seat, I’ve used it for all my kiddos, until 3 years old and beyond really. Plus, it’s portable!
Once you do move to strap-free eating situation, lay the ground rules quickly about staying seated. If you child insists on getting down, meal time is over for them. Make sure they understand this and follow through. Click here for more info on setting up a schedule and spacing meals apart.
UPDATE: Check out 8 Steps to Keep Your Child Seated at Meals and to make sure your child is positioned correctly in the booster you are using, you’ll definitely want to head over to The Best Seated Position. You’ll find helpful pictures and the high chairs and booster seats I use and recommend.
Constant Snacking
I have to admit, this is probably my biggest pet peeve and the most prevalent error parents make. (Warning: stepping onto my soap box) Somehow our culture has evolved to constantly feeding our kids, most of the time we do this to pacify them. We hand them crackers or cookies in grocery stores, doctor’s offices, cars, parties, and even church to keep them quiet. It doesn’t always stop there. In the beginning, it can be hard to find a schedule for eating that works and leaving food out all the time can seem logical, or meal times become stressful and schedules are abandoned because it seems easier. It may be easier in the short term, but in the long run, it will become more difficult to get good eating habits established.
When kids are given snacks endlessly, the message sent is that we don’t need to sit and eat together (yes, even if it is just a snack) and that we can eat whenever we want. I think it is important to teach kids to respect meal time in it’s own right, so they can develop healthy eating habits for life. Constant snacking totally defeats this, and as I have discussed previously, snacking usually ruins their appetite. To learn 5 ways to increase their appetite, click here.
In my day job (as an occupational therapist), I see huge changes in a child’s eating when the family moves to structured, spaced out meals. At home, I also see a dramatic difference in my kid’s eating when they have snacked too frequently.
Toys at the Table
No toys at the table might seem obvious to some of you, especially parents with babies that aren’t really trying to pull this stunt yet. I assure you there will be a day when your toddler is insistent and will ultimately throw a tantrum just to have the truck or doll at the table with them. In the moment, it is very easy to give in because you are exhausted and don’t have the battle in you. However, this is a battle worth fighting, even though that toy may be keeping them in their chair, it will mostly distract them from actually eating. Sometimes it helps to place the toy in a spot where a child can see it (sometimes that makes it worse!). Either way, once your kiddo knows that you mean business about no toys coming to the table, they will stop trying.
*If your child is receiving feeding therapy, some therapeutic strategies employ the use of toys at meals.
Eating Alone
Eat with your kids. Often when we start babes out on baby food they are on their own schedule and we focus just on feeding them at their own meal time. This should be short lived, if ever a scenario at all. If possible, it is a great habit and benefit to the baby to eat meals together. As they start to eat multiple times a day and begin table foods, try to find a way to have your eating schedules coincide. Serving your kids solo means them missing out on a variety of social interactions, as well as the powerful tool of modeling. These mini-me’s just want to emulate us, and while we all know that they observe everything that we are doing, we often forget to apply that to eating. They notice that the broccoli is on our plate and what we like to eat. Not to oversimplify, but If your kid never sees you eating the broccoli, they might not eat it either.
Please don’t fret if you have already begun some of these habits, my hope is that this information will empower you to make some changes that will lay the groundwork for good eating habits throughout your child’s life. Although it may take a little more time to undo some of what I discussed here, you can get back on track by slowly making changes. Pick one thing to focus on at a time and be patient! If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, click here for some more tips.
If your looking for more help on establishing good eating habits, click here, here, and here. Follow me on facebook for quick tips and ideas.
As always, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment, let me know what you’re thinking or any questions you may have.
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
So much thanks for the sharing. I was looking for that and this is very important for me. Thanks! I thoroughly appreciated your post!
Thanks for reading, Justin!
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
Hi!
My daughter is 11 month old. She has been a great eater till 9 month but it’s been two month her meal time become a real struggle for me. In start I thought she is on teething that’s why she lost interest in food but after her teeth came out she still don’t show any interest in food. She refuses whatever i offer her. She is on spoon fed till 9 month then she don’t want to be fed. I tried to give her food to eat herself but she throws everything. Then I tried to distract her by screens she ate for a week and then back to not eating at all. Now my question is, do babies follow baby led weaning at 11 month or is it too late for them to eat themselves now ??
Hi Fatima,
She is certainly not too old for baby led weaning. We have a ton of resources on this age and some of the issues you are describing. I’d start with our free workshop on toddler and baby solids. It’s a good starting point! Let me know if you have any questions.
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
This article sheds light on a crucial topic that many parents encounter: instilling good eating habits in their children
Hi Kalyn,
Thanks so much for this informative article. Very interesting! Our daughter is 10 months and is currently being weaned. Since 6 months, she has had a mixture of BLW and chunky purees etc.
I have two questions which I hope you could potentially help with please –
1. She has recently started to become “lazy” and won’t eat finger foods anymore, and will only eat when she is being fed. She is busy teething, but I suspect that her laziness has gone on longer than the teething. Do you have any recommendations on how I can stop her from being “lazy”? And
2. She has never liked an array of foods in front of her. If there are loads of things on her plate/high chair tray, she almost “loses her mind” and starts bashing all the food and chucking it onto the floor. Have you ever heard of / seen this type of behaviour, and if so, what can I do to make her comfortable with a “plate of food”?
Thanks in advance!!
Adel
Hi Adel! Thank you for reaching out! So glad you found our post helpful!
1. If your baby isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Sometimes they can get “lazy,” but keep trying! Here is a blog post with tips for this!
2. Throwing food is totally normal for children between 8 and 18 months old. This happens for a variety of reasons. I would start by offering less food at a time, which will help minimize the throwing, since she will feel less overwhelmed. Here is a blog post with more tips for this!
Hope these answers are helpful 🙂
Best,
Kalyn
In the morning sometimes I’m not hungry and I just make food for my 3yearold I will sit down at the table with him just not eat, my wife doesn’t like this and feels like I’m being a bed role model for my son. So my question is if I’m not hungry do I still need to just eat at the same time as my son?
Thanks for amazing content. I think it is very helpful for new born babies.The post is very informative and creative. I Loved it.Carry on
Thanks so much for sharing your feedback! So glad you found this post helpful!
Best,
Kalyn
This is the first article I’ve read on your site and I wished I had found you sooner! The reason I even got to your site is because I live with family, and once my baby transitioned to solids (at 5/6 months – she is now 12 months old) they kept throwing toys in front of her during mealtimes. And over the last 6 months of feeding, they’ve continued this and have always advised me “she needs to be distracted” or will just come and distract her “for me”.
From the start, it didn’t sit right with me just like giving no-screen time (I don’t let her watch tv or play games on phones, etc). Thankfully, she doesn’t watch cartoons to eat like many other babies. But because I was constantly being told to distract her, I thought maybe it’s something she did need and it’s something I’m not doing right as a new mum. Noe at 12 months, she isn’t a great eater and I constantly have to put new things in front of her to distract her and spoon food in her mouth. She picks up food to feed herself that she likes sometimes but will only have a little bit before she’s distracted again.
And now I’ve come across your article and knowing something didn’t sit right, I wish I just trusted my gut. Please can you advise on what to do instead during meal times? Thank you so much.
Hi May! Thanks for reaching out! Try not to be so hard on yourself, you’re doing a great job! Here are a few tips to try to break that habit of distraction with toys: Demonstrate eating, sit and eat together and over-exaggerate your own eating motions. Utilize different, fun baby utensils for her to use to feed herself- you can even pre-load the utensils and set them in front of her so that she can pick it up and bring it to her mouth. Slowly decrease the time that you distract her at mealtime- The idea is that you either delay giving her toys so she has a chance to start the meal without it, or you take away the toy before the meal is over so she can finish the meal without it, you can start by delaying giving her the toy for 2-3 minutes and then gradually increase as days go on. That last tip is a tool usually used for screen time, but it may help in your situation! For more tips, we have a free table food workshop, you can save your seat here!
Best,
Kalyn
I REALLY need your help :'(
Is there specific 1-2-1 sessions that you can do, as soon as possible?
Hi, our son is just over 7 months, weaned early at 5 months on medical advice and has happily been on 3 meals a day, full pouches/portions, previously was having 8+ bottles a day. The past couple of weeks he’s lost interest in his meals and clamping his mouth shut after just a few spoons but is still hungry and will eat it if you give him fruit or yogurt. He has just had 2 teeth come through, is that linked? Do I persevere or give him bottles again? He’s got no interest in finger food, puts everything else in his mouth apart from food. Slightly baffled!
Hi Fran! He’s 7 months old and weaned off formula? Does he get any breast milk or formula at all? Since you mentioned he was weaned due to medical advice, I would refer to your doctor. However, generally speaking, babies should be getting either breast milk or formula until 1 year of age. It’s great that he’s been a good eater with table foods and different textures. Teething can play a big role in any feeding regressions, and in that situation, offering more formula or breast milk would be helpful. If you didn’t want to reintroduce the bottle, you can always put formula or breast milk in a sippy cup. Hope that helps!
Best,
Kalyn
I think you’ve completely misread my post unfortunately. He was weaned onto food early, still on 5 7oz bottles a day. Lost interest in food and absolutely no interest in finger food.
I was very interested in the article on picky eating toddlers. I have a grandson who’s about 14 months old. His parents have pretty much given up putting him in the high chair because he doesn’t want to eat there. Instead, they follow him around with the plate of food and put it in his mouth every chance they get. Obviously this is setting up very bad habits. How do I get them to change this without being an intrusive mother-in-law? It breaks my heart! I understand children learn the most before they’re three, he’s learning he can do whatever he wants give me some advice I can pass on tactfully 🥴.
Thank you very much,
Carol Rees (carol.r.rees@gmail.com)
P.S. are you able to notify me that you’ve given me an answer? I may not be able to check this website again, as I’m not a tech wizard in finding things 😉
Hi Carol! Thanks for reaching out! It can be tricky with family dynamics! But it’s definitely worth mentioning to your grandson’s parents, so that they can avoid any future mealtime issues and prevent the struggle from getting worse. First, it’s highly recommended to keep toddlers in a highchair or booster seat with a strap on it during mealtimes until they are 3. Use the strap at every single meal! Once you open the door to a strap free life, it can be difficult to un-do. So if he’s not used to that position, slowly reintroduce and be consistent. That strap will save you tons of battles, and will not only help make mealtimes easier, but will make it safer. It’s important for children to not be distracted or running around while eating- when they’re seated and focused, it makes for safer chewing/swallowing, prevention of choking, and healthier eating habits. When a child is focused on their eating, it’s easier for them to listen to their body’s cues. We have a blog post that goes over more tips for being seated at mealtimes. Another approach would be to send them the link to this post 🙂
I believe it will send an email letting you know of a response, but just in case, I will send this response directly to your email as well!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Ashley! Hope you’re well!
So my little guy is 21months old with a good appetite, but constantly wants to watch tv while eating. If we say no, he refuses food, and starts to cry. He won’t let up till he gets tv. Any advice l/ tips or tricks would be greatly appreciated!
Our son is 10 months old and is a great eater. Our problem is his pace and how to get him to slow down/ ask nicely for more. If we are serving the food to him he makes a loud “mmmm mmm” sound and then immediately starts it again after having a bite. If we have the table food cut up in front of him, he continues to add food to his mouth even when it’s already full.
Hi Brittany! Thanks for reaching out! Since he’s eating fast and stuffing his mouth, try serving smaller portions at a time. This will help him to slow down and eat/chew one at a time. Sometimes kids stuff their mouth because of a sensory processing reason. Sometimes kids can’t feel where a single piece of food is in their mouth very well, so they stuff a bunch in. Other times, they just like the pressure on their cheeks from all that food. If this is the case, they may need some sensory strategies with eating. Try using a vibrating teether or a toothbrush to brush the sides of his mouth between meals. That pressure may help with his sensory processing!
Best,
Kalyn
hello – insightful article. My baby is 8 months old and have noticed her flapping arms (usually when playing) and also when put on high chair. Because of this, after she picks the food, she flaps and throws off. She no longer is able to reach the food from the floor and we keep offering new pieces. However, we tried to sit her on the table when food falls while flapping she reaches for it again and tries to take her to mouth. Does this mean we cannot use high chair or should we still continue to use high chair? We are unsure how to teach her to stop or reduce flapping. We try to eat with her and avoid any distractions. Appreciate your view on this.
Hey Ash,
I would say that still eating from a high chair is beneficial. I’d make sure she has good positioning with her feet supported as this can help ground them. But also, you can try different proprioceptive activities prior to mealtimes to see if it helps decrease her flapping so that she is able to self feed!
Best,
Desiree
Thank you for such a wonderful article. This really helps get some basics right being a first time parent.
My daughter is 15 months old now and not been a very good Easter right from the beginning. She has been fussy with eating all the time. I’ve offered her variety of food and she would just reject it. I’ve finally managed to reestablish the habit of sitting in a high chair and eating. She does eat a bit better when she is hungry but My biggest concern right now is that, she throws her food all around like it’s something to play with. Telling her not to do it makes her do it more. Is this just meat eating? Will she get over this period and start up be respectful towards food ? Am I encouraging bad behaviour? I’m soo worried right now. We land up turning the tv on to distract her. ( we currently do not have a dining table at home, do I have her high chair next to my sofa and I eat along with her, trying to demonstrate how to eat). Is this wrong?
Apologies for the typos in my original comment:
Updated:
Thank you for such a wonderful article. This really helps get some basics right being a first time parent.
My daughter is 15 months old now and not been a very good eater right from the beginning. She has been fussy with eating all the time. I would offer her variety of food and she would just reject it. I’ve finally managed to re-establish the habit of sitting in a high chair and eating. She does eat a bit better when she is hungry but my biggest concern right now is that, she throws her food all around like it’s something to play with. Telling her not to do it makes her do it more. Is this just messy eating or a behavioural thing? Will she get over this period and start to be respectful towards food ? Am I encouraging bad behaviour? How do I get this back on track and make it right? I’m soo worried right now. We land up turning the tv on to distract her. ( we currently do not have a dining table at home, so I have her high chair next to my sofa and I eat along with her, trying to demonstrate how to eat). Is this wrong?
Hey Suni!
Thanks so much for reaching out. We love that you’re looking for help already at this age!! Even if you don’t have a table at home, we suggest pulling the highchair and you’re eating area away from the tv. A blanket on the floor or a chair pulled over to the side for you to sit down works great 🙂 Throwing food is so common! You’re not alone. We suggest to try to remain neutral and use a phrase like “our food stays on the tray”. We have a free online mini course going on right now. We’d love to have you join us! The next class is Tuesday at 2pm EST, but we send out replays afterwards. You can sign up HERE!
Best,
Andrea
Hello!
Our little one seems to be hungry all the time! He is 19 months old. He wants breakfast FIRST thing as he gets up, then is hungry for a snack around 9, wants lunch by 11, has his midday nap and then is very hungry once up, and then demanding dinner by 430! Screaming dinner time/banana/toast etc. It makes cooking his dinner very difficult as he is tantruming at this stage. Any advice would be great!
Thanks
Hey! That’s actually really common. It sounds like he’s eating every 2-2.5 hours, which is really close to our suggestion of every 2.5-3 hours. So many kids out there LOVE early dinner times! You might include a more filling food with each meal or snack (usually protein or fats tend to be more filling). You can check out our filling snack ideas. They can be used anytime, not just at bedtime!
Best,
Andrea
Hi!
My 2 year old eats in a booster seat at our dining table. For the past few days, he refuses to have the chair in our dining area. He wants us to move it to our porch and eat there (strapped in his chair with his tray), while we also eat in the same area with him (we have benches where we can sit to eat). Is this a bad habit? We are having trouble holding our boundary because it causes a really bad meltdown, not just a regular tantrum.
Thanks in advance!
Hey! This is really common, especially around 2 years old for kiddos to want to sit somewhere else. Having kids sit at the table is one of the foundations for mealtimes, so you might want to stick to it! We have an article about strategies for staying at the table. It might be helpful! Meltdowns can be really tough! Check out our post about meltdowns vs. tantrums!
Best,
Andrea
Hello,
I don’t have a child or anything but I am a nursery practitioner in a nursery. I was wondering if you could help me and give me advice. About a month or two ago I’ve had a new little boy who is 1 year old, he is really happy during the day and when I sit him down on a strap in chair at meal times he whimpers a little bit, I sing him some songs which calm him down, then I give him the food and he uses his hands to grab the food and put it into his mouth which is good, but this only last between 5-10 minutes then he wails and throws his head back so he is looking at the ceiling and lifts himself up in the chair and grabs onto me and pulls himself up. I get him out to give him a cuddle but all he wants to do is throw himself backwards to lay flat on his back with my arms supporting his back and look at the ceiling. It’s frustrating because I’ve mentioned this to his parents and they re shocked because at home he sits nicely in his chair and eats his food. Can you help me please I feel like I’m loosing a battle and I’m getting frustrated and upset because I feel like I’m not doing anything right.
Signed
Natalie Claricoats
Hey Natalie,
Thanks for reaching out! I’d try to get more information from family to see what kind of seat he is in at home, and what is happening then. Are they utilizing distractions, is he getting a lot of sensory activities prior to meals? Is he eating the same kinds of foods, etc. To see and compare to what is happening when he’s with you.
Having some sensory heavy work activities prior to meals can be really helpful in getting kids to sit longer. I know there isn’t distractions where you are, which is great but seeing what is happening at home may help!
Best,
Desiree
Hi,
Thank you so much for the wonderful Article. My only issue with my 16 MO is, he is more interested in my plate than his. Even though we always sit together and have exactly the same food as him, but he wants food from our plate. I am worried that this could bring problems in the near future when we will go out or attend a big family dinner.
Hey Thanks for reaching out and sharing with us! We love that you are sitting with him and having the same foods, that is huge! I would just try to start modeling and pointing to his plate when he wants yours and showing him the same food. He is still young so it is great to start the good habits!
Best,
Desiree
Hello! My 11 months old baby suddenly started holding food in his mouth. I give him mashed purées. He throws out finger foods. Everything was going well. But 2 weeks ago, he developed his habit and hasn’t taken a single bite of purée yet. He dropped 1.5 kgs of his weight as well. How to overcome this habit? I’m extremely worried.
Thanks for reaching out! That can be really scary when our little ones stop eating, especially when they start losing weight. It might be helpful to have a check in with his doctor. He is around the age where he might want to start feeding himself. You could try to preload a spoon and give it to him to try to self-feed. Our free table foods workshop would also be a great fit! You can save your seat HERE.
Best,
Andrea
Hello,
In your above comment when you say sensory heavy activities do you have a couple of ideas that would be helpful? I’m having a bit of trouble keeping my 18month old focused on eating at meal times.
Hi.
Very informative post.
My 11 month old baby doesn’t want to sit in the high chair. She screams and wants to come out of it.
She wants to have only breads and rejects anything that is runny in consistency e.g porraige.
She will play and eat 2-3 bites from her hand and that’s it. Her meal is over.
Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Hi Ankita! Thanks for reaching out! In regards to her not wanting to sit in her high chair, we have an article that goes over tips to help with that! (Keeping her on a schedule, keeping mealtimes between 10-30 minutes, making sure she’s seated comfortably, etc.) And with her eating, keep offering her food variety, while also promoting a no-pressure environment; not forcing her to eat anything she doesn’t want to. Allow her to touch her food and attempt to feed herself with her hands- this will help with any sensory sensitivities she may have with those runny textures. We have a free workshop all about table foods! Save your seat here!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi there! My toddler is 2 1/2 and is a good breakfast eater. But he refuses to eat dinner with us. He loves rice mixed with chicken and will eat it if I offer it to him in the bathtub, but refuses to eat it sitting in his highchair for dinner. When he wakes up from his nap at 2:30, he doesn’t get much else than a drink before 6:30 PM. And he still will refuse dinner. I have to keep him on a strict routine and start our bedtime routine at 7:30 or else he won’t sleep through the night. I’m not sure if it’s a timing thing but I can’t afford to not give him dinner so I always end up making something else because the repercussions of that or that he doesn’t sleep through the night and wakes up hungry. I don’t wanna keep feeding him in the bath but I resort to doing that Because I might’ve just slaved over a meal and I am not interested in giving him peanut butter and jelly on a daily basis. What do you recommend?
Hey Jessica,
We do recommend sticking with a schedule and know how hard this can be. Typically kids need 2.5/3 hours space before meals, so you may need to try to look at closing the gap as he may be overly hungry. Also, eating at the table with everyone and doing this during all meals can be really helpful so he can see other eating and getting into a routine. I’d check his seating as well to make sure he is comfortable and in a proper positioning for eating all meals. You can read all about seating here
Best,
Desiree
My son is 23 months old. He usually eats wells in the morning but we have always struggled with feeding him
In the evening. Once he is done eating, he gets his bottle of milk, which he will happily finish. There are days when he won’t eat properly even in the morning, he will take few bites and leave the table. Should I give him milk if he does not eat? I don’t want him to go hungry but I also don’t want him to think he will get milk whether he eats or not. Please advice.
Thanks for reaching out. We do typically recommend providing milk with their meal, rather than after. You can have a smaller amount of milk so that they aren’t just filling up on that, especially if they are able to eat and enjoy the foods you are providing. He may be knowing that milk is coming and holding out.
Best,
Desiree
Hi! My son is 13 months old (11 months old corrected age). He used to be a really good eater, but now refuses to stay and eat in his high chair for more than 10-15minutes. He tends to gag a lot when he eats (or refuses to eat) in his chair, but this doesn’t happen when we let him crawl around while feeding him. I feel like the gagging could be a sign of stress, which is why we just let him out of the chair for the rest of his meal. A part of me just wants to give in to feeding while he crawls around because I don’t want him to lose weight since he’s catching up weight-wise. Any advice?
Hey Sarah,
I’d try to do some sensory activities (heavy work) prior to sitting in the high chair to see if this will help him to be seated for a longer period of time and be calmer to sit. You can check out our article on keeping kids seated during meals, and also I’d check out his seating to make sure he is in a good position. Check out the article here
Best,
Desiree
My 13 month old has never had a huge appetite but has usually been good in terms of what she will eat since we started weaning her. However, all of a sudden she has become incredibly fussy at lunch and tea times and is not at the point where she is refusing anything I give her for tea. I tried to feed her myself to which she shakes her head as if to say no so I allow her to try feed herself as she is very independent but instead she spends the whole mealtime playing with her food chatting to herself. The minute we show any sign of trying to encourage her to eat she starts crying. We try our best to eat at the same time at the table with her and make a huge positive fuss when she does eat but there seems to be no pattern in what she will and won’t eat at the moment which is making it difficult to know what to feed her.
I’m torn as I’m more concerned about her being full and not going hungry but my husband wants to help her learn and not to get her own way which isn’t helping as we are struggling to agree on a joint way to go about it. At first we thought it was teething as she had 4 molars come through all at once but that doesn’t seem to be bothering her anymore.
I must admit I am very guilty of giving her snacks I know she likes in order to go down the baby aisle in the supermarket or when I need to get something done so I don’t think that has helped. I’m also still breastfeeding (3x a day) so I do know she has some food in her but eventually I will need to stop which scares me as I won’t have that to fall back on.
Any tips or guidance would be such a help!
Thanks!!
Hey Natalie,
Thanks for reaching out! I would first look at when you are providing the snacks and if that is impacting her eating. Try to get on a schedule so that you are only eating during scheduled mealtimes at the table. Also, I’d try to remove pressure from the meal, this can be really helpful as well. You can feel free to save a seat in our free workshop it may help you get on track with these tips. Save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Hi ladies
I have a 15 month old little boy. Up until 11 months – my little guy was a super foodie & ate 98% of what I gave him without problem. Suddenly before his first birthday, he started having periods of 6-8 weeks where he tolerates nothing except a handful of items (fruit, cereal, yogurt) – I have noticed part of these periods has included signs of teething but I’m not convinced that’s the whole reason.
In between he will have 3-4 weeks of amazing eating again. It’s come to the point where since he hasn’t eaten a ton in the day- he’s waking very early – which means I’m waking early – which means I’m exhausted.
I have found that I can usually get him to eat by distracting him with activities and yes *sharp intake* toys at the high chair.
I know this isn’t good practice so I’m desperate for any additional insight and advice. Should I wait out the teething period so he’s getting the nutrition he needs so everyone’s relatively happy?
Thanks for reaching out! Teething can be a huge factor in eating, especially if he seems to go back to normal after a period of time. I would try to provide soothing items to his gums to see if that will help him in eating. If after the period of teething is gone and he’s eating everything again, I would just keep an eye on it. If you are having trouble re-introducing those foods after he starts eating again, then I’d make sure to check out some of our resources at that point. But teething can be hard, we get it! Hopefully you get through it soon!
Best,
Desiree
My son eats at 6:00pm as bedtime routine starts at 7pm. Unfortunately it is too early for us to eat dinner as one normally cooks during the bedtime routine. We have a set menu for our 15 month old as he is very picky. Sometimes he opts to throw everything and not eat. Dinner is the hardest meal. One day he likes chicken and the next hates it. It’s a struggle to get him to eat we make him 4 things at once and can’t get him to choose. Our nanny gets him to eat lunch always. He is always in the highchair, no toys. Only the tv in background to distract him. He won’t eat fruit so snacks are limited. It’s a struggle.
Hey Krista,
I would try to sit and be present with him as much as you can at that time. Also, changing up the foods that he does eat, making sure there is at least one thing that is his preferred food. You can learn more about how to set this up and having a more positive mealtime in our free workshop. Save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
My child is 8 month old she used to eat food well but all of sudden she started holding food in her mouth for long time and she will take forever to swallow and she will get tired sitting in a high chair for long time what’s should I do and also r we supposed to give toys while they are eating ? Plz reply
Thanks for reaching out. There could be a number of reasons for holding food in her mouth. I would try to work on providing a drink to help wash it down. We don’t recommend providing toys or any distractions at the table, so that the child can engage with the food. We do have a free workshop that can be helpful to walk you through this information. You can save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Additionally *sorry* he gets very distracted at every meal time, often ends up hanging over the side or reaching for anything so I’ve epically failed snd he has a toy attached to the tray to try and keep him upright. Kind of failing at what to do, we didnt experience any of this with our first son so I’m at a loss.
So, I’m embark to say that unfortunately guilty of the mistake of allowing toys at the table during mealtime. This habit started when my son was battling constant ear infections, as a way to get him to eat when he wasn’t feeling the best (the ear infections went on for several weeks before the drs decide tubes were best). Now it has become a never-ending habit that has resulted in me even feeding him half of the time bc he’s playing instead of focusing on eating.
He’s almost 2 1/2 yrs old, so I know he’d be old enough to understand if I start talking about it ahead of time and say no more toys at the table.
So, am I’m best off to just pull the trigger and battle out the tantrums that might result after for a few days in hopes that he quickly catches on that a)no toys & b) he’ll have to feed himself or he’s going to be hungry?
Thanks for the advice to someone who currently feels like a mom failure!
Hey Ashley,
First of all you’re NOT a failure AT ALL!! These things happen, and you did what you needed when he was going through something painful! You’re learning and you can move forward to work on it 🙂 As for pulling the plug or doing it slowly, it’s completely up to you. We do have families that will completely take it all away and deal with the tantrums for a few days, but get through it and be done. We also have families that will work through it more slowly, only allow at beginning or after they start and slowly increase the time of being at the table without the toys. Either way is fine, it’s which ever you feel is best for you and your child!
Hope that helps! Hang in there! We are here for you!
Best,
Desiree
Thanks Desiree! I appreciate the insight! I think cold turkey will probably be the way we have to go with this little one, especially since I already know waiting until he’s started to eat to let him have something, etc. will only result in him being upset and not eating anyway. Might as well not drag out the process longer than we have to. Wish me luck!
Awesome Ashley, glad you know what’s the better option! Good Luck mama! Just hang in there!
Best,
Desiree
My 11.5 month old baby girl has always had feeding issues day 1. She was born 7.9 pounds but gain weight slowly and now dropped to 15 percentile. At the moment, she will drink approximately 400-450ml Milk (formula and breast milk) a day. We feed her 3 meals (consistent time) and 1 snack (sometimes). The best meal is breakfast because she will eat 2-3 tablespoon of iron fortified oatmeal with banana. Lunch, snack and Dinner, she doesn’t want to eat. If it is fruits, she will have a few bites. But if it’s veggie or protein, then she won’t open her mouth. If i add a small piece of banana with a small piece of veggie or protein together in the spoon, she will eat 2-3 times and stop afterwards. I’ve tried feeding her purée. Then I tried switching to finger food. During the feed, I’ve tried giving her toy to distract her. She will take a few bite and again start to scream. Trying to let her pick up food to eat by herself and eat with her. She will throw all the food on the floor. Should I get a timer how long she can eat a meal? But if I set it to 40 mins, nothing go into her stomach. And I was hoping that will drink more milk if nothing goes into her stomach for dinner. Then her last bottle, she still take the same amount. So a day without solid.. she is still in taking 400ml milk.
Hey Karmen,
So sorry you are having trouble feeding your daughter. I’d make sure to provide opportunities for her to be touching and interacting with the foods. We do have a free workshop that may help as well. You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi I have a very active 15 month old like never stops moving. He only eats 1 meal a day if that. Sometimes he will go the whole day and only have a few bites of something. I’m only breastfeeding in the morning and afternoon so he will eat more but he just isn’t. He used to be nice and chunky but now has the skinniest legs and I’m sick of people commenting on how small he is. We sit at a table and his in a high chair and we all eat together. I try need to give him snacks in between but his still not eating. I’m so stressed and worried. I feel like he burns more calories then he eats so how is he supposed to grow
Hey Stephanie,
At this age, they do start to move around more and burn a lot of calories, so you do see kids thinning out, because they learn to run, etc. I’d first start to work on having him complete some play with foods, to see if he will touch and interact with no pressure to eat. This can be a huge step forward. We do have a free workshop that can help with strategies and setting up mealtimes. You can save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Hi, We have a 12 month old who’s weaned off all breastfeeds except morning and evening, so we’re wanting to give her more snacks between her solids meals. Does it matter if she has a snack in the highchair or on the floor (crawling around some while she eats)? Also, any tips for not-too-messy but still healthy snacks?
Hey Alissa,
It is best for all meals/snacks to be served in the high chair as they get proper seating and positioning for eating there!
Best,
Desiree
Hi, we have a 14 month old who eats table food and a decent variety of foods too. I try to space meals and snacks out to be 2-3h apart. He has about 16-18oz of milk a day, I try not to exceed this even though he loves his milk as I am encouraging to increase intake of solids instead. Most of his meals involve finger foods, except maybe lunch, which maybe rice and veggies. My issues are:
1. We always start a meal in high chair, but it is rare that he finishes eating the whole meal there. Very often he wants to leave after 5-6 bites, if we get him down he will happily walk around but will keep coming back to his bowl or pointing at food to eat and will finish most of it till he is no longer interested. Is this ok and if not, how can he finish meal at the table?
2. Sometimes if he starts fussing, I try to offer him a fork and he will have a renewed interest to eat if he forks the food or if I help him get food on the fork. Is this not a good approach?
Thanks for your help!
Hey Thanks for reaching out to us!
Yes utilizing the fork is a great strategy and natural approach to eating, so great work, I’d keep modeling that and helping as needed. I’d work on keeping him seated that the table. You can read more about it HERE and there is a link in there to check out his seating to make sure it is great!
Best,
Desiree
Hi I have a almost 11mn old and I think the butchered the excitement of eating! He will willing eat his oatmeal in the morning but after that lunch and dinner it is really hard to spoon feed him food. He has two teeth but isn’t 100% on solids I normally to purée and solids mixed because he is only eating soft solids. He would eat avocado and bananas for every meal. He used to smile and now he looks away the whole time I try and feed him. He just cried in the beginning. Sometimes I can squeeze his cheeks and force the first bite and he will eat it after that but will not look at me or smile at all. What’s the best way to make this more enjoyable so he doesn’t just nurse all night.
Hey Lex,
Thanks for reaching out to us! Sounds like you are doing a great job at providing purees and then soft foods as well working your way up to harder foods. I’d try to get him more engaged with feeding of himself and providing him with a spoon too, to see if he is interested and able to help. We also have a free workshop that I’d recommend taking as it will be full of great information for you! You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi
We have a 19 month old who refuses to eat with his own spoon and fork and we would like to try for him to be more independent in this way and be able to but he gets upset and throws the spoon. We may have made a mistake by not being persistent and consistent with this enough when he is much younger. He is very intelligent and capable in many other ways but he doesn’t want to try eating by himself. It is really frustrating and I have half considered going cold turkey with spoon feeding but we really need expert advice. Thank you
Hey Heidi,
So glad you reached out! I’d try to make sure that you are modeling for him, so as he has his spoon/fork I’d over exaggerate you having yours and how to use it, this can peak his interest in copying you! We do have an article that is full of tips as well, you can read about them Here
Best,
Desiree
My granddaughter was born with Down syndrome. She’s beautiful and doing well. My daughter does not have a kitchen table. Too antiques in the small kitchen. Taking them out makes room for a table and chairs. Rearranging the kitchen would put refrigerator in sight of living room. She does everything on the floor with 2 big dogs and a mean cat. What is your opinion this situation. She’s 10 months old. The parents eat on the couch. Her kitchen has room but she refuses to make room for dining together. I watch her often and have our meals together at the table. I don’t understand this? Give me your thoughts! Thanks
Hey Patricia,
Thanks for reaching out! While we do recommend eating meals at the table, we do understand there are different family dynamics. If a table is not what they will work towards, even working on turning off the TV and eating at the same time and same space is a good first step!
Best,
Desiree
Hi, my 17 month old hates his high chair and won’t get in. He absolutely hates being strapped in anywhere – car seat, pram, high chair. He straightens and tenses his entire body which makes it very dangerous to try and hold him. Any suggestions for a calmer way of getting him to sit in his chair?
Hey Anna,
We understand the struggle! We do have an article that will help with some tips. I’d make sure that you are giving him warnings like in 5 minutes we are going to sit in the highchair, so he starts to make those connections. And make sure he has support under his feet. You can read more about these tips HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi, we live in South Africa and to get help here is extremely limited if not impossible. Our grandson is 3 years old and we tick all the blocks for food aversion. It is very daunting to tackle this problem alone. Are there online workshops to evaluate our grandson and to assist us. Kind regards, Lynnette
Hey Lynnette,
So happy you reached out! We understand how difficult it can be to get some help in many areas of the world. We do have full online courses as well as some free courses to get you headed in the right direction. I’d recommend taking our free picky eating workshop! This will provide you with some great advice on where to get started with your grandson’s feeding journey! You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi. My son is 11 months and we are trying to get him off the habit of playing with toys and reading books while having meals. The problem we have is he refuse to open his mouth if there is nothing on his high chair he can play with. But having those things also make eating painfully slow because he is more distracted. But it’s worse without the toys. We know this is not good and hope you can provide us some suggestions how to wean him off his toys during meal times, otherwise as he grow with this habit, it will only get worse
Hey!! Thanks for reaching out. I understand that this is a difficult situation, but are so happy you are looking toward the future to successful mealtimes. I would try to slowly take the toys away or decrease the amount of time they are there! ie: if they are there when he gets to the table, have them hidden, and then bring them out and slowly increase the amount of time he is at the table without them. You can watch our free workshop on the 3 keys to picky eating, as you may find some helpful information in there as well!! save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Your Kids Table Team Member
My daughter is 11.5 months old and her schedule is roughly as below, i am writing to you as i feel something is wrong with her food and hence she doesn’t sleep well.
6.30-7 wake up time and breastmilk
7.30-7.45 bathe
8.15 – breakfast
9/9.30- nap
She doesn’t have a fixed duration of naps (anywhere between 10-30mins)
11.00 – snack (fruit)
12.30 – lunch
13.00 nap She doesn’t have a fixed duration of naps (anywhere between 15-60mins)
Breastfeed upon wake up
4.30pm snack
6.30pm dinner
7.00pm bath
7.15/7.30 bedtime
She gets up in the night but I have weaned her off night feeds
Kindly suggest changes
Hi Divya, Check out this post on 11-14 month Feeding Schedules. It gives you some good tips and examples that I think will be helpful.
Hi there, my 10 month old rarely takes her bottle. Maybe 10 ounces in total. So I had to relay on solid foods. Problem is she won’t eat without cartoons. I want to remove this habit. I am really worried it might lead to serious complications later. This started when she was around 8 months old. Please help me and guide me how to remove her habit step by step.
Hi, Thanks for reaching out to us!! We understand how hard it can be to be feeding your child! I’d really work on letting her play with the food first, you can do this outside of mealtimes if you’d like to let her get used to the texture and be accepting of it. Taking away the distractions you’d probably need to do overtime such as turning it on after she’s taken her first bite and slowly increasing the amount of time. We do have a free workshop that will help provide you with what foods to provide when and looking at some underlying causes. Save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hello!
My 23 month girl seems to be eating the whole day.
Wanting a bottle or eating. It’s always crying for something for her mouth.
It feels like we are missing out on life, all she want is food or drinks.
Pls help.
She is in school and also have stick routine, and sleep very well.
Hey Este,
I understand how this can be difficult. I’d try to get her on a good schedule of meals/snacks to really keep track of how much she is eating and getting her to increase the amount at a meal so that she is not always snacking throughout the day. Sitting down with more at one time should help hold her over till the next meal in about 2.5 hours later, but you can work your way up to that time period if it is too long.
Best,
Desiree
Hello
I have a child (5 year old in April) and it feels like he’s become more and more pick. He was entirely breastfed until 6 months and then we started food, BLW. Some purée/soups sometimes. He liked it, but never ate much as we breastfed freely until 2 years old and then occationaly until 3. At one he kind of lost interest of food and sitting at the table as he started to walk. I know now I should have acted differently. But anyway. We always have family breakfast and dinner. Lunch at weekends can be a bit different. But he’s become picky with meat and fish that he used to love. Now he’s become more interested in the carb-swamp. Breads, pasta, potatoes, chips.. you know. And sausage. And eggwhites. Things with no taste. I have really tried not to pressure but probably have made it. We have never forced him. I have tried not to give him other things after or before meals. Only vegetables before dinner to snack on but cucumber and somethimes carrots are the only vegs he eats. And basil. He used to eat more. Anyway. Now I want to try the “this is what’s for dinner and nothing else”. But he might know that we have sausage and pasta leftovers in the fridge and of course prefers that. Or he wants egg whites or cheese. He now also can go to the fridge, open it and take what he wants. How to handle this. It feels so bad to be like a guard of the fridge or to deny him the leftovers/cheese/egg whites that we obviously think is ok food as we have it at home and to deny it when it is ready and leftovers should be eaten, right? But maybe cheese and egg whites can be seen as snack. And leftovers can be saved for leftover-day. I just feel it’s hard to deny him when those foods are existing and approved. And when he can get into the fridge himself.
I wish there was a function to edit (or delete) my comment(s). This is okay but it happened so fast and I’m not sure I was done.
My son is nine months, he doesn’t want me to feed him with the spoon (for pureed food) but then he never eats anything an just plays. With finger food/BLW, he sometimes will feed himself but max a few bites. Then he starts almost pretending to feed himself, or misses his mouth but claps because we have been trying the whole positive reinforcement even if he is just playing with or touching the food. It’s almost like that backfired. My concern is that he will only take a few bites and then closes his mouth or archea his back and doesn’t let us try to offer him more. He has eaten the most when I give him pieces of food while he plays but that’s not a good habit I feel. I am overwhelmed and don’t know how to get him to eat more.
If you want to make life much easier, read this:
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
Hi Maria,
With everything I teach, there’s a way to make it your own and have it work with your own instincts. Serving leftovers at the next meal is usually something the child doesn’t want, but if you’re okay with it, it can work. I become more concerned with them seeing other foods, so one idea would be to serve another food along side it. I’d also be looking to set the environment up so that he knows you’re preparing the food, that he’s not getting out what he wants – if that makes sense!
Our 16 month old recently started a new class at daycare, and they use the kiddie chairs and table for meals/snacks. I’m sure you can already guess where this is going…he’s now refusing his high chair at home. We have a keekaroo that we tried pulling up to the table without the tray and even that didn’t work because he was so mad about the strap (and since he was flailing around so much I wasn’t comfortable without the strap fastened). Any suggestions on how to handle when we can’t control the environment during the day? Thank you for all of the wonderful information that you provide!
You’re so welcome! It can be hard when they do something different at school/daycare, but I think that if you’re consistent at home, he’ll eventually learn how to do different things in different locations. I have this post on how to stay seated for meals (and a free printable!) that I think will be helpful!
Hi! Article is amazing! My almost 16 month old refuses to sit and eat (high chair or booster). We have to feed him as he plays. I now understand we have perpetuated the habit. How do I break it? I am afraid he is too young to send to bed hungry but maybe not? I am guessing the first week would be rough but something has to give. It’s a problem especially when we aren’t home for a meal. Thank you!
It is going to take a little time. You have to start out having him sit for a small amount of time at first (just a minute or two) and then slowly build to more and more time. Consistency is the key. Keep working on it every day.
I’m wondering what your thoughts are about my toddler wanting to play with things on the table (vitamins, our plates and utensils, etc). They’re not toys persay but it amounts to the same effect as him bringing a toy to the table. He’s very distracted if we give it to him, but throws a fit if we don’t. We could clear away some things but clearing our plates/bowls/utensils would amount to him eating alone.
I’d say if it’s a huge distraction that I’d steer away from it, but you don’t have to do that cold turkey. It will take a few days/weeks but you could slowly wean him away from relying on them so much. I love your thought of taking away the other distractions.
This was so helpful to me, I can see now that I am making some mistakes with mealtime. My daughter is 16 months and she is still eating some pureed foods. I have been making her food so I have tried to make it thicker and with chunks so there is more to chew. She has only 4 teeth and she gags and chokes a lot on most foods, especially meats. I have tried to help her so she knows she needs to chew her foods but it doesn’t always work and as soon as she gags or chokes she doesn’t want it anymore. Any recommendations on what to feed her or how to prepare certain foods?
Not to be a buzz kill, but I disagree with basically all of these. I don’t think any of these are “bad habits”, I think they are simply choices. I did not introduce baby food until 7 months and table food until about 1 year. I had no issues transitioning. I did not purree all of her food though, so that may have helped. I wanted her to only eat fruits and vegtables, so she did for the first year.
We also never used a high chair. She ate where we ate. Sometimes at the table, sometimes on the couch, wherever. This has never been a problem for us either. When she started daycare she was able to sit with everyone at a table. They don’t have high chairs.
I think it helps that we usually eat together so she stays put pretty well and is not distracted.
On the weekends though, when our schedule is more fluid, I just feed her when she asks. So sometimes she is just snacking. This does not bother me one bit. I am not concerned about where she eats or how she eats, I care about what she eats. If I leave carrots and grapes out, I don’t mind if she picks at them all day. I am a big believer in letting kids guide their appetite. Who am I to say she’s not hungry?
Anyhow, again, I am not saying that everyone has to do it like me, but really meal time is no big deal for me. I just care that shes healthy. I don’t think that’s a mistake.
Thanks for sharing your story Katherine, I loved hearing it. It is a bit of a grabby headline! For me, as a feeding therapist, these are sort of pitfalls for a lot of kids that breeds or making picky eating worse. Thanks again, it’s always important to remember that every family is unique and what works for some doesn’t for others 🙂
Thank you for some good advice. I have 2 issues with my 15 month son. The first is that he eats constantly and never stops so I never know if he is full or not. He eats every meal and snacks too. I can’t eat anything without him crying to have some. During meals he will just keep eating and asking for food, eating way more than you would expect. It’s like he doesn’t know to stop when he’s full so I never know how much to give and when to stop giving it to him. Second, he eats way too fast and I don’t know how to get him to slow down. He shoves so much in his mouth at one time and won’t slow down. He isn’t over weight, he is at the 50th percentile. He is just a bottomless pit and I am afraid of creating future bad habits by him eating so much. Do you have any advice?
Hi Dana! This is actually a good problem to have, ha!
I’d try to only feed at mealtimes and keep meals to 30 minutes, saying “ALL DONE” when it’s over. I’d also think about eating at the same times as him so he doesn’t see you eating without him:)
Lots of interesting ideas here. I agree about high chairs and when kids are used to them, it means they can be more included in family meals.
Definitely!
Hello, Alisha!
So thankful for your tips and explanations! I agree, it’s really very important to sit and eat together with all the family. Exactly as you said, our babies just want to emulate us. Our son is 2 years old and when we’re sitting and eating together, he wants to eat everything that his father is eating. Sometimes there is a problem when my husband wants something to eat that is forbidden to a baby. Usually I asks my husband to wait a little bit. What advice can you give on that?
Thank you again!
Sorry for the late response Katia, I missed this one! You’re totally right, at this point you can ask him to just wait until later or kind of don’t make it obvious that he’s eating something else! As he gets older that will be more challenging for sure though. It’s a sacrifice! Have you ever seen the funny meme’s of mom’s eating cookies in the closet, kind of the same thing:)
Hi Alisha,
I can’t believe I didn’t realize toys are a slippery slope. It makes total sense but we already did it! Starting at about 9 months old she would only eat when distracted and just like that, we have a little basket of mostly small books and a minnie mouse that she likes next to her chair. Lately, just as she turned one, she is just even more difficult to feed. She might eat by herself a few selected pieces of what she knows she likes, like chicken, peas and berries but then refusing to any spoon whatsoever. If I give her stuff that she likes, she usually eats it but the doctor told us to keep trying to give her a gamut of foods which I get her to try (sometime she won’t take them and spit them out) by feeding her with a spoon or with my hand.
Things have been escalating. Lately, she doesn’t eat more than 5 pieces of food (even the ones that she likes) unless distracted. I wouldn’t mind letting her be in her chair but she starts throwing all the food to the floor. On the other hand, if distracted with toys, she opens her mouth and will have significantly more food. Does this mean that she is or not hungry? should I not give her food unless she asks for it? In addition, I don’t mind taking the toys out but she will probably fuss about anything on the dining table, pointing at anything she sees and then screaming if not given attention (we eat as a family together). At the end, we all end up stressed out during meals, and if with no toys, probably with a hungry kid as well. What can we do differently?
These are great questions Liliana, and you are definitely in a bit of a catch 22 here, and I’ve worked with a lot of kids in similar spots. I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to direct you to some further reading because I think we are just scraping the tip of the iceburg here. I think it be really helpful to read When Picky Eating has Gone Too Far and 5 Reasons Kids Don’t Eat. Once you’ve read those, let me know if you have some new insights about your daughter- I think she has some underlying challenges that need addressed. Then, I want you take a look at The Best Picky Eating Strategy and How to Stop Distractions. Please don’t feel like you have to read this all at once- it can be a lot to take in, but make it a priority because there are a lot of elements that need to come in here. All of these articles are really going to be explaining why this happening which is really important to understand so you can move forward. I think these articles answer many of your questions, but I have a feeling you’ll be looking for some specific steps, please reach back out, I totally get it and addressing now will be much better than when she’s older.
Couldn’t agree more, and this is exactly what we have always done in our family. Our daughter went right along with our example. Our son, not so much.
So we’re going back to the drawing board, offering him plenty of grazing opportunities because it is that or starvation.
Each child is so different. And capable of turning upside down even the best laid plans.
Thank your for sharing these useful information. Sometimes I make
these mistakes and don’t know that it would do harm to my kid
Omg i wish i read your blog long time ago. I pretty much screwed up on most of the things you listed. My 20 month old doesn’t eat meals..so we got into the habit of giving him snacks throughout the day. He still gets 2 8oz bottle of whole milk during the day. Breakfast id say is ok…he’ll eat bread, yogurt,or fruits. And then usually 2 hours after that ill give him the bottle, then nap. But lunch/dinner…he doesnt eat meals. Im thinking maybe i should stop giving him snacks? The 2nd bottle we give it to him before bed. Its so stressful feeding him. I do try to offer meals but he just refused it. Hes in the lowest percentile for weigh/height since birth but still healthy as per our pedia. Hope you have some tips/advice for me!!!! Thank you!!!
Hey Marci, oh please don’t beat yourself up about it! You obviously were doing the best you could- the problem is nobody tells parents this stuff! I would highly recommend stopping the snacks- take it slow if you need to, meaning that you can start by going 1 hour. You can also start by attempting a meal for a few minutes at a kids table or coffee table if you think that it will be too stressful to move to a table. I know how stressful these changes can be, but I can assure you they are possible- I’ve worked with kids in so many similar situations. If you’re interested I do have an online class where I walk you through all of this to make sure you can be totally successful and move past picky eating. No pressure at all, but if you want to take a look: yourkidstable.com/join
My 11 month old won’t eat unless he’s distracted. He used to be a lot better about eating, but now he just points at everything and wants to hold something while he eats. How do I get him to change this habit when he literally will not take a bite unless he has whatever he’s pointing to? Thanks for your help!
Do you mean he’s pointing to other foods? If so I’d eliminate anything that you can- including other distractions. This can be tricky, but you’re probably going to tell him “no” and have to sacrifice him eating at a couple of meals. At his age he will get the point, after some tears, of course 🙂
Thank you for this! I feel like I’ve totally screwed up. My son will be 1 tomorrow & is a great eater, but still eats mostly pureed foods. I have given him quinoa, rice, oats & lentils, though. And he does love to chew on the chunks I put in his mesh feeder. I began with the purees when he was 6 months but, as he’s my first child, haven’t been sure how to proceed from there. He loves spices & seasonings & has adventurous taste buds. He’s learning to drink from a cup (we skipped the sippy) & has an amazing pincher grasp that he uses on sand, grass, etc. but getting him to pick up foods & put them in his mouth has been slow going. I see so many kiddos his age on full adult meals & feel like I’ve messed up 🙁
Oh Heather! It’s okay, really!!! You’re here reading, and you’re child is unique. You have done the best you can with the info you had up until this point. I want you to head here to read this post and let me know if you have any other questions: yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Thanks for all the tips!
My 15 month old eats a lot of variety, but is easily distracted. When my child eats in he’s high chair he has a few bits and then wants down to play… how do I change this? He screams when he thinks he’s done, yet if hes distracted he eats a lot more. Im mainly concerned because he’s only 20 lb and is small for he’s age. so I often follow him around as he plays to get a few more bits in him which i know is not good… i just push the calorie intake and i don’t know how the help his weight and hight without the foods. thanks again
Is he growing on a curve? He may be small but if he is growing well then he is okay. I know it gives you piece of mind, but as long at the doctor isn’t concerned I wouldn’t worry. Offer to have him come back in a few minutes and make sure you are spacing your meals out with no grazing so he is really picky. I know its hard but this is really common toddler behavior. Search the menu bar for a new post I wrote on toddler eating with some more tips. Lastly, if he wants down try to redirect him back to the table in 5 more minutes. Meaning let him get down and allow him a few minutes to change his mind.
Thanks for all this great information. We have a 15 month old who doesn’t want to sit in her high chair anymore. She refuses to eat and then when we take her down and she’s able to walk around..she’ll stop by me to eat her dinner in bites. I’m wondering if we should get her into a booster seat with straps so she’s at the table with us..? She did great in her chair till about a month ago and now she hates being confined in it. Also when she gets home from daycare I know I’m making a huge mistake handing her snacks that takes and walks around eating and juice..I’m going to stop that so she’ll have an appetite for dinner. Thoughts?
Yup, get her in the chair! I know it’s hard, but it is soo important! Stop snacking and using a booster is fine, but keep her strapped. Its normal for them to get down at this age, but only allow food when she is seated. You may have some tantrums, that is okay, she is learning you are serious about this and you are teaching her how to act at meals so she can eat safely and well. Let me know how it goes!
Hi Alisha
My 8 month old refuses his chair (mainly at his dinner time around 5pm) for what I thought was from being tired but perhaps it is due to some bad habits we have started as mentioned in your post such as snacking and eating elsewhere (i.e. in his pram on the go). The reason we provide snacks is because we were told to a few months back when my son wasn’t gaining weight (he doesnt really like milk so we were told to up his calorie intake by snacking but now i think it may have started the high chair problems).We also have lunch outside in his pram or on a picnic mat as we like to take him outside to play. We sometimes do this for brekky too. Could this be why he is refusing the high chair and if so, are you suggesting we always come home for meal times in his chair and stop the snacks (unless he is clearly hungry)? We always eat at the table with him and he feeds himself as he hates to be spoon fed so I can only imagine his problem is because he doesnt eat in his chair for other meal times…???
Hi! Your advice is so helpful! I wondered if you could help me on another issue. My daughter (21 months) eats really well (90th percentile which is steady since birth) however she still wakes frequently in the night for milk (she has about 4 bottles of 8floz each at night!!) This seems way too much but she won’t have water or a substitute. What can I do?
Also your advice in relation to toys at the table is really helpful! Would you suggest cold turkey on the iPad at the table or gradually stop it?
Thank you so much for all your helpful advice!
Oh my goodness, do you mean 32oz total at night? I would start to drastically cut that down and I would talk to her doctor if it is that much. THere may be something going on with her metabolism if she is drinking that much at night and eating well during the day. In terms of the ipad, it depends on what your comfort level is. There will be so upset when you don’t offer it and you’ll need to be able to handle that if you go cold turkey. If that is too much slowly transition away. By the way, you are very welcome, glad this is helpful to you!
Hi! I would appreciate any advice you could give me. (I have read many of the pages throughout your website and printed/often use your helpful list of table foods.) My 15 month old girl has slowly made the transition to table foods, but is still eating pureed baby food as probably half her food intake, with maybe 24 oz of milk during the day. She’s about at the 40th percentile for height and weight, which is great after being 10th percentile at birth. The main issue we have with feeding her is that she seems to actually NEED toys to distract her enough to eat when we are spoon-feeding her, so I’m conflicted about your rule of no toys at the table! She needs to have something to do with her hands. Is this weird?! She does better when feeding herself finger foods, and we’ve started letting her feed herself with a spoon when it’s thicker foods like yogurt, let her have a 2nd spoon in addition to mine, etc. Should we just let her totally take over and take away the toys? (Not “toys” so much as empty baby food containers she can put together, other random objects, etc.) I worry that she won’t eat enough if we aren’t spoon-feeding her, but I also worry that we’re making her somehow overeat BY distracting her, if that makes sense. My husband has started playing baby videos on the ipad to distract her while he feeds her, which is a habit I’d like to stop… but mealtimes are becoming a struggle, she’ll eat this way, and he says “but look how much she ate!” and I can’t argue about that. And by “how much” he means maybe 2 4 oz containers of food. Is this too much at one sitting?
Sorry for the novel and many questions, but please let me know of any suggestions you may have. ☺
These are all great questions and you are not alone! I understand your husbands thinking, but you are may be over feeding her, and the calories she is getting from baby food aren’t huge. It is not weird at all and is quite common for me to see. It is totally fine to still feed her, but she can also try to feed herself too. I would strongly recommend taking the ipad away, it is a very slippery slope. I can’t tell you have many kids I treat that are 3, 4, or older and can’t eat without distraction. It becomes a huge source of stress for the family, and often the skills kids need to chew and manipulate food are under developed as a result. The reason she is eating more is because she isn’t really paying attention to what she is doing, and because of that she isn’t learning how to eat or modulate her appetite. Toddlers need less calories than they did even a few months ago because they aren’t growing at the same rate. Is she eating a variety of table foods? How much table foods will she eat at a meal? I can give you some more direction with those answers.I know this is a hard time, my third is 15 months too!
I’d appreciate your advice please, my son refuses to be fed by us as he is used to being fed by the nanny five days out of seven, so weekends and when she is away he refuses to eat anything we give him. He hasn’t eaten for four days now and frustrating hubby and I big time! I’m hoping he’ll starve and give in but he is not. Please help!! I think psychological he associates feeding with her and i don’t know how to fix this
Sorry for the late reply… do you still need help? How old is he?
No worries. he is 2.5. we have stopped feeding him as suggested by a child psychologist. so now he feeds himself but he never finishes a meal. he’ll snack on stuff throughout the day but im sure he’s not full as he often runs to the fridge. he is also sticky about what he snacks on. he wont even finish a sandwich, which we let him cut into different shapes to make it fun, he’ll just have a few bites and leave it.
That’s great! I would strongly recommend getting him on a schedule, the way I describe in this post, it can make all the difference. Best of luck!
Hi! We follow a strict routine for naps and meals (we have twins!) so it helps save our sanity. We feed three meals a day with three bottles of formula and two snacks (one before lunch and one before dinner/mid afternoon). Our pediatrician suggested this schedule and has been great with helping us with feeding. MY girls eat everything and have the food repertoire of toddlers BUT i was just wondering if two snacks a day aren’t ideal? I find they are super hungry at those two times even after eating full meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have a set time for snacks and don’t allow grazing so Iam hoping that i am doing it right! 🙂 Also, we do try to eat with them as much as possible (lunch and breakfast) and was wondering also when you recommend pushing high chair up to table for them to eat?
Wow! You are doing great. You can definitely play around with the schedule and find what works for you. It is most important that they not graze and that they have a decent space (at least 2 hours) in between meals. You are doing that!
You can start by pushing their high chairs up to the table now!
Thank you so much for publishing this article I was starting to feel like a really strict and mean mummy. We enforce all these things at dinner time and my little girl eats very well and we can take her anywhere to eat because of this. Thank you once again and I now feel very empowered as a mummy x
Would you then suggest 4 meals together throughout the day and no snacks inbetween?
Yes, you’ll want to treat your snacks more like meals. Depending on the timing of naps it may end up being 5 times. Make sure your snacks have a carb, protein, and fruit/veggie.
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I feel like I’m guilty of several of these items on the list. My husband and I both work full-time and I have an 8 y/o step-son who is with us full-time. Because my husband has a long commute and is gone before breakfast and home just before my 1 y/o’s bedtime, I often times feed him dinner alone while I make dinner for the rest of us and then the three of us eat after he is in bed at 6:30/7. I’ve been having trouble getting him to eat any finger foods that aren’t bread, crackers, or fruit, so I’ve been giving him squeeze packs as a way to get veggies in him. What is your take on those? Is it basically the same as continuing baby food? I also just read your article on transitioning from the bottle and now I’m thinking I’ve been giving him too many fluids between meals as well and perhaps this is why he is also starting to refuse foods he has liked in the past and throws most things off his high chair tray?
Oh Sara, I don’t want you to feel guilty. Everyone’s circumstances are different and sometimes you have have to make the best of difficult schedules. I would say to keep doing what you are doing, fitting in family meals when you can.
I don’t love the squeeze pouches but they do have their place. I would try not to rely on them too heavily. I would really space the meals as I suggested, that can make a huge difference. Also, see how to transition to table foods under the popular posts in the side bar or under the article index in menu bar. Let me know if you need more help!
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I’ve cut back on the milk bottles and only send one squeeze pack to daycare now instead of two and I’ve already seen an improvement, and so have they. Next step will be to cut that one out too and just use them for when we are on the go….they are so convenient! 🙂 Your blog has been so informative for me, thank you!
My baby girl is 11 months old. She is very active and cannot sit still. I need to distract her with toys or some cartoons to watch on in order to feed her, else she will refuse to open her mouth and crying loud to get off the highchair.
Is that fine if I let her continue watching the cartoons which I feed her? She will only eat in that way.
I would avoid it if you can- try to wean her away from it. If you haven’t already read my eating basics in the menu bar, I would recommend it. Make sure you are following most of those strategies- especially spacing meals apart, she may not be hungry enough. Ideally, we want kids to eat without distractions but do you best and take baby steps to move away from it. Good luck!
Do you have any advice on weaning night feedings? I nurse our 13 month old before she goes down at night, and then she usually wakes once in the middle of the night for another nursing session. She seems to be truly hungry, and not just nursing for comfort. We’ve been trying to get as much food into her during the day as possible so that she won’t wake hungry in the middle of the night, but that means doing whatever it takes to get her to eat, breaking some of the rules you have here. We fear that if she doesn’t eat much during the day, she’ll wake up multiple times :(.
First, only you can decide what works for your family and that may mean bending the rules a little here and there. I would encourage you to not get “stuck” feeding in between meals, etc. Always try to be moving toward following the points I talked about. I know when they are this little it may seem like it isn’t a big deal, but it is. Allowing them to eat in between meals really will make them eat less overall. I would also try a snack right before bed, maybe a nutritious smoothie to fill up her belly? Sometimes you just have to take the leap and keep your fingers crossed as you sleep, she might surprise you (assuming she ate well that day).
what if my little boy doesnt eat anything i serve him, that made me stick with baby food uptill he was about 17 months, he would never sit down with us, he is very active and can’t stay still. he is 23 months now, hates milk and most dairy food, doenst like the texture of anything I give him although Iv tried everything around about 8 months but always had an alternative due to fear of starving him…any advice? Thanks
I would start slowly with the above steps. I would also recommend getting a feeding a eval or setting up a consult to help you determine what the underlying issues are. Also, peruse the article index, look for exploring food and expanding variety articles. Please let me know if I can be more help.
The one about eating WITH your children, is I think the most effective. We eat with our kids, and while they don’t always eat much, they gladly eat everything they see us eating – well, with the exception of beans! Kids are natural copycats, give them a good example to follow.
That’s awesome! That is probably the most difficult for some families, but once you get into the habit it is a way of life.
Thank you so much for your blog. I’m having some feeding issues and I wondered if you had any insight. I’m the nanny to a 12 month old boy. I try to do the positive things you suggest, such as having a routine and schedule, limiting snacking, eating in a high chair with no toys, etc. He never eats with his parents, and dinner isn’t something I can control since I’m typically off work by then, but I do try to sit down and eat my lunch while he eats his.
I don’t know what I can do to work on his feeding issues. It’s not that he has issues with specific types of food, it’s that he will refuse food that he likes. Just three days ago I cut up a kiwi for him and he devoured it. Today I did the exact same thing and he wouldn’t touch it. Muffin, same. I try to have patience, but he will refuse food after food that I know he likes until I run out of options. His mom just gives in and gives him cheerios. The one thing that he seldom refuses is yogurt, so today I did what I normally do to get the fruit into him, and put a small piece of kiwi in each bite of yogurt. After several bites like this he would accept just the plain kiwi on the spoon no problem, but still wouldn’t eat it himself.
After reading your “no force feeding rule” I’ve resolved not to do it anymore (I really already knew I shouldn’t do it, but it’s just so difficult!), but in the past when he would refuse to touch food that I knew he liked, I would stick a piece in his mouth a few times, and once he realized what it was he would usually go ahead and start eating it. I try to have his preferred foods at meals when offering new things, but he refuses food he loves so often that I don’t know what his preferred foods are!
What a wonderful nanny you are to be seeking out help! I’m sorry my response is so late! This is a tricky situation because your not the parent. I would really make sure that you aren’t allowing any snacking at all- he needs to be hungry. Also, nothing but water in between his meals, that can fill him up to. Does he like messy play?
I would offer 3-5 foods at a meal. If he doesn’t eat then I would let him get out and try again at the next meal. But, before you get to that point, play with the food a little, be real silly and see if you can get him to imitate. I have lots of articles on picky eaters that may be helpful, check the article index in the menu bar! Let me know how it goes!
Ties in with another poster. Our preemie 7.5 month old basically never eats with us. Weekdays she has early morning (7 am) and night (7 pm) bottles at home but breakfast (9 am) lunch (12:30 pm) and dinner (4:30 pm) when she has bottle and puree is at daycare. Should we be concerned that she eats occasionally only with me on Saturdays and with both of us on Sundays?
It is okay while they are this young, it can be really hard to make the schedules coincide. However, over the next few months I would strive to eat together as often as possible, especially once she is starting the transition to table foods. Once they are a year old it would be ideal (I know not always possible) to be eating most of your meals together.
Thanks Alisha! She is just over 6 months adjusted and delayed in gross motor although otherwise healthy so sometimes it’s hard to know what age guideline we should follow at what time. She has a significant tongue thrust since she came home from NICU and we are (still) in line to see an SLP to try to fix that before we go to table food. Love your blog!
Thank you! You said the key word, “guidelines”, they are just that. Generally, speaking use her adjusted age as a “guideline”, knowing that there is a lot of room for variability. Sounds like she is doing great, especially having a proactive momma like you! Let me know if I can be of any more help in the future.
I have a 11 year old son his autistic and his very picky know he will just eat pasta pizza chilli dogs and I can’t get him to eat anything else for him ever thing is gross please help don’t know what to do anymore thank you
I made your first three mistakes when I was a new mom – wish I had read your article back then! Great tips!
Thanks Maryanne, so glad you stopped by!
I love the article. The problem we have is eating together which I’m sure is difficult for many. Little man goes to bed at 7pm (before my husband is home) so eating dinner together rarely occurs. I sit with him while he eats dinner but most of the time he is eating at 5-5:30 and if I ate that would leave my husband to eat alone. Should I be concerned that he is eating most dinners alone at 1 1/2yrs or should I not worry since as he grows his bedtime will be later so that we can eat as a family. Thankfully I made all of his food and normally pureed/chopped up leftovers so he eats anything and everything. Olives being his food of choice right now 🙂
Mary, it sounds like you guys are off to a great start- I definitely don’t want to stress you out about what is working for your family! I think that it will evolve over time and when you can I would try to steer it in the direction of eating together. For now, try to eat whatever meals you can together, especially on the weekends or maybe breakfasts? Maybe a couple times a week, eat a small dinner with each of your guys!
Okay, we definitely need to work on a few of these issues-specifically the constant snacking. My 2.5yo is a grazer. She’s also quite small and in general not a good eater (picky, and seemingly exists on air alone some days). So, when she does ask for a snack, I often don’t want to deny her the opportunity to get calories in her. How do you recommend breaking the habit with a kiddo who prefers snacks over meals? And also, in regards to the eating alone rule, I will usually sit down with her to eat, but she can spend 45 minutes at the breakfast table and I don’t have that kind of time in the morning. So, after about 5-10 minutes, I get up to clean up/makes lunch/etc. Does this still count as eating together?
Great questions, Heather. First, I know it is unrealistic to eat every meal with your child for the entirety of the meal. Do the best you can, and try to make at least one meal a day the priority. As for the snacking, yes, it is a hard habit to break, but you can do it slowly. It doesn’t have to be a cold turkey kind of thing. You want to space meals 2.5-3 hrs apart from the start of one meal to the start of the next. Start slowly, try to hold off snacking for an hour, then 1.5 hours and so on. Tell her if she asks to eat that it isn’t time and that lunch or whatever meal/snack will be soon. I know that is scary, but you will soon see her starting to eat more when she does sit down to eat!
Thank you for the reply. I like the idea of slowly holding off snacking instead of cutting it out cold turkey because I know there are going to be some BIG feelings that come out when she can’t just snack all day. I will try this.. thanks again!
Great article!! We’re always working at establishing good eating habits around here and I think we’ve been able to avoid these bad habits. Thankfully our kids are (pretty) good eaters, but it’s always a temptation to give in and avoid the battle! I shared this on my blog’s Facebook page today:
https://www.facebook.com/themeasuredmom
That’s great! I hear you- I am often tempted to give in at times too! Thank you so much for the share!
Love this! I am also an occupational therapist working in early intervention and this hit the nail in the head for so many issues I have working with my families! Especially the extended baby food issue
Thank you! It is wonderful to hear from another OT, as I really value your opinion!
My son is 11 months and we are trying to get him off the habit of playing with toys and reading books while having meals. The problem we have is he refuse to open his mouth if there is nothing on his high chair he can play with. But having those things also make eating painfully slow because he is more distracted. But it’s worse without the toys. We know this is not good and hope you can provide us some suggestions how to wean him off his toys during meal times, otherwise as he grow with this habit, it will only get worse