I’m a pediatric occupational therapist that has spent my career helping kids with picky eating. But, the sheer frustration and overwhelm of having my own son that only ate a few foods, gagged and refused new foods, was a huge reality check.
I knew what to do, but putting it into practice in a way that made sense and didn’t stress me out was hard to figure out. It took a total breakdown for me to have the strength to create a plan to teach my son how to eat meat and fruits instead of the crunchy carbs he was addicted to.
I hope that in reading this article you not only get some of my best strategies that are seriously almost impossible to find anywhere else.
But, I also hope you believe that it’s possible for your child too. Picky eating is a journey. It’s not about a single trick or special recipe.
There will be peaks and valleys over the coming months and even years. When you hit a valley its important to not freak out, as tempting as it may be. But, instead work to make sure it’s not a slippery slope into returning to their picky eating ways.
This article has been updated, as it was written a few years back now, but all the strategies are still my go-to and helped me to create the plan I teach inside of my picky eater program, Mealtime Works.
We are definitely in a valley with Isaac now, with a few red flags that his eating is regressing. I can’t say I’m surprised. The last 4 months were challenging in my house, as I was extremely sick with my third pregnancy.
I was barely functioning and our whole routine was thrown up in the air. My husband did his best to keep up with all of our usual picky eating strategies for our 2 year old, but combined with the shake up in Isaac’s routine, he started refusing some of his favorite foods like rice and grapes again.
Not only did I see him refusing to eat these foods, but when he tried to eat them he shuddered and almost gagged. That was a BIG red flag. I knew we were going to have to regroup and come at this with a strong plan in mind so that he didn’t slip any further back.
When he was 8 months old his picky eating started, and worsed at 9 months old after a stomach virus. For Isaac, the root of his picky eating was because of sensory issues with food.
But, by 1 year old he was eating new foods and mealtimes weren’t stressful. Some of the strategies that got us there are laid out below!
If you’re looking for more make sure you grab a seat in our best resource: the free picky eating workshop, in it I teach you 3 key strategies, that might surprise you!
How Do You Fix Picky Eating?
I get asked this question ALL. THE. TIME.
First, you need to know it’s nothing you did wrong! Kids won’t eat for all sorts of reasons: because of their sensory sensitivities, oral motor skills, food allergies, life experiences, temperament, and other existing diagnoses such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
There is no quick fix, but any picky eater whether a toddler or adult can learn to eat new foods. To “fix” picky eating it’s important to understand that there is a reason why your child is picky, and once you figure out what it is, you can start working toward a solution.
And, with a solid routine, offering a variety, and following the other steps below, even extreme picky eating can be greatly improved. So if you’ve thought to yourself,
“Can picky eating be cured?”
The answer is, yes! But you’ll need a plan.
Step #1 of the Picky Eater Plan
For me, the first step was to get back to maintaining the basic eating strategies that I know work and are critical to being able to make any headway at all.
In a nutshell, here are the “rules” that we have always tried to be consistent about for both of our boys:
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- Space Meals 2.5 – 3 hours apart with nothing but water in between for optimal appetite. Count from the start of one meal to the next, this does include snacks.
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- Serve one food that is preferred (one you know they will eat) at each meal.
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- Expose him regularly to new or refused foods by at least having him tolerate them on his plate.
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- Keep mealtimes as positive of an experience as possible. This can be challenging at times and with a two year old, isn’t always possible. We specifically avoid getting into power struggles over food or talking negatively about his lack of variety. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t frustrated at times, but we do our best to keep that from him.
- We specifically avoid getting into power struggles over food or talking negatively about his lack of variety. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t frustrated at times, but we do our best to keep that from him. Using the “division of responsibility” is important for taking the pressure off of not only your child, but you as well.
Step #2: Use Key Picky Eating Strategies
This is where my laziness shines through. I KNOW these strategies work. Besides chronicling them here, I’ve had constant feedback from the families I’ve worked with and students in our picky eating program that these things can make all the difference.
But, I also know that I’m a mom with a variety of balls I’m juggling – just like you – and sometimes this stuff slips through the cracks. When your kid’s eating regresses or never gets off the ground, it doesn’t always mean that you need different or new strategies, but you need to revisit things you know work and be consistent about doing them!
Remember what I said about you not causing picky eating? It’s true, but hard work can help. Here are some key picky eating strategies:
- Keep them seated – For toddlers and preschoolers that often means continuing to use a booster seat with the strap. Many toddlers don’t have the attention span until after 3 and will just flee at a moment’s notice. For older kids they may need a wobble cushion or some sensory activities before they come to the table to help them stay seated.
Isaac does say, “I’m all done and slides down,” sometimes just minutes into the meal. When we strap him in at the dinner table, it heads all this off and keeps him working at his dinner (his most difficult meal of the day) for much longer before we try and offer up some redirection.
We have “lost” many meals because he gets down and it is too difficult to get him back without it turning into a major struggle. If your kid struggles to sit still head to how to keep kids seated for meals for more tips.
- Make a Quick Change – Sometimes kids get stuck in a rut during a meal that doesn’t start off on the right foot and a simple change can get them eating again. This takes little effort, but we have gotten fairly inconsistent about some of my go-to change ups:
- Offering him another utensil (something more fun maybe, like a digger fork)
- Using a toothpick (when appropriate)
- Pulling out a different dip
- Changing the shape of a food on the fly
- Serving Family Style – This simple trick can change the whole mood of the meal, in a good way, and typically gets your kiddo interacting with all the food in some way. Seeing other family members eating foods is often a great way to encourage your child to do the same.
- Cooking Meals Together – Cooking together is a great way to get your kid interacting with and comfortable with new foods. Of course, this does take some planning on your end and, depending on the child, you may need to let them know early in the day that they are going to be helping.
Don’t present it as a choice (You can present what they want to help with as a choice: Do you want to stir or help chop the broccoli?) .
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- Since I have started to implement cooking together again recently, I’m overwhelmingly reminded of its sheer power!
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I’m not saying that your kid is suddenly going to sit down and eat up all of that potato soup he normally doesn’t even look at, BUT maybe he will try it and not act like it is a bowl of poison.
That is what happened with Isaac last week, he tried a few bites without a word from me after helping us prepare all the veggies and witnessing the complete assembly of the soup. That is total success and a great way to get kids comfortable trying new things!!!
If your child won’t participate in cooking with you yet, try getting their input in the grocery store first. I can’t tell you how many times a simple recommendation from a picky kid at the store can help try something new at the dinner table.
Making chicken pot pie together.
Step #3: Sensory Strategies for Picky Eaters
Most of these strategies I have used in the past and use regularly with the families of fussy eaters I work with, but they require a bit more effort and planning. However, with a little organization, all of these strategies are very do-able!
- Daily Sensory Bins – I make this recommendation often and know that it is important. I kind of think of this as a good foundation to prepping their sensory system and helping it develop along. After all, these bins are great for any child, picky eater or not.
But, I think I may have underestimated it’s usefulness, as it relates to the tactile sense. Recently, one of the families I work with prepared a variety of sensory bins to play in daily and they really followed through.
Their son, who had some serious sensitivities to a variety of textures, almost suddenly started to eat a wide variety of foods after months of weekly therapy. It was one of the biggest jumps I’ve ever seen a child make so quickly and sustain.
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- So yes, I will be aiming for sensory bin play at least 4-5 times a week. For Isaac, the messier the better (think shaving cream and cloud dough).
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If your child is still young and putting everything in their mouth, see this baby safe list.
Large bins, like this one filled with birdseed, that kids can actually sit in will intensify the experience.
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- Playing with Food – That’s right, playing with food! When mealtimes stall, the best way to get kids reengaged is to model some interaction with food in a way that is comfortable for them and encourages them to imitate you.
You have to make time for this at the end of the meal and put your creativity hat on to hook into your kid’s interest. My goal is to work on this 5-6 nights a week at least, because the more I do it, the more improvement I will see. This is commonly used in feeding therapy, which is therapy for picky eaters!
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- Use Fun Tools – Cookie cutters, bento pics, and the FunBites cutter makes small uniform shapes a breeze and kids with sensory and chewing difficulties love the clear, consistent, small pieces of food. Kids love fun tools, even older kids and teens.
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- Food Chaining – We will be making a new list of all Isaac’s foods that he eats and how to make our way towards some groups of foods he doesn’t do so good with like chicken and vegetables. The idea is to start with something they like and start making small changes, slowly changing one food after the next until you build a bridge to a new food.
My goal is to try and think of tastes and textures that he is already moving towards or at least has some familiarity with. For instance, he eats sugar snap crisps (dehydrated) so I will work towards fresh ones and maybe green beans because they are similar in shape and color.
I will serve them together and talk about their similarities and differences. It can take some time to reach your end game and obviously some planning, but it is a very effective tool.
Remember, healthy eating habits start slowly, so building off of preferred foods really help some kids bridge the gap from one food to another.
I will say there are some tried and true foods that many picky eaters will try or have an easier time learning to eat. Head to 27 Clever Foods for Picky Eaters for some ideas!
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- Present Food in a Fun Way – Personally this is probably my least favorite suggestion. It just isn’t my thing and I get overwhelmed by it quickly. Too bad, I know that green beans made into a sailboat are pretty motivating for kids, including Isaac.
With tons of inspiration on Pinterest (See my Kids and Food board), it isn’t too hard to think up some ideas. I will be trying this 1-2 times a week because while it can be helpful in increasing the interaction (and hopefully consumption of) new foods, I also don’t want to turn meals into a constant art exhibit. Kids need to see food in a variety of ways, not just in cool pictures.
My goal is to have something fun 1-2 times a week.
If making food look fun feels overwhelming to you too, start small. Maybe you find a cute child’s plate in your kid’s favorite cartoon character? Or you slice bananas and make a face on top of your kids toast. It really can be that simple!
Whew, that’s my plan. I hope that it wasn’t overwhelming and if it was, break it down into small manageable pieces, and you can follow the outline in a step by step manner if that is helpful… slowly incorporating it all together.
UPDATE on Isaac’s Picky Eating at 12 Years Old
It’s been the better part of a decade since I first wrote this post. Isaac is no longer a picky eater and hasn’t been for some time. But, he didn’t “outgrow it,” as doctors would often have us believe.
It was day after day and month after month, as a 3 year old, 4 year old, and 5 year old. Year after year of being consistent with the step 1 strategies above, and for certain seasons digging in using the other strategies.
After implementing this plan to reverse his picky eating, he began to eat a wider variety of foods once again.
Mostly, progress was slower. He wasn’t eating new foods everyday. But, by age 5 I looked across the dinner table and he was eating a whole piece of grilled chicken. Taking bites off his fork.
He’d never eaten non breaded chicken before that.
That was the gateway to all sorts of other meats. In fact now I can’t think of a meat that he doesn’t eat.
At 6 years old he started to drink smoothies packed with everything you can imagine. He particularly loves to add avocado and spinach in.
At 8 years old he started to eat mixed green salads, and now eats them on the regular.
By 10 years old I realized he may be my most adventurous eater of the three I have. He’s turned into quite a foodie, asking to try unique recipes and often the first to try something unusual at a restaurant when given the chance.
Of course he still has a few foods he doesn’t care for, like seafood, and some plain veggies.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe this is the same kid that gagged when anything other than a cracker or a piece of watermelon was on his plate.
Yet it is, having a plan makes every difference in the world.
This is possible for your kid too!
If you need more help, getting our 9 Steps to Improve Eating freebie that you can save or print out is a great step.
Get More Tips for Picky Eating
When has picky eating gone too far?
Picky Eater Tips for Older Kids
What is PFD? A diagnosis for extreme picky eaters
The Most Amazing Healthy Snacks for Picky Eaters
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 19 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
I think as parents we want the perfect baby, toddler, preschooler, youngster, preteenager and teenager… My son up until he was three (3) would eat everything you put in front of him, then over night he stopped this only eating five items it was concerning… After months of many different speculations and doctors appointments I was told by a professional that my son will not starve they don’t know how to, though they do however observe us… You wouldn’t eat all so why make your son… Thanks to local markets where you can try so many different foods… By the time my son was starting kindergarten age five (5) he was eating more sustainable… My son is nineteen (19) now and eats well…
I need help for a 6, 9 & 13 year old! Seriously =) I see posts like this and get excited, but it’s always for young kids. I need help for older kids!
Hi Erika, yes most of the information on here is geared for 6 and under, but many of the strategies and foundation types of things I’m talking about can be applied to older kids. Also, scroll through the above comments because there are a few other ideas for older kids. If there are underlying sensory issues with older kids they still need to be addressed. Maybe the sensory bins can be combined into art projects or as part of more productive activities. For example instead of a bin of dirt maybe they help plant some new flowers. I think I need to write a post for older kids!
Put the food on the plate. If they don’t eat it you put it in the fridge and serve it at the next meal. Keep it up and eventually they get the message that the parent is in charge. No junk food in the house. Meals only. Nothing but water in between. Get a grip here, they need to learn the world does not revolve around them.
Please tell me you don’t have children.
I really think if you haven’t been there you just won’t get it. I have a 13 year old who did just fine and I now have an almost 3 year old who cries that he’s in pain if he gets sticky. For some kids its not stubbornness or just choice. If the textures/shape/feel us wrong you’ll be cleaning up more vomit than anything. You can rewarm that plate till the cows come home. All you’ll end up doing is throwing it out and not sleeping for weeks on end cuz they are in pain.
Thank you!!! I think I’ve read your complete website by now : ) what a wonderful resource and REAL tips I can actually try – thank you! I’ve been hesitant in the past about always offering a preferred food – my girls eat plain pasta or rice and would love to keep it that way, but now I have a strategy – small steps and they will get the new foods on their plates and I’m sure they’ll eat them one day : ) Last night I offered plain pasta as well as the tuna pasta bake the family was having. 3yo initially wanted the plain pasta but asked for the tuna pasta bake after she had some grated cheese (another preferred food). And ate it all up without commenting about the peas, corn and carrot in it!!! What a great start : ) (Let’s not talk about the 5yo who started with the tuna pasta bake and changed it for the plain pasta after 3 bites-lol! Sometimes I think they do the opposite from each other to assert their independence… Perfect example is burritos – 5yo has meat, 3yo has tomato, lettuce and cheese : )
That’s great! Thanks so much for your kind comment. Sounds like you guys on the right track!
I dif fun presentations of all healthy foods for my one picky child and made it into cool things and called it fun friday or wacky Wednesday or terrific tuesday or whatever . I might make a story up about how his favorite dinosaur would love to eat the broccoli tree or whatever and for the most part it worked. We also let him pick out seeds and he helped plant them and when they started growing we would make a big deal about HIS veggies and then when they were ready he was more apt to eat them
That’s great! Thanks so much for sharing!
My son is 2 year old he hardly eats solid food..its very difficult to feedhim rice and other solid food..moreover he vomits everythg he ate..so i am feeding him porridges that also he vomits sometimes he burps and after that vomit everythg
I would highly recommend talking to your doctor about this and if possible finding a feeding therapist. Please let me know if you need more help.
This is a great article! I will definitely be trying the sensory idea. My son is almost 2 and still on formula. He used to eat baby food & yogurt melts all the time before he was 1 and just stopped for no reason. He is still on toddler formula for nutrition but will only eat cheetos, crackers, etc. Anything crunchy. Anything else I try, he gags and I can see discomfort. How would I go about this since he cannot yet tell me that he doesn’t want anything and can only say some words?
If you are in the states I would highly recommend an early intervention evaluation, it sounds like he has some underlying difficulties. It is very common for me to see kids only want crunchy foods. Try to expand on that giving him a lot of different types. He could really benefit from exercises to help him learn to chew. You could also seek out a private therapist through your insurance and I’m available for consultations- no pressure. Let me know if you need more help with any of that.
Thanks for this. My eldest started refusing new foods around age 7-8 months. At age 8, he hasn’t changed one bit. Since he could barely chew when it started, each new step was a struggle and all the standard techniques failed miserably. They only seem to work on normal childhood pickiness… and being told them like they will revolutionize my world by people who don’t understand the struggles is beyond irritating at this point! I now tell people, “if your child didn’t take at least a year to try a new shape of pasta, I don’t want to hear your ‘tip’ because you don’t know what I’m dealing with!”
The biggest thing we struggle with is inability to do most of the standard suggestions. Forget “favorite dips” because mine won’t touch condiments. Period. Forget putting peanut butter on it, they won’t touch it. Forget adding soft cheese, they won’t touch it. Putting it on pizza? Neither will eat pizza. In pasta sauce? Not that either!
Did I mention their IQs are around 150? They are not fooled by things like “food scientist” (although that was a great idea).
Our biggest food struggle is protein and fat. Aside from a tiny bit of cheese, I can’t get much into them. Chicken strips work sometimes, but only for one of my two. Any advice in those lines would be GREATLY appreciated (links?). My kids are older – 5 and 8.
One thing that has helped a tiny bit now that they are older is rewarding for trying ANYthing new. New cookie? Yup! New flavor ice cream? Yup! New activities count too. We have chore charts and “extra” stuff gets ten cents (most things get beads in the bead jar). So, trying a new food a day gets $0.70 a week. I also “forget” if it’s been a while and will pay things they haven’t tried recently.
P.S. I found this via FB from a post by Happy Hooligans. So glad I did! 🙂
Hi Shannon, take a look at the tab in the menu bar for eating basics first, I do feel really strongly that all of these steps are a very important foundation for setting up better eating for picky eaters or problem feeders. See the articles listed at the end there as a good starting point. Also, in the menu bar is the article index where I have every post listed. Look for the post how to get your kids to eat meat for some additional strategies. Remember that all of the strategies I share take time and a lot of consistency. I’m so glad you found your way here!
I am a parenting social worker in Australia and many of my clients have intellectual disabilities along with children with cognitive delays. All your tips are fantastic but my clients would find them too complicated and overwhelming to implement. I am wondering what your one or two absolutely top tips to follow would be in order to keep it really simple? Thanks 🙂
I totally understand! I would look at the eating basics tab, they should be able to follow most of those and they are really foundational to good eating. In particular focus on setting up a schedule where they eat every 2/5-3 hours with nothing in between but water. Second, eat together at the table.
Any tips on getting older kids to eat better? My kids are 5 and 9 and it’s STILL a constant challenge with them. I feel like I screwed up by not nipping this in the bud when they were much younger but I just thought they would outgrow it. My daughter (9 yo) won’t eat much protein. It’s a constant challenge to get meat into her. My son (5 yo) is a little better but not much. They are both great about fruits and veggies but protein is a big challenge for us. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!
It is a little trickier when kids are older and you are right you do need to use some different approaches, however 5 is still young enough for most of what I talked about here. Getting kids involved in meal planning and cooking can be really helpful, as well. Older kids will also buy into being “food scientists” and taking some “data” on new foods. Lastly, see the article index in the menu bar, I have a post there on how to get kids to eat meal that should help.
I ended up here via Longest Shortest Time and I just want to say thank you! What a resource you have created! We have a 3-year-old foster son who struggles mightily with eating. He has mild cerebral palsy and a repaired cleft palate, which, combined with his difficult early life, make mealtimes so hard for him. We have made some progress, and have had some good guidance from early support people and a nutrition/feeding clinic, but I’m always looking for new things to try. One of the most helpful things to read here is your notes on how long each of these things may take to “work.” It’s not something that can be fixed easily; it will take time. That’s something I know deep down, but it’s easy to forget and feel like you can just do this one thing and everything will magically be better. So, thank you for the reality check too!
Hi Sarah, thank you for your kind comment. I have to remind myself all the time that it is a process, that is why when they do something new, however small we need to acknowledge it as progress. Best of luck!
I have 6 children and the oldest was a “picky” eater but the youngest has major eating issues. He only eats some spicy foods, some fruit, and meatballs and bacon. By accident the other day his new babysitter gave him a hotdog (not realizing he has never eaten one even after it has been offered over 50 times). He ate the entire thing! It made me think that maybe someone else besides me offering a food he won’t eat might be less threatening. So I tried it a few weeks later when his grandparents came to town. I specifically left at dinnertime and gave my dad instructions to offer him meat. He ate an entire plate of rotisserie chicken! We have gone years putting items on his plate with hardly any new foods being added. (especially proteins) I have a new strategy! 🙂 I also agree with the fact that you are the mom and know best. Just because a doctor tells you to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it. Glean from others what works for you in your situation. Every family and every child is different. Try new strategies but know that in the end you have to do what works for your family.
Thanks so much for your helpful comment. It is really supportive for other parents!
How about if your child is 11 years old? Don’t sweat it if your toddler is a little picky. My son ate fine at that age. Now he eats about 5 things. Cooking and shopping together doesn’t help. Forcing him doesn’t help. Not giving him options doesn’t help. Hiding food in other food doesn’t help.
You are kind of in different territory at this age. The variables are just different. It is interesting that he ate well when he was younger. Some of the strategies I talked about here may be applicable, but additional more tailored strategies would likely be needed. How concerned are you? Do you suspect any underlying issues, like difficulties with sensory processing? A private evaluation could be immensely helpful and at least give you some direction. Let me know if you need more help.
Thank you for this post. I have 3 year old twin boys that both have eating issues related to sensory problems. We recently moved and have had major food regression partly due to that. Also I loved that you wrote about how you got lax, it is hard to always be thinking about different ways to introduce foods and stuff. I’ve had a problem with with be lax /overwhelmed about it and have been trying to get a plan together to get them back on track. Thanks for the ideas!
It is so true Louise that you have to find this balance. Some days you have to let it go and sometimes other life circumstances prevail! Thanks for your comment!
Thanks for this post. I have 3 picky eaters. Don’t think it’s sensory in nature…just good ‘ole fashioned pickiness. 😉 The consistent sized bites makes a lot of sense. My husband and I each cut up things differently and in different sizes so I can see how that would mess kids up. I will say: it makes me shudder to see whole grapes on a toddlers plate…they are notorious for serious (sometimes deadly) choking accidents. A tomato knife cuts them in quarters very easily and quickly. Same goes for hotdogs and carrots.
I don’t mind different shapes and sizes unless you notice that your kids consistently do better with the small sizes. Sometimes it is good to experiment though and try other shapes, the novelty just might be the hook. I totally agree with the choking hazard and have been meaning to write a post on that. To be honest I just threw those things on there to take a quick pick, my younger one started refusing grapes 2 months ago so I knew in that moment he wouldn’t touch them.
I love finding stories like this one. As a child, I was a very picky eater. I wouldn’t eat fruits or vegetables of any kind (corn and potatoes don’t count). The texture of these foods would cause me to gag. I always thought it was in my head. And of course so does everyone else. I knew that when I started having kids that I’d have at least one picky eater on my hands…turned out to be my first. When we started with pureed foods, I was excited because she ate pretty much everything we fed her. As she got older and started eating solid foods is when the problems started. At 18 months, I still have to puree her fruits and vegetables for her to eat them. Luckily, that’s the only problem. But I’ve noticed that she gags on foods of different textures as well. I’ve been trying to slowly puree less and less, but if something is too chunky she just picks around it. She’s started refusing new foods more and more. I just don’t want her to get to the point I am…I still can’t eat most fruits and vegetables…but I don’t know what more to do.
The important thing is to stay consistent. Keep offering and keep everything about foods positive, her interactions, your comments, etc. It is normal at her age to become more picky as her taste buds develop more. Don’t give up on foods she refused, keep offering them!