It’s alarming and maybe annoying when your toddler or child cries all the time. End the confusion and check out these sometimes hidden reasons that kids cry a lot!
He was probably about 4 years old, and since he was my oldest child, he seemed so much older than my other kids. Being the oldest has some down sides, I speak from experience.
Sam was standing in the middle of the living room crying. Again. I can’t remember what he was crying over, but it’s no wonder that I don’t because he was often crying. I remember thinking that he was getting older and should be growing out of crying over “every little thing.” I’d like to think that I wasn’t mean, but I was being stern with him as he stood there crying.
I was tired and just wanted him to stop.
My mom was visiting at the time and was knitting away on the couch seemingly not paying attention. But, what she said next changed how I parented Sam forever. My mother, observing the familiar scene unfolding yet again, said, “I think he’s really having a hard time, he feels a lot. I felt like that as a child and I was always labeled as a cry baby. It made me feel terrible. I don’t think this is a phase, it’s part of who he is.”
It was a jarring moment that stung a little, but more than anything, I was grateful.
That was a turning point when I began to be on Sam’s team, to try and see what he was struggling with and why.
Why Does Your Child Cry All the time?
What really made the difference in my mom’s words is that I now had an understanding as to why Sam was crying so much, it immediately resonated with me. I knew it was true. It’s not always this easy getting to the bottom of our kid’s challenges, but we often do have some intuition about it. Beyond being able to understand the crying though is knowing how to help them.
As an occupational therapist, I’ve worked with a lot of crying kids, but constant crying can have a lot of different reasons behind it. The list below is not comprehensive, but does include some little-known causes for a child that cries all the time. Two factors that can really muddy the waters are when a child has experienced trauma/attachment issues, as well as bigger behavioral issues.
In my experience, these are far more rare, but if you have concerns, discuss them with your doctor or seek the help of a child therapist.
1. Sensory Processing
Sensory issues can affect so many aspects of our kid’s lives, and when children tend to avoid or are sensitive to certain sensations, it can leave them on edge, even physically uncomfortable!
But, having sensory “issues” or needs doesn’t necessarily mean your child has or needs a diagnosis, which is why this can be hard to miss. Some kids can’t stand getting messy, hearing loud noises, or wearing certain textures of clothes. Lights or smells could be bothersome, and the worst part is they may not know how to tell you, especially young children and toddlers.
That means, if they’re smelling something that they think is awful or lights are buzzing and annoying them, they may cry.
But, all we see is a 2 year old crying in the middle of Target or an 8 year old that cries at the smallest occurrence after a long day of sensations he can’t control at school.
Head to What is Sensory? to learn more.
2. Sensitive Personality
While crying all the darn time is annoying, some kids are experiencing emotions and don’t know how to handle them. The outlet is to cry. A child sees the world quite differently than we do and what seems like a small inconsequential thing to us could be very difficult for them.
If nothing else, it may be helpful to consider that your child needs some extra time and space to deal with everything they’re feeling.
Of course, kids do, at times, use crying to get what they want, and I think as parents, it’s often one of the the first things we jump to, but for our kid’s well being, it’s important to step back and see the bigger picture of what’s going on.
3. Anxiety
In my son’s case, I know that he feels a lot, and as he’s getting older, he probably cries more than his peers. He’s at an age where he’s becoming self aware, and in some situations, he is curbing the instant crying. I can see that his personality is part of why he tends to cry, but two years ago, we also had to work through our first episode of anxiety.
I didn’t realize that’s what it was at first, and on top of the constant crying, there was now a fear too. For Sam, this showed up as separation anxiety, even though I had never seen that in him before.
That fact made it even harder because I thought he needed to snap out of it.
But, anxiety is tricky and younger kids may not be able to express how they’re feeling and why. The result we see is a lot of crying or “being sensitive”. If you suspect that your child is struggling with anxiety check out this incredible resource from my good friend and child therapist Natasha Daniels.
4. Lack of sleep
Be careful not to skim past this one, because many kids aren’t getting the recommended amount of sleep daily. Some kids will only sleep for a certain amount of time despite their parents best efforts and that becomes the norm for them. But, over time, that constant sleep deprivation can have a big effect on their behavior.
Again, this can show up as frequent crying. Check out this recommended sleep guide for kids and also check out How to Help Your Child Sleep.
5. Poor eating
Similar to sleep, poor eating can also have a big effect on behavior and mood. When kids aren’t getting the calories, fat, and nutrients they need, they may feel irritable, but again, don’t have the skills to tell us that.
This is easy to miss with extreme picky eaters who struggle to ever eat well. Get more help for picky eating!
6. Communication skills
Children and toddlers that cry all the time and don’t have a lot of words or communication may be crying out of frustration. They can’t express themselves! As an occupational therapist, I’ve said countless times to kids, including my own, “Use your words,” when I see frustration building. Sometimes this is a helpful cue, even if they’re using a bit of sign language.
Other times, it can make matters worse if they’re too upset to focus on speaking. If you’re not sure if your child is delayed in speech, click here for more info.
The Toddler That Cries All the Time
It’s quite common for toddlers to cry all the time, especially when there’s a speech delay. But, even if there’s not, toddlers are learning to navigate their environment. They’re also testing reactions and figuring out how to handle their own emotions.
If you’ve got a toddler that cries all the time, using sign language, or encouraging some common phrases like, “All done, more, etc.” can help decrease the crying and give them long lasting skills to manage and cope with frustrations.
Are they really crying all the time?
For me, the constant crying that I also later experienced with my third child as a toddler, grates badly on my sensory system. If I’m tired or trying to focus on something, it’s even worse.
Can you relate?
When kids cry frequently, our patience level is depleted and all we focus on is the crying. And, in truth, some kids do cry a lot, but it may be helpful to think about the times your child isn’t crying, as well as look for patterns when they are.
For instance, you may notice that it’s at certain times of day and can connect that to an overwhelming daycare environment, being hungry, or tired.
How to Help Crying Kids
So how do you help your child and maintain your sanity when you have a child that cries all the time? Let’s talk about some basic strategies you can start using today:
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- Have a Mindset Shift – We’ve already talked a lot about this, but think about seeing your child as needing your help instead of the crying be a problem. Crying is a form of communication, whether we like it or not, and once we start to see it that way, it gives us reserves of patience to rely on.
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- Comfort Your Child – For generations, kids have been raised to “shake it off”. While I think there’s some wisdom in that, we have to be careful we’re acknowledging our child’s feelings and letting them feel heard. However, it’s just as important to teach them how to manage their feelings as well.
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- Teach Them Coping Strategies – Depending on your child’s age, the coping strategies could vary widely. Older kids may benefit from journaling, while younger kids may need some snuggles. No matter what age, kids can be taught to retreat to a private space and then talk it out when they’re calm.
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- Take Care of Yourself – Even with a mindset shift, the crying can get to be A LOT, and making sure you’re taking care of yourself may be the best thing you can do for yourself. That might mean hiding in the bathroom for a minute to catch your breath or having a cry yourself.
Other Sensory Red Flags
If you’re suspecting that sensory processing could be at least one of the reasons your child cries frequently, grab our free printable 21 Sensory Red Flags. You’ll find some of the most common sensory “issues” that kids display and go unnoticed.
Click here to get the printable right to your inbox!
More on Supporting Kids
How to Choose the Right Sensory Toy for Your Child
8 Insider Parenting Secrets Nobody Ever Tells You
Simple Calming Activities for Active or Overwhelmed Kids to Start Today!
How and When to Use a Weighted Lap Pad for Concentration and Calming
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 14 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
I have a child that I have 50/50 custody and I’m to the breaking point. He is 4 year’s old and cries for hours when he’s with me, cries so much that his cheeks puff up and eyes get irritated from rubbing them. I can’t even have a relationship with him because all he does when he isn’t crying is ask 4 or 5 different questions about his mother and won’t do or talk about anything else without crying.
Hey Jake,
So sorry you are dealing with this, it can be hard on children to understand what is happening. I would try to remain calm with him and answer questions that he is asking. I’d also try to ask him about something that he would like to do (possibly providing 2 choices for him to choose from), so that he can feel in some control.
Hope that helps!
Best,
Desiree
I clicked on the sensory red flags link and it said it will be sent to my email. It never came. Can I get that link please
Hey Amrita,
We’re so sorry you’re having trouble with the Sensory Red Flags Printable. Have you checked your spam or junk folder? Sometimes our pintables like to hide out there. If you still can’t find it, let us know and we can send it to you!
Best,
Andrea
I’m guessing its to do with mobile fones there not getting enough attention back when I grew up it was always getting involved to do things together but kids now a days are given a few toys to play with and no interaction with parents
Hey Tina,
Thanks for reaching out. Cell phones certainly do create some distraction on the parents part. It is a constant balance for almost all parents. Typically the kiddos we’re referring to have some additional challenges going on. One of the most common is sensory challenges or sensitivities. Here are some great activities to use when kiddos are feeling overwhelmed.
Best,
Andrea
I’m at my wits end my two year old cries constantly I can’t take it anymore. My pregnancy wasn’t planed and I wanted an abortion (I was talked out of one twice) now I’m stuck alone with a Whitney two and a half year old who just cries from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep (and sometimes in his sleep) sigh what do I do
Hi Crystal,
Thanks for reaching out to us. We know it can be so challenging to have a toddler that cries a lot. It can really feel impossible to handle sometimes. It’s helpful to think of your toddler trying to tell you something about their needs, often sensory needs, rather than just trying to push your buttons. Even though it can feel like that. If you think your little one might be having some sensory challenges, THIS ARTICLE can be helpful in helping you figure out what else might be going on. Let us know if you have any questions.
Best,
Andrea
We are running into a situation where our 5 year old cries about EVERYTHING!!! Especially when she can’t get or do whatever she wants. We don’t want to baby those type behavior because we don’t want her thinking if she cries she can get whatever she wants, but when she goes to her grandma house and pulls the same thing she gets EVERYTHING she wants. So we get frustrated a lot. Don’t know what to do in this situation.
Hey! It can be frustrating when other caregivers don’t always respond the same way we would. It might be encouraging to know that most kids will start to realize on their own that rules can vary slightly depending on where they are (school, home, grandparents, etc). Keep staying consistent at your house. It’s also possible that she may be crying when she is becoming overwhelmed rather than a behavioral reason. Our free sensory workshop might be good to see if any of the ideas might be helpful for your daughter. You can save your seat HERE.
Best,
Andrea
I’m beginning to think of all this has to be with something in the food or water. Kids didn’t use to be like this. I am a Grandmother and I remember going up and when I had kids it was like this either. Now all of a sudden there are a lot of issues with the children which saddens me.
*****Corrected********
Sorry I guess next time I need to proofread.
I’m beginning to think of all this has to be with something in the food or water. Kids didn’t use to be like this. I am a Grandmother and I remember *GROWING up and when I had kids it * WAS NOT like this either. Now all of a sudden there are a lot of issues with the children which saddens me
Hi Mimi,
Thanks for reaching out. There actually has been an increase in sensory challenges and related diagnoses more recently. At this time, no one has quite pinpointed the reason yet. One good thing is that we also know so much more about how to help kiddos with these challenges now. So that makes such a difference!
Best,
Andrea
I know this is old but anyone come up with strategies? My 2.5 year old is killing us, he wails from the moment he gets up and doesn’t let off until he finally falls asleep in the evenings 😩😩
Oh goodness! We know this can be such a challenge to have day in and day out for everyone! Sometimes it can be sensory related. Our article about tantrums vs meltdowns can be really helpful in distinguishing the difference! Please reach out to us if you have any questions!
Best,
Andrea
From my personal experience I came to know that when ever the kid s crying out cranky or adamant and even violent., The best strategy to deal with them will be patience and calmness . Unending warmth that we show in any situation to them will really shape their character and will show them the path of behavioral change that they should follow the entire life. With or without reason they cry. But for anything ur only response should be silence , a smile, patience , cool mind too think of deviating their mind. Follow this consistently for a month. U can see visible change in them and also in you. All the best. This phase to will pass.
Hey Ramya,
Thanks for sharing! You’re right, it’s so important that we stay calm and keep our kiddos feeling safe.
Best,
Andrea
welcome to my world
Nice ideas but I think hiding in the bathroom to cry is hypocritical. Kids aren’t oblivious, what message does that send your child if you feel shameful to express your own emotions? Are we going to go to great extents to validate our child’s feelings but express our adult needs as an embarassment or worse like they don’t matter as well. Part of family living is understanding everyone has feelings and role modeling healthy management of them.
Hey Melissa,
Thanks for your thoughts on this! We do understand your point of view. We were just trying to get across that if we do need a minute to ourselves that we can take it, and that’s okay. But it is great and important to talk about our emotions and let our children see our emotions as well!
Best,
Desiree
This was such a big help! My 6 year cries alot when he feels overwhelmed I believe. He also cries when he’s having to explain himself or doesnt want to do something we asked him. It can be a but overwhelming
Thanks for this. A lot of parents need this info to know what there kids want and to avoid the unneccessary daily tears.
So true Mike!
What a helpful article. My eldest child is always crying! so helpful to know some strategies to use to help her. I have signed up to the anxious children webinar too.
One thing she always cries about is when her younger sister cries? Is this possibly something to do with the pitch of her crying as other loud noises don’t bother her? She often says ‘it gave me a fright’ .
Oh I’m so glad Lorraine, Natasha is amazing! I took an anxiety course of hers for my son and it saved us from needing therapy, not that that’s a bad thing. But, it was so empowering to know how to help him myself.
As for the crying when her sister cries, that does sound like sensory, at least in part, sometimes that’s an emotional charge though too if she’s a particularly empathetic child. Anxious kids are often VERY empathetic and don’t like seeing others upset.
That’s helpful. Thanks
It’s great to see photos of a caring Dad! Article was once again a help, too!
It’s true, we don’t see enough that, do we?!