I’m a little ashamed that I haven’t written this post sooner, as an OT, I have shared lots of baby and toddler milestone tutorials, including How to Wean from a Bottle. But, I haven’t addressed stopping breastfeeding, and how to get it done safely and appropriately, even though I have done it three times with my children that were exclusively breast-fed. My oldest, NEVER took a bottle, which was really stressful, and my third would only do if he had to.
Of course, I’m fully aware that this can be a bit of a controversial topic, which is probably why its taken me this long to write it. So, let me say, right now, very clearly, that this post IS NOT about when a mother should stop nursing, although I will share some general info on the topic. This post is about How to stop breastfeeding when a mother and child are ready. Women have many different reasons for wanting to wean at various ages. I completely welcome constructive and helpful comments, but let’s be supportive of each other’s very personal decisions.
When to Stop Breastfeeding
I know I’m leading with the when, even though I just said it is a personal decision, and it is. But, I know many of you aren’t sure when you want to wean, so let me give you some objective information. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for one year, and most American doctors would support that. At one year, a baby’s nutritional needs change and they no longer *physically* need breast milk, not that it couldn’t still be beneficial. The World Health Organization and UNICEF recommend until 2 years of age.
This conflicting advice leaves some moms unsure of what to do. I will tell you this, around 15 months of age, children enter a new cognitive phase and begin to make strong associations or attachments. Nursing to this point could make it more difficult to wean with some of the strategies I’ll discuss here, but certainly not impossible. I don’t say that to persuade you towards weaning earlier, but want you to be aware of all the information. While I also fully support mothers that decide to nurse longer, I will caution you to be aware of those feedings affecting consumption at meals. Some toddlers can handle having “nursings” throughout the day as they please and still sit down to eat their meals, but others fill up on milk and subsequently don’t transition to eating more food. That can be a slippery slope, as I’ve seen many times. If toddlers don’t get the practice and exposure to eating foods, sometimes they can become very picky eaters throughout childhood. If you continue to nurse, I would encourage you to treat meals as a priority as well and be aware of how recently they have nursed.
For a variety of reasons, I did decide to wean my own children around one year old. They were 14, 12, and 13 months, respectively. It was a gentle process that was not traumatic for my children in any way. I did not transition them to a bottle, because at those ages, they didn’t require one. And, if you are weaning over 12 months, I would recommend phasing out those feedings totally and not substituting with formula or milk in bottle or sippy cup at those times.
If you are weaning before 12 months old, you will need to replace with formula in a bottle or possibly a sippy cup. Check out my complete how-to guide for getting a nursing baby to take a bottle.
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How to Stop Breastfeeding
So how to do you actually start to end breastfeeding? Well, it is a transition, so there may be a little bit of dancing back and forth on this as you make sure both you and your baby are comfortable. If your baby is 8 months old or older, I would first recommend getting them onto a loose schedule, if they aren’t already. I’m not really concerned with specific times, but intervals or around routines. For instance, with my third, I always nursed him when he woke up from his naps, the time changed but that routine didn’t. That allowed me to plan our meals in a structured way as well, which gave him exposure to foods and helped him develop an appetite for food, too. (You’ll find links for sample schedules at the end of this section)
Once your baby or toddler is nursing at regular intervals and not on demand, you will choose one of those times to take away. This should be the easiest time of day, usually one of the nursings in the middle of the day. Typically bedtime and morning feeds are more difficult to phase out.
The first few days that you take away those feedings you will want to change the routine a little bit and have food and a drink in a cup ready to go. For instance, when I was taking away those after nap nursings. I would go into his room, pull open the blinds right away and start talking to him real silly to get him distracted. I’d pick him up playfully and take him downstairs (he typically nursed in his dim lit room quietly before going downstairs). All the while, I’d be saying, “It’s time for snack! I have your drink, too!” There were a few times where he whined and pointed to the chair he normally nursed in. I would try once more to distract him and if that didn’t work, then I’d nurse him. That is part of the transition. If another adult were here, I would have them get him out of his crib as well, which helped change things up.
Once I eliminated that first feeding, I would wait 3-7 days before I took away another feeding, depending on how slow I wanted that to go. Then, I would follow the same procedure. I would do that all the way until I was left with morning and night time nursings. Morning was always easier to get rid of, so I would make sure I had breakfast completely ready, so he could eat right away.
Personally, I always decided to leave the bedtime nursing for another month or so, but you don’t need to do that. That was more for me, weaning each of my children was a very emotional time, and I knew I needed to not rush it. Keeping that bedtime feeding gave me time to really take in those last days of our special connection. After about a month or so, I would make sure they had a really good dinner (serve a favorite food) or a late snack and then I would let Dad do the bedtime routine. In all cases, my kids just let my husband put them to bed, as if they had never been nursed, while I sobbed in another room. My children were fine, and I knew, for me, for us, it was time.
To sum up what we’ve just talked about, and fill in some blanks, when you’re ready to wean, you’ll want to:
- Take away one feeding at a time
- Eliminate the easiest feedings first
- Offer a meal instead of nursing. All kids should eat every 2.5 – 3 hours, count from the start of one meal to the start of the next
- Give a cup at each meal, and place either breast milk or cow’s milk in the cup. I prefer a straw cup (see how to teach your baby to drink from a straw). From an OT and mom friendly perspective, I love these cups in particular: Playtex Sipsters, Munchkin Flex Straw, and Advent Straw Cup
- The first time you give cow’s milk, mix it with a 25-50% blend of breast milk. This will help them adjust digestively and to the taste. After a day or two of successful consumption, you can continue to add less and less breast milk until it is straight cow’s milk or toddler formula, if you choose.
- Prior to weaning, give your baby water at each meal, which will help them get used to having a drink. Have water available throughout the day in a cup that they have access to once you start serving milk with their meals. Some babies will want to have both at a meal, which is fine for a short transition period.
If you are looking for more specifics on feeding schedules, click on the ages you need: 6-7 months, 8-10 months, and 11 months plus for samples. These, too, are just a guideline, but should give you some direction. Adapt them as needed.
Troubleshooting Common Breast Weaning Roadblocks
Although stopping breastfeeding can be as easy as I just made it sound, sometime parents hit some roadblocks. I’m going to run through some common ones to help you troubleshoot. With all of the suggestions below, know that it’s important to stay consistent and keep trying. All of my boys ended up loving cow’s milk, but it took a month or so before they were drinking it really well, usually by the time they were completely weaned from the breast. Keep in mind that once a baby turns 1, they only require 16 ounces of a milk source.
- Refuses a cup of any type:
- Try and try again – every day, at every meal, put the milk in the cup and don’t pressure them. Offer it and even demonstrate, but don’t force. You can experiment with serving cold and warm if you like. If your toddler spits it out, that’s okay, it’s all part of the process.
- Try pumped milk – if you are willing and able, pump and offer that milk in the cup. It will seem foreign and some will likely be wasted, but some babies do better with the familiar taste.
- Focus on 2-3 different types of cups – cycle through a few different kinds of cups, maybe some with bright colors or a silly character on it.
- Water in a cup during the day – always have the water in a cup throughout the day. Give it to them in the car, in the bath, outside, wherever.
- Nursing to sleep:
- Change up the routine (as described in the previous section)
- Transitional object – if your child doesn’t already have a special object like a stuffed animal or blanket, start encouraging one. Give it to them every time you are nursing, put it in their arms when you lie them down. Every time.
- Well-fed – I don’t want you to overly worry about this, so many parents do naturally, but it will give you peace of mind in knowing that their tummy is full. Serve a later dinner that is a favorite or a bedtime snack, where you can give milk in a cup. Knowing their well-fed will help you feel better if they protest a little and they will be less likely to request nursing.
- Distract – while I urge you to not push your baby too fast, some will protest a little. This is when you’ll want to change gears and do something really exciting. I remember with my oldest, I always used to feed him on the couch in the middle of the day and I’d rearrange the pillows to support my arm. In the process of weaning, I started to do that just to straighten up and he saw me and thought it was time to nurse. He didn’t cry, but I quickly grabbed him and stood up, saying, “Oh my goodness, did you just hear that car go by?” We went over to the window to have a look and he forgot about it in a second.
- Offer another drink – without making to big of a deal about it, provide a drink instead, “Oh, here’s your water.” Notice, I didn’t ask, I just made a statement.
- Cuddles – give lots of these at other times, so they feel that connection with you still.
Tips for success
- Don’t feel rushed, watch for your child’s acceptance and adjustment.
- You may be emotional, this is normal. Make sure you are feeling comfortable with your decision.
- Don’t listen to other people’s opinions.
Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments, I’ll be happy to answer. And if you’ve been through this before, share your tips, it will be helpful to everyone that stops here.
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 15 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
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Once you had your last official breastfeeding session, what did you do for yourself to prevent engorgement, mastitis, etc.? My 12 month old quit me cold turkey after biting me and getting startled – was down to 2 sessions a day prior. Emotionally devastated, yes, but physically my breasts are uncomfortable. It feels like I am back in the early stages of engorgement when baby fed every 2 hours, but I don’t want to stimulate them, hand express, or pump just to relieve the soreness.
It can be hard to go through this. You can express, some just enough to decrease the uncomfortable feeling, it will make the process a little longer however some moms prefer this. Wearing tight sports bras can also help to decrease the milk production.
Cabbage leaves inside your bra, dries you up faster and helps with engorgement at the same time!! It only takes doing it a few days and you only leave it in your bra while it’s coo from the fridge then switch it out or take a break. No need to wear it around the clock, a few hours away for a few days is all it takes
I need help to stop breastfeeding a CMPA baby that I cannot give formula or cows milk too (and does not get it from food sources). She is nearly 14 months old and until recently fed on average 6 times a day and 4 times at night. Dad now sleeps in with her. Won’t take milk (expressed or soya) from a cup, wont take hydrolysed formula from a bottle. I need to take pain medication on a regular basis that she is allergic too.
Thanks for reaching out to us. I’d make sure to bring this up with your pediatrician to help provide some alternatives for providing her of milk that she’s able to tolerate. Then you can utilize the tips in the article with the “formula/milk” that is safe for her.
Hope that helps!
Your article was a very interesting read thank you.
My 8 month old has bitten me whilst breastfeeding on more than one occasion and I am now anxious at every feed especially when I know his teeth are bothering him. I am trying to transition to bottle using my pumped milk. My husband is most successful at this at bedtime but he still wants more from me. I am thinking of introducing formula to see if he will take this but I just can’t decide wether to or not, I don’t really want to give up feeding him as I love it so much but I am so nervous most feeds and he can probably sense that too. I was wondering if you could help me with any advice on this and I am unsure of what sort of feeding routine this will create (how often etc).
He is also eating at breakfast, lunch and dinner times. Baby-led weaning. Any advice will be gratefully received.
Hi there, I’ve read your how to wean from a breast & bottle articles but I’m afraid I haven’t found the answer to our particular issue – My son is 11m old, & he nurses in the morning & has a bottle of formula at night. He self-weaned from the other daytime nursing sessions so he we rearranged his meals and snacks so he’s getting plenty of food (he eats like it’s going out fo fashion!) but he will not drink formula out of any sippy cup during the day for meals, but drinks water like a champ. We don’t offer milk any other time, only water, & have tried all his different cups, open & otherwise. I’m confident he’s eating enough (he gets lots of dairy in other forms & isn’t losing weight), but I’m a little concerned he maybe isn’t getting the total oz of formula he should be having every day. I have never pumped milk so that’s out of the question, but even though he takes formula from a bottle at bedtime, he just looks at me like I’m crazy if I offer it at mealtimes & just wants water. Do I need to focus on getting him to drink more milk? Or not worry about it? Thank you in advance!
Thanks for reaching out! We know how hard the transition can be! I’d reach out to your pediatrician so they can discuss the amount of formula he is getting in the day, as typically this is what they are relying on until 1 year of age, however he is 11 months and almost there! At that time the milk that they need does go down, you can read more about how much milk they need here. I’d keep offering in other cups and will say that a lot of kids do end up liking a straw cup, if you haven’t tried that yet!
Hi, if I am looking to replace a morning breastfeed with a beaker formula feed and my 11 month old doesn’t take it, should I then breastfeed after or let her go without at this age? Concerned about dropping the evening breastfeed if she can’t/won’t take a beaker/bottle! Thank you!
We understand how hard this transition can be! We’d make sure to discuss any difficulties with your pediatrician. Also, if you haven’t transitioned to the bottle with the breast milk you can try that as well, as it can be a big transition to have completely different taste and way of getting it. After accepting then you can start to transition to the formula slowly and do a mixture and slowly increase the formula until she’s accepting!
Hope that helps!
Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for walking me through the process! My daughter is my 1st and is now 1 year old and i was looking for the least stressful way to naturally wean her and keep things as positive and light as possible.
So glad you found our article and enjoyed! Happy you found some strategies!
Thank you for writing this. I will definitely try to implement ypur tips. My son is 10 months old and has not slept longer than a 2 hour stretch since the day he was born. Waking up every 1-2hrs at night. I love nursing him and love that I am able to comfort him but unfortunetly I am just mentally and physically drained and I am also going back to work in 2 months. Do you have any suggestions on how to stop those night feeds? I will take it slow and have been trying to reduce the frequency and just rock him to sleep but then even though he is sound asleep as soon as I put him in his crib after 10 minutes he will wake up.
Awesome Talia, Hopefully our tips will be helpful for you! I’d keep doing what you are doing with reducing the frequency, to try to get here. If able, I’d try to have someone else feed him at least 1 time during the night as well, to give you a longer stretch of sleep as well as get him used to someone else feeding him. Hope all the tips help!
I can’t thank you enough for this article. I have been so stressed about this entire process, because she is so reliant on nursing which does not allow me to have a break. She has eaten solids since 6 months+ with baby led weaning and drinks water regularly out of both an open cup and transitional sippy cup. She protests formula, every.single.time no matter who has tried to give it to her.
She is 11 months today, and I am using today as the day one of the weaning process.
Question: I have stored milk, so would you recommend using breastmilk in a transitional cup (even though, like you said, much of it surely will go to waste), on the recommended schedule you outlined? I’m thinking based on my research and your helpful article that’ll be a nice transition to cow’s milk in a month or so.
THANK YOU AGAIN for this article and all of your information! So useful.
Yes placing the breast milk in the new transition cup to get her used to it, without changing both too much can be helpful. Then you can work on mixing to slowly transition to the milk!
Thanks for the help in this as I am breastfeeding my baby boy is now going on 16months and he refuses to leave my breast I only breast feed him when he goes down for nap times he refuses to go for any thing other than my breast at the nap times how should I go about weaning him off completely
I’d utilize the strategies in the article. Try having someone else lay him down for nap times to make this a new routine for awhile. Also, providing him with other comfort items, ie: blanket, stuffed animal. To help calm and soothe can be really helpful as well!
Thank you for the post! I only read through some comments so I don’t know if this was addressed, buti am in the weaning process with my 13.5 month old. During the day we don’t nurse anymore but the night time is a completely different story. She wants to nurse to sleep, then again at 3:30 am, 5 am, 6:30 am and then at 7:30 before she wakes up. If I don’t feed her, she sucks her thumb AGGRESSIVELY… not just to satisfy some oral fixation, but she sucks it really hard and even pushes on her elbow with the other hand. I honestly can’t stand that she does this. During the day she may put her thumb in her mouth every once in a while, but I distract her and she stops right away. If I try to take away her thumb at night though, she cries and doesn’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do. Do I just let her suck her thumb and hope one day she will stop? I have offered water in the night and it is a hit or miss, but mostly miss. Thank you for your time!
We understand this can be a hard transition. It does sound like she is looking for a replacement. You can continue to try water, but possibly having someone else provide it to her, as when she sees you, she will want to be nursing. Do what you are comfortable with the thumb!
We’re 1 week into the weaning process for my 12-month-old son. He’s usually a great sleeper, but since starting to wean he’ll only sleep for 30 minutes each nap, (instead of 90ish minutes). He wakes up from his naps hysterical (and still very tired) and won’t self soothe. Then he’s extremely tired and clingy when he is awake. He’s still sleeping through the night though. He eats solids really well and is drinking lots of water and a decent amount of cows milk too. He doesn’t seem to be begging to nurse either. I’m at a loss of what to do. Thanks!
Hi, my son is 14 months old and is «addicted» to breastfeeding at night. I’ve managed to stop breastfeeding him during the day, but when the night comes – it’s impossible. He WON’T stop crying after milk no matter what I do. My partner doesn’t want to help me to cut down on the night feedings because he think he is to small..
I just really feel hopeless because I have night shifts once a week, but I’ve had to come home many times to feed him because he won’t stop crying!!
He doesn’t eat much food during the day so I guess that he is hungry, but I seriously need help.
I feel like I’ve tried everything by offering him water, distracting him etc.
He also sleeps everything from 10-60 minutes before waking up crying for milk so I never get to fully relax when the night comes because I have to run up and down mulitple times from he goes to bed until I go to bed.
I really appreciate all the help you can give!
So sorry you are dealing with this, we know how hard it can be. I’d try working on him accepting a bottle (pumped breastmilk) for while you are gone, and so that your partner would be able to feed him and assist with the night feeds as well. I’d work on following through with the tips in the article as well!!
How about night time feedings?
It is a huge sleep prop for my baby.
Do you think sleep training would help with eliminating those?
My baby is 10 mo, I don’t want to wean her yet. I just need to cut on the night time feeds as they interfere with her daytime feeding.
Hey! So I’d try to make sure that you are getting her full right before bedtime and working on having a different transitional object that is comforting to her that you can possibly provide to her at night for comfort, if you think that is why she’s waking up.
I am trying to wean my 1 yr old it is very hard with little help , he starts daycare soon , I don’t pump anymore , I have tried whole milk , almond milk & toddler milk I am trying so bad but it’s so frustrating.
If you still have breastmilk you can try mixing with regular milk (whichever kind you are looking for him to drink) start with 75% breast milk, 25% milk, then have him drink that for a few days, then increase to 50/50 continue for a few days and continue switching over with the milk. It can take some time!
How many times a day should you offer this ratio of 75% breast milk to 25% whole?
Thanks for reaching out! When you are making that transition doing that each time you are feeding her, so that she can adjust to the ratio. Then after a week, you can mix 50/50 and continue that daily until you are fully onto whole milk. Hope that helps!
Thank you so much for this article. I’ve been putting off weaning my baby since I know she is my last one (My 3rd). She is almost 13months old and I got a medical diagnosis today that i will be starting new medication and will have to stop breastfeeding. It’s very emotional for me.. Neither of us are ready to stop but I’m so glad I found this article to help me know where to start. Thank you ❤
Awww Elli, So glad you found the article to help you in your journey, and so sorry that you will need to stop, but know it’s best for you and she will be able to adjust as well. We get and understand how hard it can be to stop! If you have any questions along the way feel free to reach out!
This article is by far the best one I have read thank you sooo much!!!
YAY… You are so welcome! Glad you found some support!
Hi! We have used your resources for several months, from starting solids to weaning and more! Your perspective is one of the best we’ve found out there – so thank you! Could use some quick advice on trying to wean the bedtime routine nursing session (nurse, jammies, books w/ water cup, bed) for our almost 15-month old. It’s the only nursing session left, we seamlessly (and tearlessly!) cut out all others using your tips over a period of a couple of weeks a month ago now. Lately she has been super clingy, perhaps in some sort of developmental phase, and has gotten even more demanding for this bedtime feeding – when she gets distracted I try to just move to jammies and books but she says no no no and wants to nurse more and more. We have to distract her to end the nursing session, and she sometimes is very upset. We gave dad bedtime a go once and she screamed bloody murder when she was put down, which she never does. Would you recommend waiting til this phase passes before trying to change the routine (dad bedtime, cut nursing)? Or is this just how it’s going to be to wean this last one no matter what since she is now 15 months old? From Alisha’s experience it seems like it shouldn’t be so hard for any of us! Advice? Thank you!!
Can totally understand how hard this is and every child is different. At 15 months they are starting to rely on the nursing as more comfort and it is hard to end that last weaning session. We do recommend having Dad put her to bed, but try to change up the routine a little so that it is slightly different (different when daddy does it). Also making sure that she is fed in same position and that you (mom) are not near by. She would be able to smell you being close, which is harder for them to then focus on the bottle or dad putting them to bed. I’d also look for a transitional object you can provide her for more comfort.
Thanks for this article, lots of great tips. My guy is 13.5m and I am trying to wean him off his 2 feeds prior to naps ( I have been nursing him to sleep). At bedtime my husband and I alternate and we have been giving him a bottle of breast milk since day one so that we could both take turns. We give bottle, then brush his teeth and he usually goes to sleep drowsy but not fully asleep.
For daytime weaning I am starting with the afternoon nap and on day 2. I have switched to a bottle just because I thought that would be the most gentle transition considering all that is happening in life right now (COVID, I will be returning to work, he will start daycare, he’s teething molars…). The plan was to wean off bottle in a few months. BUT the bottle at nap doesn’t seem to be working. he drinks it but will then cry and I can’t get him to settle. There isn’t anyone else that can give the bottle.
He is able to drink from a cup (water and milk) and a straw. I am wondering if I should be changing the routine completely/? I only have until the end of the month do this so feeling pretty stressed. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
PS just found this website and have used it a tonne in the past week, thank you!!
Thanks for reaching out! yes, I would try to change up his routine completely before naps/bedtime. And providing him with some other comfort object/item so that he can focus on that. Also, if anyone else is available to come over to lay him down for his nap (just while you are breaking that habit) can really be huge. If you aren’t in the room or close it can be helpful. There are more tips in the article for this as well 🙂
Thanks Desiree — so to be clear, does the other person also follow a “new” routine (e.g. no milk to sleep)? I don’t really have another person available but will see if I can work magic.
Yes, changing up the routine will help them into a “new” routine 🙂
I am down to one nursing feed, which is feeding my 14 month to sleep at night (routine prior to this is milk in a cup, story, sleeping bag, calm music.) I have tried putting her down awake, but she screams blue murder. The same with my partner. She will settle and go to sleep on him in our room watching tv (I know not ideal!) During the night I can usually settle her back to sleep with a cuddle or laying her is her cot and staying with her.
Hey Marie Lou,
We understand how hard this transition can be!! I’d try to have your partner be putting her down at night, and changing up the routine to make it a little different. You can also provide her with a transitional object to comfort her during this transition period!
My situation is that my 14 month old girl is addicted to me & comfort nursing. I’ve been trying to wean her since late February and I thought we were making a little headway, till we weren’t. I have her completely spoiled. I missed so much time with my 1st being an Active Army Mom, that I’ve over compensated with my 2nd. We have co-slept since her birth and I have been her pacifier for everything! She drinks cows milk & water from sippies, she eats table foods & snacks, no bottles or pacies period, but she REFUSES to give up the boob. Although I don’t believe she’s getting much milk from them anymore (quit pumping in early March and tried to dry myself up, but her persistence wouldn’t let that happen completely), she will still comfort nurse throughout the day, if she’s teething, tired, upset, etc. Usually only a couple minutes at a time now, but she tends to go ballistic if I try distracting her and kidding the boobs from her. I was emotional at first, now I’m just desperate to be finished with her being so attached at the nipple!
We understand and know how hard it is! If you do have some help, when she’s demanding, you can try having someone else play with her for a little and try leaving the room to increase the length of time between when she’s wanting to nurse. I’d also walk through the steps in the article to see if one of those can be successful for you!
Carol, your situation is 100% identical to mine with your 14 month old. Same age as well. I am looking for ways to wean. We co-sleep, I’m his comfort and pacifier, he will totally freak out until he gets the boob when he wants it, there is no one or nothing that can distract him from wanting it in some cases. He wakes numerous times through out the night just to pacify himself on me. Have you found anything that is working for you yet?
So sorry you are having difficulties. Have you tried having someone else put him to bed? There are some other tips in the article, but being consistent is very helpful!
Hey Lacey I am having the same exact issue my daughter is 11 months approaching 1 and she uses me as a pacifier constantly through the night I’ve been able to cut back the daytime nursing but at night is very very hard I don’t know what to do at this point!
Can I message privately and are u a nurse or a child practitioner of any sort?
You can reach us by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Alisha is an occupational therapist!
Can i have help with thus please
Just let us now what your specific questions are. There are a lot of great tips/strategies to try written in the blog post first!