Learn how to use the division of responsibility to help improve picky eating, whether you have a toddler, kid, or teen. Plus, strategies to implement this picky eating strategy.
How many different kinds of picky eating advice have you heard in trying to help your kid eat more?
Or, maybe you’re a feeding therapist trying to figure out how to help the kids you work with in their treatment sessions.
As a pediatric occupational therapist that has worked with hundreds of kids on improving their eating (aka the picky eater), and a mom that has walked this with one of my own picky eaters there’s one essential strategy that I almost always start with:
This mysterious and often unknown strategy is: NOT PRESSURING YOUR KID TO EAT.
While it certainly is not always an easy thing to put into practice, this one concept is the foundation that all of my other picky eating expertise and advice is built on.
But, it is simple and it’s based on evidence from Ellyn Satter’s great body of work and research, which she compiled in her famous Division of Responsibility.
It’s true that without any other strategies in place that the most extreme picky eaters may not “eat new foods” for years, but more often I’ve witnessed kids, let down their defenses and start to get curious about food.
Sometimes trying something new days, weeks, or a few months after the DOR is implemented.
With my own son, I layered on strategies, after establishing the DOR as a base. It was important to address the underlying cause and use some advanced strategies to help him explore new foods (without pressuring him).
I used this picky eating plan and watched him make incredible progress with eating new foods.
If you’re skeptical, let me first say that I totally get it. But there is a lot of research behind this strategy, and I’ll try to make it clear why I and many other feeding specialists have adopted this as the best outlook for getting kids to eat.
First, we need to talk about why pressuring kids to eat is so harmful to their eating habits, then I’ll tell you all the hidden ways we pressure our kids during meals, and what you can do instead.
Why Pressuring Kids to Eat Can Make Picky Eating Worse
Before we get into the nitty gritty here, as always, I want to remind you that I respect and encourage parents to make decisions for their child based on their gut, knowledge of different techniques, and their child’s individual temperament.
I REALLY do feel like this is one of those super important strategies that works across the board, but some parents won’t be comfortable with it and that is okay. I hope you can take this information and apply it in a way that works for you and your child.
In fact, maybe your child is in feeding therapy and their therapist is taking the opposite approach?
While it is becoming less popular, it’s true that many therapists use a behavioral approach (i.e. take a bite of this and then you can have this candy/video/preferred food).
I can appreciate the value in this approach and some families feel this is the right strategy for their child, I totally respect that. The behavioral approach is very black and white and sometimes can get quick results.
Although, the results don’t always last. Meaning that overtime the child’s eating reverts.
But, this article is not meant to shame or guilt you into using the “no pressure”. If you have concerns, discuss them with your therapist, leave a comment here, or consider seeking out other opinions.
Here’s the thing though, when some kids (often picky eaters) feel pressured to eat they often feel they need to protect themselves further and close themselves off from being open to new or different foods.
For a variety of reasons (I call these underlying causes of picky eating). they have already decided that eating some foods is not for them, the pressure factor for parents and other well-meaning adults builds their brick wall up further and further.
It creates an environment that closes off the opportunity for exploring new foods, the opposite of what most parents want.
Imagine a food you REALLY don’t like, we all have at least one. For me it is olives. Now, think about having a plate of that food in front of you and someone you love and trust getting really angry or upset that you don’t want to eat it.
Or, maybe they don’t get upset, but beg you to try a bite? Would that work, would you want to eat it then? Maybe, they even throw in a treat, “If you have three olives, I’ll give you a cookie?”
How would you feel? Motivated or aggravated? Depending on your child’s temperament, they may oblige and maybe you would too, but many of us would get aggravated and defiant as a result.
Pressuring Kids to Eat Can Have Long Term Effects
Even if your child isn’t a picky eater, or they do give in to the pressuring tactics and it seems successful, as parents we are teaching our kids to ignore their own internal cues for appetite.
Picky eaters often have decreased awareness or sensitivity of their interoceptive sense, which controls this, so pressure actually worsens this issue.
This leads to over-eating, under-eating, and/or an unhealthy relationship with food that can last a lifetime. In fact, most of my generation was brought up on pressuring tactics. We had the clean plate club or weren’t allowed to leave the table until the food was gone.
We were given dessert as a reward for a well eaten dinner, and many of us now look to food to console us when we are bored or have just had a bad day. Get out the pint of ice-cream, you deserve it, right?
I’m not trying to blame our parents. I’m just saying that we are sending a big message to our kids when we pressure them to eat, and those messages will shape their relationship with food throughout their whole life.
How Adults Pressure Kids to Eat
Well, pressuring kids to eat comes in many forms. One of my favorite feeding books, Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating, talks about this extensively.
If you’re interested in an easy read geared towards parents that fully explains the loads of research that support not pressuring kids to eat, I highly recommend this book. I’m not going to go into as much detail, but let me share some examples:
- “Broccoli is good for you, just have a bite.”
- “I just made this whole dinner for the last two hours, the least you could do is eat some.”
- “Take three licks of the carrots and then you can have more chicken nuggets.”
- “Take a bite of the pot roast, and I’ll put a sticker on your chart for that new toy you want.”
- “I’ll let you watch the iPAD if you eat your dinner.”
- “If you just eat the rest of your potatoes, you can have a cookie for dessert.”
- “Oh, YAY!!!!!!!!! You had a bite of apple!!! Whoop! Whoop!”
- “Your brother is eating the food, take a bite like he’s doing!”
- “You are too old to be this picky!”
- “Carrots are healthy! Don’t you want to grow big and strong?”
These are just a few examples, but I think you are starting to get the idea. If you are bribing, rewarding, distracting, begging, shaming, coaxing, or even praising your child for eating new to get them to eat, then you are pressuring them.
The praising aspect of pressure is usually most surprising to parents.
But research shows us that kids usually feel pressured when they are praised because it is either putting the spotlight on them which some kids don’t like, or it’s setting an expectation that they have a hard time living up to.
If you really want to acknowledge what your child has done, try to wait until the end of the meal and make a comment in passing. Although we want to give them praise, they actually don’t need it when it comes to eating.
Instead, we want to teach them to be intrinsically motivated. Remember how I mentioned many people in my generation seeking out food for emotional comfort? Being praised for eating can make it more likely to pass this down to your child.
But when a child is in control of making the choice to eat, they are much more likely to have a neutral and healthy relationship with food, which is the ultimate goal, right?
What is the Division of Responsibility (DOR)?
If this is a brand new concept to you, it can be a lot to wrap your head around. It goes against what our parents did, and the advice of many family members.
It’s a complete perspective shift.
If you decide to go this route, you will likely have people think that you are being a push-over. But, not pressuring your child to eat doesn’t mean that you don’t provide structure, routine, and some rules around meals.
Ellyn Satter, who has completed a TON of research on this topic says, “The parent is responsible for what, when, and where [the child eats]. The child is responsible for how much and whether.”
Meaning, we decide when and what our kids eat, and they decide if they are going to eat it or not.
If this totally freaks you out, look at our whole picky eating guide for how to establish routines, structure, and other picky eating tips!
Satter has a famous one page document called the Division of Responsibility, that clearly lays out the roles of parents and children in eating. I encourage you to take a look!
How to Improve Picky Eating- What to do Instead of Pressure
Now let’s talk about how you implement the DOR practically.
Because it is not fair to run to put a plate of lasagna in front of your kid and say: “It’s your choice if you eat or not”, if they have never had it or refused it many times.
Or, you might be thinking that your child would never try something new if you just give them free reign over whether or not they eat.
The last thing I would want is for your child to eat when, where, and what they want. Deciding those terms is the job of the parent. The child’s job is to decide if they are going to eat it or not.
To follow this strategy it is imperative that your child be on a feeding schedule and that at least one food be given they prefer at each meal.
But, if you serve that lasagna with some bread (which they love) and maybe a side of fruit, then it’s totally fair. Especially because you’ve made a routine that allows their hunger to build.
They should eat every 2.5-3 hours with nothing in between but water. If they have access to food whenever they want it, they will likely not eat anyways.
Eating at the dinner table, and ideally eating family meals together (having the whole family together helps with modeling new foods!), will have a big impact on their success at meals and are a good idea.
Grazing and eating in front of the TV regularly, also sabotage this strategy. If this is a problem, learn tips for decreasing distractions while eating.
But, really I highly recommend watching my FREE Picky Eating Workshop to learn more about these other key strategies. It will take everything you’re reading here to a whole other level!
Help! What if My Child Refuses to Eat Anything?
This is a valid concern, and one I hear time and time again from students in Mealtime Works, our Picky Eating Course. There are some instances when this is a genuine concern, and in these cases the child should be in the care of a team with a specific feeding plan in place.
If your child is on their own growth curve, then they are probably eating enough. We tend to over analyze what our kids eat, and their caloric needs are significantly less than ours. It can be hard to let go of the control or worry, but I encourage families to try this for a month and see what the results are.
If you are able to put this structure in place and they then refuse to eat, then, yes, you allow them to not eat. Honestly, there isn’t much you can do about it anyways, but spin your wheels, cause major anxiety, and power struggles over your child trying new things.
How Much Preferred Food Should You Serve?
When you first begin the DOR, your child may be interested in only eating the food they like that you serve. So in the example above with lasagna and bread, should you just keep serving unlimited amounts of bread if your child requests more, or stick to small amounts and wait it out?
Ellyn Satter would say yes, give them as much bread as they want, and that would be truly following the Division of Responsibility.
I know this is hard for a lot of parents, and I personally feel there is some gray area here, but parents need to tread very cautiously because putting any restrictions on food is a quick slip into pressure.
With my oldest, who doesn’t have any eating issues, and eats a wide variety, I will occasionally give a prompt for him to eat some more of his food before he just has more bread. I know he eats these foods, I don’t give a specific quantity or make a big deal about it.
I’m also careful to not turn this into a reward, but technically I am pressuring a bit. However, I don’t get into power struggles over this or monitor his intake closely.
At the same time, if he or my selective eating child have things on their plate they don’t typically eat, I don’t ask them to eat it. I will use other strategies like, changing up the food they are refusing by cutting it into a different size or shape or by giving a dip.
Picky Eater Toddler Strategies
You may be wondering at what age you can start implementing this DOR strategy.
This concept can be difficult with young toddlers, and I think there is some leeway, but you can absolutely begin the structured mealtime routine and decide the menu when your children are quite young.
In some ways it’s even more important in these early impressionable years. But don’t beat yourself up if you have an older picky eater and are just now trying this strategy.
Keep in mind that toddlers are notoriously inconsistent eaters, this comes with the territory. Your job is not to freak out (I know easier said than done) and trust that they are following their internal cues.
By the time your child is 18 months to 2 years old, you should be able to totally follow this approach completely without having to maybe grab something extra part-way into the meal if they aren’t eating.
More Help For Picky Eating Using the DOR Strategy
How does splitting the responsibility of eating with your kids make you feel?
It can be a tough adjustment when you were raised differently, and truthfully, it can be hard to give up some of the control. Believe me, I know!
But allowing your kids to take an active role in mealtimes can have some major payoff. And the good news is, you don’t have to do it all. Think of picky eating like a partnership between you and your child.
Grab a free list of how I structure meals that also includes 25+ picky eater meal ideas. We’ll send it right to your inbox!
Keep Reading About Picky Eating Strategies
My Child Won’t Eat Anything But Junk Food
10 Extreme Picky Eating Red Flags that You Need to Know
Feeding Red Flags for Babies and Toddlers
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Hi Alicia,
I am so grateful for everything you are doing. I have referred SO many Moms and patients (I’m a nurse) to your website and always know they will get quality information. One thing I have struggled with finding the answer to for my own child with “discerning taste” is, is it ok to let her have seconds of her “safe food”. We now eat family style, she chooses the food she wants on her plate and enjoys taking some of everything saying, “I love ‘x’ food”. She then only eats her safe food (which is sometimes just the fruit we have at every meal) and says she wants more. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t want her to only eat fruit for dinner, so I tell her she needs to eat a variety so she doesn’t get a belly ache. At this point she just says that she is done. Unless I am also serving a more substantial “safe food” that night (like rice, pasta, etc) she goes to bed hungry. This happens a lot of nights and it doesn’t seem to get better…it just really doesn’t. She won’t try the other foods on her plate unless I force her to (something I try to not to do but am not always successful) and then it’s just one bite that she often spits out. She is just one of those kids that would rather be hungry than eat something new (or even try it). So I’m wondering, do I just let her eat how ever many servings of her “safe food” (fruit included) that she wants or is there a limit to this? Thank you in advance.
Hey Jillian,
Thank you so much for the feedback and glad that you are finding great information. You are doing great serving family style, I love that! We do recommend that they can have as many servings of their preferred food that they want. In the background you can be working on food play, sensory bins, etc to increase the variety of foods she eats while being exposed to all foods at mealtime. We also do not do any pressure (even asking them to take a bite is pressure). If you are concerned with just fruit you can try to plan meals using a different preferred food at dinner so that she does not go to bed hungry. If you haven’t yet taken our picky eating quiz, I’d suggest to take that it will provide you with some helpful tips based on which area your child falls!! Take the Quiz Here
Best,
Desiree
I have a question regarding always giving a preferred food. My 3 year old son is very picky with only a few foods he will eat. While I can totally see the point behind providing a food that you know he will eat I just can’t see him ever eating any of the other foods, can totally see him eating the one he likes night after night and leaving everything else. Sure, he is super stubborn and maybe at the point he needs professional help but are other kids like this and they come around? Any extra tips on this? Thanks.
Hi Josie,
We can relate with your situation and this is a common thought. However, taking away pressure at mealtimes to eat non-preferred foods helps to build a child’s relationship with the food in a healthy way. There are some other things that you can do like completing food play with non-preferred foods, starting outside of mealtimes, so that the child can get comfortable with the foods. Take our picky eating QUIZ to get some more tips on where your child falls!
Best,
Desiree
Hello SLP here and I was wondering what advice would you give for a child who is not eating all day at daycare. He refuses to eat unless its chicken nuggets and mom is obviously concerned since she does not get him until 6pm. Also, I do oral motor exercises but actually getting him to attempt to eat any fails. Thanks so much for your blog it is so great!!
I’d see if he can bring in his own lunch at school. I’d try to have at least one food he typically eats in it. Also, is it more of a sensory thing or do you see some oral motor deficits? If you haven’t already, I’d tease that out and have mom follow through consistently so you can see progress!
Hi there,
I watched the webcast and have been following the strategy for months now (was dping something similar before) but my child is getting worse. I am a single mom so I sit (often eat) while he is eating and always have a veggie and something he likes in each meal. Now he is only eating bread or carb foods (pancakes, goldfish). Should I remove those? Not only will he not eat anything else he wont even try it. He just squishes it.
Some kids do need some more advanced strategies. I’d consider this post on sensory strategies, that may not be the cause, but it’s where I’d start. Also, this post on exploring food is a great way to get them to start interacting with the food in new ways.
My 7 (soon to be 8) year old DD has, in my opinion, food aversions since in utero (but I digress)! When introducing baby food, carrots and anything with an orange food in it she would break out and vomited violently. Her food options narrowed due to this reaction. To compound matters, the family menu sticks to a monthly fairly regimented plan – some changes are thrown in but us grown ups do what we can to make it work for our schedule – we have our main veggies and fruits but don’t veer very far off ourselves from this. I waffle back and forth between comfortable and neurotic about this issue. We let her hide bits of food in cornbread/roll in order to get the smallest morsel of it into her. While this has helped, it is not something she can do at other peoples houses when staying over and/or at school. I’ve had an OT do an assessment and the recommendation was nutrition therapy, however, we were not in a place to be able to provide this and are in an even more remote area than before. She also has pretty serious motion sickness and traveling to get services is just not an option. I would appreciate any guidance for this,
It’s challenging for sure! I’d suggest starting with no pressure actually and then try to do some investigation as to the underlying cause. See this post on why kids don’t eat well.
I also have a free workshop that covers what you learned here in a lot more detail, using them in your home is a great way to help picky eaters eat more foods:)
Our daughter is 13 years old. She ate anything until she was about 4 years old. She definitely has other sensory issues, and can articulate that most of her food aversions are sensory-related (describes things are too squishy or slimy, can’t stand inconsistency within a food, etc.). She eliminated ALL fruits about 4 years ago. Her physical growth and development are good. For a 13 year old girl I am especially concerned about her developing control issues around food. I’m definitely on board with taking off all pressure to eat, but even so, she seems to be becoming increasingly restrictive. Do you have advice that is different for this age group than for the younger set?
I’d definitely not pressure, but it is okay to establish some mealtime rules such as not talking negatively about foods, eating at the table, etc. However, she likely needs some additional strategies to help her with her sensory needs. One way that could be done is through messy activities. It may seem odd at her age, but these could be adapted. Think about paper mache, art projects, cooking with dough, etc. Another option is the Wilbarger brushing protocol (google that), as well as using a vibrating toothbrush 2-3 times a day. Encourage her to brush her tongue and gums too, this will help desensitize! You can read more in this sensory issues with food post!
We did Wilbarger protocol for several months when she was younger. I don’t know if she would cooperate with that now – with her tween body. She enjoys sensory activities like making/playing with slime. She avoids tooth-brushing, showering, hair-washing because she doesn’t like the way any of it feels – it is all a daily battle. Yikes. Thanks for the tips. We are trying to get her involved with yoga. All physical activities help. Will keep trying all! Thank you!
Hi,
I have a 2-year-old who is not really a picky eater, but there is something I have been wondering about how to handle best.
So she eats enough and diversely, no problems there really, but sometimes/quite often she’ll eat only selected things from her plate and ask for more of those and leave the rest.
To explain better let me give an example: Just the other day we were having noodles with beef, broccoli, mushrooms and carrots. At first she’d only try the noodles and started picking out the mushrooms. So I asked her if she tried the mushrooms, she said no. And my stance is that no one has to eat things they don’t like, but you have to try it all. So I coaxed her into taking a bite, and then she actually decided that it was yummy after all and ate all the mushrooms (so all good there). But after that she just ate the noodles and said she doesn’t like all the rest and wants more noodles. And it would be fine to not like one or two things, but all the other things? No, it’s just that noodles were her favorite, and the day before when we had the same food she ate all of it. So I know she couldn’t have absolutely hated all the rest of the stuff on her plate. So I told her no, you have to eat some of that on your plate first, I’m not giving more when your plate is full of stuff. That day, however, the end result was that she refused to eat most of the remaining items, maybe dug up a few carrots, asked for bread (which I gave her since I was eating bread too), took a bite of that and then left the table.
And here comes the question: Was my approach (to not give her more noodles) good or not? What if she actually really dislikes the things on her plate (it is not always as clear as here if she really doesn’t like something or would just prefer something else), and I am now pressuring her to eat them? But what if she is just trying to get more of her favorites? I agree that parents should decide what kids eat, and I definitely think that it’s not ok to just pick out your favorite parts of the food and leave all the rest unless you really hate it. Still, I find this a sort of grey zone where I’m not sure whether I should give her more of what she asks or require her to eat the other things as well (and by this I don’t mean forcing her to eat the rest but just not giving more of anything unless she does). What is your opinion on this?
To add one more comment, most of the time I do allow her to leave one or two things uneaten and still get more of something else. Because the situation seems quite clear when there is one thing you don’t like, just leave that and enjoy the rest, no problem. But these “today I don’t like any of these” situations somehow bother me, because I don’t ever want my kid to feel like she is being forced to eat something but on the other hand don’t want to give in too much either.
I love how you’re thinking all of this through! It sounds like you’re both doing great, the thing is, as you’ve seen, with pressure it can actually make things worse. It’s frustrating for sure, but I’d check out this post on my best picky eating tip – it answers all of these questions in depth!
My son is 6 as a baby he’s he ate is and fruits and meats I noticed back then he was pretty picky compared to other kids if he wouldn’t eat something my mother would fix up to four different things and he would refuse them all I felt as if it became a game to him even at that age for control Fast forward to six and he eats less variety and less. Than he ate as a toddler. I don’t give him sodas or sugary juices honestly he doesn’t really know what they are my dad told me to just send him to school and make him eat school lunch which resulted in him drinking the milk and eating nothing at all it’s nothing for him to go a whole day eating 100 cal packet of crickets some Pringles chips and a slice of cheese the only meat he will eat eggs bacon and sometimes one or two chicken nuggets only from McDonald’s none of the normal stuff kids like no pizza burgers fish sticks sandwiches SpaghettiOs no soup‘s he used to eat go girt and those squeezy fruit things but now he despises them also no cereals tried them all I know that if it were not for ensure drinks and boost he would not gain any weight and would certainly either starve to death or be malnourished. He started ADHD meds at age 5 but because I try to give him as many snacks and get him to eat anything that he will to stretch his stomach out a little bit the meds are not having an effect as in they are not making him lose any weight and he has gained about a pound every month but it’s so frustrating I gave up with trying to pressure him mainly to save my own sanity I’m so happy I found this site I believe it’s fascinating these signs of picky eating when their toddlers and the category of the food jag and food aversion has certainly been an eye-opener to me because most people look at me like I’m a crappy mom or that I’m weird having to pack food he likes that are different from what everyone else has just to accommodate him so he won’t starve to death it’s definitely made me feel a lot better about my situation Thank you all so so much for your comments it’s made my day
I’m so glad it has helped. I know it can be frustrating. Know that your not alone. We are always here to help. Have you checked on my free workshop on the 3 Keys to Turning Picky Eating Around. I think the keys in there could be really helpful for you. You can sign up here.
Hi Alisha!
My 2 year old is picky and I think we are kind of already trying a low pressure (though not necessarily no pressure) method with him. He is doing OK and some meals are better than others. It is frustrating though I am not overly concerned. I do know that we need to give him less milk than he gets now and that is part of the problem.
My question is actually about my 4 year old. I think it is different than picky but I can’t really figure him out. He is actually willing to try lots of different foods and loves a wide variety of flavors (blue cheese, olives, nuts, broccoli, spicy salsa, etc) but he only sometimes sits and eats his meal. He will eat a full bowl of very healthy stuff (veggie soup, scrambled eggs, salmon, squash) if I feed it to him! But sit next to him and eat my own while he eats… it rarely happens unless its ‘junk’ food like mac and cheese or chicken nuggets or sweet things like fruit. He doesn’t oppose eating the other things if we feed it to him at all, he just won’t reach for it on his own! Or he takes a few bites and won’t eat any more unless we feed him. I should mention that his doctor isn’t at all concerned about weight but he is 75% for height and 40% for weight so he is definitely skinny! Oh and he drinks only water, no milk or fruit juices filling him up. What does that mean?
Did you find an answer to this? My three year old is the same!
thank you Alisha. Your blog is so good
My son is 16 months now i still have to purée his food. He is able to eat toast with hummus, cherrios, crackers, cheetos, pizza, sting cheese, rice (sometimes), banana/blueberries (sometimes), but spits out food after a few bites. So I end up having to purée his meal and feed it to him (with distractions). So I feel like he knows how to eat but prefers purée may be or just has no interest in eating. He spits out steamed veggies (carrots/green beans/cauliflower/potato etc) as well even though I know he is able to swallow that mushy texture. I am all sorts of confused on how to get him to eat more food. Any suggestions from you will be appreciated. Thank you!
Mona, I’m here to help you, but first I want you to check out this two part article on transitioning to table foods. I think their may be some underlying challenges going on for him. Take a look and let me know what you think!
Thank you Alisha for the reply. I read this article earlier actually and have tried the different phases. He doesn’t clearly fit one pattern I guess. He can eat hard boiled eggs (egg white only), scrambled eggs, mac n cheese, etc. But won’t eat black beans/chick peas because of the skin outside. If I mush it and remove the skin, and then give him, he will eat a little bit. Although not enough as a meal. Is this a texture thing or he doesn’t know how to break beans down enough to swallow with the skin?
Him not wanting the skin is almost certainly texture, if nothing is sticking out to you, it may be a combination of factors. Okay, I’m going to point you to another article that’s specifically about sensory issues and food. There are red flags listed, let me know if anything stands out to you!
Hi! I have a liquid averse 1 year old. He eats any and every food but I have pressured him with fluids and he now yells “no” at every cup he sees and throws them help!!
Hey Ali,
I can understand how frustrating this must be!! I’d really try to take the pressure off, making sure that you have cups just casually laying around. I’d also try to do some straw play just in a bin of water with some toys to try to get him working on drinking from a straw cup, some kids really love this and you can transition from there! Here is how to work on Straw Drinking
Best,
Desiree
Hi, I stumbled upon this article while looking for solutions to resolve my (2 year plus) girl’s picky eating habits.
My girl started having solids at around 6 months and has been a great eater . However, since around 18 months and thereafter, she started showing signs of picky eating and her appetite has gotten downhill from then on. It has been a battle almost every mealtime. She takes in easy to swallow food such as porridge or cereal. We do still add in minced meat or fish in porridge or rice but she gags or spits it out most of the time. Her preference of food varies from time to time – would say runny eggs are her only favorite but she is allergic to them. Am tempted to blend the meat or fish to ensure she takes in a balanced diet, however am not too sure whether I should do so.
Appreciate your views on the above.
Hi Alisha,
I found my problem almost the same case with Cher. She started with pumpkin puree on 6 months old, and ever since, she start to like sweet food. Until 1 year old, she is eating normal healthy diet when she is with the babysitter. She take rice and chicken soup as meal as daily favorite. When she reach 18 months old, i quit job to take care of my girl since the babysitter retired. Starting from that there, my pampered girl show lost interest in rice menu and start to become a bad eater. Over the year, now her eating became extremely bad as she only have 3 dish menu to eat, and none of it is healthy food only deep fried crispy fries mainly and instant noodles.I have to rotate this menu everyday at every meal and its been a year. I really felt guilty as she didn’t raise any extra weight after a year. She is still 14 kg and getting 3 years old this coming May 2018.
— Appreciate your advice in this matter too!
Emma do you the option to look into feeding therapy? Check out more here: yourkidstable.com/feeding-therapy
Hi Alisha,
I’am glad you replied. Yes, i have read your article on feeding therapy and really wish if i stay nearby your area.
I had checked on my concern with the pediatrician before, and she say my girl look healthy and active so nothing to worry as she will grow. I also google on local pediatrician Gastroenterology around Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia but they all seems less experience in handling similar case like mine base on background work i read.
Today, i make my first try after reading some of your article and set my girl dinner together with us at the table and it works for the first time ever! i felt like crying to video this moment as i believe there is a chance she will be better.
Thank you for making me smile !!
Oh that is so wonderful Emma! I’m thrilled to hear that!
Its very hard to get her try new food. Try not pressuring her and keep trying constantly..but didnt works with her also. I guess she is so pampered that she act like a diva at the table. Once, i got mad bcoz too tired cooking soup for her and she just move away from the table. I make her sit and when she notice my serious face she open her mouth willing me to feed her. Huhh glad, it works but toughes way, though. Not sure if this is good or bad…but goals achieved. She try new food. Huhuu..
hi as i’m sitting here and reading your articles, i’m actually so sleepy, but can’t stop reading. my son is almost 5 years old now, it has been and still is a constant struggle to get him to eat. i have had him at a general gp, peadiatric doctor, and most recently an occupational therapist ( he has been diagnosed with a bit of an sensory processing disorder). no one seems to think that his eating problem is a problem, seeing that his growth, weight etc. is all in place. i would love some advice from you.
– he drinks quite a lot of fluid (soft drinks, juice, flavoured milk)
– he prefers chicken nuggets
– bread (normal dry bread, toasted bread with cheese and french polony(like coldmeat, only its like a pienk color here in south africa)
-egg omelet with cheese
-gustard and jelly
the above mentioned food is what he has been surviving on for the last 2 weeks.
i feel like a terrible mom as i am looking at what he has been eating for the last 2 weeks.
he is very strong willed!!! he does not like any other food on his plate, except the food he wants(the above)
he does occasionally eat mini pork sausage – the only meat he eats
he does not eat any fruit, vegetables, meat except the pork sausage, fish (lately gags at fish fingers)
occasionally will have some yohurt, but if he says he wants it
he maybe eats a little bit of choc rice krispies once in a month or two.
i feel like crying about this issue as my younger son (who is a great eater) seems to be starting with the same issues as his older brother.
i will try, listen to any advice that you can offer me
thank you
melanie landman
south africa
Hi Melanie, I’m so sorry, I know how frustrating this is, but please this has nothing to do with you being a bad mother. You’re obiously doing a great job! I’d recommend reading sensory and picky eating. That will be really eye opening for you! As well as turning my picky eater around.
Everything you’ve described is really typical for more extreme picky eaters and the place to start is with the no pressure I talked about in this post. I know that seems hard, but really its a great first step! The other posts I recommended will give you more strategies.
And, while there’s no pressure, I just wanted to mention that I teach a comprehensive picky eating class that covers everything in detail and time with me on the discussion board to go over any issues you need to. You can find more about that here: http://yourkidstable.com/join
Thanx ! But I tried this too, my son would no eat at all. Just a glass of milk n few biscuits for entire day. I keep trying different fruits or his fav chips to put nearby him. But he simply don’t eat. This has been taking toll on my patience. I get shivera before feeding his meal. Sometimes I lose my temper. I too tried my ped ,but in vain. [ he is 2.8 yrs)
It’s really important to make sure he always has one food that he eats at the meals. Does he have any foods that he eats regularly? I know it can be really hard, there is a lot of info on here, have you poked around at all? If you click here this will be a great starting point.
This can get better, its so important to start with just keeping things positive and following a schedule, just have those be your first goals, when you reach those move up from there.
Hi Alisha. Thank you so much for this blog. Now, I am not feeling I am alone in this world. I thought my son Nick is the pickiest in the whole world. I agree with sit down together during meal time but he never likes high chair, booster chairs or any chairs with strap ons. So what we did is he either sits in adult chair with us or we all sit around his picnic table. If he does not feel like joining during meals he will just slid down. Because if I use the child seat with strap it will not make him behave and sit still anyway. What do you think? Do you have other tips?
Hi Janet, I’m so glad you found your way here! There are tons of posts and articles with lots of tips to help. I love eating around his picnic table together I think that’s great, and would do it, as often as your able to. I’d consider trying to re-introduce the booster seat and make it really fun for him. Let him decorate it with stickers, give him warnings in advance. Slowly build up the time you want him to sit. So you’ll want to have a successful meal in it, that may only be for 4 minutes the first time. Reinforce his asking to get down by allowing him to do so the first couple times. Also, check out http://www.yourkidstable.com/articles this is an article index and I have a couple of posts listed there specifically on helping kids stay seated. You may have some tears and a few battles but its worth sticking with it.