Can’t stand a messy baby? It can mean some more work, but it is worth it in more ways than you may think…
Usually, when you first start feeding a baby cereal, they are fairly easy to keep clean, since they aren’t moving around too much. Over the next few months, they start swiping the spoon and blowing raspberries in their food. It can get messy in a hurry, for everybody! I know this can be overwhelming, and letting them get messy may seem like more work than it’s worth.
Some parents I work with feel like it’s neglectful to let their child sit there with food all over them, even if it is during the meal. I am here to say, throw out the towel (literally) and let them get messy. Let the food get on their hands, in their hair, and all over their face (and don’t make any disgusting faces while they are doing it).
Here are four really good reasons why: You are looking at a picture of Sam (who is now nearly 3) while he was in the middle of eating his prunes around 7 months old. I know he is very messy! I hope that you have pictures of your babies covered in their food too (I actually have ones worse than this). But, I fear that many of you don’t. Are you a face scraper? Don’t want to mess up that cute little outfit? Hey, I know where you’re coming from, as a classic type-A personality myself. Thank goodness my years as a therapist primed me for all the messy moments I have with my own kids now.
Recently, we were at a party and while I was feeding Isaac, a friend with a baby close in age to Isaac walked by with his mouth opened and said, “Oh my gosh, You let him get messy like that? You let him feed himself?” Before I respond, I look back at Isaac and observe that he has his entire hand in the container of applesauce he is eating and that it is smeared on his ear and the side of his face. In his other hand, he has a noodle from the pasta salad, I had several on his tray.
It is funny because I had just been looking at him, but I don’t even think about the mess, even at a party. Isaac was having a great time and was eating so well (something he doesn’t always do). He was taking that pudgy little hand with applesauce all over it and putting it in his mouth! I gave our friend a very watered down response to why you should let your baby get messy, he was in the middle of hosting his daughter’s birthday party.
This got me thinking of all the friends and families I work with and how many times I have had this discussion. So, I thought it warranted a post, because it is very important to let your babies (and kids) get messy! Read on to find out why and how you can take baby steps into tolerating the mess (and hopefully embracing it).
1. Powerful Sensory Play
Meal times with babes are about more than eating. Besides learning all sorts of social and cultural norms, it is some of their first active sensory play. Think about it, you can’t put your 7 month old in the sand box or use finger paints because they will eat it. The tactile stimulation you get from playing in messy textures provides loads of meaningful information to the brain that children process and create more sophisticated responses to. Babies and children will actively seek these experiences out as part of curiosity, discovery, exploration, and the drive to experience sensory input.
2. Learning How to Self Feed
When babies get their hands messy in the baby food, it will eventually dawn on them that when they put their fingers in their mouth, they get some food. A light bulb will go off, “Hey, I can feed myself”. It will likely be months before they are spoon feeding themselves, but those early tastes from their own fingers will set the groundwork for this skill and they will likely accomplish it much sooner! If your baby is getting messy and not putting their hand up to their mouth when it’s covered in dinner, take your hand and show them how.
3. Preventing Tactile Defensiveness
When kids aren’t exposed to different textures, they can become sensitive to new or different textures over time. If you keep your baby very clean during meals, they may reach a point when getting messy feels uncomfortable because it’s such a foreign sensation to them. This is not to say that all tactile defensiveness is taught, mostly it is not. Kids that are born tactile defensive will show signs early on as a baby. The constant wiping with a spoon or napkin to keep the baby clean can actually be more uncomfortable for them.
4. Making it Positive
If you have been following this blog, then you know how much importance I place on keeping mealtimes positive (check out my series on this here, here, and here). Letting babies get messy keeps a more laid back flow to the whole meal and thus is more positive. If you are fighting with your baby so they don’t grab the spoon or trying to pin them down to wipe their face off after each bite, meal time might not be so positive for baby.
If you wipe your baby’s face constantly or don’t let them help feed themselves, you are depriving them of a wonderful learning and sensory experience. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. The good news is that it’s not too late to let them start to get messy. As they creep into life as a toddler, you do have to start teaching table manners and it may not be a great idea to let them squeeze and slop their food around just for the sake of playing. But, if they are getting messy just from the act of eating, then let it go and while they are younger toddlers, a little of the messy play is ok as long as it isn’t too distracting. If you notice your toddler is trying to play with their food a lot, provide them with opportunities to finger paint and play in various sensory bins.
Try to Avoid:
- Taking the spoon and scraping the food that has dribbled out off your babies face. This can be so uncomfortable or irritating. Let the mess be!
- Wiping tray off frequently. If some mess slops on the tray, let it go unless it is interfering with finger feeding. Letting babies slop the mess around with their hands is wonderful sensory play!
- Wiping hands or face with a napkin throughout the meal. They are washable! Repeat after me, “It is ok if sweet potatoes are in their hair and behind their ears, it is ok.”
Do This:
- Allow your baby or toddler to get messy as long as it doesn’t interfere with their ability to see (they wipe their eyes with a messy hand) or feed themselves.
- Wait to the end of the meal to clean up. If your baby doesn’t like getting cleaned, try to take them away from the high chair so they have the positive association from the meal, not the getting cleaned up part.
- Consider giving the baby their bath after a particularly messy meal. Most babies love bath time, and it is often the easiest way to get them clean.
Was that a good sales pitch? Did I win over any other neat freaks type-A’s (like myself) that want their kids to be clean? If I can do it, so can you! Embrace the mess!
Feeling inspired? Head to my epic list of Messy Play ideas that are easy and awesome for your child’s development!
More on Messy Play And Baby Eating
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
Ultimate List of Sensory Bin Ideas, Incredibly Easy!
The Ultimate Guide to Feeding Milestones for Babies and Toddlers
What You Need to Know About Baby Gagging (+ Expert Tips)
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
I sort of understand where this is going but all I have in my head is food is for eating not for playing with like a toy. I dont have the food budget for him not to eat the food, I dont like seeing wasted food thrown allover the floor. If he’s eating it I’m not fussed if some ends up in his hair or up his nose I just need him to eat it.
Hey Beatrix,
So many of us grew up feeling the same way! We also like to keep food waste to a minimum! It can be helpful to provide smaller amounts of food on the tray for eating an exploration, so less food gets wasted. It’s a really typical (and important stage), although quite frustrating for babies and toddlers to throw food on the floor. Giving them an encouraging, repetitive phrase like, “our food stays on the tray” can be really helpful.
Best,
Andrea
Any bib recommendations
Trying to keep food out of places I can’t easily clean like the clips on the high chair
Hey Lindsay,
I’ve had success with both the cloth ones and the fully plastic ones. The cloth ones, you can easily toss in the wash after every use and the ones made of soft plastic are really easy to wash with the rest of the dishes and leave in the drying rack until the next meal. We have a list of some of our favorite resources. I hope that helps!
Best,
Andrea
I love the IKEA full coverage polka-dot bibs. I never use any of the other ones anymore. They have sleeves and cover a lot while leaving baby free to go nuts with food.
That’s awesome!! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Best,
Andrea
Thank you for this. I will try this with my 7MO who is not interested in solids at all! My issue is he constantly rubs his eyes!! So I’ve been cleaning his hands constantly so he doesn’t rub his eyes with dirty hands! Any tips??
Hey Erika,
So glad you liked our post! I will say that if he’s touching his eyes a lot it’s okay to wipe off his hands. You can provide a wet washcloth for during meals as well to wipe his hands as needed and teach him to utilize it! We do also have a free workshop for help transitioning to solid foods you can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Nice post! I found a snippet of your article on Facebook from a page called Baby Little Safer https://fb.watch/3CEnDjgrGf/ (link to post) and wanted to read more so I Googled it and it brought me here. Not sure if you’re associated with that store in any way but just thought I’d let you know since I couldn’t find any credit.
Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention, we really appreciate it! And so glad you found our full article and helpful information!
Best,
Desiree
Hi..My almost 1 year old baby wants to be messy ..I want to allow but other family members telling if we will not tell him right now..his habit will be like to remain messy and wont know how to remain clean and tidy..Is that true?
It can be really tricky to navigate family advice sometimes! You might try telling them that you’re letting them learn to feed themselves. Another good suggestion is to provide your baby with a wet washcloth and show him how to use it himself to clean his face. That way you’re allowing him to be messy and get all the great benefits from that, but he is learning a self care habit as well.
I hope that helps!
Best,
Andrea
Hi, can I ask about when you feeding a baby, should you use a heaped spoon or not. My partner and I are in disagreement about that. He (the baby) tends to grab the spoon as it approaches his mouth and, kind of, scoops it in with his hands.
Obviously if it is too much he pushes it back out with his tongue.
Should you use a heaped spoon or less on a spoon but then you have to then push it against his top lip to get the food off the spoon.
Which way is best?
Thoughts on this would be helpful.
Hi Amy,
It can be tough to know exactly how to feed toddlers at first! Using a moderate amount on the spoon works well for most babies. It’s helpful to have your little one close his mouth on the spoon himself, rather than scraping it against his top lip. It can be helpful to imitate it yourself so your little one can see what he’s supposed to do! We also have a post on how to teach babies to feed themselves. It might be helpful to you! Feel free to reach out if you have any other questions!
Best,
Andrea
Hi, I am feeling so sad and helpless while I am writing this. I have a 15 months old boy and I spoon fed him all this time because I had no clue how important it is for them to learn to feed themselves but now I know and I want to do right to him. I tried couple of times to give him bite size and let him eat but he ate good once after that any time I give him bites he won’t eat it. Food is just sitting there. And I didn’t try hard enough to encourage or help him learn as. I am tired mommy sometimes and want to make sure he got food in his belly I would go ahead and feed him. But I am at this point want to teach him and help him learn to feed himself. I have no one around me with kids that I know because I am migrated from India after marriage and I have no family member here I can seek guidance from. My husband is pretty much no help in anything. I really need some help here. So I started to let him eat by himself today and he did not ate. I don’t know should I Not feed him at all and wait to see if he eat after little bit when he really gets hungry. I don’t know how to correct my mistake not teaching him early. Should I let him starve so he will start eating? I can’t do that but don’t know what are my options here. Please please please help me guide me. Thank you.
Hey Urmila,
We can understand where you are coming from and it can be hard to figure all this mommy stuff out by yourself! We are here for you! I would try to make the change gradually so that he is able to still get food, while working towards the self feeding skills. We have a great article that walks you through this! You can read all the tips and tricks for getting your child to self-feed HERE
Best,
Desiree
I am so happy I came across this blog! I literally googled “what is the purpose of letting a baby play with their food” and found this. So informative! I would see pics of kids with spaghetti everywhere and think, why??? I am totally the mom you describe – type A, always wiping baby’s hands if she hits the spoon (she doesn’t like it). I am going to stop now and clean at the end of the meal. Thank you for this!
I do seek some advice though. My daughter just turned one recently and the only food she will pick up and eat is puffs and teething crackers. Any actual food, she plays with, pushes into her lap, or throws on the floor. I have not yet tried something messy like spaghetti, but after reading this blog I did let her play with some yogurt on the tray. Green beans or fruit, she doesn’t ever put it in her own mouth, but she will gladly eat it off a spoon. I have tried showing her.
I’m just not sure how to get her there…. she’s been eating puree’s and some table foods off a spoon for so long, I was thinking she just didn’t understand, but then again… she feeds herself the puffs and crackers. I’m so confused. I am going to keep trying anyway.
Oh my gosh, I love this comment, and your honesty!!
You’ve actually left this comment in just the right time. Did you see the new free workshop I have coming next week on teaching your baby/toddler to eat table foods? It would be perfect for you guys! You can grab a spot here.
In the meantime I’d focus on letting her get messy, and crunchy foods she can pick up more easily!
Hello Alisha,
My little one is 9 months old . He only likes milk and is not eating any solids except crackers or puffs. I really need a help since I have tried giving him variety of foods…. he is just not opening his mind mouth when i bring spoon near him. With hands when I give him cracker though he takes but with spoons he is refusing. I literally have to trick him to open his mouth
Hi Neha,
I can understand how difficult this must be when you are wanting your baby to eat!! You’re doing great with trying to give him a variety of foods!! It sounds like he is not wanting to touch a variety of foods, I’d start with trying some food play with him, so that he can get used to touching a variety of textures (purees included) as touching is the first step in eating!! You can save your seat for our free workshop which will provide you with more suggestions/steps!
Best,
Desiree
This probably seems like a silly question, but do you typically use hand wipes or a washcloth to clean off afterwards? Or do you normally just bathe after? I have some baby hand wipes, but even though they say there are no harsh chemicals, they have a strong perfume smell, so I haven’t wanted to use them on my baby’s skin. Any suggestions on wipes?
Hey Jessica,
You can use either!! Some prefer a wet wash cloth! If you are concerned about chemicals in baby wipes, I know that others have recommended water wipes, you can look into them to see what you think!
Best,
Desiree
My daughter is a year old and just refuses to feed herself anything, she seems to have a problem putting the food which is in her hand to her mouth, if we try to force her she just screams and cries, she will eat anything if it’s fed to her but refuses to put anything in her mouth herself!!!!! HELP
Hey Amanda,
Thanks for reaching out! I’d try to do some messy play outside of meals to see what happens when there isn’t a “pressure” to feed herself. I’d try play with food edible objects to see, and have her get messy in a puree type food as well. Then I’d model to her licking your fingers to see if she becomes interested in placing of hands into her mouth!
Best,
Desiree
I tried this with my first son when he was an infant but he immediately got contact dermatitis from the food, then rubbed his eyes which got puffy as well. He is 3.5 years old now and a very picky, fussy eater despite all my efforts to make food tasty enjoyable.
I agree about the importance of sensory experiences, especially for my second child’s who is a 7 month old with complex special needs and global developmental delays. I know that it could be a great motivator for him. I just hope he won’t have a bad reaction as well.
Thanks for sharing your story, I hope he doesn’t either:) I’d take it slow and keep a washcloth nearby. Also, wondering if there were any food allergies to the foods he was playing with?
I want to but I just can’t deal with the mess right now. I’m exhausted 24/7 and have a big house to keep clean and running around with my son. I just can’t deal with every time he eats he’s a mess. It’s too much work having to change him or bathe him too many times. I don’t have the time for this. I try to let him eat on his own but not messy foods I just can’t. I know I will judged but I do let him feel different textures all day but can’t deal with the huge mess of foods.
Totally agree! Me too! Our twins get plenty of stimulation and textural experiences throughout the day- I can’t imagine trying to keep up with the mess if we go for a free for all! Tray is kept clean, and periodic dabs around the middle oath. Nothing painful or harsh. Just “neat “…
Hi Alisha,
My daughter is 8 Months Old and loves eating her solids. Now shes grabbing the spoon from me each time. What am I supposed to do? Thank you!
Leslie
I like to give the baby her own spoon and bowl to use while you use a different one to help feed them with.
Hey Alisha, first time dad here. we have a 9 month old who never really showed any interest in solids. we have to trick him in to opening his mouth so we can shove in food. anyhow we are trying all sorts of things and i just read this article.
i’m onboard with your plan to let him make a mess. how many times a day would u recommend us doing this? we want to get him to eat 2-3 meals. should all of them be messy? do we need to bathe him that many times?
Great question Dan! If it were me, I would let him get messy at every meal. However, giving him a bath after each meal could be a bit much. Maybe just have him eat in his diaper and clean him up with a wash cloth. Also, have you my post on When Babies Don’t Eat Solids?
I apologize if you have already addressed this, there we’re too many comments for me to read.
I needed to read this! My son is almost 13 months and has very little interest in eating. He is breastfeed and never took a bottle but my milk supply is low so he hasn’t gained very much weight over the last 5-6 months.
He is VERY independent and won’t allow me to feed him so I’ve started letting him “feed” himself. He struggles with table food because he has so few teeth. I am giving him baby food but there is very little eating taking place, just lots of play! I recognize that it is beneficial play but can I expect him to begin to eat more as a result? Am I teaching him that food is for play rather than eating?
What you’re doing is great! I’d help feed him though too so he’s getting some food. Also, keep in mind, babies don’t need teeth to eat most foods, their gums are highly efficient!
I am slowly doing it with my bub. He is 10 months old now. We went to a BBQ with friends and a lady was freaked out about our bub playing in the dirt and getting all covered in food. She has always kept her kids neat and clean and they now suffer from various allergies, whereas mine is all healthy and fine.
I needed this! I was starting to question my abilities as a mother! My biggest struggle now is managing how to clean up the mess! Thanks! I love your blog!
Oh no! I’m so glad you found it!
I love looking at these kinds of photos! The only thing that makes it better is when they are wearing a onesie that matches what they are eating. For example, if there is a baby eating peaches, the onesie could say something about eating peaches and cream. Those are the best kinds of baby pictures! Thanks again!
Really needed to read this. Had planned on baby led weaning (skipping purees entirely) but it simply didn’t happen they way the book said (HA! what does?) I actually don’t mind the mess at all, but Little Man HATES being cleaned up after. He likes the bath, but hates when I have to actually WASH him. I have been afraid I’d create a bad association.
Your post inspired me to think up a new plan:
Meal time with hair pulled back in little clips (his hair is so long it gets covered in food and ends up in his eyes IMMEDIATELY)
Then we’ll play in the bathroom a few minutes before bath time.
I’ll probably only do this once a day. And then do somewhat cleaner foods the other times (pasta, sweet potatoes, stuff he can still play with and squish around and get “messy” but not “MEEEESSSSSYYYYY”
Thanks. Great Stuff
LOVE this Erika!! Thanks for sharing your plan, it will surely inspire others! Yay for embracing the mess!!!