Can’t stand a messy baby? It can mean some more work, but it is worth it in more ways than you may think…
Usually, when you first start feeding a baby cereal, they are fairly easy to keep clean, since they aren’t moving around too much. Over the next few months, they start swiping the spoon and blowing raspberries in their food. It can get messy in a hurry, for everybody! I know this can be overwhelming, and letting them get messy may seem like more work than it’s worth.
Some parents I work with feel like it’s neglectful to let their child sit there with food all over them, even if it is during the meal. I am here to say, throw out the towel (literally) and let them get messy. Let the food get on their hands, in their hair, and all over their face (and don’t make any disgusting faces while they are doing it).
Here are four really good reasons why: You are looking at a picture of Sam (who is now nearly 3) while he was in the middle of eating his prunes around 7 months old. I know he is very messy! I hope that you have pictures of your babies covered in their food too (I actually have ones worse than this). But, I fear that many of you don’t. Are you a face scraper? Don’t want to mess up that cute little outfit? Hey, I know where you’re coming from, as a classic type-A personality myself. Thank goodness my years as a therapist primed me for all the messy moments I have with my own kids now.
Recently, we were at a party and while I was feeding Isaac, a friend with a baby close in age to Isaac walked by with his mouth opened and said, “Oh my gosh, You let him get messy like that? You let him feed himself?” Before I respond, I look back at Isaac and observe that he has his entire hand in the container of applesauce he is eating and that it is smeared on his ear and the side of his face. In his other hand, he has a noodle from the pasta salad, I had several on his tray.
It is funny because I had just been looking at him, but I don’t even think about the mess, even at a party. Isaac was having a great time and was eating so well (something he doesn’t always do). He was taking that pudgy little hand with applesauce all over it and putting it in his mouth! I gave our friend a very watered down response to why you should let your baby get messy, he was in the middle of hosting his daughter’s birthday party.
This got me thinking of all the friends and families I work with and how many times I have had this discussion. So, I thought it warranted a post, because it is very important to let your babies (and kids) get messy! Read on to find out why and how you can take baby steps into tolerating the mess (and hopefully embracing it).
1. Powerful Sensory Play
Meal times with babes are about more than eating. Besides learning all sorts of social and cultural norms, it is some of their first active sensory play. Think about it, you can’t put your 7 month old in the sand box or use finger paints because they will eat it. The tactile stimulation you get from playing in messy textures provides loads of meaningful information to the brain that children process and create more sophisticated responses to. Babies and children will actively seek these experiences out as part of curiosity, discovery, exploration, and the drive to experience sensory input.
2. Learning How to Self Feed
When babies get their hands messy in the baby food, it will eventually dawn on them that when they put their fingers in their mouth, they get some food. A light bulb will go off, “Hey, I can feed myself”. It will likely be months before they are spoon feeding themselves, but those early tastes from their own fingers will set the groundwork for this skill and they will likely accomplish it much sooner! If your baby is getting messy and not putting their hand up to their mouth when it’s covered in dinner, take your hand and show them how.
3. Preventing Tactile Defensiveness
When kids aren’t exposed to different textures, they can become sensitive to new or different textures over time. If you keep your baby very clean during meals, they may reach a point when getting messy feels uncomfortable because it’s such a foreign sensation to them. This is not to say that all tactile defensiveness is taught, mostly it is not. Kids that are born tactile defensive will show signs early on as a baby. The constant wiping with a spoon or napkin to keep the baby clean can actually be more uncomfortable for them.
4. Making it Positive
If you have been following this blog, then you know how much importance I place on keeping mealtimes positive (check out my series on this here, here, and here). Letting babies get messy keeps a more laid back flow to the whole meal and thus is more positive. If you are fighting with your baby so they don’t grab the spoon or trying to pin them down to wipe their face off after each bite, meal time might not be so positive for baby.
If you wipe your baby’s face constantly or don’t let them help feed themselves, you are depriving them of a wonderful learning and sensory experience. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. The good news is that it’s not too late to let them start to get messy. As they creep into life as a toddler, you do have to start teaching table manners and it may not be a great idea to let them squeeze and slop their food around just for the sake of playing. But, if they are getting messy just from the act of eating, then let it go and while they are younger toddlers, a little of the messy play is ok as long as it isn’t too distracting. If you notice your toddler is trying to play with their food a lot, provide them with opportunities to finger paint and play in various sensory bins.
Try to Avoid:
- Taking the spoon and scraping the food that has dribbled out off your babies face. This can be so uncomfortable or irritating. Let the mess be!
- Wiping tray off frequently. If some mess slops on the tray, let it go unless it is interfering with finger feeding. Letting babies slop the mess around with their hands is wonderful sensory play!
- Wiping hands or face with a napkin throughout the meal. They are washable! Repeat after me, “It is ok if sweet potatoes are in their hair and behind their ears, it is ok.”
Do This:
- Allow your baby or toddler to get messy as long as it doesn’t interfere with their ability to see (they wipe their eyes with a messy hand) or feed themselves.
- Wait to the end of the meal to clean up. If your baby doesn’t like getting cleaned, try to take them away from the high chair so they have the positive association from the meal, not the getting cleaned up part.
- Consider giving the baby their bath after a particularly messy meal. Most babies love bath time, and it is often the easiest way to get them clean.
Was that a good sales pitch? Did I win over any other neat freaks type-A’s (like myself) that want their kids to be clean? If I can do it, so can you! Embrace the mess!
Feeling inspired? Head to my epic list of Messy Play ideas that are easy and awesome for your child’s development!
More on Messy Play And Baby Eating
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
Ultimate List of Sensory Bin Ideas, Incredibly Easy!
The Ultimate Guide to Feeding Milestones for Babies and Toddlers
What You Need to Know About Baby Gagging (+ Expert Tips)
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
We live in a smaller apartment and it’s got wall to wall carpet. I would love to let my son (14 months now) feed himself since it’s such a fight sometimes and I’m at my wits end, but we can’t afford to have him stain the carpets, and also if he starts flailing with food on a spoon, or all over his hands, he’s gonna get it all over our computers/desks/tv/other such electronics. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
BTW, he doesn’t eat much of finger foods, and since we don’t know what to do with him, we still spoon feed him pureed stuff mostly.
oh and another thing, once he gets too annoyed with eating/not eating, all he wants is his bottle. i wish I could wean him off of those too.
Thank you so much for this post! It explains why my daughter keeps taking food out of her mouth and then back in, but only when she is not self feeding. Can’t wait to show my husband (neat-freak) 🙂
Your welcome! Hope it goes over well with Dad!
I don’t let my baby feed himself because it gets messy and I hate having to clean him up and change his outfit after every meal. Plus, he’s just not good at feeding himself because he doesn’t have the coordination to do it at his age. Eventually he will be more coordinated and it won’t be such a mess, and at that time I will let him feed himself.
~Elisa
Of course, that is your choice Elisa. Like I said in the post, I know it is difficult for some parent’s to tolerate the mess, but there are benefits to it.
I have bad ocd andcthe thought of mess makes me physically sick usually. but I want what’s best for my boy so am gonna hold off the DEEP clean until after. thank you!
I think it is great that you were even reading this article! Take it slow, the fact that you are trying is really good:)
Oh my gosh i wish there is a chinese version of this! My husband’s parent are so OC in feeding they wipe her mouth in every spoon feed!
Ha ha- I think there is a way to translate, some how. Good Luck!
Absolutely agree, our son was allowed to get as messy as he liked and we didn’t clean up until after. He was a great feeder, very self sufficient and early with utensils. BUT – just after 12 months he suddenly got really fussy and stopped eating most of the foods he used to love. We thought it was a phase but he’s now 2! He’s very good at self feeding, cereal, toast, fish fingers, yoghurt. But how do we get him to eat different foods?
It’s not totally uncommon for this happen because taste buds change. I have a ton of info on expanding variety- it can be a slow process. See the article index in the top menu bar. Look for the posts on Expanding on What Your Kid is Already Eating and Play with Your Food. Let me know if I can be of more help!
Thank you so much for that article. I am a mom of special needs child who spent many first months in hospital and now home with a trach. He is now almost 3. It is hard to allow him to get messy, worry about trach care and cleanliness. He also has had a lot of eating, chewing, swallowing issues and sensory issues, touching different things. after reading your article I think the missing link is allowing him to play more with messy foods on his hands and hopefully he’ll stick a finger in one day instead of me and OT always trying to jam it in. I am so glad I found your blog.
I’m really glad you found your way here! I understand about the trach, and it is a legitimate concern. I’m wondering if there is someway you could protect it without it aggravating him while he is eating? But yes, letting him get messy is really important. I would think about sensory bins and finger paints, too! Let me know if I can help at all!
I definitely needed to hear this. My son loves to explore his food! It’s so hard not to wipe!
Thanks so much for setting this straight. I hate the fact that I was depriving him of sensory play.
I absolutely adore your blog, and teachings. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge.
xo
Thanks so much Kate! If I wasn’t an OT, I’m sure I’d be the same way!
My son loves to feed himself, and at 10 months he gets most of it into his mouth.. However, what he didn’t wound up all over his new clothes 🙁 To contain the mess, check out these towel bibs I made!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/DenaThings
Our son never got messy eating, mostly because of what we let him feed himself (no liquid/puree/gooey/sticky stuff), but he grasped the whole utensil thing pretty quick and thankfully got most of his food in his mouth from the start, which was great for me because sticky children make me crazy, and by that I mean kids who get to be messy and play with their food, but then are not cleaned up after, and parents leave them covered in goo. I do understand the sensory aspect of letting kids self feed just about anything, and I know plenty of parents who let their kids go nuts with food. We made the choice not to go that route. But we also didn’t wipe his face until the end of the meal. We didn’t go crazy about it. He’s a kid after all, and messes are part of life, as much as it pains me to say that 😉 People, the ones whose kids were always covered in gunk, were always amazed at how clean our boy was. That was also due to the fact that we rarely bothered with a regular bib, and used kitchen towels instead, to cover him from neck to toes! That was more about how I didn’t want to have to change his clothes 8 times a day. It worked, we had almost no food stains on clothes! In any case, back then he ate well, ate a huge variety of foods, and now at age 6, he’s still a great eater, loves just about anything he tastes, has no sensory issues and enjoys getting dirty as much as he enjoys cleaning up and washing! I honestly think there is a balance to be struck here, when it comes to the sensory matter and there are many other ways to allow children to experience textures, to show kids that getting messy can be fun. Mealtime can be laid back and fun without wasting food, creating huge messes. Anyway, the un-messy style worked for us, but our son definitely knows how to have a good time in dirt, mud, slime, etc.
CRC, thanks for your constructive comment. You bring up some valid points. I by no means meant to imply that every child that had their face wiped would have sensory issues and be a poor eater. I am glad that you found the balance that worked for your family and that your little guy is such a good eater. My hope is that parents can go a little out of their comfort zone so that kids are free to explore (a little at least)- that is what they are designed to do. Of course, I respect each parent’s decision in how they handle this.
I don’t mind if babies get messy naturally but I’ve seen people PURPOSEFULLY give them a bowl of spaghetti just to watch them smear it all over the place. Kind of don’t understand that.
THank you so much!!! I am a first time mommy and am constantly wiping his face to keep it clean. We will be getting messy from now on!!!! My son loves to eat and for some reason now, he fusses when we put him in his high chair. He seems not to like baby food, he wants what we are eating. Any suggestions?
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So sorry Susan- missed this comments some months back now. I’m sure you’ve moved passed this stage- let me know if I can be of any other help!
I’ve come across your website after searching for some tips on my picky 18 month old. I just love it!
I let him get fairly messy wen he was younger (I have some stunning pics, lol) but I’ve reined back on the messiness since he started waving the spoon about (my hubby’s fault – he insisted on cream walls in the kitchen, lol) but I think I’ll be trying to reintroduce it as we’re having real problems trying to get him off of baby food!
I agree about the messy eating. My husband on the other hand is a neat freak. Our son is only 3.5 months now,but I can picture my husband with the bib or cloth ready to wipe our son after every spoon.
My only concern is the expression on my parents and in-laws when he starts putting the food all over his face. Maybe I should take a picture of my parents’ expression when that happens. I’m sure that would be priceless.
Really enjoy your blog. I’m also an occupational therapist. I realize it’s easier to tell clients why you’re doing things than your relatives and friends.
I had to laugh at your “messy” picture. Mine were tidy if there was nothing behind their ears. They started self feeding at 7 or 8 months. Beet purée and yoghurt was quite a site. But the mess lead to skills.