Can’t stand a messy baby? It can mean some more work, but it is worth it in more ways than you may think…
Usually, when you first start feeding a baby cereal, they are fairly easy to keep clean, since they aren’t moving around too much. Over the next few months, they start swiping the spoon and blowing raspberries in their food. It can get messy in a hurry, for everybody! I know this can be overwhelming, and letting them get messy may seem like more work than it’s worth.
Some parents I work with feel like it’s neglectful to let their child sit there with food all over them, even if it is during the meal. I am here to say, throw out the towel (literally) and let them get messy. Let the food get on their hands, in their hair, and all over their face (and don’t make any disgusting faces while they are doing it).
Here are four really good reasons why: You are looking at a picture of Sam (who is now nearly 3) while he was in the middle of eating his prunes around 7 months old. I know he is very messy! I hope that you have pictures of your babies covered in their food too (I actually have ones worse than this). But, I fear that many of you don’t. Are you a face scraper? Don’t want to mess up that cute little outfit? Hey, I know where you’re coming from, as a classic type-A personality myself. Thank goodness my years as a therapist primed me for all the messy moments I have with my own kids now.
Recently, we were at a party and while I was feeding Isaac, a friend with a baby close in age to Isaac walked by with his mouth opened and said, “Oh my gosh, You let him get messy like that? You let him feed himself?” Before I respond, I look back at Isaac and observe that he has his entire hand in the container of applesauce he is eating and that it is smeared on his ear and the side of his face. In his other hand, he has a noodle from the pasta salad, I had several on his tray.
It is funny because I had just been looking at him, but I don’t even think about the mess, even at a party. Isaac was having a great time and was eating so well (something he doesn’t always do). He was taking that pudgy little hand with applesauce all over it and putting it in his mouth! I gave our friend a very watered down response to why you should let your baby get messy, he was in the middle of hosting his daughter’s birthday party.
This got me thinking of all the friends and families I work with and how many times I have had this discussion. So, I thought it warranted a post, because it is very important to let your babies (and kids) get messy! Read on to find out why and how you can take baby steps into tolerating the mess (and hopefully embracing it).
1. Powerful Sensory Play
Meal times with babes are about more than eating. Besides learning all sorts of social and cultural norms, it is some of their first active sensory play. Think about it, you can’t put your 7 month old in the sand box or use finger paints because they will eat it. The tactile stimulation you get from playing in messy textures provides loads of meaningful information to the brain that children process and create more sophisticated responses to. Babies and children will actively seek these experiences out as part of curiosity, discovery, exploration, and the drive to experience sensory input.
2. Learning How to Self Feed
When babies get their hands messy in the baby food, it will eventually dawn on them that when they put their fingers in their mouth, they get some food. A light bulb will go off, “Hey, I can feed myself”. It will likely be months before they are spoon feeding themselves, but those early tastes from their own fingers will set the groundwork for this skill and they will likely accomplish it much sooner! If your baby is getting messy and not putting their hand up to their mouth when it’s covered in dinner, take your hand and show them how.
3. Preventing Tactile Defensiveness
When kids aren’t exposed to different textures, they can become sensitive to new or different textures over time. If you keep your baby very clean during meals, they may reach a point when getting messy feels uncomfortable because it’s such a foreign sensation to them. This is not to say that all tactile defensiveness is taught, mostly it is not. Kids that are born tactile defensive will show signs early on as a baby. The constant wiping with a spoon or napkin to keep the baby clean can actually be more uncomfortable for them.
4. Making it Positive
If you have been following this blog, then you know how much importance I place on keeping mealtimes positive (check out my series on this here, here, and here). Letting babies get messy keeps a more laid back flow to the whole meal and thus is more positive. If you are fighting with your baby so they don’t grab the spoon or trying to pin them down to wipe their face off after each bite, meal time might not be so positive for baby.
If you wipe your baby’s face constantly or don’t let them help feed themselves, you are depriving them of a wonderful learning and sensory experience. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. The good news is that it’s not too late to let them start to get messy. As they creep into life as a toddler, you do have to start teaching table manners and it may not be a great idea to let them squeeze and slop their food around just for the sake of playing. But, if they are getting messy just from the act of eating, then let it go and while they are younger toddlers, a little of the messy play is ok as long as it isn’t too distracting. If you notice your toddler is trying to play with their food a lot, provide them with opportunities to finger paint and play in various sensory bins.
Try to Avoid:
- Taking the spoon and scraping the food that has dribbled out off your babies face. This can be so uncomfortable or irritating. Let the mess be!
- Wiping tray off frequently. If some mess slops on the tray, let it go unless it is interfering with finger feeding. Letting babies slop the mess around with their hands is wonderful sensory play!
- Wiping hands or face with a napkin throughout the meal. They are washable! Repeat after me, “It is ok if sweet potatoes are in their hair and behind their ears, it is ok.”
Do This:
- Allow your baby or toddler to get messy as long as it doesn’t interfere with their ability to see (they wipe their eyes with a messy hand) or feed themselves.
- Wait to the end of the meal to clean up. If your baby doesn’t like getting cleaned, try to take them away from the high chair so they have the positive association from the meal, not the getting cleaned up part.
- Consider giving the baby their bath after a particularly messy meal. Most babies love bath time, and it is often the easiest way to get them clean.
Was that a good sales pitch? Did I win over any other neat freaks type-A’s (like myself) that want their kids to be clean? If I can do it, so can you! Embrace the mess!
Feeling inspired? Head to my epic list of Messy Play ideas that are easy and awesome for your child’s development!
More on Messy Play And Baby Eating
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
Ultimate List of Sensory Bin Ideas, Incredibly Easy!
The Ultimate Guide to Feeding Milestones for Babies and Toddlers
What You Need to Know About Baby Gagging (+ Expert Tips)
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Awesome points! I did a pretty bad job of explaining to friends at dinner why I’m ok with letting the 15mo messily feed herself. Now I’ll be more prepared to answer those types of questions.
Out of 5 kids, only 1 was a “clean eater”. She insisted on a damp rag on her tray at every meal, and would even wipe the chocolate icing off the donut because it was too dirty. She’s also the only limited eater, preferring raw veg that’s not touching anything else for lunch/dinner.
Thanks for sharing! I love it, you are totally armed next time!
I love this! I let my baby (2nd child) get messy too. It’s fun for him and I don’t mind cleaning up after. I am way more relaxed about these things now that i’ve got the experience of a firstborn under my belt.
(My first child, now 3, is a picky eater – I wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that he wasn’t always allowed to be messy. Sigh)
That’s great, yes most of us are more relaxed after the first. Don’t worry too much about your older son, let him get messy now. If that is the root of the problem, it will surely help
Fantastic. Letting babies learn to eat the messy way. Love it.
Dina
http://www.itsnotaboutnutrition.com
Love this post, Alisha. I’m a fellow pediatric OT/mom and it has been fun to be a part of the mealtime mess with my little guy. It’s funny, I once posted a picture on Facebook of my then-11-month-old with pasta sauce all over his face, hands, and tray, and there was one mom who commented where you could tell she was kinda freaking out about it. I certainly don’t encourage him to smear food all over the place and throw it (as far as “bad” behaviors go), but I’m with you on letting them learn to interact with the food themselves and being okay with how it feels to be messy. We haven’t even used a bib since he was about 10 months old(mostly because he just tries to put all bibs in his mouth, haha). I’m passing this post along and pinning it, thanks!
Thank you!!! I know the mess is really hard to for some people, but I hope this gives them encouragement to embrace it!
you have been featured on the Sunday Parenting Party at Taming the Goblin, please stop by and grab a featured button from my button page if you’d like one.
i was thinking about this the other day. Goblin is now nearly 3 and a reasonably clean eater but when he was a baby we used to just let him get really messy at meal times and then change his clothes and nappy at the same time after he’d eaten. I watched a programme about a child who had a fear of eating and when the therapist looked into it she discovered the mum would basically attack him with a cloth after every mouthful, no wonder the poor child didn’t want to eat.
Thanks for your great post. I’m pinning it to the Sunday Parenting Party Pinterest board and sharing on Taming the Goblin’s FB page
That’s awesome, thank you! I know that program sounds crazy, but it is so true! In the long run it is so much better for them to just get messy!
This is a wonderful post! Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t agree more. I have let all four of my boys feed themselves at a young age, and I ignore the mess. Like you said, they are washable! Thank you for linking up to The Sunday Showcase.
By the way I will be featuring this post on Saturday!
Thank you, Allison, that is awesome! I am thrilled that you are sharing!
I’m also a huge advocate for messy eating! They learn so much and are so willing to try new foods if they can feed themselves. We get so many surprised praises from people because our children can use utensils so young. When they ask how they learn so quickly we explain they’ve had a spoon of their own since they were about 9 months old. The playing with it, exploring using it and making a mess with it all helped them become adept at successfully using it to get food into their mouths. But I suppose I value independent eaters over neatness and clean faces 🙂 Stopping by from the Sunday Parenting Party! ~Amber
You are so right about the self feeding. My kids were able to use utensils really early, too! That’s a great point, thanks for stopping by!
My husband is an overly neat feeder (He cleans the bottom of the spoon before putting it in her mouth and wipes her after every bite! No kidding!)! I am sending him a link to this. Very good points made here! Thank you.
I believe you, I see it all the time! Hope he can “embrace” the mess after reading this!
Your right I do feel like a bad mother when I let him get messy, but I cant take him a bath every time he eats. Plus I am a neat freak I always want to feed him the only food he eats on his own would be food that arent liquid at all. So it wont be as messy. I see ur point of view by I wont be able to let him get messy. I dont want him to stay with does actions.
Oh Ana, I know it can be really hard to tolerate the mess. Try baby steps ( for yourself) and keep reminding yourself that it is what’s best for your child when you cringe at the mess. Thanks for commenting!
Lots of mess here! And bathtime right after. It’s all fun.
My baby does loads of eye rubbing, even when I know she’s not tired. It’s the only part that troubles me as I don’t like leaping in with a wipe, but she’s goIng to get tomato sauce in her eyes soon.
That’s great! Yes, you have to be careful with those eyes. Just try for a quick wipe and make as little fuss as you can manage. Keep up that mess 🙂
Great post – I think people have diffenent tolerances for mess. Luckily I’m pretty relaxed about it as with two messy twins there is a lot of mess.
Thanks for linking to the Sunday showcase
Thank you for checking out the post and hosting the link-up!
Good info… but I do have a question. As a new mom, I don’t want to encourage “bad behavior.” At what age should you start to reign in the messy food play and shift their focus. Is there a risk that allowing a baby to play with their food will teach bad habits that will be hard to break later on?
Of course, this is a valid concern, but I can assure you that you really don’t have to even begin to worry about this until closer to 18 months. Mainly, I want to encourage parents not to wipe faces until your baby or toddler is done eating. They can make such a mess just feeding themselves. As they approach 18-24 months you can start to teach about table manners, and pull back on some of the more playful behaviors they may have with their food. Most of the time these behaviors fall away on their own, as they mature. You could also set up play time in sensory bins with food, away from the meal if you are worried about bad habits, but, again, I think it will be a minor issue, if one at all.
Hello! I loved reading this article and would love to be the mom who can handle a messy kid. I know it’s good for them, but I am completely OCD about mess in general. Since my toddler is already 18 months old, have I ruined him for life? Is it too late to lighten up and let him go at it? I still feed him when it comes to the messier meals, but I would like to let go and let him do it himself. You said at this age they should be over the fun of it and should be starting to learn table manners. Should I still be doing that or let him have fun now since he missed out on so much of it?
Well, he may be a bit messier if he hasn’t had the time to do that. I think it is okay to have a little fun for a bit AND NO you haven’t ruined him at all. You have plenty of time to let him get messy! You can do it!!!
Thanks for the response! Those age guidelines are helpful. 🙂 I love your blog – lots of fun ideas for the future. Our little one is only 5 months old so no table food yet, but I love the ideas and appreciate your expertise. Thanks a bunch!
I needed to read that….
Glad it helped!
Nothing but pure mess around here–thanks for the reinforcement that it’s definitely the way to go!
That’s great, glad to hear it!
my granddaughter is now five and was taught to eat that way. she is way behind other children in feeding herself at this time. my children were fed and then taught to feed themselves, however they were given soft veggies and such as treats and sat on a blanket and they could have at it. my youngest granddaughter is being taught the save caveman way as her sister. this is terrible. and no there is nothing wrong with my oldest granddaughter. she just gets fussed at for being a messy eater when that is what she was taught. ignorance.
All of my children learned to feed themselves this way, my older two are 4 and 6, and have wonderful table manners that most strangers comment on.
And, again, this is not ignorance, perhaps a difference of opinion. I am an experienced licensed pediatric occupational therapist that has treated hundreds of children.