One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks.
I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks
because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle which makes it easier for 1 year olds to use and feed themselves with. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren’t dangerous for little ones.
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
Did you pin this?
There’s a lot of tips and tools in this guide, might want to keep this one saved!
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Hi Alisha,
My son is going to turn 2 on next two weeks, and I start to gave him a own spoon and bowl and put some food in it for him to eat by himself during this few days (but I still fed him most of the food like what you teach), but he refused to get them and bring them back to me, and then I tried to give them to him one more time, he still gave them to me and said no,no,no,no. So what can I do to training him to eat by himself? Please
That’s great that you are following the other steps! I know it is really frustrating, but I would really try to focus on just offering. Take your time, but be consistent at every meal. Give him his own spoon and a small bowl as you feed him. Also, try acting like you are busy for a few minutes and just walk away when you know it is something he really likes (and is really hungry). Tell him you’ll be back in a minute, while “you get something”
Hi Alisha,
My son just turned 11 months and he is having difficulty picking up food and putting it in his mouth (self-feeding). I’ve been trying since 6-7 months to give him puffs, cheerios, stemmed carrots, crackers, etc. He will either pick up the food and then drop it on the ground immediately or swat at it and push it off his tray. He’ll grunt while he does this. He barely tries to put any of it in mouth. The few time he has tried to eat the puff he’ll stick his whole hand in his mouth and can’t eat the puff so he gets frustrated and then stops trying. We’ve tried to show him how we eat and even tried to hold his hand to model the process but he just grunts and takes his hand away out of frustration. He’s very independent so does not like when we hold his hand to show him how to do things. He does let us spoon feed him – we’ve given him a mix of purees and mashed adult food since 8 months. One thing to note is that he hates being in the grass & sand so wondering if he has a texture issue. I am starting to get worried about him not self-feeding – please help! Thank you!
Hi, these are great questions. I have to first ask, does he eat any table foods? Can he chew the puffs? Also, have you seen my posts on how to transition to table foods? You can find those by clicking on the menu bar and looking in the article index- there are some helpful tips there. I would also highly recommend getting him to start playing in some different textures, you can do this through sensory bins, I have a post about those too (also found in the article index). Are you in the states? If so, you can also schedule a free in home evaluation through early intervention, again, a post can be found in the article index. Let me know the answer to those first questions and I can give you some more guidance.
Hi Alisha,
My 16 months daughter seems to have gone for a hunger strike for the past four months. I started her on puréed foods when she was 6months old and she pretty much ate everything and tried all foods. After six months of that she just became really fussy and won’t eat anything. she refuses being spoonfed, only eats semi-dry foods like bread and pancakes or cheese and refuses to try anything else. I insist in sitting her at the table with her bowl of food and her spoon but she just plays with it and looks very disgusted. She’s 16 months now and. I am started to get worried. What do you think? Thank you, C.
It is great that you are putting her at the table every day, for every meal! That is perfect! Have you read my posts on how to transition your baby/toddler to table foods? You can find them in the article index in the menu bar. Although she is eating some foods, this will be helpful because I don’t think she has learned to chew well. You will want to follow the steps in the article. Also, are you in the states? I would look into a free in-home eval (you can also find more on this in the article index see early intervention) and see if there are some underlying difficulties. This is very non-invasive and can be very helpful. It is very common for me to see this in my practice, so you are not alone. There’s no pressure, but I’m also available for consults if you’d like to go that route. Let me know if you have any questions after you take a look at the other articles.
Hello Alisha,
Thank you for this wonderful article. My sweet girl is 15 months and refuses to self feed. She will pick up the food but then toss it. I will try to gently take her hand and put it towards her mouth and she throws a huge fit each time and gets hysterical. My husband, grandma and I try in the efforts but it always turns into a unsuccessful mess. I am nervous though my doctor said she is just lazy. She eats like a CHAMP, not picky at all and eats 3 meals a day with snacks. I feel completely at a loss. I feel helpless and like she will never learn. Help!
Hi
My daughter is 3 years old preschooler
But she still on spoon feeding .I have to run after her for hrs to make her finish her lunch and dinner.she just doesn’t want to eat by herself .I thought when she will go to school she will learn to eat with herself watching other kids but no she is doing same thing in her school she usually keeps her food into her mouth and don’t chew it .today her teacher told me to make her eat with herself
What to do I am frustrated now and some time I loose my patience too she pretends that she is still a baby..pls help
I understand how difficult this is, and it is going to take some time and a lot of consistency. I would also take a look at my eating basics (see the menu bar) and try to follow those suggestions, which will help establish a routine and structure around meals. This is critical to her feeding herself. Then, you can begin some the strategies discussed in this post. This can improve and you can do it gradually so that it isn’t too stressful for either you or her.
Hi,
My son is 2 and a half now and I haven’t really given him a chance to feed himself with spoon n fork but he’s Gud at eating finger food.Do u think it’s too late for him to start feeding himself and that if I follow the instructions u suggested he would be able to pick up soon?
Hi,
My son is 2 and a half now and I haven’t really given him a chance to feed himself with spoon n fork but he’s Gud at eating finger food.Do u think it’s too late for him to start feeding himself and that if I follow the instructions u suggested he would be able to pick up soon?
Yes try the steps! It is going to take a lot of consistency, so don’t expect it to happen over night, but he will get there. It isn’t too late!
I like these tips! But I’m concerned about helping him hold the spoon when he doesn’t like it when we hold his hands. He holds the spoon in one hand and eats with the other. He’s trying to figure it out himself, but it’s hard to watch when he doesn’t imitate. He puts the spoon on the bowl, then bats it away when he wants a bite so he can grab the food. My son is almost 18 months. We go to the doctor next month, but I don’t think my son is “picky” enough to be considered for SPD.
I also really like your sensory bins, wouldd it be good to do something similar with bigger items for a toddler who still bites everything? He likes to eat hard things and I’m thinking that dry pasta or beans would be too small for him. Thoughts?
Yes, sensory bins are great for him! Think about using cornmeal, flour, oatmeal, etc. Here is a great list: http://handsonaswegrow.com/edible-sensory-play-ideas/
As for the holding a spoon, it is quite common for them not to want help. I would try having it already loaded when he sits down sitting in the bowl. This will help him get off to a right start. Make sure you are using a thick handled spoon like a share in the post and one that has a deep bowl, this will make it easier for him. Other than that, keep trying, consistency and patience are the key. Focus on using yogurt or pudding that is hard to pick up, but sticks easily to a spoon.
Thank you for the link for edible sensory bins! Maybe this will get him to explore food textures a little more. And by the way, he somehow manages to grab yogurt…. ha ha. But he likes to dip the handle end of the baby spoon into the yogurt so I guess that’s progress! 🙂
Hi,
my son is about to be 1 in about a week and a half and refuses to feed himself finger foods at all. He is a great eater and doesn’t fuss about food but doesn’t ever want to put food in his mouth himself. My husband and I have both tried to gently bring his hand up and he stiffens his arm/hand to not allow it but opens his mouth for us to feed him. I have tried crackers, puffs small noodles and nothing works. He can do a pincher grab and he as picked up good a lot but won’t bring it to his mouth, instead he drops it in the ground or wipes it off his tray. I’m nervous I have done something to cause this, he was a bit behind in crawling due to us not giving him enough tummy time. I’m worried it is causing an issue at daycare. Also, he just started to hold his own bottle about 3 weeks ago, before that we had to hold it for him. Any advice would be appreciated.
Oh my goodness Shanna, don’t blame yourself. There are so many factors and variables! I would really try the suggestions in the post with letting him try to feed himself with purees with his hand. Try loading finger foods onto a fork as well and seeing if he will take that to his mouth. Lastly, try in a different setting just so that he gets the idea of what to do. Put some cheerios in a bowl and let him play until he starts to try to eat. This may take several attempts. Also, scroll through the other comments there are a lot of suggestions there too!
A friends child is 3 years old and has been diagnosed with autism. She is attempting to get him to feed himself with a spoon. He continually flips the spoon over as it reaches his mouth and ends up wearing most of it. She has tried hand over hand but he resorts back to this method. What else can she try?
Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of quick tips. It takes a lot of practice, especially with children that have developmental delays. You could look into a bendable spoon on amazon, which therapists sometime use to help cut down on this.
Hi there..
My daughter is 4.5yrs old and refusing to self feed. She has always been refusing to self feed since the age of 2 and i kept on giving in by feeding her. Its just with her lunch amd supper. Yoghurts and ice cream she will self feed with a spoon. Its just her”food”.
She says to me to me that she doesnt want her hands to get dirty and will go and wash her hands at intervals.
She is as you say particular about what she eats. How does this particularness develop?. How can i motivate her to try? Ive made the food look pretty and showed her how i enjoy it but im not winning.
She can take up to an hour to finish her meal amd stores food.
Anonymous
I totally understand how frustrating this and I think that it is good that you are trusting your instincts that something is going on here. I have a lot of information here that can answer all your questions. I would start with the eating basics tab and then look at the bottom for the links to get started with. Also in the menu bar you can find the article index and see all the picky eating articles. Take a look at those and let me know if you have any questions. I suspect that she has some tactile defensiveness, meaning she is sensitive to textures. Getting to the bottom of that problem will help you make progress. Have her start to play and touch a variety of textures outside of meal time. Look at the post on sensory bins, can find that in the article index or search bar.
i have a 16 years old learner who has poor eating skills he protrude tongue turn the spoon in the mouth or throw solid food in the mouth and swallow without chewing how i help him.
It sounds like there are some underlying issues and I would recommend him getting some feeding therapy. If that isn’t an option try to have him start by putting food in on the sides of his mouth where he should be chewing. If you can try to feed him with a spoon a bit and place it on the sides so that he moves his tongue to retrieve the food. I wouldn’t want you to do this on every bite and I do want him working on feeding himself as well. Once he is making some progress cut back on placing food on the side and show him how to chew by dramatically leaving your mouth open for bites so he can see what you are doing. You can also try putting him in front of a mirror so he can see what he is doing- that helps sometimes too!
My son is 21 months old. He does not eat ANY food. Before I get started I will tell you his pediatrician has found no underlying conditions related to this. My son is my first and only child, and my husband and I work opposite shifts to take care of him. He has never been around any children close to his age, until today, when he started daycare (pediatrician reccommended). As you can imagine, this has been very difficult on us as parents. We have tried LITERALLY EV.E.RY.THING to help him eat. He did well with baby food at first, and then when the teething stage began he stopped altogether. That was around 10 months old. When he sees food he immediately clamps his lips together, spoon or no spoon. He survives on toddler formula and milk/water with occasional juice for constipation. On top of the feeding issue, my son refuses to drink from anything but his bottle. We have done the whole”just throw it away” and that night had to go buy new ones from the store. He has been to a dentist, everything is fine in that aspect. We have been through thepossiblity of autism screenings. He is not autistic. He is stubborn. We are exhausted and need help. Im hoping he picks it up at daycare but I need to know what to do when he is at home. Should we start from the beginning with baby food? Should we continue to offer finger foods? Please please PLEASE help…
Oh Jessie, I really feel for you. I get how overwhelming this must be for you. Are you in the states? Have you looked into free early intervention services- see the article index under milestones? It is hard to say where I would start, not knowing if there are any underlying issues- there could be sensory or difficulty chewing (not necessarily medical). A safe place to start would be routinely sitting him down for meals even if he doesn’t eat. You want this to be as positive as possible. Give him a few pieces of something crunchy and offer a bit of a puree like applesauce or yogurt, even put a dollop on his tray. Start by just getting him to touch it, once he is doing that then try to have him smell or take to his lips. Think baby steps. If you can’t find any help see my consulting services or send me an email!
Hi, John here. Our little boy will be 4 years old in 3 months, goes to pre-school and eats lunch there, feeding himself. But at dinnertime his mom feeds him. Every night. If i happen to get to the table first and she is on the phone I let him feed himself. BUT when his mom shows up, she thinks he is eating too slow so feeds him. I guess no harm done, but meals turn into battles. Actually nothing you or anybody can do, no big harm done, but seems silly to feed an almost-4 year old.
My 10 month old uses a pincer grab to pick up snacks but won’t put the food to her mouth. She just plays with it or will feed the dog and try to feed me. If I take her hand to guide it to her mouth, she will drop what’s in her hand or have a tantrum.
She is fine if I feed her the snak but does not seem to want to feed herself. I try putting anything she is eating on her tray so she can attempt to feed herself but hasn’t willingly fed herself.
I also just started getting her to hold her bottle when drinking as she used to struggle to get her hands off the bottle of I held re hands to it. She is now holding her bottle but I sometimes need to tip the bottle back.
Any tips on how I can get her to self feed (without her throwing a tantrum)?
Just another piece of info – she is starting to take more steps but she never wanted any help if my husband and I tried to practice walking. She would shake our hands away and did not want us to hold her. One day she just took a few steps on her own and has been taking more and more ever since. Maybe this is the same situation with self feeding? Sorry for the lengthy post…