One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks.
I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks
because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle which makes it easier for 1 year olds to use and feed themselves with. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren’t dangerous for little ones.
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
Did you pin this?
There’s a lot of tips and tools in this guide, might want to keep this one saved!
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
My 14 month old is a bit low on the weight chart, and I don’t know how to let her learn to self feed while keeping her caloric intake at a suitable number.
Lately, she’s been refusing, crying and screaming whenever I try to feed her, even if it’s while watching her poems on YouTube. I want to cut out the poems while eating altogether, and I also want her to self feed so that the frustrations are minimised for both of us.
I started to leave her alone since yesterday, instead of forcing her to eat. I gave her some simple things to eat (cheerios, cheese slice cut into small pieces, strawberries), and she simply picks up every piece of food on her tray and throws it on the floor. The only thing she’s had since morning is 80 ml milk and about 120 ml fresh fruit juice. No solids whatsoever. The only way in which she might have some before tonight is if I force feed her. She obviously doesn’t like that. Neither do I.
I don’t know how to prevent her from losing weight if she’s not interested in food OR milk. Do you have any tips? I’d love for her to learn. I’m okay with her making a mess, or taking her time, but I just don’t want her to lose any further weight in the process. Online research suggests that toddlers don’t starve themselves. I know that she may not technically starve, but she WILL get very malnourished and weak this way. Really feeling helpless and frustrated.
To clarify about the rotating spoons: the first spoon I give to her, to hold and do whatever she wants with. It mostly goes into her mouth the correct way, but I don’t guide it. Occasioanlly she will just drop it or put the wrong end in her mouth…but it is for her to experiment with. The second spoon is the “primary spoon” I use to essentially place more food directly in her mouth so that I can actually guarentee some intake.
I guess another thing I found helpful was the concept of eating while feeding baby. Baby’s feedings are roughly timed around our mealtimes, so she can be surrounded by others eating and drinking and mimic them.
This is all great advice.
I started introducing solids at four months and was skeptical when my mother told me that my siblings and I were feeding ourselves with a spoon by one year old. Sure enough, even at 4 months, even at her first offering of cereal, my daughter wanted to grab the spoon. Instead of pushing her hand away, I simply let her grab it and helped guide it into her mouth (which she was aiming for anyway!)
Now, we’re at 5 months and we use two spoons in rotation. I dip a little into the bowl to give to her, and she is free to put it into her mouth, lick it etc. Then, I offer her my spoon, and guide it into her mouth (she is still free to grab it if she wants to “help”) but I am primarily feeding her. Then, I dip her spoon back with a light coating of stuff and give it to her. So far, so good!
She also drinks from an open cup. If I want to be more efficient, I will hold it for her and she will “help” grab it with both hands and bring it to her mouth. However, she will pick up the cup independantly and tip it into her own mouth. I let her do this a few times…but only with drops of milk so she doesn’t choke.
I think we sometimes forget how quickly kids can learn if given the oppurtunity. I do think that sometimes for convenience we just do things for the kids (occasionally I just use one spoon, and push her hand out of the way when she tries to grab it) but it is possible ot teach them some of these skills at an early age.
Hi Alisha
This has been a great read and certainly given me some ideas on helping me son eat using utensils. He’s 21 months old and has been feeding himself finger food for many months. He eats on his own all the time. My concern is that he will only eat finger food and food that he can suck out of a tube like yoghurt or those Rafferty Garden products. I haven’t been feeding him from a spoon for some time and apart from a short period recently where he was happy to be spoon fed, he flatly refuses. I offer him a spoon that I’ve loaded and try to help him but he won’t touch it. I think he was better with spoons when he was 1. Unless it’s in a tube he won’t eat purees any more and is not interested in trying new food. He loves fruit. Will eat plain sandwiches. Loves potato if roasted and loves the proverbial chicken nuggets! I continue to try new foods and do try and eat with him so he can see what I am doing but he doesn’t seem interested in using a spoon. I am not sure how I can go from just eating with fingers when he refuses the spoon all together.
It can be a little tricky in situations like this Kim, first, I would just keep trying. I would also put a little bit on his spoon so he isn’t overwhelmed with too large of a bite. Model and anything he does with the spoon, even if he just touches it, clap and give praise. Also, try putting an empty spoon down and having him put it to his mouth on his own- again, anything he does, give lots of praise. You may even want to try this outside of meals.
thank you
My daughter easily does the pincer grasp my problem is she doesn’t put it in her mouth she throws it. What can I do to make her realize it is ok to eat. Other than showing her i’ve tried that.
That depends, how old is she?
I have a 16 month old boy and I am really concerned about his earing habits. He is earing his meals only during weekdays and when distracted at a great extent by grandma & grandpa (they are taking care of him while Im at work). He s not earing during weekends when Im with him, except for crackers, bread & sticks and puffs. Im still breastfeeding and cant stop as he gets really upset when I dont. He does not drink any other milk while he never drank from the bottle (just water from the cup). Recently he started immitating us eating, however he’s only playing with the spoon and fork while henever puts anything in his mouth. Im really concerned and sad and think I must be doing smth wrong 🙁
Oh Georgia, you are not doing anything wrong, but I understand how you could feel that way. I would look at the posts How to transition to table foods, you can find in the article index in the menu bar. Follow all of those steps. Also, it sounds like he has some underlying issues that might need worked out. I would highly recommend getting a free eval if you are in the states (also see Help for Babies and Toddlers in the article index). I am here for consults as well- no pressure. Please let me know if you need more help, after looking at those articles.
Thanks for this great article! I’ve enjoyed reading other articles on your blog as well. My son will be one year in just a couple weeks. He is great at feeding himself finger feeds. He enjoys it so much that I think maybe I’ve become a little too reliant on it, e.g. giving him messier foods to eat with his hands instead of with a spoon. He has show some interest in eating from a spoon though not yet attempting to get food onto it on his own. I think my biggest challenge is going to be placing a plate or bowl in front of him without him just dumping all the food out and throwing it on the floor. (I tried those suction bowls, but they don’t stick to his high chair tray for very long.) Do you have any tips for teaching him not to throw his bowl/plate? Thanks!
Hi Joan, thank you! You have plenty of time right now to ease into this skill, what he is doing is exactly what he should be doing. You are probably at least a couple of months away from him not impulsively throwing the bowl. Once you are there it just take some consistency, in saying “the bowl stays on the table” and you being close by and quick to grab it. I wouldn’t really expect him to do this until closer to 18 months, if he does it sooner, bonus! I think it is great that you are working on it though!
Thanks for your reply, Alisha. It’s good to have a general timeline of when to expect him to develop that skill. So for now, fingers foods placed on his tray and spoon feeding out of a bowl/plate that I hold is the way to go? I also wanted to ask: what are your thoughts on food pouches? Thanks again.
Hi. My son has just turned 9 months old and will not eat finger food. He will not pick it up and put it in his mouth..Instead he squishes it and then drops it. I put food on his tray for him and sometimes he just stares at it and cries with his mouth open so I have no choice but to put it in his mouth for him. What shall I do? Should he be doing this himself by now ? I’m worried this is my fault as I was too paranoid to start giving him finger foods before about 1 month ago . Thank you
Oh my goodness, not your fault at all! He is still so young, but it is great that you are being proactive. I would keep trying and be positive. Also, demonstrate for him and use hand over hand (put your hand on top of his and move it into his mouth) to show him how to do it. Try not to let him get too frustrated, it will take some give and take.
Hi. my son will turn one next week. i m trying everyday to teach him feeding himself a cracker or banana slices but he’s completely refusing. spoon feeding seem way beyond but yes at least he should take finger foods. his pincer grasp is fine….holds a biscuit etc….crushes then throws on floor. he does this with every type of food. i try to give him food to hold but leans forward with open mouth n cries if i insist him to hold
I know it is so frustrating, but try to keep it stress free by going in baby steps. Try to follow the steps I described in the post and put his hand into something messy like yogurt and see if you can get it up to his mouth. It sounds like he needs to make the connection that his hands can take food to his mouth. When he throws food on the floor try not to give it to much attention, just calmly say, “food stays on the table.”
Hi Alisha, my son is 3.8 and he used to eat at the daycare by himself. But not at home 🙁
He asks me to feed him just because he wants to be spoiled . He is a picky eater too. When I feed him, he would eat a good quantity but eats a spoon and plays around. He spoiled his 2.4 brother who was on the right track in terms of feeding himself and good appetite, and the second asks to be fed.
The older son started school now. I am refusing to feed him because I know that he can do it by himself. But he is having days with couple of spoons just to satisfy his utmost hunger and refuses to eat and plays around. Few days he eats like 1/3 to max. half the meal that I used to feed him. I tried to act like I am busy. It works for a whils. I tried o promise him with gift, rewards…then his mind gets busy with the gift and won’t eat. Do I keep on? Tips please.
Thank you
I would maybe try a more gradual approach and slowly expect him to eat more and more by himself. Also, think about if you are able to change up the routine in some way, maybe eat somewhere different or pack a picnic? Give lots of genuine praise for anything positive he does with feeding himself, such as, “I really like how you ate those bites with your fork! That was awesome!”
Hi Alisha, My daughter is 19mos. Should I introduce the fork (with my help) using/piercing it face up or face down? Thanks 🙂
Hi Brent, kids usually use their whole palm and kind of just stab it for a while. They will then move towards using it in a face up position.
Hi my son is 27 months old and does not feed himself anything . I need help and advice I’m really worried . He is also a really fussy eater and I have to push him to get him to eat .
Please help
Hi Helen, you are not alone! Scroll through the comments here, as you will find a lot of others in similar situations and try some of the ideas I mentioned. If you need more help, I’m available for consults see the tab in the menu bar, don’t hesitate to email me with more specifics if you need to!
My 9 month old son has started picking up the disolvable puff wheels. He’ll pick them up but not put them to his mouth. He doesn’t put things in his mouth. I will do the hand over hand to show him that he eats them but he just drop a them. I don’t think he likes the fact that they stick to his hand. How do i get him to at least attempt to eat them?
Does he put toys or teethers into his mouth? If not, work on this during playtime. It is important that he puts things in his mouth to learn to chew. Also, dip his hand into baby food and have him take it to his mouth. Some babies have a hard time making the connection and this can make all the difference!
Thank you for replying! It’s funny you suggest these things because we have started trying them already. He has started putting toys in his mouth so hopefully we can get him on a roll. Thank you so much! 🙂
Hi Alisha..
Thanks for wonderful article and really need some suggestions to encourage self feeding my 26 months old daughter. She was doing better when she was around 17months like eating banana on her own and other less sticky foods. But later she is totally reluctant to eat on her own. She only likes to eat fried items and nuts on her own. Every thing I have to feed her with my fingers even banana. I tried spoon n fork she ate few bites initially nd later started playing with them and throwing the food on floor using the spoon.
Its frustrating when it comes to her feeding time as she takes 45min to finish her proper meal.
The same thing happening even with her potty which she was good at her 18 months but now it terrible:-(
Am even trying to put her some rhymes to encourage her but is totally lost in rhymes.
Will be waiting for your valuable suggestions.
Hi Prathima, I understand your frustration! I know this is going to sound like general advice, but consistency is king. Every meal give her the spoon and fork, if she throws it, tell her “the spoon stays on the table.” Also, try to act busy at the beginning of the meal or change up your routine a bit by sitting somewhere else, Try to alternate bites, say, “mommy does a bite then you do a bite.” I know it is frustrating, but being consistent will really help get you there!
Hi Alisha! My son is 20 months old and hes good at eating finger foods with his fingers. But not so much with the spoon. i just started giving him the spoon a week back when he suddenly stopped eating his food. He manages to scoop some food in the spoon but as he takes in to his mouth he turns the spoon (instead of keeping it straight) and most of the food falls down. When i try to put my hand on his his to show hi, he leaves the spoon and refuses to eat. And that gets me frustrated and angry at him sometimes.
Another issue is that all this while he needed a distraction (nursery rhymes on youtube) to eat. So now when i give him his food to eat by himself he first asks for his nursery rhymes. And if i do switch it on, he doesn’t eat by himself then. I want to slowly get rid of this habit but he throws a tantrum and refuses to eat till its on switched on. I am going to put him in daycare when he turns 2 and i am worried he wont eat much there. Need your help.
Thanks
The spoon is going to take some practice and what he is doing is normal since he hasn’t had much practice. Make sure you are using a child friendly spoon with a thick handle to make it easier for him and just allow him to get messy. If you can have your own spoon and feed him some bites as well so he is still eating. I would act like your computer or tablet is broken and just tell him it isn’t available right now. He may still flip out and you may have to get through some of that. If it is really out of control then tell him that you are going to eat first then he can watch some videos.