One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
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When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
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When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks.
I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks
because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle which makes it easier for 1 year olds to use and feed themselves with. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren’t dangerous for little ones.
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Hi Alisha! Very helpful tips here, thank you for this article. I looked up this topic because our 19-month old is a bit difficult at meal times and I’m trying to figure out how to proceed. For us, I think there are two main issues and I would be really interested in your advice. He hasn’t started really using a spoon yet mainly because he isn’t doing much self-feeding. He will eat snacks and a few things he likes (bread, broccoli, pieces of watermelon sometimes) with his fingers but otherwise doesn’t show interest. When we try to feed him, he often refuses the food, and so we have had to resort to distracting him to get the food in – either with objects he can play with or the ipad. I know this is not a good idea, but it is just one of those things you try when you are desperate to get him to eat after a long tiring day of work, and then it works so you do it again, and now he’s used to it and I fear we’ve gotten into a bad habit.
What I’m trying to figure out is how to go about getting back onto a better path, to get him to self-feed without all the distractions. Any specific steps you could recommend for this?? Thank you in advance!
First of all, you are not alone, many parents that have children with feeding difficulties resort to this… understandably so. It is good that you are thinking about moving away from this and first suggestion would be to make it a gradual process. Start by waiting to give the iPAD or just move towards toys- that would be a good step as well. Also give lots of praise for anything positive he does, no matter how small. If you are in the states you could qualify for a free in home evaluation to help with feeding. See the article index in the menu bar for Help for Infants and Toddlers. Let me know if you need more help!
My son is 3 1/2 just started preschool he’s so far behind he’s s not so good using utensils and he wont even sit down to have lunch with the rest of the kids in the classroom. He’s always been picky and it takes a lot to get him to eat. I’m so frustrated i don’t know how to have him show more interest and sit down and atleast willingly try his food. Any advice?
Hopefully the school environment is going to help him- all that structure and seeing what the other kids are doing can have a big impact. It may take a little bit of time though. As for home try to have just start somewhere. Keep mealtimes on a schedule, no snacking, and have him sit for at least the first few minutes without a major power struggle ensuing. Think in baby steps not the end goal. Good Luck!
My son is 22 months (Down Syndrome) and can scoop with a spoon pretty well but instead of keeping the spoon straight as he brings it to his mouth he turns the spoon and sticks his tongue out to lick what hasn’t fallen off. I’ve done hand over hand for MONTHS but I’m not sure how to get him to stop turning the spoon.
Does he have an OT? If so I would ask about some possible adaptive utensils. On therapy websites they have some weighted and/or bent spoons that might make it easier for him. Also, does he respond well to modeling? I would sit right in front of him with your own spoon and model.
These are wonderful tips thank you for sharing them we gave my son a spoon to explore with at every meal time when ever we spoon feed him gave him lots of praise when he would pick it up and put in his mouth. He is at 14months now and can almost self feed he needs help geting the food on the spoon. We have been doing little things at home to build his fine motor skills. using different size spoons to scoop toys and other things out of a bucket. Its like you said consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
Thank you
Hi I have a 2 yr old that refuses to eat with a spoon. He prefers to use his finger. I try everyday to get him to do it but he scream & just wants his food. I’m total fresh out of ideas to get him to eat with a spoon. Plz help!!
Hi my daughter is 19 months old and can use a spoon and fork brilliantly but she has got this habit of scooping her food out of a bowl and shaking whatever utensil is in her hand which obviously causes a lot of mess.. While I understand them being allowed to get themselves in a mess I don’t understand the shaking!!! Please help
Hi Richard,
This is such a problem for so many families! It can be helpful to pick a phrase like “We keep food on the tray” and repeat it with a neutral tone of voice (easier said than done sometimes!). We have an article about throwing food that you can check out. I hope that helps!
Best,
Andrea
My son is 27 months old..he is actually behind in all development but his eating is the worst. He holds food in his checks and then tries to just swallow it. He does fantastic with noodles or soft moist foods ex shredded rotisserie chicken or vegetable soups. But he only will feed himself cheese doodles even still takes a bite drops what’s left and gets a new one. He refuses to eat if I try n make him feed himself so ice tried I spoon two times n help him do one but still no luck. He only weighs 23 pounds and I’m very concerned. Everything else he likes to do himself at his pace so I’m trying the feed yourself method to see if he will eat more but I’m having no luck
If he is behind, he is on his curve. Make sure you read my articles on Transitioning to Table Foods and Mega List of Table Foods, which you can find in the side bar or article index in the menu bar. They will be helpful. Are you in the states? Are you hooked into early intervention? I would highly recommend this if you aren’t. It sounds like you could really use some more specific help. I have an article on this process as well, Help for Infant and Toddlers. In the meantime, demonstrate how to chew, put pieces right on his gums, and give him teething rings to practice chewing on. Please let me know if you need more help!
Hi Alisha,
How do we get over the anxiety of having the kids choke as they learn to eat finger foods? Our twins are about to turn 1 (10 months adjusted – 32 weekers). A few weeks ago we tried giving them some puffs and they successfully choked. Since then my husband in particular is very nervous about anything other than pureed baby food. I think they need to start learning to feed themselves but how do we ensure that they do it safely, without choking? Thanks!
A couple of things… first, did they actually choke or just gag? Gagging is normal to some extent although can be quite scary. Puffs dissolve with saliva and have an extremely low choking risk if any at all. If it makes you feel better break them up and place them on the sides. I would also check out my article on transitioning to table foods, you can find it in the side bar or menu bar in the article index. Without knowing more specifics I would recommend continuing to move forward and keep trying.
That’s great! Thanks for sharing!
I put the fork in my sons hand, he is 18 months, and pierce the food holding his hand with the fork. Then he eats it and I say yay and clap. Since I have been doing this he has learned that its great to eat with his fork! If only I could stop him from trying to feed the dog… haha!
Hi Alisha! Great site!
I am so sorry to bother you with yet another question but here in the Netherlands it is difficult to turn to somebody for questions… I have read ALL of the above comments and haven’t found my answer so I post the question just in case you are still around.
My baby is almost 14 months corrected age (he was born 2 months premature) I have followed his corrected age regarding feeding, so we started solids at 6mo corrected, and so on… but I failed to introduce finger foods at the proper age because we were travelling. And now that we are settled again I have been trying for a while, leaving pieces of finger foods on his tray and acting like I’m busy, taking the pieces myself and eating them to show him, etc but none of this seems to get to him. He just plays around with the food for like 1 minute or 2, crush it in his fist with a disgusted face, throwing some on the floor and then he goes on to ignore the pieces of food altogether and sits contentedly waiting for me to come with his puree and the spoon, and feed him.
I don’t know what to try anymore! Please help?
I’m really worried that I have missed the window of opportunity for finger foods! 🙁 Is he too old? Should I move on straight to the spoon?
Thanks!
It is no problem to ask, that is why I created Your Kid’s Table. Thanks for reading through, there are a lot of repeats! First, let me say it is never too late and that if you haven’t come across them yet I have two posts about transitioning to table foods which you can find in the side bar under popular posts or the article index in the menu bar at the top. You will find a lot more info there. It is true that there is a window when kids learn and are receptive so you may have a bit more work ahead of you now. Keep up with the pureed foods because he needs to eat, but keep trying the table foods ideally at each meal. Start by following the order I describe in the post I mentioned. There is no pressure at all, but I do offer consults and have had many with parents overseas. Let me know if you need anything else!
Hi I came across this post while reading some of your meal ideas for toddlers. I have an 11 month old son and I try to get him to spoon fed and he will gladly accept the spoon to hold but once I grab his hand to help guide him in scooping the food and putting it in his mouth he gets very mad. My baby doesn’t want my help in the least so how do I help a very independent boy learn to use his spoon if he doesn’t want my assistance
Yes, it is very common for babies to do this, that is okay. You can try here and there but don’t get into a power struggle. I would focus more on giving him a little of his own and his own spoon the way I described above. He is so young, he has plenty of time to figure it out.
Thanks for your response. I will try to calm down since he’s not behind in his progress with self feeding. I’m a first time mommy so I’m constantly overly concerned with his development. Thanks for easing my mind
Hello,
This my first time posting ever and I hope you will help me out. My son is 22 months. Up until recently he was under the care of grandma. Now he is with me. He was an ok eater with grandma and on some days he is ok with me and other days he give me a very fought time. Overall he is a picky eater but there are some issues I needed helpe with. 1. He doesn’t have a good relationship with food. We try to keep feedings calm but his first reaction to any food is dodging it and then eventually eating. 2. He needs to be distracted while eating otherwise he would just play with his food and not eat. 3. He doesn’t stay put in a highchair instead he sits on the sofa. 4. Whatever food I make for him, he usually eats 3-4 bites…hardly ever eats the whole thing. I am sorry for all the questions but I’m quite desperate now. Not sure what to try
Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance
First, I know you mentioned you were in canada, in a private message, and that it will take a while to get services, but I would encourage you to start the process. If you haven’t already I would start with the eating basics tab in the menu bar. Don’t let the strategies overwhelm you but start to implement these things in your home- take baby steps. Try to keep meals as positive as possible and eat with him, it is important for you to eat together. Maybe you can get him to eat at a coffee table or a small table in the living room- again try everything in small steps. See the articles at the end of eating basics also for more help. If you need more help, I am available for consultations, where we can discuss more specifics. There is no pressure at all, and I think reading through the other articles will give you a really good starting point.
My one and a half year old doesn’t feed herself. She has the pincer grasp but doesn’t put anything in her mouth herself. Even when sheais hungry she will sit n wait for me to feed her. Please advice.
Look through some of the comments above for some suggestions- a lot of others have asked similar questions. It is hard to say why she is doing that. Sometime kids are just in a habit, sometimes they haven’t made the connection and need help, and sometimes they don’t want to touch the food. In any case take it easy and keep providing assistance along with trying some of the other strategies above.
Thanks for sharing
Hi. Great article. Just read it because I have been having problems getting my 3 year old son to feed himself. He has a 1 year old baby sister and wants to be fed like her… he really didn’t get off feeding himself so well. He knows how to do it, he just wants us or his babysitter to feed him. We’ve been trying to encourage him to feed himself, singing silly songs when he does so but somehow the situation has become a bit stressful when he doesn’t do so well and he ends up crying and not wanting to even try.
We have backtracked to try a slow, easy approach. He hates getting dirty and I clean him up fast in order to avoid a meltdown. Also, help him when he spoons his yogurt by placing a napkin underneath in order to avoid it dripping on his shirt.
He likes to eat while playing with toys on the table or listening to a story, we’ve always allowed it but limit the number of toys to just a bit and take advantage of playing with him while eating in order to make mealtime a funtime also, I have no problem with toys (small) on the table. We are quite relaxed with our mealtimes, but I see that he might complain about feeding himself because that means he can’t be playing with the toys. So I try to play around with the superhero figures while he spoons or forks.
Any other tips? I will try the “too busy right not to pay attention to you” tip I’ve read, as well as continue encouraging and try to keep pressure off.
With his younger sister, I will also try and implement the two bowl approach, and let my older son see that, yes, the little one is also learning to feed herself. And, let her get messy. I think that will be the main change. 🙂
thanks for your article.
Hi Johanna, I think you already have some great strategies in mind- I can’t say I agree with the toys at the table, mainly because I don’t want kids to be distracted as they aren’t actively engaged in eating and learning to eat. Of course, this is totally your choice, but I wanted to mention that. I would also agree not to turn it into a power struggle and to give him his own napkin. Encourage him to wipe up his own mess, it will give him some control and responsibility.