One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
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When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
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When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks.
I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks
because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle which makes it easier for 1 year olds to use and feed themselves with. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren’t dangerous for little ones.
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
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There’s a lot of tips and tools in this guide, might want to keep this one saved!
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Will she let you feed her table foods? If so, start there, slowly encouraging her to feed herself. If she isn’t willing to accept any table foods and won’t in the next couple of months I would look into an early intervention home evaluation. It may be nothing, but if it is something it could be overcome much more easily now. Trust your instincts. Let me know if you need more help. I have post on early intervention under the article index in the menu bar at the top.
My daughter is 8.5 months old and she will not feed herself. She has an excellent pincer grasp and can pick up a Cheerio like nobody’s business but she won’t actually eat any food. We’ve been trying for a few months now. She eats puréed food I spoon feed her but nothing else. Should I be concerned yet or just keep trying?
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My son will be 2 in May. He does really well with finger feeding, but when I give him utensils of any kind, he just picks them up and throws them on the floor. It doesn’t matter if they have food on them or not. He is just totally uninterested in feeding himself. If I hold his hand and try to show him how it goes, he gets frustrated and won’t eat the rest of his meal. How can I encourage him to try feeding himself?
I wouldn’t worry too much, but keep trying especially in different environments and with different people. This behavior may just be habitual. Also, calmly but sternly tell him no and try to grab them before he throws. Also, when you introduce it, be very silly, sing a song, etc.- make it a little fun for him.
My little boy is 2 and a half and doesnt feed himself. At the moment he is being tested for autism and also has a problem with his sight in one eye. We have encouraged him to hold a spoon or fork whilst being fed which is a huge improvement. He does let us put food on the fork and with our hand over his, he will put it in his mouth. Thats has far as it goes at the moment. My little boy also is struggling with speech and commumication so he doesnt really understand much of what we are telling him. He has a 7month old brother and is starting to see him put the spoon in his own mouth etc i just dont know what the next step is without him getting too upset and just refusing to eat anything. He is also a very fussy eater. Thanks
It sounds like you are doing great. Every child is different and you need to meet him where he is. Keep helping him and try to pull back on how much assistance you give him to make progress. This may take time.
What are the best foods to help teach them use the fork?
Foods that you cube like soft meats (ham, chicken, meatball), cheeses, ripe pear, and banana all work well.
Huh. My 13 month twins are pretty good with a fork, but much less so with spoons. About the mess, though, let’s be real: It’s not about allowing them to get food on their bib and their chin. The food gets on those places, and it gets smeared in their hair and eyebrows, up their nose, in their eyes, and on their forearms. And halfway through they will rip off their bibs and get it on their clothes as well. All the food they drop on the floor has led to a mouse taking up permanent residence in the stove so it can sneak out every night looking for crumbs (I sweep, but I can’t mop every day). The suction cup bowls are regarded as a challenge and must be pulled free before any eating commences, and since they release suddenly, the food is flung toward the ceiling with great force.
And when you’re reading to start cleaning up, you face the dilemma of where to start first: wipe off the hands? But as soon as you release a hand it will be used to rub the dirty tray or dirty face. Wipe the face first? Then immediately a dirty hand will smear more food there. Remove the tray first? Then the hands can reach the pants and feet that were completely food-free throughout the meal.
Getting messy is for dinner (right before baths) ONLY.
Obviously, every parent needs to decide what works for them and with twins you certainly have a greater challenge. As an OT that specializes in this area and a mom that has taught two of her own kids this is what has worked for me and a variety of other parents.
I am going through the same thing, 14 month twins. . . its been a real treat. They refuse to let me feed them.
Hi, I’ve been reading through some of your posts about feeding your toddler and I’m hoping you can help. My son is 18 months old. We were a little late starting solids, at 6 12 months, but in the beginning he did great. Later he also really wanted to feed himself with his spoon, at about 13 months old. He fed himself with a spoon for about 1 month and since then he has refused to do it himself. I can hand him small pieces of food and he’ll put it in his mouth by hand; however if I put them on his tray he will just throw them off. It’s kind of like he simply doesn’t want his tray dirty. It doesn’t seem to matter what it is, he has never liked anything to be left on his tray. So I’m not sure how to get him to proceed through the stages you’ve mentioned. Do you have any advice?
I would try giving him a suction plate with just a few pieces on it. Then slowly build up on putting more pieces on. Try to give him short directions, “food stays on the tray/plate”, and be ready to grab his hand and redirect the food back. There may be some tears- don’t let it get excessive, but don’t let him get off too easy either. It will take time, but try to reinforce the rule. They can be pretty stubborn at this age.
Adding to my above post :
When she refuses to eat her meal do I go and prepare a safe option which I know she will eat and thus eats often? 🙁
I would encourage the spoon, but if it something that isn’t messy don’t worry too much about it right now. Kids like to finger feed and it is okay at her age, unless it is something messy like yogurt. The sensory stuff is a whole different issue. See my Basics to Improve Eating at the tab on the top of the page, start trying to implement those habits and read the posts listed at the end. They are all good starting points and will give you some direction. As you will see in the tab, always make sure you give her one thing she likes at each meal. If she doesn’t eat, tell her she won’t get to eat until her next meal. She should at least eat her preferred food. Don’t prepare her another meal, that is a slippery slope. If you need more help or suspect underlying issues I am available for consult via phone or skype- no pressure! Let me know how it goes!
Hi, great site thank you..I’m writng from Istanbul, Turkey. I know I have been too late to encourage her to use spoon & fork 🙁 She is 2 years old and we have been trying last 2 weeks with few success..She will just try once the first time I give the spoon to her and then gets uninterested..Then we hold it together like your hand on hand method a few times and it goes okey. But that’s it. The minute I let her be she goes back to using her fingers. That is if she is interested with her food..That’s another thing – she will only eat mashed vegetables and meatballs..She likes her food to be solid, which leaves out all the cooked mushy, fibrous, saucy kinds of foods out..She takes out the hard skins like tomatoes or oranges and gags with green pea or bell peppers or omelettes. I want her to enjoy her meals feeding herself, and for myself not to get anxious before each meal time..How can I get her to try feeding herself and how can we come over this sensual dislike ? Thank you!
Hi, I am hoping you can help me! My son has just turned 2, he’s a very laid back character and a slow learner! He fingers feeds perfectly well but he hates using his spoon/fork. He can do it (although messily) but recently he has refused to eat unless I feed him. I’ve tried eating myself and looking busy so he thinks I don’t have time to feed him but its got to the point where if I don’t feed him he’ll cry and scream until I give in. I don’t want him to go hungry but at the same time, I can’t help thinking he’s just testing me… any suggestions? He’ll normally do two spoon fulls and then completely give up! HELP!
I know this is such a frustrating place to be in. I would try a new spoon and try to up the interest factor. It may help, may not? This is probably just a phase and I would take the middle road. Help to avoid a major battle, but continually try to encourage and keep it positive.
Hi, flicking through I see you are an OT….please can you help a fellow OT?! My 18 moth old is fine eating finger foods and will take food off a spoon but only if I do it for him. He refuses to touch the spoon, shakes his head and pushes it away if I encourage him to have a go himself. (He only occasionally feeds himself a yoghurt). If I load a spoon and put it on the highchair and leave the room for a minute, he will reluctantly put the spoon in his mouth but he won’t scoop food – I have to reload the spoon and leave the room again. Unfortunately on a busy morning getting ready for work I just don’t have time to do this, and am also concerned he doesn’t eat as much this way. Any ideas how to crack this in a way I can be consistent?
First, take a look at the spoons you are using, are they too hard or awkward to use- see the ones I suggested in the post for ideas. Also, try to really work on it when you have the time until he is better at it in the morning. I wish I had a trick for you, but without being able to see him the best advice I can give is practice! Great to hear from another OT:)
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Hi , I have a big problem as my 4 years old eats anything but she will never ever eat by herself. I have try so many things but she does not want to learn, any technic ??? Would be very much appreciated.
At her age, it is a little different, it is likely that she is able to actually feed herself. Is there a time she is someone else’s care? Maybe playing at a friend’s house where you could not be there and find out how she does? Also try setting up her food and then acting like you are too busy to feed her for a few minutes- see how she does. A lot of kids will get sick of waiting and get to it.
Hello! Only use utensils for foods that make sense, don’t worry about the others. Keep trying the hand over hand assistance, only putting a little in his bowl. At this point repetition and consistency are the name of the game. It sounds like he enjoys eating, he’ll be there before you know it.