One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
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When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks. I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks because they too have a soft, wide gripped handle which makes it easier for 1 year olds to use and feed themselves with. The best part is that they are metal and will actually pierce something. But the prongs are rounded just enough so that they aren’t dangerous for little ones.
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
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There’s a lot of tips and tools in this guide, might want to keep this one saved!
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Hi Alisha! My 17-month old is a great eater, and has been eating a wide variety of finger foods for quite awhile now. I haven’t really pushed the spoon, but know that we need to get started. I’ve made a couple of attempts to have him hold the spoon, and then direct his motion as you describe in the post. However, when I let him try it himself, he holds the spoon with one hand and then uses other hand to eat the food. He’ll even stick his hand in a bowl of cottage cheese and attempt to eat that with his hand. How should we get started with this transition? Should he be attempting to eat all food with a spoon (including things that adults would eat with their hands, like apple cubes or sandwich pieces), or should we just work on this with food that adults would use utensils for? Thank you!
Hi Alisha…I wanted to let you know O is now feeding herself kix, Cheerios, puffs, yogurt melts, soft noodles and small pieces of pancake. She has trouble with the wetter foods like fruits and most vegetables. It was funny…a few days after my post she started…I guess I just needed some patience. Do you normally recommend eating solids first and then bottle feeding? We do bottle feeding first, especially she only eats about 24 oz max from the bottle, but I’ve noticed she doesn’t seem very interested in self feeding more than a handful or so of whatever we’re giving her. I’m assuming that’s because she’s just eaten a full bottle. When she was eating her baby food, she would eat about 2 oz after a 6-8 oz bottle. Also, she just learned how to sip from a straw!! I took your recommendation and bought the take and toss cups and they worked well with her. She gets very excited using the straw and squealed with excitement when she took her first sip. She does still let a lot of the water just run out of her mouth. We still have about another month with formula. Should I try and put some formula in the cup to try and wean her from the bottle, now that she’s figured out the straw. We’ve tried numerous sippys prior to the straw with both kiddos and haven’t been successful. I guess I don’t want to screw this up now that’s figured it out and is interested in the straw. Thanks for your help!!
Yes, if they are a year old now, feed them first and start to take away one bottle at a time, replacing it with milk during their meal… once they are on milk. You can experiment with the formula in a cup, but waiting is fine, too. It will be here before you know it. Make sure you give her at least water with meals.
You could also try a no spill straw cup now that she gets it, they are much harder to drink out, but her mouth won’t get flooded so easily. Happy New Year!
Sorry, the twins are actually 8.5 months adjusted, 29 weekers….mommy brain:)
Hi, I am in a similar situation. My twins are about to turn 1 actual, 10 months adjusted (32 weekers). A few weeks ago we tried some finger foods for them and they choked, so we are actually nervous to let them practice with anything that they can even remotely choke on. I am teaching my son to hold his spoon when eating pureed food and does ok with help. My daughter doesnt want to hold the spoon. I let her dip her hand into the bowl but she doesnt bring it to her mouth. I know they need more practice and we’ll keep working on that but should I be worried?
You are right to be concerned and I encourage you to follow your instincts, BUT there is a window of time when babies learn to chew and it can be difficult after that. I think it is good to keep trying, but in the right way. Have you seen my post on transitioning your baby to table foods. There are 2 parts and you can find them in the sidebar or in the menu bar at the top under article index. It is very detailed and I think will answer all of your questions. Let me know if you have more questions!
Hi. My twins are 11 months actual, 9.5 adjusted. My little girl is struggling to self feed finger foods. We’ve been working on finger foods for about 1.5 months now. We’ve slowly introduced puffs, teething crackers, carrots, sweet potato, pears, banana, peaches and kix. Since we’re getting close to one year, I’m beginning to worry a little. She will try to pick up a puff or yogurt melt, but won’t attempt to put it to her mouth like her brother who’s doing fairly well. She will drop it or just push her puffs around her tray. She is resistant to hand over hand assistance. I have started focusing more on teething crackers and having her bring her spoon to her mouth with her puréed foods. Any other suggestions? She has physical therapy and has always displayed and continues to display extension patterning, but has developed good bilateral, midline play skills. I would says she is behind with fine motor skills compared to her brother. I’m not sure if that’s all we’re seeing here? I will also mention she is a little behind in her munch as compared to her brother, but that has definitely improved. I think that’s all. Thanks for your help. I’m glad I just discovered your blog! I’m also an OT, but have always worked with geriatrics…wishing I had a little more peds experience now!
Hi Becky, so nice to hear from a fellow OT! I would keep working at the hand over hand assistance, even if you can it in a moment here and there. You could also try putting something sticky on her hands like honey or syrup, then all those little foods will stick to her hands. The first step is just get her to take the food to her mouth, then I’d work more on the pincer grasp. Of course, lots of fine motor play outside of meals is great, too! Keep me posted!
Thanks Alisha for your response. I will definitely keep working on the hand over hand and really like the idea of putting something sticky on her hand. She’s a tough cookie, because she can become resistive with hand over hand with meals and even games like patty cake. I will definitely keep you posted. I’ve been feeling stressed because our pediatrician wanted her off formula at 1 year, but I don’ see how we can do this if O is not even eating finger foods independently. Ughhhh…the stresses of being a momma. Thanks again!!
Hi my Name is Naomi. My daughter will be three in February. My daughter has been struggling with on going problems with eating for a year and a half now. At 6 months old my daughter started to eat food. She was a great eater. At 8 months she was drinking out of glasses by herself along with self feeding. I never had any problems. I just sat her in her chair and she would feed herself. This was very messy of course but no problem for me. We than moved to South America when she was 14 months old. The cultural and food is so much different here. My in laws insisted that she was to be feed by an adult and to eat blended foods. So not only did her diet change but the texture, foods and ways of being feed. We have gone through huge swings of time periods where she will not eat anything. Now she has been back to eating her food but with fighting about it. But I have to feed her. She is going to be three in February and I am exhausted and want my child back to self feeding. I have tried oh you take one bite and I feed you two bites and when I have done things like this she just wont eat. HELP PLEASE? I have no idea what else to do..
Sometimes this works… set up her food in front of her and act like you are really busy…. run back to the sink, look in a cupboard and see what she does (but don’t let her see you noticing). If you have to run over and give her a bite, then say… “oh hold on, I need to get the phone in the other room real quick”. Run out like your busy and leave the spoon and bowl there. She may get started on her own. Try this a couple of times before giving up. Get back in touch if you need more help!
Hi-this is great! My son is 11months and 1 week and just started on the pincer grasp. He has been eating puffs but doesn’t pick up bananas or other finger food. He also eats the tiny star pasta (spoon fed). I think I am part of the problem as am terrified to give him anything not puréed. What are your suggestions for first foods (don’t want to impose my issues in him:) and did I make it worse by delaying this-I get so nervous when he gags!!!
I actually have a two part article that addresses your question completely. Here is the link http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Thank you:)
Hi! My daughter is 10 months and doing well in other development areas except for feeding. I normally feed her cut up soft food like toast or pasta or fruit, etc. but I end up putting the food in her mouth. She would pick up the food but drop them on the floor. I tried getting her hand to her mouth with the food but she resists and cries/ whines when I do and really won’t open her mouth. The only food she had held and put in her mouth are banana with peel halfway down, and baby mum mums (rice husks). And most foods she only takes 3 bites and is done. I need advice! Thanks!–E
Will she eat more than 3 bites if you feed her? If not, email me so we can talk more. I would take it slow, she is really young, keep things as positive as possible. Try to get her to play/interact with the food in any way.
I am having a similar problem. My son will be one next week. He will only eat if he is spoon fed unless it is cheerios or something like it, ie. yogurt bites.He picks them up with his pincher fingers and places them directly into his mouth. No issues there. He has 8 teeth but isn’t a fan of anything he has to chew more than 2 times. If I put food on his tray he either touches it then puts it down or immediately starts “finger painting” and spreading it everywhere. If I put it on the spoon and in tiny pieces, he will then eat it. He has been walking for months. He stands at the window in daycare and watches the older class run around outside. He can’t join them until he can feed himself and not immediately flip the plate upside down. I am at a loss and don’t know what to do. If it were just me, I would spoon feed him as long as he wants but he so wants to be with the older kids and this is the one thing stopping him. Any suggestions?
Hi Kristen, I’m wondering if he doesn’t like the texture of foods. Have you introduced a little fork he could learn to use- that may help with the texture, but it will take some time to teach him. Also, babies don’t need teeth to eat- they use their gums efficiently. At his age it is important to let him explore the food- I’m assuming he’s around 1? Join in with him a little and try to demonstrate taking it to his mouth and also giving him a little help as needed.
My son turns 1 next week. My situation is a little different. He used to have no issues with a spoon at all. Then all of a sudden, it’s like he hates picking up his own spoon during meal time. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He will be fed with a spoon no problem but he will not by any means self feed or even pick up a spoon. When I try to put the spoon in his hand he moves his hand away and screams and cries. I think he became spoiled because he used to never have an issue grabbing the spoon during meals. We just had lunch and it was a lot of frustration as I was making him pick up his spoon and it was extremely frustrating because he screamed and cried and threw a fit all the while I took his hand and had him grab his spoon.
I know he’s a little young but still. Why would a baby go from being content with grabbing a spoon and me helping him self feed at like 8 months to all of a sudden, months later, hating self feeding. What’s wrong with him? Please help. I’m very frustrated.
I know he’s young but it’s like he went backwards in self feeding which concerns me. He holds his spoon after eating but never during eating anymore.
It’s hard to say what is going on here- it could be a phase. I would gently encourage, but not make too big of a deal about it for a month or so because he is really young. You could also try setting him up with everything then acting busy for a few minutes and seeing if he will get started himself. Give lots of praise for anything he does independently!
Hello! My daughter has not really started eating with a spoon and she is turning 16 months now. Is there hope that I will be able to teach her how to use a spoon and other utensils? Thank you so much
Oh my goodness, yes! You have lots of time! Start to follow the steps in the post and you will be on your way.
Thanks for your reply! 🙂
My son is almost 11 months old. I started him on pureed fruits and veggies then yogurt at 5.5 months. He was off and on about liking the fruits/veggies but was crazy for the yogurt. Around 9/10 months I switched to all finger food with yogurt for lunch. Recently he refuses yogurt as we’ll so now we are on all finger foods. He eats a good variety of foods so I think.his nutrition is OK. Should I be concerned about him learning to eat pureed foods and eating from utensils?
That is great! I think it is fine for now. When he does have applesauce, pudding, or anything else that requires a spoon, give him the opportunity to try. He has plenty of time to learn:)
Hello,
Your article is wonderful.I have a 16 months old son.I started Baby Led Weaning for him when he was 7 months old but I stopped just after 2 months as was worried about the nutrition.Also he has never been a great eater.Now I feed him semi solid food since a few months but sometimes he would have it but other times I really need to distract him with music/videos (which I know is not a good habit).Now I thought of giving up the “bad” habit & let him enjoy the food by feeding himslef.He shows interest in self feeding but he started recently & was enjoying the food but very less could reach his mouth and finally he got frustrated as he stayed hungry.Moreover,as you explained in teh article to hold his hand & guide him,he doesnt want me to touch his spoon & just wants to do himself.So I am confused how can I help him & also complete the nutrition.Please guide.Looking forward to your response.
Thank you Anjali. Sometimes kids can get really independent and they don’t want help- that is okay. I would let him try, but have your own bowl of food that you are feeding him from in between his bites or when he starts to get frustrated. Does that make sense?
thnx a lot for your reply.
Normally I keep a bowl with me but unless a “tube” is on ,he notices I gave him & refuses to ake.I guess the key is to just keep doing as you suggested.
Thanks again
Hi–I have the same problem. My 13 month old often times refuses when I try to feed her unless I distract her. I have to take her out for walks or try new things at each mealtime. This can’t be sustainable! She will eat a few bites on her own, but unless I manipulate her into eating, she just won’t eat enough. I “trusted” her between 9 and 12 months, and she continued to drop in the scale…from 50th pct to 25th to 15th percentile. I’m at a loss of what to do.
My son has been finger feeding himself since about 9 months after we were unable to spoon feed him since he would keep grabbing our spoon and gnaw on the wrong end (while holding his own spoon in the other hand). He just turned 1 and we have been trying to teach him how to use his own spoon to feed himself. This article has helped us very much!
However, he doesn’t get scooping/dipping and gets very frustrated because all he wants to do is hit the bowl like a drum/toy with his spoon, and then wants to gnaw on the wrong end of the spoon. I don’t mind trying at every meal until he gets it, but how long can I expect this behavior? How many minutes should I let him do this before he gets too frustrated to eat at all? Thank you for your help!
Hi Amy! It sounds like you are doing a great job! He is still on the young side for learning this skill so I wouldn’t worry right now. I would give him the spoon at the beginning, but keep your own bowl feeding him bites so he doesn’t get to frustrated. If he allows you, in between bites, put your hand on top of his and show him how to scoop, taking it all the way to his mouth. You don’t want him to get too frustrated, overall it is more important that the experience is positive. Does that help? Let me know if you have more questions!
My daughter is 9 Months old and the doctor recommended I start introducing table foods to her. However we didn’t exactly ask how or what foods or anything. What is a good sample menu for one day that would be suitable for a nine month old?
Hi Sarah! I’ve got your covered I have two articles here that are titled, “How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.” http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Get started there, then read part 2. There is an article index at the top if you have any trouble:) Let me know how it goes!
My son is 2 and 1/2 going on 3. He insists on me feeding him even though he is capable of doing it himself. He wants me to put the bite on the fork and in hi mouth. Then he is very picky about which bite he wants and even how I put it on the fork/spoon. I tell him that if Mommy feeds him he has to take what he gets and can’t be picky. If he wants to be picky he can feed himself. He also would prefer to sit on my lap and eat off my plate if he can. I did allow this at one point, but then stopped. Now he only allowed on my lap if I have finished my meal. My daughter was similar but my oldest son never complained about eating by himself. Why does he want me to feed him and how can I encourage him to eat on his own without causing tantrums that ruin mealtimes?
This is a tough situation. I wouldn’t recommend going cold turkey with feeding him, but would start to institute some rules. For instance, I would enforce him having his own bowl/spoon to start. Then I would move to having him take a few bites himself. Overall, I would encourage you to slowly ease him into it. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be some tantrums or discontent, but it shouldn’t carry on too long. I would also consider any underlying sensory issues… does he not like being messy?
Thanks for responding. I have been trying to take small steps but it is nice to have confirmation in doing so. He does seem to be doing better. I don’t think there are sensory issues–at least not with getting messy. Possibly with food texture but that may just be toddler pickiness. I will keep on as we have begun. =) Thanks.
My son is 19 mo. I’ve been offering a spoon for several months but not only he’s not interested in taking it, he’s not interested in eating anything that is not pureed! He eats crackers, bread and pop corn, which means there’s not a problem of not being able to chew, but he refuses ti eat, even less touch fruits, vegetables or meat! I’ve tried a lot but even when he accepts it, he keeps it in his mouth for ages. What can I do?
Children don’t eat for a variety of reasons- I have a post on that, too. See below. I am going to point you towards some more reading because I think there may be some underlying issues going on. Try to let him play with new foods and get comfortable interacting with them. Also, get him in the sand box or other sensory bins to help get him used to touching various textures.
Are you in the states? I think it would be really helpful to get a free feeding evaluation done- I can help you figure out how to get more info on that. Also, I offer consultations, which would allow me to give you a lot more detailed answers. There is a tab in the menu, my email is YourKidsTable@gmail.com
I hope this helps a little, I know how overwhelming it can all be!
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2013/01/5-reasons-kids-refuse-to-eat.html
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/08/getting-your-picky-eater-to-explore-new_27.html
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/06/ultimate-list-of-sensory-bin-ideas.html