One of the most common questions I get asked is… “How can I teach my child to feed themselves?” Self-feeding is a big deal for tired parents of babies, toddlers, and in some cases, older kids! I was motivated to teach my own kids at a young age because that meant I could sit back and enjoy my own meal again… well, mostly. It is also a skill I have worked on, A LOT, with kids of all ages and abilities as an occupational therapist.
How to Teach Self-Feeding for Babies, Toddlers, and Beyond
In this complete self-feeding guide, I’ll tell you how to teach your baby or toddler to:
- finger feed
- eat with a spoon
- eat with a fork
Each are actually their own independent skill, and they’re typically achieved at different ages. I’m giving you the age guidelines to look for as your child works towards mastering feeding themselves and my OT/Mom strategies for how to help them learn those skills. Of course, I’ll share the best utensils for babies and toddlers learning to self feed, too! So, let’s get started…
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When do Babies Start to Feed Themselves with Their Fingers?
Most babies start feeding themselves those little melt-able puffs right off their tray around 8 months. Initially, you will notice that they grasp the food with their whole hand in a raking motion. They often get a bunch in their hand at once and will try to shove their whole hand into their mouth.
This is a fairly ineffective method, but they manage.
Over the next few weeks and month or two, they will begin to use multiple fingers to pick up food, instead of their whole hand. They’ll continue to refine that movement until they use just their index finger and thumb in a pincer grasp (see the pic below) around 9 months old (but it could range from 7-11 months).
The pincer grasp is important because is lays the foundation for future fine motor skills like writing. Find out more about when to give finger foods to your baby and how to teach them to eat finger foods.
How to Teach Your Baby/Toddler to Use their Fingers to Self-Feed
If your baby or 1 year old isn’t making any effort to use their fingers to feed themselves, make sure you’re giving them opportunity to try and try again, even allowing them to struggle a little. That is how they learn! Give them foods like puffs that are dry and big enough to pick up, but not so big they could choke. (I also like to use these cheese curls or pea crisps designed for babies broken into small pieces).
Most kids are motivated to eat and will figure out how to get it into their mouth. For those that want to eat, but can’t figure it out, the problem sometimes arises with the pincer grasp.
If they aren’t isolating their finger and thumb, set aside some time at the beginning of their meal to give them one piece of food at a time. Try placing one singular puff on their tray first, without a boat load of puffs, they may isolate those fingers for you. If they don’t use the pincer grasp, hold it up in front of them, because it’s easier to grab it out of your fingers instead of off their tray or plate.
Don’t let go of the piece of food until you see them grabbing it with their index finger and thumb. Spend just a few minutes “practicing” at the beginning of the meal, and then let them finish their meal normally so they don’t get too frustrated. Likely, it won’t be long before they have mastered this new skill!
For other foods, trying cutting them into cubes and if they’re squishy like a banana, rolling pieces in crushed dry cereal so they have something to grip.
When Will Your Toddler or Baby Eat with a Spoon?
Occupational therapists look for toddlers to be feeding themselves with a spoon without any assistance by the age of 2. However, most kids are capable of learning much younger than that if they’re given the opportunity. By one year of age, many toddlers proficiently and messily feed themselves with a spoon. If you struggle with the messiness of self feeding, read: Why You Should Let Your Kid Get Messy Eating.
Teaching Your Toddler (or Baby) to Self-Feed with a Spoon
As with finger feeding, the most important thing you can do initially to teach your baby or toddler how to use a spoon is to give them lots of opportunities to try.
Again, this will be messy. That’s okay! The mess is actually helpful for desensitizing them to various textures and help prevent more extreme picky eating in the future.
In the very early days of feeding your baby, this means giving them their own spoon to practice bringing to their mouth while you feed them. This allows your baby to associate the spoon with eating and they get to work on their fine motor skills a little too. Hopefully, your child will put it to their mouth intermittently as you’re feeding them, encourage this.
Once they start to put the spoon to their mouth, put your hand on top of theirs and dip it into the bowl you’ve been feeding them from together, put just enough on the spoon for them to taste. Do this a few times throughout the meal until they start to get the hang of it themselves.
Once they dip and bring the spoon to their mouth several times, it’s time to give them their own little bowl while you are feeding them. I know, they’ll throw the bowl, but you can either keep a hand on it, or use a…
…Suction bowls are awesome and will help keep them from tossing the whole bowl on to the floor. The trick is to only give them a little food in the bowl at a time. At this point, you are still feeding them most of the meal. If they are doing well scooping up food and at least getting some of it into their mouth, put more and more food into the bowl for them to feed themselves.
Once you reach this point, your child is probably around 8- 10 months old, assuming you started feeding them baby food at 6 months. If the mess is becoming too distracting, which it likely will, gently remind them that food goes in their mouth. Try to remember that the mess and playing with food is all part of the process. I know it is challenging, but it is short lived.
Another frustration that often pops up is throwing their bowl or food. Check out How to Stop Babies from Throwing Food for more tips.
You will continue in this way with 2 bowls until you are giving them more and more of the actual food and less bites from your spoon. When they are feeding themselves most of the meal, you can stop using your own bowl. In a short time, you will only be occasionally helping them with a large bite or when they turn the spoon the wrong way.
If you’ve been steadily teaching them how to use utensils, then they’ll likely be independent around 14-16 months old.
Although, it will continue be a supervised process for some time. Also, they will be fairly messy eaters for a while, don’t worry about the food that falls on their bib and chin. I hope I’m not the bearer of bad news, but they will eat like this until about 2 – 2 and 1/2. On the upside, their independence gives you a chance to actually eat your own food!
It is also helpful to keep in mind that thicker foods like yogurt and pudding will be easier to scoop and keep on the spoon. Thinner textures may be frustrating initially.
If you’re toddler isn’t showing much interest or are having a hard time manipulating the spoon, then help them by putting your hand on top of theirs and moving through all the steps of scooping and putting the bite into their mouth (as in the pic below).
See my top picks for spoons at the end of the post!
Affiliate links used below. See our full disclosure.
When Will Your Toddler Feed Themself With a Fork?
Introduce fork feeding after they mastered using the spoon and have a nice pincer grasp for self feeding. Again, we look for kids to be capable of using a fork by age 2, although most will prefer to use their fingers, which is fine. Kids are capable of using a fork around 15-18 months.
Teaching Your Toddler to Self Feed with a Fork
Begin by placing a safe toddler fork on their plate or high chair tray with a food that’s really easy to pierce like cubes of cheese or a chicken nugget. Noodles and fruit are soft, but slippery, and may fall apart.
In the beginning, we want to keep their frustration level down, and give them a chance at being successful, which will motivate them to keep trying. If they’re having trouble with getting the food onto the fork, provide that hand over hand help again until they get the hang of it. Give them as little help as possible as you move along though.
Continue to offer them a fork and at a minimum, encourage them to use it a few times a week until they are in the preschool years and it becomes more inappropriate to eat everything with their fingers.
The Best Spoons for Toddlers Learning to Self Feed
All three of my boys used these spoons and sporks.
I love them because of their wide curved handle, plus the shape allows them to dip only a little and still get a spoonful. That is important in the early days, when their coordination isn’t so hot. I also love the deep bowl of the actual spoon because even when some of the food falls off, it all isn’t lost, which can be really frustrating when their trying so hard.
The Best Forks for Toddlers Learning to Self-Feed
I love these little forks
How to Encourage a Toddler to Feed Themselves that Doesn’t Want to
If your child is already a toddler and you missed the steps I just described, it’s okay, you’re still going to proceed in much the same way. You will likely be moving through those early steps more quickly. Many parents don’t think to give their child a spoon so young or are really overwhelmed by the mess that it causes.
With a toddler, it is important to follow their lead and give them as much help as they need, although it is okay to let them struggle a little here, too. Consistency in how often you are presenting them with a spoon and patience go a long way!
I also have to point out here, that sometimes, toddlers know how to feed themselves, or at least are capable of doing so, but may refuse because they are extremely picky eaters. Read more in 5 Reasons Kids Refuse to Eat if you think this may be the reason behind your child’s refusal to self feed.
If your child is struggling to get the hang of feeding themselves or is refusing to try, make sure it is not the potential mess that is bothering them. If you suspect that they don’t like being messy, show them that you have a napkin nearby and give them their own. If they do get a little messy and it upsets them, be quick to clean it up. Check out how to help kids with sensory sensitivities.
Regardless of the reason they are having difficulty: consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
To keep the ideas coming, grab my FREE Must-Have Printable: 9 Tips to Improve Eating, we’ll send it right to your inbox!
More on Feeding Babies and Toddlers
Baby and Toddler Feeding Red Flags
How to Teach Your Baby or Toddler to Drink from a Straw
The Ultimate List of Baby/Toddler Meal Ideas
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Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 18 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Its been two years i was looking for a solution on google and finally i got an answer i was looking for my toddler 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕 cannot thank you enough for this …
Hi Jahnvi! So glad you found us! Hope this post helps and makes your life easier 🙂
Best,
Kalyn
Hi, our 12mo wouldn’t self-feed even though he could and his rejection is so strong that we worry he might have sensory issues. He could feed himself finger food when he was around 7-8 months old. On good days he would even try to use the spoon and we always encouraged him. But over time he became less and less willing to self-feed, and now (turning 12mo soon) he rejects it completely as if it’s torture. He eats everything and eats a lot, as long as he’s fed. We put pieces of food in front of him at every meal. He’ll either drop them on the floor or ignore them. If we try to put some food (or spoon) in his hand he’ll fuss. If we try to guide his hand to the mouth he’ll throw a tantrum. If we don’t feed him, he’ll cry or try to move his head towards the food but will never use his hands to bring food to the mouth. He sometimes even grabs our hands (when we hold a spoon), or puts our hand on the spoon, but would never touch the spoon himself. I sometimes give him larger pieces of bread so that he’ll have to grab the half that’s left out of his mouth. He would grab it and immediately throw it away. We also tried to put finger food in his play area for some change of environment. He would occasionally mouth on toys although he doesn’t do it very often. But when he notices it’s food, he either drops it on the floor or cries (because he wants to be fed). It’s like he has some kind of psychological barrier that prevents him from bringing food to the mouth. We also tried eating together with him and he’s been going to daycare, where apparently all other children will self feed. But nothing helps. We’re really worried and would appreciate your insights.
Hi there! Thanks for reaching out! We understand how stressful this must be for you and your family. It sounds like you are doing a great job with the different techniques that you’re trying- keep going with those! Just be sure to avoid pressuring him- the less pressure, the more comfortable he will be. Try play feeding, with a doll/toy/stuffed animal, where you demonstrate feeding the toy, and have him try feeding them too. Try having him play with a spoon/fork outside of mealtimes to get him used to the feel of these utensils. Demonstrate feeding with each other and show him how you feed yourself. Just take the pressure away and keep trying! Lastly, consulting with your pediatrician for a potential referral for occupational therapy, would also be very beneficial.
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Cinzia,
I am going through the exact same thing with my daughter who is turning one this week. Did you ever find something that helped to get him to self feed?
I am also going through the same thing! My son was able to feed himself biscuits at 7-8 months but now nothing. Only wants to be fed. Any other suggestions?
Hi there! Definitely try the steps listed in the article. Also, try food play- have him practice with feeding a toy/doll/stuffed animal and also have him feed you! Food play can help him become more comfortable, so then he may want to feed himself.
Best,
Kalyn
Hello, I’m in dire need of advise regarding my 2 year and 2 month old. He’ll eat snacks (like chips) on his own, but won’t eat food out of bowl unless someone feeds him. He will occasionally pick up the spook/fork and feed himself but only if someone places the food onto the spoon/fork first. But he will literally chase you with a fork to feed him or with the cup of yogurt and spoon to feed him. He knows how to feed himself, he just doesnt want to and when he tries and has trouble placing the food in the spoon, he gives up after one try and has a serious fit. Any advise on how to help him? At this point, he’s the only one that still needs help feeding at his daycare and I don’t want to keep enabling him. Please help.
Hi Cindy! Thanks for reaching out! Try having him play with a spoon/fork outside of mealtimes to get him used to the feel of these utensils. Play pretend feeding using toys and have him feed them. Demonstrate feeding with each other and show him how you feed yourself. Just take the pressure away and keep trying!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Alisha,
I know this post is a couple years old but I just came across it. I need some advice, my son just turned 11 months old. He loves to eat table foods, but only if I feed him. I have 3 boys and this is my youngest, he’s the only baby that I ever had that is a thumb sucker. He literally sucks his thumb all day. He also is teething, so he recently had 4 teeth break through, 2 at the top and 2 at the bottom. I expressed to his pediatrician at his 9 month check up that he doesn’t feed himself. I can out puffy snacks on the tray and he can pick them up but will not bring it to his mouth to put in it. Or if he does bring his hand to his mouth he will just grasp the treat in his hand and start sucking his thumb. She said we should model (which we do every single day) and to help guide his snack to his mouth. He gets upset and frustrated when I do try to help. Then he ends up just throwing his snacks, or pounding on his baby tray until all the snacks fall off. I also tried to give him the baby mum-mums. He will hold it with 2 hands and bring it to his mouth to eat. BUT, if I place the treat in only 1 hand he will try to squeeze it as hard as he can to break it. Then he just ends up throwing it. Sometimes I think because he is a thumb sucker this is what is not helping with him feeding himself.. I don’t know what to do, but he just has no interest in feeding himself. If I feed him, he loves to eat everything and anything though! Any help or tips appreciated 🙂
Hi Lacey! Thanks for reaching out! He’s so young, so it’s hard to tell at this point if anything you’ve described is sensory related. It could simply be that he gets frustrated when you try to help him with feeding- which is common and normal! It’s great that he eats everything, though! So just keep practicing self-feeding, allowing him to touch/feel/play with his food/textures, demonstrating, modeling, having him watch you and his siblings eat, play feeding dolls, etc. No pressure, allowing him to do his own thing. Try pre-loading baby utensils and setting it on his tray for him to grab and bring to his mouth. Hope that helps!
Best,
Kalyn
What is your opinion on GRABEASE baby utensils? Are they helpful or harmful to baby’s development?
Hi. My one year old refuses to eat any table food. He eats purees that we feed him, but he won’t eat anything on his own. He used to put some foods in his mouth, but doesn’t do that now. When we started giving him table food initially he would put it in his mouth and immediately gag and throw up (age 6-8 months), so we thought we needed to wait until he had matured a bit more in terms of his GI system. Now we are really concerned. His gag reflex has lessened, although he does sometimes throw up. Usually if we give him some water when he feels that sensation coming on he can stop it. He is developmentally off the charts in every other way – he is exceptionally smart and way ahead in terms of all the other usual milestones -our pediatrician said she has not seen a child like him in many, many years. My brother told me that his daughter gagged a lot when they fed her table food and it was terrible and they just muscled past it. Can you give me some advice in terms of how we can get him to start trying some table foods? We have bought puffs, baby cookies, given him cheese, all to no avail. The only thing he really has ever had a keen interest in trying to eat is his brothers’ raisins, but we can’t give him those right off! Any advice you can provide would be excellent!
Hey Jeanne,
We understand how difficult this can be! But you are definitely on the right track with buying the puffs and other meltable items. These are the ones I’d start off with as they melt in your mouth and the easiest to chew. You can also make sure that he is getting some play with foods (outside of mealtimes) to just touch and explore as this can be really helpful along the way! We have a free workshop that can help with getting him past the gagging! You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
hi Alisha,
I am mom of 7 and half months old son. I have started solids before 6 months and my son eats nicely in the morning, but when I give him anything during evening or night time he never opens his mouth and will become fussy. I tries finger foods as well and he threw everything down. I don’t know how to make him eat. Can you help me with that.
Hey Isha,
Thanks for reaching out! Sounds like your doing some great things, if he is eating in the morning. I’d try to take a look at your schedule to make sure he is having enough time in between to feel hungry as well as slowly easing into another feeding (making sure you are not pressuring him). Here is an article all about scheduling of foods.
Best,
Desiree
Hey, my son is 1 year old, he likes and eats whatever food we eat but only when I feed him, and whenever I give him food to feed himself he won’t touch food at all, he never ever touches food. I would really appreciate if you would give any advice or tips!
Hi Tahreem! Thanks for reaching out! Sorry to hear your son is having a hard time with self feeding. It’s great that he eats everything, though! He’s still very young, so just keep practicing self-feeding, allowing him to touch/feel/play with his food/textures, demonstrating, modeling, having him watch you eat, play feeding dolls, etc. No pressure, allowing him to do his own thing. Try pre-loading baby utensils and setting it on his tray for him to grab and bring to his mouth. Also, try the method stated in the post about spreading food or yogurt on the tray and having him bring it to his mouth with a messy hand. I know that sounds odd but it will help teach him the idea. Hope that helps!
Best,
Kalyn
I need help. My 2 year 4 month old daughter will not eat from the spoon unless I feed it to her. She hates sitting in her chair at the table to eat and just throws her spoon on the ground. When I try spoon feeding her with her hand in mine she gets mad and won’t eat it. Sometimes she’ll let me guide her hand but for the most part she just gets mad and cries. She’ll eat crackers and cheesepuffs by her fingers and uses a sippy cup. She hates getting her fingers dirty n wont finger feed with liquidy foods.
Hey Candi,
Have you tried playing with a spoon outside of mealtimes to get her used to the feel and how to complete the scooping part? I know how frustrating throwing of utensils can be and sounds like your doing a great job at trying to teach her! I’d just take the pressure away, you can also practice with cups, scoops, etc!
Best,
Desiree
No, I hadn’t tried that. I started right after you suggested it. She has baby dolls and I have been taking different kinds of spoons and pretending to scoop food out of a bowl and feed it to her dollies. Then I take the dollies hand and have them scoop the food out and into their mouths. It hasn’t worked yet but she watches me like a hawk when I do this. She has been at least taking the play spoon and putting it into her mouth when she wants to.
Hey Candi,
That’s great she is starting to put the spoon into her mouth!! I’d keep working at it, as it will take some time! During meals, have the spoon pre-loaded and see if she picks it up like she does during play! Keep us posted!
Desiree
Very informative post!! As an OT, you provided the description of motor skills needed by the child to feed himself/herself.
Thanks, Haben! Glad you enjoyed it!!
Hello! My baby is 9 months. We started purees at 6 months, the usual baby rice cereal, pear, apple sauce, pumpkin etc. she was never very interested. I would possibly get 2 baby spoons in at a sitting. At 7 months my child health nurse suggested I start trying 3 meals a day instead of 1, and offering mixed purees (with lumps) as well as finger foods such as cucumber sticks, cut strawberry or toast soldiers so my baby can easily feed herself. She is now almost 9 months….when we sit in the high chair she immediately turns her head, seems frustrated. Sometimes she may let me give her 2-3 baby spoons at the most..she is likely to pick up the finger foods (if the are large enough) and self feed but she doesn’t really eat anything. She is frustrated quickly….in an entire day she may only have 6 baby spoons in total even though she has been presented with a wide variety of options. I’ve have tried to make it really fun, always eating with her, playing her fun music, games, making mess on her tray with her… but I cant really get her that interested in the food….she is exclusively breast fed and normal weight….should I be worried?? All other babies I know eat far more than she does, even ones younger and I’m starting to stress a little even if I hide it from her….I truly feel she doesn’t see the point in food or doesn’t like it. Any tips would be appreciated.
Some babies definitely eat far less. At a minimum, I would keep offering. Try adding stronger flavors or making food blander. Does she respond to one over the other? One of my kids ate a spicy lamb stew that my mom made for dinner and we pureed it in the blender for him, he refused all regular baby foods.
Focus on the table foods and definitely check out how to transition to table foods for more tips!
Hi Alisha
Hope you are doing good? My love is 22 months old. Still he is taking his food by own. I am spoon feeding. But he if I gv him fruits he lleat by himself. Our stable food is rice. But he always refuse to eat that. I am forcing him to eat every time and still he is not chewing the food but he chewing well what he takes own.. Pl help me out..TIA
It sounds like he’s having a hard time learning to eat and so he’s avoiding it. He can learn to eat rice, but that is more difficult for some babies. I’d highly recommend reading this post on transitioning to table foods and even though he’s a little bit older this is where I’d start:)
Hello, hoping you can offer some advice. My son just turned 3 years old. He is diagnosed with ASD Level 1, and he also has a tentative ADHD diagnosis. He has been receiving OT for a year now. He is verbal and understands commands. He eats a limited number of foods, but that’s not even my main concern at this point. He will finger feed himself dry foods only, he can drink out of open cups, and straws. He can eat foods that are easy to stab with a fork. He can sometimes eat foods with a spoon without hand over hand. He does have some sensory issues on his face, so we have tons of napkins for every meal. Our issues are more behavioral. Getting him to sit and feed himself an entire meal is close to impossible. If he is trying to feed himself and gets food on his face or hands, or it slides off the silverware, then he’ll tantrum and refuse to feed himself after that. He can undo his seat belt and climb out of his highchair. Letting him sit at the table with us leads to him trying to stand on his chair or run away. We do use timers for most things, but they’ve never worked for meal times. He doesn’t seem to care if he doesn’t eat a thing. So leaving him go, and not feeding him while he runs around the house can mean possible dehydration. So I end up chasing him around trying to get him to eat. I’ve tried all different kinds of utensils, tried getting him a children’s table with chairs and moving it to all rooms of the house, I can’t give him toys or his iPad because then he’ll sit but won’t feed himself. He just started with a new OT this past week, and they don’t seem like they’re going to work on feeding with him. He is on wait lists for 3 different places for ABA, and he’s in a self contained ABA preschool class part time at our local public school for a couple more months. Do you have any suggestions of things I could try to help him? Thank you!
I totally get where you are and this can be so overwhelming! As I listen to your story, I think he could really benefit from a sensory diet. I’m assuming you are probably familiar with that and whether you are or not, I would highly suggest taking my free workshop that teaches you how to set one up. He may benefit from using tools like a weighted lap pad, a wiggle seat, or proprioceptive activities beforehand or during the meal. I have a guide for weighted lap pads here and I have a new post coming out next week about the wiggle seats. Lastly, I have this post on how to keep your child seated for meals.
Hi Alisha,
My son is 2 years 4 months old, recently came across to your blog so just want to know. My son eat figure food by himself, but he don’t want to eat food from spoon. If I keep food in front of him he asked me to feed him. I tried to feed him by holding his hand along with spoon, but he cries a lot and don’t want to eat in that manner. Beside this he loves to play with spoon and fork, but don’t want to eat by using them. Also, he recently started with his daycare so bit concern as he don’t eat properly over there. Need your guidance and thanks in advance.
Hi Vidhi! Thanks for reaching out! Try having him play with a spoon/fork outside of mealtimes to get him used to the feel of these utensils. Play pretend feeding using toys and have him feed them. Demonstrate feeding with each other and show him how you feed yourself. Just take the pressure away and keep trying!
Best,
Kalyn
Hello Alisha
writing you this message with a lot of hope!
We, as parents are frustrated now. We made mistake of spoon feeding our 2 year 2 months old boy.
we are frustrated because —
1-He is spoon-fed. Still he does not eat easily- needs some distraction like colors, toys, screen to eat food.
2-Still eats very slow. Each meal is minimum of an hours when he does not eat a large meal. Its hard for full time working parents to spare an hour of feeding+ 15 mins of cleaning for every meal. So every evening is about cooking and then feeding him mainly after whole day of work. And weekends same cycle for all three meals so all weekend is only at his service.
3-If he is given the food to eat on his own- sometimes he eats but very little like 1-2 cucumber sick and keeps playing or will throw the food.
4-He does not eat at all if he does not like the food even if he is very hungry.
5-He does not eat/does not eat easily when out like restaurants, if we are at friends place etc.
6- He does not show any self interest in food.
6-We have tried ways like taking him out of the high chair as soon as he starts playing up with us and doesnt eat to make him realise that he will be removed if he wouldnt eat properly. It works sometimes if he is hungry for a lil time.
Moreover, every time we become strict to make him learn that meal time is to eat and not play by following above or any other method for few days, soon he falls sick (as he falls sick very often) and then all efforts go in vein as then our focus is to ensure that he gets something in his body to avoid dehydration and support him in sickness and we do/give him whatever he wants like colors, rhymes and taking all his drama.
I really really want him to develop interest in food and start eating by himself!
Please help and suggest a way to be followed.
We will be grateful!
Many thanks
I know how frustrating that can be! I have a free picky eating workshop that I think would be really helpful for you. You can sign up here. I think these are the first steps you need to take.
Hi alisha! My 3 year old does not eat unless you mash the food. Everything should be literally mashed. He just swallows and doesnt chew. But he eats fish crackers and saltine crackers and bread but only if you cut them into biye sized pieces. He drinks from a straw but he still finds a hard time cup feeding. He doesnt hold a spoon in his hand too. Although sometimes i try and he cooperates a bit. He needs a tv to eat or any distractions. Please help me on what to do so I could save him the trouble of going to a therapist. He hates medical people. Thank you in advance!
Hi Flor! Thanks for reaching out! We know how stressful eating issues can be. We definitely recommend consulting with your pediatrician if possible, since they can refer you to a feeding therapist for some hands-on help. Since he’s stuck mainly on purées, he may need help with chewing/swallowing. In the meantime, practice with some sensory and oral motor exercises by using sensory bins, food play, and allowing him to touch/feel/play with his food. Try using a toothbrush to brush the insides of his mouth before mealtimes. Other oral motor exercises include making silly faces, blowing bubbles, sipping from straws, and licking lollipops/popsicles. These exercises will help strengthen his oral muscles, which are what he uses to chew/swallow his food. You may also try demonstrating eating/chewing by having him watch you make the over-exaggerated motions, or even use toys to demonstrate feeding and having him practice feeding the toy or using open mouth cups. We also have a free workshop that can help with eating table foods- save your seat here!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Alisha,
My little one is about 16 months. He self feeds some of his favorite food like crackers, cheese, gold fish, fruits etc. but not the main course. Our staple food is rice so he will eat rice if I feed him but plays with it or start throwing them everywhere if I let him eat it and hence does not eat much if I don’t feed him. Its a dilemma for me because it is him eating some food versus not eating at all. He goes to day car and the same story continues, he does well with his snacks and fruits but not with the main course. How do I encourage him to eat by himself and how do I deal with the quantity that he eats is enough for him or not?
Hi Chandini, I know it’s so frustrating! This age is all about learning to use a spoon. He probably just still needs some help, but if you become more concerned, I would definitely check with your doctor. I’d use the hand over hand help that I described in the post and keep practicing. I have this post on Toddler Portion Sizes that I think will answer your other question.
Hi Alisha! First off thank you so much for all the information. Your advice has really helped me and I’m sure it has helped tons of other moms. My baby is turning 10 months in a couple of days, and we recently just started finger foods (I’ve only been giving him Gerber Puffs so far). He chews and swallows them fine, however he doesn’t put the puff in the mouth himself. He only eats them when I put them in his mouth. I have tried hand over hand with him, but when I do that he gets frustrated and throws the puff on the floor. He hasn’t quite mastered his pincer grasp yet, but he is starting to get better at it. What can I do to help him feed himself the puffs? Should I wait till he feeds himself before I start introducing new finger foods? I am a bit frustrated because I’ve been trying to get him to self feed for about a week and haven’t had any success. Any information is so greatly appreciated! Thank you!!
Hi Ruse, it’s great that he’s eating those well, I wouldn’t stop the table foods because that could cause other delays if you wait to long. So for now I’d help him. But, I’d try the method I wrote about in the post about spreading baby food or yogurt on the tray and having him bring it to his mouth with a messy hand. I know that sounds odd but it will help teach him the idea. I’d also try putting something on a fork with rounded prongs of course and seeing if he’ll bring that too his mouth, maybe with just a little help. If those work but he still won’t pick up then try just playing with the puffs outside of a meal. picking them up and putting them into a container! Lastly, if he doesn’t seem to improve I’d mention it to the doctor or get an eval just to check in on his fine motor skills:)
My son will be 1 next week and we have been on a very wild food journey.. he has been tube fed since 3 months old due to an array of medical problems… now we are really working towards eating solids and cup drinking, however, we are having some troubles. He will pick food up with his pincer grasp (yay!), and he will put the food to his mouth, but he wont let it go inside of his mouth. He just removes it from his mouth and drops it on the floor.. Im not quite sure how to teach him to let go of the food inside his mouth. He also is a very slow eater and can only handle one small bite at a time (ie: one puff, 2 cheerios), then it takes quite some time to clear his mouth to prepare for the next bite. At this rate I feel like he will never be able to eat portion sizes (or anything near the portion sizes) that other toddlers eat. He also gets intimidated by utensils at times so I feed him often with my own hands. And recently he had started acting aversive to drinking formula both from a bottle and a sippy, but he will drink water happily. I wonder if the formula hurts his belly. I just am feeling pretty stuck and want him to thrive and be happy. Any tips you can give me are greatly appreciated!
Hi Nicole, it sounds like you’re doing a great job. It can be really challenging for kids that have been tube fed to learn to eat, this is very normal. Of course, it can be done! Are you working with a feeding therapist, if not I’d highly suggest that. There’s a lot of strategies for when to schedule tube feedings and oral feedings that can make a huge difference. He also may have some oral aversions to work through. I hope that helps a little!
My son is 3 and a half years old and he still does not eat himself. He only drinks water by himself. He didnt even bite chocolate, chips etc. he also didnt chew food when he is feeded. only a couple of times he has shown interest in picking up some oily fried foods. I am worried. Please help me so that he can chew food and take it himself.
I know he’s a bit older, but I’d start with this post on transitioning to table foods and this one on oral motor skills. You’ll also find a free workshop here that I think will be really helpful, too! If you have any questions let me know!
Hello,
I am having trouble getting my daughter to eat with a spoon. Before trying to feed her from a bowl and with a spoon. I would place her food on her tray and have her eat with her hands. She would eat but not enough as she would start to play with her food. Now I’ve tried hand over hand with a spoon but she cries and throws a tantrum. She does not want to eat. How can i fix this.
It sounds like this might be more of a picky eater issue or maybe she’s eating enough? Kids often require a lot less than we realize sometimes… I’d check out these tips and see if there’s anything you can add to help.
I really hope you can help me.
My son is 2,5 year son old and is really really messy when he eats. He still cant use a spoon or a fork by himself(100% our fault because we have been so bad at letting him do it when he was younger, and then we found out a few months ago that he had pretty poor eyesight and needed glasses).
He has very little patience and just crumbles everything(or smears it all over himself) when he gets tired of trying or is finished eating. He is not a picky eater though.
The problem is that in august he goes from nursery daycare with a lot of help to kindergarten where whey don’t have the resources to help and the kids are expected to be able to feed themselves without a mess.
So we are on a deadline to try and help him learn to eat mess free
Hi we have a 25 month old daughter. She is a great kid but when it comes to her eating it is always hard. She eats ok with me on her own but with my wife she struggles. My wife puts her front of the TV and puts the food in her mouth as she watches the TV. When I protested to this after several months she started to read books in front of her as she feeds her by hand because she won’t pick up the food herself. I protested to this as well and now she plays games with her and tries to give her the food to hold by hand which she usually dropes. It takes about 30 minutes to an hour to feed her in any of these various ways. I know we are doing everything wrong but my wife disagrees. I wanted to know the problems this could cause down the road so that I can explain it to my wife. Also please tell us what we should do to get everything in order and move in the right direction. I do have to say though that she is healthy physically she is 50 percentile in weight and 60 percentile in height. Thank you in advance.
That’s great Isaac, and I’m so glad you’re being proactive! There are so many kids just like your daughter that are thriving and doing well, but have a serious case of picky eating. I actually have a lot on here that I think will be really helpful. First, I want you to check out this post about distractions. Then, I want you to read, why kids don’t eat. Lastly, I have a free workshop that would be perfect for you guys… in it I talk about exactly what you’re asking about clearly and its really inspiring for a lot of parents. Maybe you guys could watch it together? You can sign up free here.
I will say to answer you specifically, that the long term effects are that a child doesn’t learn to eat because their brain is on auto pilot as their distracted. They tend to over-eat and can further make negative associations with food. As they grow older they don’t have feeding skills and problems can spiral even worse. They also often learn to connect eating as something of a reward and may either be over-eaters or because it was never pleasant they don’t eat well. I hope that helps!
My son is almost 21 months he can and will self feed with a spoon and fork if he feels like it. Most of the time he will just play with the food and spill it or throw it to the ground. He will let us feed him and will eat a decent amount but he is also very fussy. He will not eat much meat except hamburgers which is a rare treat so most of his protein comes from eggs, hummus and peanut butter. I feel bad feeding him the same foods everyday. Should I just leave him with a plate and if he doesn’t eat or throws it just let him down and be done for that meal?
The short answer to that is yes, but I’d gently encourage him and keep mealtimes as positive as you can. There are a lot of other things you can do, too, that will help him learn to eat better, but first it would be REALLY helpful to figure out what going on, check out 5 reasons kids don’t eat. And, also, I have a free workshop you can take that teaches you 3 important strategies to helping kids eat better. You can sign up for free here.
Hi. I am a mom of twins . They are 16 months age adjusted. Everyday eating takes hours the mess is amazing. They refuse the suction plates they take them out of their table and poor all the food over the table top . One of them love to through down to the floor all the food. He became a really picky eater. 5 to 7 times a day I have to wash the floors of suck a mess they make with food. ah also their refuse and get really angry with the bibs. How I can make them keep the food in the plate? And use bibs?
To be honest I might forget the plates for now and try again in a month, just give them a break. Put just a couple pieces of food at a time on their plates. As for the bibs, I know its so hard, I went through a battle with each of my kids at this age and really it just takes persistence and patience. I would always put them back on and ignore the cries, it took some time but they eventually got past it. However, I know other people couldn’t deal with it so they just stripped their kids down before meals, that works too!
Hi!
My son is 14 months old. He is a great eater in that he eats all kinds of solid foods. We also had no trouble with the switch to cow’s milk and the sippy cup. The problem is he does not self feed at all. He has not yet grasped picking up food and when he does, he doesn’t put it in his mouth. Rather, he puts it in his high chair or drops it on the floor. I have tried to show him with Cheerios but no luck yet. Also, he rarely reaches for the spoon when we are feeding him. Last, lately he has been trying to hold the sippy cup, but hasn’t mastered drinking from it yet while he’s holding it. I think these issues may stem from the fact that my mom (who watches him while we work) and I are neat freaks so I don’t think he’s had enough practice. How do I fix this?
Hi I need some advice! I have a 12 month daughter that is eating all solid foods, weening her off of puréed food but my problem is she is so persistent on using a spoon for everything and refuses to let me feed her or help her. She screams when I try to help. She wants to be the only one with a spoon. I’m glad she is independent but I am afraid she is not getting enough food because half of the time she can’t get the food in her mouth. How do I let her learn but still make sure she is getting the nutrients?
Will she allow you both to have a spoon? Give her her own bowl with a little in it while you control the bigger bowl. I’d also give her finger foods at every meal too so she is able to feed herself more efficiently:)
Hi Alisha,
My son is 16 month old. He is not eating anything by himself. I have seen him biting his toys but not picking anything from floor and eating it. But he could use his pincer grasp to pick say, peanut from floor. He just explores it and throws away. I even tried offering his favorite finger foods on his palm when he is hungry asking him to eat it by himself. He just throws it away crying or giving it back to me expecting me to feed him. He is a premature baby born on 34 weeks. Is this a normal thing for my son? Please assist me on what I should do to improve his eating behavior.
Does he eat well? Have a decent variety of foods?
Sometimes children won’t feed themselves because they aren’t interested in eating. Other times they just haven’t made the connection. If it is the latter, I’d follow the messy baby food idea while he’s in his high chair. Take his hand to his mouth so the begins to understand. This will take a lot of repetition. I’d even try the fork at his age and do the act busy trick with the fork loaded when you know he’s really hungry.
Does that make sense? Let me know how that goes!
Ya he eats well and eat variety of foods too. Only problem is he is not eating by himself. Sometimes he plays with food. But he never tries taking it to mouth even when he is at the peak of hunger. Anyway, I will try all your suggestions. I can wait even for months training him, just wanna make sure that this is not something abnormal. Thank you so much for your quick reply!
Sure, Ju, let me know how it goes!
I have a 2 and 1/2 year old son. He used to do good feeding himself and being independent. But now a days he doesn’t, I had to bribe him with so many things and I had to sit with him to feed him; it takes us ages for him to swallow and be ready for the next bite. He keeps the food in his mouth. He seems not to enjoy eating so much and that is stressing me out. How can I get him feed himself and enjoy his meals like he used to do? I appreciate the help!
Hi Rani,
Based on the little your shared here, it sounds like he is having food aversions, which can be incredibly stressful. Do me a favor, head to my start here and take a look at the couple of articles I have listed for picky eating. I think this is a really good starting point for you. Once you’ve looked at that let me know if you have questions. There is a way out of this!
Hi,i have same problem how I can teach my 16months old to feed himself.he can hold mobile,toys very tightly so no problem with grip.but whenever I put some food on his try he starts dropping food from his high chair.as I think he doesn’t like being messy because he starts to clean his hands with clothes.kindly guide me
This is very common at this age, as frustrating as it is. Check out the article index at http://www.yourkidstable.com/articles you will find some posts on letting your kids be messy, and toddler eating, they should be really helpful. I will say only give him a few pieces of food at a time and be patient and consistent- not always easy, I know!
My son is 12.5 months old and refuses to self feed at all (except with a bottle). He loves food and is pretty good about trying different things as long as we feed him, though he takes a while to warm up to new textures. But he simply will not put food in his own mouth, even if it’s something he loves and he is signing for it. If I put food on his tray he will carefully pick it up and hand it back to me and whine until I put it in his mouth. If I put it back on his tray he will hand it back to me, and will keep this up until I feed him or until he gets frustrated and throws it on the ground. If I walk away he will pick it up and throw it on the ground, methodically throwing every piece until his tray is empty. If I give him a larger piece of fruit (a whole strawberry or a chunk of banana) he will sometimes take one nibble and then he will squash it and rub it all over his tray. Any advice? Do you think this is just stubbornness/boundary testing or is there some kind of oral issue here? He has never been the kind of kid who puts toys or other things in his mouth except very occasionally when teething. He also had issues with feeding early on including a lip and tongue tie, which we had cut. He never was able to suck well enough to breastfeed. Thanks for your help!
Hi Steph, it sounds like he has an aversion- of course I can’t be sure- but he does have some red flags. He definietly needs to start getting things into his mouth. If you aren’t already, at least start brushing his teeth 2-3 times a day- not with one of those finger things or a washcloth, a real toothbrush. Brush his tongue, encourage him to chew on it. Get his teethers out, dip them in foods he likes. This will help immensely. I would also consider calling early intervetnion in your state, search for that in my search bar or see the article index in the menu bar. This is totally free, and could be really helpful. Great question!
Hi,
Your article is very helpful.
my daughter is 2 years now and she doesn’t like food ,but when i feed her she eats.
Another big problem is that she wont accept to be fed by anyone else.
What can i do to make sure she eats even when am not around her.
Hi Gladys, first thing I’d do is head to the start here button in the menu bar. Read there and click through to eating basics. Make sure you are following everyone of those items for a week or two and then we can talk about some more advanced strategies. If you are already doing that then let me know!
My son is going to turn 2 next month. He likes food but doesn’t want to eat on his own at all. He would take a bite or two and even if he is hungry, he wouldn’t eat more.Whereas he eats it all if I feed him.He was making a good progress when he was 13 months but we had a nanny who started feeding him and now the situation is that he keeps waiting for us. He refuses to eat on his own. He would eat things like cheerios,french fries etc. Basically, things that are completely non-messy and dry, he would eat. But, he doesn’t like to get dirty at all. He hates it if anything gooey touches his hands. They have to be wiped immediately. Same with his face, it just cannot get dirty. We have got him enrolled into part time school now and I am wondering if we should be looking to get therapy or I am just not sure how to go about it. Please advise. I am very tensed right now.
I know it can be really stressful. It is never a bad idea to get an evaluation and see if he needs more help. I’d start with my eating tab in the menu bar. Start following all of those steps. Then take a look at the post, Sensory Processing and Picky Eating. I know its a lot of reading and I don’t want to overwhelm you, but you asked a lot of big questions. Take a look at those posts and then let me know if you have more questions, you can find all my posts by clicking on articles in the menu bar. Read through the comments here, too!
It’s hard to read your website when you have ads all over the words that won’t go away. I went on three different computers, chrome, and internet explorer and couldn’t read everything due to this. Might want to rethink that!
Oh my gosh, first of all I’m sorry. Because all of my professional advice is free here and I commit a lot of hours to sharing here I do have to use ads to keep this blog going. However, if you can’t see the information that is a huge problem. I don’t place the ads myself but have an ad network that does, I can’t see the ads you are talking about. THere were no “x’s” to close the boxes? Did they pop up or just on the pictures?
My apologies again jordan, there was some sort of glitch with that particular article, I have no idea why, but it is taken care of now, sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Alisha,
I completely understand needing advertising to keep the blog running. No, there was no way to remove the ad. There were no “x’s”, if you clicked on the screen it wouldn’t go away. I am glad you got it taken care of!
My daughter is just about 10 months old and we’ve been struggling with feeding solids pretty much from the beginning (we started at just under 6 months). At first she was SUPER sensitive to texture, where she would gag, and subsequently puke, with almost every bite. Puff or anything remotely large would immediately yield this result. Over time, she’s gotten so much better with purees and flavors (she’s onto stage 3 and 4 pouches) and will even eat the Lil Bits containers. However, she refuses to pick up food and put it in her mouth. She will play with whatever we put in front of her, but it always ends up on the floor. She doesn’t even attempt to put it in her mouth. If we pick up the food, she leans in for us to feed her. She still sometimes gags, but mostly just slowly gums the food and eventually swallows. I am terrified she’s never going to get the hang of it! Plus, she’s always been on the lower end of weight so there is a fear of her not getting enough nutrition.
She is also slightly behind in speech. Isn’t babbling at all, though makes plenty of sounds, grunts, etc. Could these two things be connected? I am starting to worry that she’s going to fall behind her peers at daycare and get left in the dust. Any advice is much appreciated!
Hi Laura, I’m so glad you wrote. Based on what you just told me I think it is very likely that she has an oral motor delay. That means she doesn’t know how to chew because she is having difficulty coordinating how to move her muscles to chew and/or her muscles have weakness. This can be addressed, but I would highly recommend getting an evaluation as soon as possible. You can do that through early intervention for free if you live in the states. Click on the article index in the menu bar and see the article, “help for babies and toddlers”. She isn’t picking up the food because she doesn’t know how to eat it. This oral motor delay is also definitely related to speech. This may be a very minor issue, and may only need some specific techniques to improve quickly. If you haven’t already I would also suggest reading “how to transition to table foods” there are two parts to that. You can try going through this steps as well. Lastly, and there is no pressure, I’m available for consults. I’d have you send some video or I’d watch her eat on the consult to assess what is going on. Please let me know if you have more questions!
Hi Laura, I’m so glad you wrote. Based on what you just told me I think it is very likely that she has an oral motor delay. That means she doesn’t know how to chew because she is having difficulty coordinating how to move her muscles to chew and/or her muscles have weakness. This can be addressed, but I would highly recommend getting an evaluation as soon as possible. You can do that through early intervention for free if you live in the states. Click on the article index in the menu bar and see the article, “help for babies and toddlers”. She isn’t picking up the food because she doesn’t know how to eat it. This oral motor delay is also definitely related to speech. This may be a very minor issue, and may only need some specific techniques to improve quickly. If you haven’t already I would also suggest reading “how to transition to table foods” there are two parts to that. You can try going through this steps as well. Lastly, and there is no pressure, I’m available for consults. I’d have you send some video or I’d watch her eat on the consult to assess what is going on. Please let me know if you have more questions!
Hi Laura, I’m so glad you wrote. Based on what you just told me I think it is very likely that she has an oral motor delay. That means she doesn’t know how to chew because she is having difficulty coordinating how to move her muscles to chew and/or her muscles have weakness. This can be addressed, but I would highly recommend getting an evaluation as soon as possible. You can do that through early intervention for free if you live in the states. Click on the article index in the menu bar and see the article, “help for babies and toddlers”. She isn’t picking up the food because she doesn’t know how to eat it. This oral motor delay is also definitely related to speech. This may be a very minor issue, and may only need some specific techniques to improve quickly. If you haven’t already I would also suggest reading “how to transition to table foods” there are two parts to that. You can try going through this steps as well. Lastly, and there is no pressure, I’m available for consults. I’d have you send some video or I’d watch her eat on the consult to assess what is going on. Please let me know if you have more questions!
Thank you so much for responding! Of course, in the last two days, she’s figured out how to babble. I know she’s still a bit behind, but such relief that she’s making progress. Also doing a bit better on the table foods, but still only eats if I put it in her mouth. I’ve been trying the techniques from your Introing TableFoods article and it’s just difficult since she has no interest in getting the good to her mouth. Plus, she’s so independent that she doesn’t want any help. So guiding her hand to her mouth isn’t always a viable option. That being said, apparently she is sometimes doing it at daycare, but it’s definitely few and far between. I’ll likely reach out for an evaluation soon, just in case. Can you also send me info on your consultation services, too? Thank you, again!
Hi Alisha,
My son is going to turn 2 on next two weeks, and I start to gave him a own spoon and bowl and put some food in it for him to eat by himself during this few days (but I still fed him most of the food like what you teach), but he refused to get them and bring them back to me, and then I tried to give them to him one more time, he still gave them to me and said no,no,no,no. So what can I do to training him to eat by himself? Please
That’s great that you are following the other steps! I know it is really frustrating, but I would really try to focus on just offering. Take your time, but be consistent at every meal. Give him his own spoon and a small bowl as you feed him. Also, try acting like you are busy for a few minutes and just walk away when you know it is something he really likes (and is really hungry). Tell him you’ll be back in a minute, while “you get something”
Hi Alisha,
My son just turned 11 months and he is having difficulty picking up food and putting it in his mouth (self-feeding). I’ve been trying since 6-7 months to give him puffs, cheerios, stemmed carrots, crackers, etc. He will either pick up the food and then drop it on the ground immediately or swat at it and push it off his tray. He’ll grunt while he does this. He barely tries to put any of it in mouth. The few time he has tried to eat the puff he’ll stick his whole hand in his mouth and can’t eat the puff so he gets frustrated and then stops trying. We’ve tried to show him how we eat and even tried to hold his hand to model the process but he just grunts and takes his hand away out of frustration. He’s very independent so does not like when we hold his hand to show him how to do things. He does let us spoon feed him – we’ve given him a mix of purees and mashed adult food since 8 months. One thing to note is that he hates being in the grass & sand so wondering if he has a texture issue. I am starting to get worried about him not self-feeding – please help! Thank you!
Hi, these are great questions. I have to first ask, does he eat any table foods? Can he chew the puffs? Also, have you seen my posts on how to transition to table foods? You can find those by clicking on the menu bar and looking in the article index- there are some helpful tips there. I would also highly recommend getting him to start playing in some different textures, you can do this through sensory bins, I have a post about those too (also found in the article index). Are you in the states? If so, you can also schedule a free in home evaluation through early intervention, again, a post can be found in the article index. Let me know the answer to those first questions and I can give you some more guidance.
Hi Alisha,
My 16 months daughter seems to have gone for a hunger strike for the past four months. I started her on puréed foods when she was 6months old and she pretty much ate everything and tried all foods. After six months of that she just became really fussy and won’t eat anything. she refuses being spoonfed, only eats semi-dry foods like bread and pancakes or cheese and refuses to try anything else. I insist in sitting her at the table with her bowl of food and her spoon but she just plays with it and looks very disgusted. She’s 16 months now and. I am started to get worried. What do you think? Thank you, C.
It is great that you are putting her at the table every day, for every meal! That is perfect! Have you read my posts on how to transition your baby/toddler to table foods? You can find them in the article index in the menu bar. Although she is eating some foods, this will be helpful because I don’t think she has learned to chew well. You will want to follow the steps in the article. Also, are you in the states? I would look into a free in-home eval (you can also find more on this in the article index see early intervention) and see if there are some underlying difficulties. This is very non-invasive and can be very helpful. It is very common for me to see this in my practice, so you are not alone. There’s no pressure, but I’m also available for consults if you’d like to go that route. Let me know if you have any questions after you take a look at the other articles.
Hello Alisha,
Thank you for this wonderful article. My sweet girl is 15 months and refuses to self feed. She will pick up the food but then toss it. I will try to gently take her hand and put it towards her mouth and she throws a huge fit each time and gets hysterical. My husband, grandma and I try in the efforts but it always turns into a unsuccessful mess. I am nervous though my doctor said she is just lazy. She eats like a CHAMP, not picky at all and eats 3 meals a day with snacks. I feel completely at a loss. I feel helpless and like she will never learn. Help!
Hi
My daughter is 3 years old preschooler
But she still on spoon feeding .I have to run after her for hrs to make her finish her lunch and dinner.she just doesn’t want to eat by herself .I thought when she will go to school she will learn to eat with herself watching other kids but no she is doing same thing in her school she usually keeps her food into her mouth and don’t chew it .today her teacher told me to make her eat with herself
What to do I am frustrated now and some time I loose my patience too she pretends that she is still a baby..pls help
I understand how difficult this is, and it is going to take some time and a lot of consistency. I would also take a look at my eating basics (see the menu bar) and try to follow those suggestions, which will help establish a routine and structure around meals. This is critical to her feeding herself. Then, you can begin some the strategies discussed in this post. This can improve and you can do it gradually so that it isn’t too stressful for either you or her.
Hi,
My son is 2 and a half now and I haven’t really given him a chance to feed himself with spoon n fork but he’s Gud at eating finger food.Do u think it’s too late for him to start feeding himself and that if I follow the instructions u suggested he would be able to pick up soon?
Hi,
My son is 2 and a half now and I haven’t really given him a chance to feed himself with spoon n fork but he’s Gud at eating finger food.Do u think it’s too late for him to start feeding himself and that if I follow the instructions u suggested he would be able to pick up soon?
Yes try the steps! It is going to take a lot of consistency, so don’t expect it to happen over night, but he will get there. It isn’t too late!
I like these tips! But I’m concerned about helping him hold the spoon when he doesn’t like it when we hold his hands. He holds the spoon in one hand and eats with the other. He’s trying to figure it out himself, but it’s hard to watch when he doesn’t imitate. He puts the spoon on the bowl, then bats it away when he wants a bite so he can grab the food. My son is almost 18 months. We go to the doctor next month, but I don’t think my son is “picky” enough to be considered for SPD.
I also really like your sensory bins, wouldd it be good to do something similar with bigger items for a toddler who still bites everything? He likes to eat hard things and I’m thinking that dry pasta or beans would be too small for him. Thoughts?
Yes, sensory bins are great for him! Think about using cornmeal, flour, oatmeal, etc. Here is a great list: http://handsonaswegrow.com/edible-sensory-play-ideas/
As for the holding a spoon, it is quite common for them not to want help. I would try having it already loaded when he sits down sitting in the bowl. This will help him get off to a right start. Make sure you are using a thick handled spoon like a share in the post and one that has a deep bowl, this will make it easier for him. Other than that, keep trying, consistency and patience are the key. Focus on using yogurt or pudding that is hard to pick up, but sticks easily to a spoon.
Thank you for the link for edible sensory bins! Maybe this will get him to explore food textures a little more. And by the way, he somehow manages to grab yogurt…. ha ha. But he likes to dip the handle end of the baby spoon into the yogurt so I guess that’s progress! 🙂
Hi,
my son is about to be 1 in about a week and a half and refuses to feed himself finger foods at all. He is a great eater and doesn’t fuss about food but doesn’t ever want to put food in his mouth himself. My husband and I have both tried to gently bring his hand up and he stiffens his arm/hand to not allow it but opens his mouth for us to feed him. I have tried crackers, puffs small noodles and nothing works. He can do a pincher grab and he as picked up good a lot but won’t bring it to his mouth, instead he drops it in the ground or wipes it off his tray. I’m nervous I have done something to cause this, he was a bit behind in crawling due to us not giving him enough tummy time. I’m worried it is causing an issue at daycare. Also, he just started to hold his own bottle about 3 weeks ago, before that we had to hold it for him. Any advice would be appreciated.
Oh my goodness Shanna, don’t blame yourself. There are so many factors and variables! I would really try the suggestions in the post with letting him try to feed himself with purees with his hand. Try loading finger foods onto a fork as well and seeing if he will take that to his mouth. Lastly, try in a different setting just so that he gets the idea of what to do. Put some cheerios in a bowl and let him play until he starts to try to eat. This may take several attempts. Also, scroll through the other comments there are a lot of suggestions there too!
A friends child is 3 years old and has been diagnosed with autism. She is attempting to get him to feed himself with a spoon. He continually flips the spoon over as it reaches his mouth and ends up wearing most of it. She has tried hand over hand but he resorts back to this method. What else can she try?
Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of quick tips. It takes a lot of practice, especially with children that have developmental delays. You could look into a bendable spoon on amazon, which therapists sometime use to help cut down on this.
Hi there..
My daughter is 4.5yrs old and refusing to self feed. She has always been refusing to self feed since the age of 2 and i kept on giving in by feeding her. Its just with her lunch amd supper. Yoghurts and ice cream she will self feed with a spoon. Its just her”food”.
She says to me to me that she doesnt want her hands to get dirty and will go and wash her hands at intervals.
She is as you say particular about what she eats. How does this particularness develop?. How can i motivate her to try? Ive made the food look pretty and showed her how i enjoy it but im not winning.
She can take up to an hour to finish her meal amd stores food.
Anonymous
I totally understand how frustrating this and I think that it is good that you are trusting your instincts that something is going on here. I have a lot of information here that can answer all your questions. I would start with the eating basics tab and then look at the bottom for the links to get started with. Also in the menu bar you can find the article index and see all the picky eating articles. Take a look at those and let me know if you have any questions. I suspect that she has some tactile defensiveness, meaning she is sensitive to textures. Getting to the bottom of that problem will help you make progress. Have her start to play and touch a variety of textures outside of meal time. Look at the post on sensory bins, can find that in the article index or search bar.
i have a 16 years old learner who has poor eating skills he protrude tongue turn the spoon in the mouth or throw solid food in the mouth and swallow without chewing how i help him.
It sounds like there are some underlying issues and I would recommend him getting some feeding therapy. If that isn’t an option try to have him start by putting food in on the sides of his mouth where he should be chewing. If you can try to feed him with a spoon a bit and place it on the sides so that he moves his tongue to retrieve the food. I wouldn’t want you to do this on every bite and I do want him working on feeding himself as well. Once he is making some progress cut back on placing food on the side and show him how to chew by dramatically leaving your mouth open for bites so he can see what you are doing. You can also try putting him in front of a mirror so he can see what he is doing- that helps sometimes too!
My son is 21 months old. He does not eat ANY food. Before I get started I will tell you his pediatrician has found no underlying conditions related to this. My son is my first and only child, and my husband and I work opposite shifts to take care of him. He has never been around any children close to his age, until today, when he started daycare (pediatrician reccommended). As you can imagine, this has been very difficult on us as parents. We have tried LITERALLY EV.E.RY.THING to help him eat. He did well with baby food at first, and then when the teething stage began he stopped altogether. That was around 10 months old. When he sees food he immediately clamps his lips together, spoon or no spoon. He survives on toddler formula and milk/water with occasional juice for constipation. On top of the feeding issue, my son refuses to drink from anything but his bottle. We have done the whole”just throw it away” and that night had to go buy new ones from the store. He has been to a dentist, everything is fine in that aspect. We have been through thepossiblity of autism screenings. He is not autistic. He is stubborn. We are exhausted and need help. Im hoping he picks it up at daycare but I need to know what to do when he is at home. Should we start from the beginning with baby food? Should we continue to offer finger foods? Please please PLEASE help…
Oh Jessie, I really feel for you. I get how overwhelming this must be for you. Are you in the states? Have you looked into free early intervention services- see the article index under milestones? It is hard to say where I would start, not knowing if there are any underlying issues- there could be sensory or difficulty chewing (not necessarily medical). A safe place to start would be routinely sitting him down for meals even if he doesn’t eat. You want this to be as positive as possible. Give him a few pieces of something crunchy and offer a bit of a puree like applesauce or yogurt, even put a dollop on his tray. Start by just getting him to touch it, once he is doing that then try to have him smell or take to his lips. Think baby steps. If you can’t find any help see my consulting services or send me an email!
Hi, John here. Our little boy will be 4 years old in 3 months, goes to pre-school and eats lunch there, feeding himself. But at dinnertime his mom feeds him. Every night. If i happen to get to the table first and she is on the phone I let him feed himself. BUT when his mom shows up, she thinks he is eating too slow so feeds him. I guess no harm done, but meals turn into battles. Actually nothing you or anybody can do, no big harm done, but seems silly to feed an almost-4 year old.
My 10 month old uses a pincer grab to pick up snacks but won’t put the food to her mouth. She just plays with it or will feed the dog and try to feed me. If I take her hand to guide it to her mouth, she will drop what’s in her hand or have a tantrum.
She is fine if I feed her the snak but does not seem to want to feed herself. I try putting anything she is eating on her tray so she can attempt to feed herself but hasn’t willingly fed herself.
I also just started getting her to hold her bottle when drinking as she used to struggle to get her hands off the bottle of I held re hands to it. She is now holding her bottle but I sometimes need to tip the bottle back.
Any tips on how I can get her to self feed (without her throwing a tantrum)?
Just another piece of info – she is starting to take more steps but she never wanted any help if my husband and I tried to practice walking. She would shake our hands away and did not want us to hold her. One day she just took a few steps on her own and has been taking more and more ever since. Maybe this is the same situation with self feeding? Sorry for the lengthy post…
My 14 month old is a bit low on the weight chart, and I don’t know how to let her learn to self feed while keeping her caloric intake at a suitable number.
Lately, she’s been refusing, crying and screaming whenever I try to feed her, even if it’s while watching her poems on YouTube. I want to cut out the poems while eating altogether, and I also want her to self feed so that the frustrations are minimised for both of us.
I started to leave her alone since yesterday, instead of forcing her to eat. I gave her some simple things to eat (cheerios, cheese slice cut into small pieces, strawberries), and she simply picks up every piece of food on her tray and throws it on the floor. The only thing she’s had since morning is 80 ml milk and about 120 ml fresh fruit juice. No solids whatsoever. The only way in which she might have some before tonight is if I force feed her. She obviously doesn’t like that. Neither do I.
I don’t know how to prevent her from losing weight if she’s not interested in food OR milk. Do you have any tips? I’d love for her to learn. I’m okay with her making a mess, or taking her time, but I just don’t want her to lose any further weight in the process. Online research suggests that toddlers don’t starve themselves. I know that she may not technically starve, but she WILL get very malnourished and weak this way. Really feeling helpless and frustrated.
To clarify about the rotating spoons: the first spoon I give to her, to hold and do whatever she wants with. It mostly goes into her mouth the correct way, but I don’t guide it. Occasioanlly she will just drop it or put the wrong end in her mouth…but it is for her to experiment with. The second spoon is the “primary spoon” I use to essentially place more food directly in her mouth so that I can actually guarentee some intake.
I guess another thing I found helpful was the concept of eating while feeding baby. Baby’s feedings are roughly timed around our mealtimes, so she can be surrounded by others eating and drinking and mimic them.
This is all great advice.
I started introducing solids at four months and was skeptical when my mother told me that my siblings and I were feeding ourselves with a spoon by one year old. Sure enough, even at 4 months, even at her first offering of cereal, my daughter wanted to grab the spoon. Instead of pushing her hand away, I simply let her grab it and helped guide it into her mouth (which she was aiming for anyway!)
Now, we’re at 5 months and we use two spoons in rotation. I dip a little into the bowl to give to her, and she is free to put it into her mouth, lick it etc. Then, I offer her my spoon, and guide it into her mouth (she is still free to grab it if she wants to “help”) but I am primarily feeding her. Then, I dip her spoon back with a light coating of stuff and give it to her. So far, so good!
She also drinks from an open cup. If I want to be more efficient, I will hold it for her and she will “help” grab it with both hands and bring it to her mouth. However, she will pick up the cup independantly and tip it into her own mouth. I let her do this a few times…but only with drops of milk so she doesn’t choke.
I think we sometimes forget how quickly kids can learn if given the oppurtunity. I do think that sometimes for convenience we just do things for the kids (occasionally I just use one spoon, and push her hand out of the way when she tries to grab it) but it is possible ot teach them some of these skills at an early age.
Hi Alisha
This has been a great read and certainly given me some ideas on helping me son eat using utensils. He’s 21 months old and has been feeding himself finger food for many months. He eats on his own all the time. My concern is that he will only eat finger food and food that he can suck out of a tube like yoghurt or those Rafferty Garden products. I haven’t been feeding him from a spoon for some time and apart from a short period recently where he was happy to be spoon fed, he flatly refuses. I offer him a spoon that I’ve loaded and try to help him but he won’t touch it. I think he was better with spoons when he was 1. Unless it’s in a tube he won’t eat purees any more and is not interested in trying new food. He loves fruit. Will eat plain sandwiches. Loves potato if roasted and loves the proverbial chicken nuggets! I continue to try new foods and do try and eat with him so he can see what I am doing but he doesn’t seem interested in using a spoon. I am not sure how I can go from just eating with fingers when he refuses the spoon all together.
It can be a little tricky in situations like this Kim, first, I would just keep trying. I would also put a little bit on his spoon so he isn’t overwhelmed with too large of a bite. Model and anything he does with the spoon, even if he just touches it, clap and give praise. Also, try putting an empty spoon down and having him put it to his mouth on his own- again, anything he does, give lots of praise. You may even want to try this outside of meals.
thank you
My daughter easily does the pincer grasp my problem is she doesn’t put it in her mouth she throws it. What can I do to make her realize it is ok to eat. Other than showing her i’ve tried that.
That depends, how old is she?
I have a 16 month old boy and I am really concerned about his earing habits. He is earing his meals only during weekdays and when distracted at a great extent by grandma & grandpa (they are taking care of him while Im at work). He s not earing during weekends when Im with him, except for crackers, bread & sticks and puffs. Im still breastfeeding and cant stop as he gets really upset when I dont. He does not drink any other milk while he never drank from the bottle (just water from the cup). Recently he started immitating us eating, however he’s only playing with the spoon and fork while henever puts anything in his mouth. Im really concerned and sad and think I must be doing smth wrong 🙁
Oh Georgia, you are not doing anything wrong, but I understand how you could feel that way. I would look at the posts How to transition to table foods, you can find in the article index in the menu bar. Follow all of those steps. Also, it sounds like he has some underlying issues that might need worked out. I would highly recommend getting a free eval if you are in the states (also see Help for Babies and Toddlers in the article index). I am here for consults as well- no pressure. Please let me know if you need more help, after looking at those articles.
Thanks for this great article! I’ve enjoyed reading other articles on your blog as well. My son will be one year in just a couple weeks. He is great at feeding himself finger feeds. He enjoys it so much that I think maybe I’ve become a little too reliant on it, e.g. giving him messier foods to eat with his hands instead of with a spoon. He has show some interest in eating from a spoon though not yet attempting to get food onto it on his own. I think my biggest challenge is going to be placing a plate or bowl in front of him without him just dumping all the food out and throwing it on the floor. (I tried those suction bowls, but they don’t stick to his high chair tray for very long.) Do you have any tips for teaching him not to throw his bowl/plate? Thanks!
Hi Joan, thank you! You have plenty of time right now to ease into this skill, what he is doing is exactly what he should be doing. You are probably at least a couple of months away from him not impulsively throwing the bowl. Once you are there it just take some consistency, in saying “the bowl stays on the table” and you being close by and quick to grab it. I wouldn’t really expect him to do this until closer to 18 months, if he does it sooner, bonus! I think it is great that you are working on it though!
Thanks for your reply, Alisha. It’s good to have a general timeline of when to expect him to develop that skill. So for now, fingers foods placed on his tray and spoon feeding out of a bowl/plate that I hold is the way to go? I also wanted to ask: what are your thoughts on food pouches? Thanks again.
Hi. My son has just turned 9 months old and will not eat finger food. He will not pick it up and put it in his mouth..Instead he squishes it and then drops it. I put food on his tray for him and sometimes he just stares at it and cries with his mouth open so I have no choice but to put it in his mouth for him. What shall I do? Should he be doing this himself by now ? I’m worried this is my fault as I was too paranoid to start giving him finger foods before about 1 month ago . Thank you
Oh my goodness, not your fault at all! He is still so young, but it is great that you are being proactive. I would keep trying and be positive. Also, demonstrate for him and use hand over hand (put your hand on top of his and move it into his mouth) to show him how to do it. Try not to let him get too frustrated, it will take some give and take.
Hi. my son will turn one next week. i m trying everyday to teach him feeding himself a cracker or banana slices but he’s completely refusing. spoon feeding seem way beyond but yes at least he should take finger foods. his pincer grasp is fine….holds a biscuit etc….crushes then throws on floor. he does this with every type of food. i try to give him food to hold but leans forward with open mouth n cries if i insist him to hold
I know it is so frustrating, but try to keep it stress free by going in baby steps. Try to follow the steps I described in the post and put his hand into something messy like yogurt and see if you can get it up to his mouth. It sounds like he needs to make the connection that his hands can take food to his mouth. When he throws food on the floor try not to give it to much attention, just calmly say, “food stays on the table.”
Hi Alisha, my son is 3.8 and he used to eat at the daycare by himself. But not at home 🙁
He asks me to feed him just because he wants to be spoiled . He is a picky eater too. When I feed him, he would eat a good quantity but eats a spoon and plays around. He spoiled his 2.4 brother who was on the right track in terms of feeding himself and good appetite, and the second asks to be fed.
The older son started school now. I am refusing to feed him because I know that he can do it by himself. But he is having days with couple of spoons just to satisfy his utmost hunger and refuses to eat and plays around. Few days he eats like 1/3 to max. half the meal that I used to feed him. I tried to act like I am busy. It works for a whils. I tried o promise him with gift, rewards…then his mind gets busy with the gift and won’t eat. Do I keep on? Tips please.
Thank you
I would maybe try a more gradual approach and slowly expect him to eat more and more by himself. Also, think about if you are able to change up the routine in some way, maybe eat somewhere different or pack a picnic? Give lots of genuine praise for anything positive he does with feeding himself, such as, “I really like how you ate those bites with your fork! That was awesome!”
Hi Alisha, My daughter is 19mos. Should I introduce the fork (with my help) using/piercing it face up or face down? Thanks 🙂
Hi Brent, kids usually use their whole palm and kind of just stab it for a while. They will then move towards using it in a face up position.
Hi my son is 27 months old and does not feed himself anything . I need help and advice I’m really worried . He is also a really fussy eater and I have to push him to get him to eat .
Please help
Hi Helen, you are not alone! Scroll through the comments here, as you will find a lot of others in similar situations and try some of the ideas I mentioned. If you need more help, I’m available for consults see the tab in the menu bar, don’t hesitate to email me with more specifics if you need to!
My 9 month old son has started picking up the disolvable puff wheels. He’ll pick them up but not put them to his mouth. He doesn’t put things in his mouth. I will do the hand over hand to show him that he eats them but he just drop a them. I don’t think he likes the fact that they stick to his hand. How do i get him to at least attempt to eat them?
Does he put toys or teethers into his mouth? If not, work on this during playtime. It is important that he puts things in his mouth to learn to chew. Also, dip his hand into baby food and have him take it to his mouth. Some babies have a hard time making the connection and this can make all the difference!
Thank you for replying! It’s funny you suggest these things because we have started trying them already. He has started putting toys in his mouth so hopefully we can get him on a roll. Thank you so much! 🙂
Hi Alisha..
Thanks for wonderful article and really need some suggestions to encourage self feeding my 26 months old daughter. She was doing better when she was around 17months like eating banana on her own and other less sticky foods. But later she is totally reluctant to eat on her own. She only likes to eat fried items and nuts on her own. Every thing I have to feed her with my fingers even banana. I tried spoon n fork she ate few bites initially nd later started playing with them and throwing the food on floor using the spoon.
Its frustrating when it comes to her feeding time as she takes 45min to finish her proper meal.
The same thing happening even with her potty which she was good at her 18 months but now it terrible:-(
Am even trying to put her some rhymes to encourage her but is totally lost in rhymes.
Will be waiting for your valuable suggestions.
Hi Prathima, I understand your frustration! I know this is going to sound like general advice, but consistency is king. Every meal give her the spoon and fork, if she throws it, tell her “the spoon stays on the table.” Also, try to act busy at the beginning of the meal or change up your routine a bit by sitting somewhere else, Try to alternate bites, say, “mommy does a bite then you do a bite.” I know it is frustrating, but being consistent will really help get you there!
Hi Alisha! My son is 20 months old and hes good at eating finger foods with his fingers. But not so much with the spoon. i just started giving him the spoon a week back when he suddenly stopped eating his food. He manages to scoop some food in the spoon but as he takes in to his mouth he turns the spoon (instead of keeping it straight) and most of the food falls down. When i try to put my hand on his his to show hi, he leaves the spoon and refuses to eat. And that gets me frustrated and angry at him sometimes.
Another issue is that all this while he needed a distraction (nursery rhymes on youtube) to eat. So now when i give him his food to eat by himself he first asks for his nursery rhymes. And if i do switch it on, he doesn’t eat by himself then. I want to slowly get rid of this habit but he throws a tantrum and refuses to eat till its on switched on. I am going to put him in daycare when he turns 2 and i am worried he wont eat much there. Need your help.
Thanks
The spoon is going to take some practice and what he is doing is normal since he hasn’t had much practice. Make sure you are using a child friendly spoon with a thick handle to make it easier for him and just allow him to get messy. If you can have your own spoon and feed him some bites as well so he is still eating. I would act like your computer or tablet is broken and just tell him it isn’t available right now. He may still flip out and you may have to get through some of that. If it is really out of control then tell him that you are going to eat first then he can watch some videos.
Hi Alisha! Very helpful tips here, thank you for this article. I looked up this topic because our 19-month old is a bit difficult at meal times and I’m trying to figure out how to proceed. For us, I think there are two main issues and I would be really interested in your advice. He hasn’t started really using a spoon yet mainly because he isn’t doing much self-feeding. He will eat snacks and a few things he likes (bread, broccoli, pieces of watermelon sometimes) with his fingers but otherwise doesn’t show interest. When we try to feed him, he often refuses the food, and so we have had to resort to distracting him to get the food in – either with objects he can play with or the ipad. I know this is not a good idea, but it is just one of those things you try when you are desperate to get him to eat after a long tiring day of work, and then it works so you do it again, and now he’s used to it and I fear we’ve gotten into a bad habit.
What I’m trying to figure out is how to go about getting back onto a better path, to get him to self-feed without all the distractions. Any specific steps you could recommend for this?? Thank you in advance!
First of all, you are not alone, many parents that have children with feeding difficulties resort to this… understandably so. It is good that you are thinking about moving away from this and first suggestion would be to make it a gradual process. Start by waiting to give the iPAD or just move towards toys- that would be a good step as well. Also give lots of praise for anything positive he does, no matter how small. If you are in the states you could qualify for a free in home evaluation to help with feeding. See the article index in the menu bar for Help for Infants and Toddlers. Let me know if you need more help!
My son is 3 1/2 just started preschool he’s so far behind he’s s not so good using utensils and he wont even sit down to have lunch with the rest of the kids in the classroom. He’s always been picky and it takes a lot to get him to eat. I’m so frustrated i don’t know how to have him show more interest and sit down and atleast willingly try his food. Any advice?
Hopefully the school environment is going to help him- all that structure and seeing what the other kids are doing can have a big impact. It may take a little bit of time though. As for home try to have just start somewhere. Keep mealtimes on a schedule, no snacking, and have him sit for at least the first few minutes without a major power struggle ensuing. Think in baby steps not the end goal. Good Luck!
My son is 22 months (Down Syndrome) and can scoop with a spoon pretty well but instead of keeping the spoon straight as he brings it to his mouth he turns the spoon and sticks his tongue out to lick what hasn’t fallen off. I’ve done hand over hand for MONTHS but I’m not sure how to get him to stop turning the spoon.
Does he have an OT? If so I would ask about some possible adaptive utensils. On therapy websites they have some weighted and/or bent spoons that might make it easier for him. Also, does he respond well to modeling? I would sit right in front of him with your own spoon and model.
These are wonderful tips thank you for sharing them we gave my son a spoon to explore with at every meal time when ever we spoon feed him gave him lots of praise when he would pick it up and put in his mouth. He is at 14months now and can almost self feed he needs help geting the food on the spoon. We have been doing little things at home to build his fine motor skills. using different size spoons to scoop toys and other things out of a bucket. Its like you said consistency, patience, and practicing together are the keys to progress.
Thank you
Hi I have a 2 yr old that refuses to eat with a spoon. He prefers to use his finger. I try everyday to get him to do it but he scream & just wants his food. I’m total fresh out of ideas to get him to eat with a spoon. Plz help!!
Hi my daughter is 19 months old and can use a spoon and fork brilliantly but she has got this habit of scooping her food out of a bowl and shaking whatever utensil is in her hand which obviously causes a lot of mess.. While I understand them being allowed to get themselves in a mess I don’t understand the shaking!!! Please help
Hi Richard,
This is such a problem for so many families! It can be helpful to pick a phrase like “We keep food on the tray” and repeat it with a neutral tone of voice (easier said than done sometimes!). We have an article about throwing food that you can check out. I hope that helps!
Best,
Andrea
My son is 27 months old..he is actually behind in all development but his eating is the worst. He holds food in his checks and then tries to just swallow it. He does fantastic with noodles or soft moist foods ex shredded rotisserie chicken or vegetable soups. But he only will feed himself cheese doodles even still takes a bite drops what’s left and gets a new one. He refuses to eat if I try n make him feed himself so ice tried I spoon two times n help him do one but still no luck. He only weighs 23 pounds and I’m very concerned. Everything else he likes to do himself at his pace so I’m trying the feed yourself method to see if he will eat more but I’m having no luck
If he is behind, he is on his curve. Make sure you read my articles on Transitioning to Table Foods and Mega List of Table Foods, which you can find in the side bar or article index in the menu bar. They will be helpful. Are you in the states? Are you hooked into early intervention? I would highly recommend this if you aren’t. It sounds like you could really use some more specific help. I have an article on this process as well, Help for Infant and Toddlers. In the meantime, demonstrate how to chew, put pieces right on his gums, and give him teething rings to practice chewing on. Please let me know if you need more help!
Hi Alisha,
How do we get over the anxiety of having the kids choke as they learn to eat finger foods? Our twins are about to turn 1 (10 months adjusted – 32 weekers). A few weeks ago we tried giving them some puffs and they successfully choked. Since then my husband in particular is very nervous about anything other than pureed baby food. I think they need to start learning to feed themselves but how do we ensure that they do it safely, without choking? Thanks!
A couple of things… first, did they actually choke or just gag? Gagging is normal to some extent although can be quite scary. Puffs dissolve with saliva and have an extremely low choking risk if any at all. If it makes you feel better break them up and place them on the sides. I would also check out my article on transitioning to table foods, you can find it in the side bar or menu bar in the article index. Without knowing more specifics I would recommend continuing to move forward and keep trying.
That’s great! Thanks for sharing!
I put the fork in my sons hand, he is 18 months, and pierce the food holding his hand with the fork. Then he eats it and I say yay and clap. Since I have been doing this he has learned that its great to eat with his fork! If only I could stop him from trying to feed the dog… haha!
Hi Alisha! Great site!
I am so sorry to bother you with yet another question but here in the Netherlands it is difficult to turn to somebody for questions… I have read ALL of the above comments and haven’t found my answer so I post the question just in case you are still around.
My baby is almost 14 months corrected age (he was born 2 months premature) I have followed his corrected age regarding feeding, so we started solids at 6mo corrected, and so on… but I failed to introduce finger foods at the proper age because we were travelling. And now that we are settled again I have been trying for a while, leaving pieces of finger foods on his tray and acting like I’m busy, taking the pieces myself and eating them to show him, etc but none of this seems to get to him. He just plays around with the food for like 1 minute or 2, crush it in his fist with a disgusted face, throwing some on the floor and then he goes on to ignore the pieces of food altogether and sits contentedly waiting for me to come with his puree and the spoon, and feed him.
I don’t know what to try anymore! Please help?
I’m really worried that I have missed the window of opportunity for finger foods! 🙁 Is he too old? Should I move on straight to the spoon?
Thanks!
It is no problem to ask, that is why I created Your Kid’s Table. Thanks for reading through, there are a lot of repeats! First, let me say it is never too late and that if you haven’t come across them yet I have two posts about transitioning to table foods which you can find in the side bar under popular posts or the article index in the menu bar at the top. You will find a lot more info there. It is true that there is a window when kids learn and are receptive so you may have a bit more work ahead of you now. Keep up with the pureed foods because he needs to eat, but keep trying the table foods ideally at each meal. Start by following the order I describe in the post I mentioned. There is no pressure at all, but I do offer consults and have had many with parents overseas. Let me know if you need anything else!
Hi I came across this post while reading some of your meal ideas for toddlers. I have an 11 month old son and I try to get him to spoon fed and he will gladly accept the spoon to hold but once I grab his hand to help guide him in scooping the food and putting it in his mouth he gets very mad. My baby doesn’t want my help in the least so how do I help a very independent boy learn to use his spoon if he doesn’t want my assistance
Yes, it is very common for babies to do this, that is okay. You can try here and there but don’t get into a power struggle. I would focus more on giving him a little of his own and his own spoon the way I described above. He is so young, he has plenty of time to figure it out.
Thanks for your response. I will try to calm down since he’s not behind in his progress with self feeding. I’m a first time mommy so I’m constantly overly concerned with his development. Thanks for easing my mind
Hello,
This my first time posting ever and I hope you will help me out. My son is 22 months. Up until recently he was under the care of grandma. Now he is with me. He was an ok eater with grandma and on some days he is ok with me and other days he give me a very fought time. Overall he is a picky eater but there are some issues I needed helpe with. 1. He doesn’t have a good relationship with food. We try to keep feedings calm but his first reaction to any food is dodging it and then eventually eating. 2. He needs to be distracted while eating otherwise he would just play with his food and not eat. 3. He doesn’t stay put in a highchair instead he sits on the sofa. 4. Whatever food I make for him, he usually eats 3-4 bites…hardly ever eats the whole thing. I am sorry for all the questions but I’m quite desperate now. Not sure what to try
Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance
First, I know you mentioned you were in canada, in a private message, and that it will take a while to get services, but I would encourage you to start the process. If you haven’t already I would start with the eating basics tab in the menu bar. Don’t let the strategies overwhelm you but start to implement these things in your home- take baby steps. Try to keep meals as positive as possible and eat with him, it is important for you to eat together. Maybe you can get him to eat at a coffee table or a small table in the living room- again try everything in small steps. See the articles at the end of eating basics also for more help. If you need more help, I am available for consultations, where we can discuss more specifics. There is no pressure at all, and I think reading through the other articles will give you a really good starting point.
My one and a half year old doesn’t feed herself. She has the pincer grasp but doesn’t put anything in her mouth herself. Even when sheais hungry she will sit n wait for me to feed her. Please advice.
Look through some of the comments above for some suggestions- a lot of others have asked similar questions. It is hard to say why she is doing that. Sometime kids are just in a habit, sometimes they haven’t made the connection and need help, and sometimes they don’t want to touch the food. In any case take it easy and keep providing assistance along with trying some of the other strategies above.
Thanks for sharing
Hi. Great article. Just read it because I have been having problems getting my 3 year old son to feed himself. He has a 1 year old baby sister and wants to be fed like her… he really didn’t get off feeding himself so well. He knows how to do it, he just wants us or his babysitter to feed him. We’ve been trying to encourage him to feed himself, singing silly songs when he does so but somehow the situation has become a bit stressful when he doesn’t do so well and he ends up crying and not wanting to even try.
We have backtracked to try a slow, easy approach. He hates getting dirty and I clean him up fast in order to avoid a meltdown. Also, help him when he spoons his yogurt by placing a napkin underneath in order to avoid it dripping on his shirt.
He likes to eat while playing with toys on the table or listening to a story, we’ve always allowed it but limit the number of toys to just a bit and take advantage of playing with him while eating in order to make mealtime a funtime also, I have no problem with toys (small) on the table. We are quite relaxed with our mealtimes, but I see that he might complain about feeding himself because that means he can’t be playing with the toys. So I try to play around with the superhero figures while he spoons or forks.
Any other tips? I will try the “too busy right not to pay attention to you” tip I’ve read, as well as continue encouraging and try to keep pressure off.
With his younger sister, I will also try and implement the two bowl approach, and let my older son see that, yes, the little one is also learning to feed herself. And, let her get messy. I think that will be the main change. 🙂
thanks for your article.
Hi Johanna, I think you already have some great strategies in mind- I can’t say I agree with the toys at the table, mainly because I don’t want kids to be distracted as they aren’t actively engaged in eating and learning to eat. Of course, this is totally your choice, but I wanted to mention that. I would also agree not to turn it into a power struggle and to give him his own napkin. Encourage him to wipe up his own mess, it will give him some control and responsibility.
Will she let you feed her table foods? If so, start there, slowly encouraging her to feed herself. If she isn’t willing to accept any table foods and won’t in the next couple of months I would look into an early intervention home evaluation. It may be nothing, but if it is something it could be overcome much more easily now. Trust your instincts. Let me know if you need more help. I have post on early intervention under the article index in the menu bar at the top.
My daughter is 8.5 months old and she will not feed herself. She has an excellent pincer grasp and can pick up a Cheerio like nobody’s business but she won’t actually eat any food. We’ve been trying for a few months now. She eats puréed food I spoon feed her but nothing else. Should I be concerned yet or just keep trying?
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My son will be 2 in May. He does really well with finger feeding, but when I give him utensils of any kind, he just picks them up and throws them on the floor. It doesn’t matter if they have food on them or not. He is just totally uninterested in feeding himself. If I hold his hand and try to show him how it goes, he gets frustrated and won’t eat the rest of his meal. How can I encourage him to try feeding himself?
I wouldn’t worry too much, but keep trying especially in different environments and with different people. This behavior may just be habitual. Also, calmly but sternly tell him no and try to grab them before he throws. Also, when you introduce it, be very silly, sing a song, etc.- make it a little fun for him.
My little boy is 2 and a half and doesnt feed himself. At the moment he is being tested for autism and also has a problem with his sight in one eye. We have encouraged him to hold a spoon or fork whilst being fed which is a huge improvement. He does let us put food on the fork and with our hand over his, he will put it in his mouth. Thats has far as it goes at the moment. My little boy also is struggling with speech and commumication so he doesnt really understand much of what we are telling him. He has a 7month old brother and is starting to see him put the spoon in his own mouth etc i just dont know what the next step is without him getting too upset and just refusing to eat anything. He is also a very fussy eater. Thanks
It sounds like you are doing great. Every child is different and you need to meet him where he is. Keep helping him and try to pull back on how much assistance you give him to make progress. This may take time.
What are the best foods to help teach them use the fork?
Foods that you cube like soft meats (ham, chicken, meatball), cheeses, ripe pear, and banana all work well.
Huh. My 13 month twins are pretty good with a fork, but much less so with spoons. About the mess, though, let’s be real: It’s not about allowing them to get food on their bib and their chin. The food gets on those places, and it gets smeared in their hair and eyebrows, up their nose, in their eyes, and on their forearms. And halfway through they will rip off their bibs and get it on their clothes as well. All the food they drop on the floor has led to a mouse taking up permanent residence in the stove so it can sneak out every night looking for crumbs (I sweep, but I can’t mop every day). The suction cup bowls are regarded as a challenge and must be pulled free before any eating commences, and since they release suddenly, the food is flung toward the ceiling with great force.
And when you’re reading to start cleaning up, you face the dilemma of where to start first: wipe off the hands? But as soon as you release a hand it will be used to rub the dirty tray or dirty face. Wipe the face first? Then immediately a dirty hand will smear more food there. Remove the tray first? Then the hands can reach the pants and feet that were completely food-free throughout the meal.
Getting messy is for dinner (right before baths) ONLY.
Obviously, every parent needs to decide what works for them and with twins you certainly have a greater challenge. As an OT that specializes in this area and a mom that has taught two of her own kids this is what has worked for me and a variety of other parents.
I am going through the same thing, 14 month twins. . . its been a real treat. They refuse to let me feed them.
Hi, I’ve been reading through some of your posts about feeding your toddler and I’m hoping you can help. My son is 18 months old. We were a little late starting solids, at 6 12 months, but in the beginning he did great. Later he also really wanted to feed himself with his spoon, at about 13 months old. He fed himself with a spoon for about 1 month and since then he has refused to do it himself. I can hand him small pieces of food and he’ll put it in his mouth by hand; however if I put them on his tray he will just throw them off. It’s kind of like he simply doesn’t want his tray dirty. It doesn’t seem to matter what it is, he has never liked anything to be left on his tray. So I’m not sure how to get him to proceed through the stages you’ve mentioned. Do you have any advice?
I would try giving him a suction plate with just a few pieces on it. Then slowly build up on putting more pieces on. Try to give him short directions, “food stays on the tray/plate”, and be ready to grab his hand and redirect the food back. There may be some tears- don’t let it get excessive, but don’t let him get off too easy either. It will take time, but try to reinforce the rule. They can be pretty stubborn at this age.
Adding to my above post :
When she refuses to eat her meal do I go and prepare a safe option which I know she will eat and thus eats often? 🙁
I would encourage the spoon, but if it something that isn’t messy don’t worry too much about it right now. Kids like to finger feed and it is okay at her age, unless it is something messy like yogurt. The sensory stuff is a whole different issue. See my Basics to Improve Eating at the tab on the top of the page, start trying to implement those habits and read the posts listed at the end. They are all good starting points and will give you some direction. As you will see in the tab, always make sure you give her one thing she likes at each meal. If she doesn’t eat, tell her she won’t get to eat until her next meal. She should at least eat her preferred food. Don’t prepare her another meal, that is a slippery slope. If you need more help or suspect underlying issues I am available for consult via phone or skype- no pressure! Let me know how it goes!
Hi, great site thank you..I’m writng from Istanbul, Turkey. I know I have been too late to encourage her to use spoon & fork 🙁 She is 2 years old and we have been trying last 2 weeks with few success..She will just try once the first time I give the spoon to her and then gets uninterested..Then we hold it together like your hand on hand method a few times and it goes okey. But that’s it. The minute I let her be she goes back to using her fingers. That is if she is interested with her food..That’s another thing – she will only eat mashed vegetables and meatballs..She likes her food to be solid, which leaves out all the cooked mushy, fibrous, saucy kinds of foods out..She takes out the hard skins like tomatoes or oranges and gags with green pea or bell peppers or omelettes. I want her to enjoy her meals feeding herself, and for myself not to get anxious before each meal time..How can I get her to try feeding herself and how can we come over this sensual dislike ? Thank you!
Hi, I am hoping you can help me! My son has just turned 2, he’s a very laid back character and a slow learner! He fingers feeds perfectly well but he hates using his spoon/fork. He can do it (although messily) but recently he has refused to eat unless I feed him. I’ve tried eating myself and looking busy so he thinks I don’t have time to feed him but its got to the point where if I don’t feed him he’ll cry and scream until I give in. I don’t want him to go hungry but at the same time, I can’t help thinking he’s just testing me… any suggestions? He’ll normally do two spoon fulls and then completely give up! HELP!
I know this is such a frustrating place to be in. I would try a new spoon and try to up the interest factor. It may help, may not? This is probably just a phase and I would take the middle road. Help to avoid a major battle, but continually try to encourage and keep it positive.
Hi, flicking through I see you are an OT….please can you help a fellow OT?! My 18 moth old is fine eating finger foods and will take food off a spoon but only if I do it for him. He refuses to touch the spoon, shakes his head and pushes it away if I encourage him to have a go himself. (He only occasionally feeds himself a yoghurt). If I load a spoon and put it on the highchair and leave the room for a minute, he will reluctantly put the spoon in his mouth but he won’t scoop food – I have to reload the spoon and leave the room again. Unfortunately on a busy morning getting ready for work I just don’t have time to do this, and am also concerned he doesn’t eat as much this way. Any ideas how to crack this in a way I can be consistent?
First, take a look at the spoons you are using, are they too hard or awkward to use- see the ones I suggested in the post for ideas. Also, try to really work on it when you have the time until he is better at it in the morning. I wish I had a trick for you, but without being able to see him the best advice I can give is practice! Great to hear from another OT:)
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Hi , I have a big problem as my 4 years old eats anything but she will never ever eat by herself. I have try so many things but she does not want to learn, any technic ??? Would be very much appreciated.
At her age, it is a little different, it is likely that she is able to actually feed herself. Is there a time she is someone else’s care? Maybe playing at a friend’s house where you could not be there and find out how she does? Also try setting up her food and then acting like you are too busy to feed her for a few minutes- see how she does. A lot of kids will get sick of waiting and get to it.
Hello! Only use utensils for foods that make sense, don’t worry about the others. Keep trying the hand over hand assistance, only putting a little in his bowl. At this point repetition and consistency are the name of the game. It sounds like he enjoys eating, he’ll be there before you know it.
Hi Alisha! My 17-month old is a great eater, and has been eating a wide variety of finger foods for quite awhile now. I haven’t really pushed the spoon, but know that we need to get started. I’ve made a couple of attempts to have him hold the spoon, and then direct his motion as you describe in the post. However, when I let him try it himself, he holds the spoon with one hand and then uses other hand to eat the food. He’ll even stick his hand in a bowl of cottage cheese and attempt to eat that with his hand. How should we get started with this transition? Should he be attempting to eat all food with a spoon (including things that adults would eat with their hands, like apple cubes or sandwich pieces), or should we just work on this with food that adults would use utensils for? Thank you!
Hi Alisha…I wanted to let you know O is now feeding herself kix, Cheerios, puffs, yogurt melts, soft noodles and small pieces of pancake. She has trouble with the wetter foods like fruits and most vegetables. It was funny…a few days after my post she started…I guess I just needed some patience. Do you normally recommend eating solids first and then bottle feeding? We do bottle feeding first, especially she only eats about 24 oz max from the bottle, but I’ve noticed she doesn’t seem very interested in self feeding more than a handful or so of whatever we’re giving her. I’m assuming that’s because she’s just eaten a full bottle. When she was eating her baby food, she would eat about 2 oz after a 6-8 oz bottle. Also, she just learned how to sip from a straw!! I took your recommendation and bought the take and toss cups and they worked well with her. She gets very excited using the straw and squealed with excitement when she took her first sip. She does still let a lot of the water just run out of her mouth. We still have about another month with formula. Should I try and put some formula in the cup to try and wean her from the bottle, now that she’s figured out the straw. We’ve tried numerous sippys prior to the straw with both kiddos and haven’t been successful. I guess I don’t want to screw this up now that’s figured it out and is interested in the straw. Thanks for your help!!
Yes, if they are a year old now, feed them first and start to take away one bottle at a time, replacing it with milk during their meal… once they are on milk. You can experiment with the formula in a cup, but waiting is fine, too. It will be here before you know it. Make sure you give her at least water with meals.
You could also try a no spill straw cup now that she gets it, they are much harder to drink out, but her mouth won’t get flooded so easily. Happy New Year!
Sorry, the twins are actually 8.5 months adjusted, 29 weekers….mommy brain:)
Hi, I am in a similar situation. My twins are about to turn 1 actual, 10 months adjusted (32 weekers). A few weeks ago we tried some finger foods for them and they choked, so we are actually nervous to let them practice with anything that they can even remotely choke on. I am teaching my son to hold his spoon when eating pureed food and does ok with help. My daughter doesnt want to hold the spoon. I let her dip her hand into the bowl but she doesnt bring it to her mouth. I know they need more practice and we’ll keep working on that but should I be worried?
You are right to be concerned and I encourage you to follow your instincts, BUT there is a window of time when babies learn to chew and it can be difficult after that. I think it is good to keep trying, but in the right way. Have you seen my post on transitioning your baby to table foods. There are 2 parts and you can find them in the sidebar or in the menu bar at the top under article index. It is very detailed and I think will answer all of your questions. Let me know if you have more questions!
Hi. My twins are 11 months actual, 9.5 adjusted. My little girl is struggling to self feed finger foods. We’ve been working on finger foods for about 1.5 months now. We’ve slowly introduced puffs, teething crackers, carrots, sweet potato, pears, banana, peaches and kix. Since we’re getting close to one year, I’m beginning to worry a little. She will try to pick up a puff or yogurt melt, but won’t attempt to put it to her mouth like her brother who’s doing fairly well. She will drop it or just push her puffs around her tray. She is resistant to hand over hand assistance. I have started focusing more on teething crackers and having her bring her spoon to her mouth with her puréed foods. Any other suggestions? She has physical therapy and has always displayed and continues to display extension patterning, but has developed good bilateral, midline play skills. I would says she is behind with fine motor skills compared to her brother. I’m not sure if that’s all we’re seeing here? I will also mention she is a little behind in her munch as compared to her brother, but that has definitely improved. I think that’s all. Thanks for your help. I’m glad I just discovered your blog! I’m also an OT, but have always worked with geriatrics…wishing I had a little more peds experience now!
Hi Becky, so nice to hear from a fellow OT! I would keep working at the hand over hand assistance, even if you can it in a moment here and there. You could also try putting something sticky on her hands like honey or syrup, then all those little foods will stick to her hands. The first step is just get her to take the food to her mouth, then I’d work more on the pincer grasp. Of course, lots of fine motor play outside of meals is great, too! Keep me posted!
Thanks Alisha for your response. I will definitely keep working on the hand over hand and really like the idea of putting something sticky on her hand. She’s a tough cookie, because she can become resistive with hand over hand with meals and even games like patty cake. I will definitely keep you posted. I’ve been feeling stressed because our pediatrician wanted her off formula at 1 year, but I don’ see how we can do this if O is not even eating finger foods independently. Ughhhh…the stresses of being a momma. Thanks again!!
Hi my Name is Naomi. My daughter will be three in February. My daughter has been struggling with on going problems with eating for a year and a half now. At 6 months old my daughter started to eat food. She was a great eater. At 8 months she was drinking out of glasses by herself along with self feeding. I never had any problems. I just sat her in her chair and she would feed herself. This was very messy of course but no problem for me. We than moved to South America when she was 14 months old. The cultural and food is so much different here. My in laws insisted that she was to be feed by an adult and to eat blended foods. So not only did her diet change but the texture, foods and ways of being feed. We have gone through huge swings of time periods where she will not eat anything. Now she has been back to eating her food but with fighting about it. But I have to feed her. She is going to be three in February and I am exhausted and want my child back to self feeding. I have tried oh you take one bite and I feed you two bites and when I have done things like this she just wont eat. HELP PLEASE? I have no idea what else to do..
Sometimes this works… set up her food in front of her and act like you are really busy…. run back to the sink, look in a cupboard and see what she does (but don’t let her see you noticing). If you have to run over and give her a bite, then say… “oh hold on, I need to get the phone in the other room real quick”. Run out like your busy and leave the spoon and bowl there. She may get started on her own. Try this a couple of times before giving up. Get back in touch if you need more help!
Hi-this is great! My son is 11months and 1 week and just started on the pincer grasp. He has been eating puffs but doesn’t pick up bananas or other finger food. He also eats the tiny star pasta (spoon fed). I think I am part of the problem as am terrified to give him anything not puréed. What are your suggestions for first foods (don’t want to impose my issues in him:) and did I make it worse by delaying this-I get so nervous when he gags!!!
I actually have a two part article that addresses your question completely. Here is the link http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Thank you:)
Hi! My daughter is 10 months and doing well in other development areas except for feeding. I normally feed her cut up soft food like toast or pasta or fruit, etc. but I end up putting the food in her mouth. She would pick up the food but drop them on the floor. I tried getting her hand to her mouth with the food but she resists and cries/ whines when I do and really won’t open her mouth. The only food she had held and put in her mouth are banana with peel halfway down, and baby mum mums (rice husks). And most foods she only takes 3 bites and is done. I need advice! Thanks!–E
Will she eat more than 3 bites if you feed her? If not, email me so we can talk more. I would take it slow, she is really young, keep things as positive as possible. Try to get her to play/interact with the food in any way.
I am having a similar problem. My son will be one next week. He will only eat if he is spoon fed unless it is cheerios or something like it, ie. yogurt bites.He picks them up with his pincher fingers and places them directly into his mouth. No issues there. He has 8 teeth but isn’t a fan of anything he has to chew more than 2 times. If I put food on his tray he either touches it then puts it down or immediately starts “finger painting” and spreading it everywhere. If I put it on the spoon and in tiny pieces, he will then eat it. He has been walking for months. He stands at the window in daycare and watches the older class run around outside. He can’t join them until he can feed himself and not immediately flip the plate upside down. I am at a loss and don’t know what to do. If it were just me, I would spoon feed him as long as he wants but he so wants to be with the older kids and this is the one thing stopping him. Any suggestions?
Hi Kristen, I’m wondering if he doesn’t like the texture of foods. Have you introduced a little fork he could learn to use- that may help with the texture, but it will take some time to teach him. Also, babies don’t need teeth to eat- they use their gums efficiently. At his age it is important to let him explore the food- I’m assuming he’s around 1? Join in with him a little and try to demonstrate taking it to his mouth and also giving him a little help as needed.
My son turns 1 next week. My situation is a little different. He used to have no issues with a spoon at all. Then all of a sudden, it’s like he hates picking up his own spoon during meal time. I don’t know what is wrong with him. He will be fed with a spoon no problem but he will not by any means self feed or even pick up a spoon. When I try to put the spoon in his hand he moves his hand away and screams and cries. I think he became spoiled because he used to never have an issue grabbing the spoon during meals. We just had lunch and it was a lot of frustration as I was making him pick up his spoon and it was extremely frustrating because he screamed and cried and threw a fit all the while I took his hand and had him grab his spoon.
I know he’s a little young but still. Why would a baby go from being content with grabbing a spoon and me helping him self feed at like 8 months to all of a sudden, months later, hating self feeding. What’s wrong with him? Please help. I’m very frustrated.
I know he’s young but it’s like he went backwards in self feeding which concerns me. He holds his spoon after eating but never during eating anymore.
It’s hard to say what is going on here- it could be a phase. I would gently encourage, but not make too big of a deal about it for a month or so because he is really young. You could also try setting him up with everything then acting busy for a few minutes and seeing if he will get started himself. Give lots of praise for anything he does independently!
Hello! My daughter has not really started eating with a spoon and she is turning 16 months now. Is there hope that I will be able to teach her how to use a spoon and other utensils? Thank you so much
Oh my goodness, yes! You have lots of time! Start to follow the steps in the post and you will be on your way.
Thanks for your reply! 🙂
My son is almost 11 months old. I started him on pureed fruits and veggies then yogurt at 5.5 months. He was off and on about liking the fruits/veggies but was crazy for the yogurt. Around 9/10 months I switched to all finger food with yogurt for lunch. Recently he refuses yogurt as we’ll so now we are on all finger foods. He eats a good variety of foods so I think.his nutrition is OK. Should I be concerned about him learning to eat pureed foods and eating from utensils?
That is great! I think it is fine for now. When he does have applesauce, pudding, or anything else that requires a spoon, give him the opportunity to try. He has plenty of time to learn:)
Hello,
Your article is wonderful.I have a 16 months old son.I started Baby Led Weaning for him when he was 7 months old but I stopped just after 2 months as was worried about the nutrition.Also he has never been a great eater.Now I feed him semi solid food since a few months but sometimes he would have it but other times I really need to distract him with music/videos (which I know is not a good habit).Now I thought of giving up the “bad” habit & let him enjoy the food by feeding himslef.He shows interest in self feeding but he started recently & was enjoying the food but very less could reach his mouth and finally he got frustrated as he stayed hungry.Moreover,as you explained in teh article to hold his hand & guide him,he doesnt want me to touch his spoon & just wants to do himself.So I am confused how can I help him & also complete the nutrition.Please guide.Looking forward to your response.
Thank you Anjali. Sometimes kids can get really independent and they don’t want help- that is okay. I would let him try, but have your own bowl of food that you are feeding him from in between his bites or when he starts to get frustrated. Does that make sense?
thnx a lot for your reply.
Normally I keep a bowl with me but unless a “tube” is on ,he notices I gave him & refuses to ake.I guess the key is to just keep doing as you suggested.
Thanks again
Hi–I have the same problem. My 13 month old often times refuses when I try to feed her unless I distract her. I have to take her out for walks or try new things at each mealtime. This can’t be sustainable! She will eat a few bites on her own, but unless I manipulate her into eating, she just won’t eat enough. I “trusted” her between 9 and 12 months, and she continued to drop in the scale…from 50th pct to 25th to 15th percentile. I’m at a loss of what to do.
My son has been finger feeding himself since about 9 months after we were unable to spoon feed him since he would keep grabbing our spoon and gnaw on the wrong end (while holding his own spoon in the other hand). He just turned 1 and we have been trying to teach him how to use his own spoon to feed himself. This article has helped us very much!
However, he doesn’t get scooping/dipping and gets very frustrated because all he wants to do is hit the bowl like a drum/toy with his spoon, and then wants to gnaw on the wrong end of the spoon. I don’t mind trying at every meal until he gets it, but how long can I expect this behavior? How many minutes should I let him do this before he gets too frustrated to eat at all? Thank you for your help!
Hi Amy! It sounds like you are doing a great job! He is still on the young side for learning this skill so I wouldn’t worry right now. I would give him the spoon at the beginning, but keep your own bowl feeding him bites so he doesn’t get to frustrated. If he allows you, in between bites, put your hand on top of his and show him how to scoop, taking it all the way to his mouth. You don’t want him to get too frustrated, overall it is more important that the experience is positive. Does that help? Let me know if you have more questions!
My daughter is 9 Months old and the doctor recommended I start introducing table foods to her. However we didn’t exactly ask how or what foods or anything. What is a good sample menu for one day that would be suitable for a nine month old?
Hi Sarah! I’ve got your covered I have two articles here that are titled, “How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.” http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Get started there, then read part 2. There is an article index at the top if you have any trouble:) Let me know how it goes!
My son is 2 and 1/2 going on 3. He insists on me feeding him even though he is capable of doing it himself. He wants me to put the bite on the fork and in hi mouth. Then he is very picky about which bite he wants and even how I put it on the fork/spoon. I tell him that if Mommy feeds him he has to take what he gets and can’t be picky. If he wants to be picky he can feed himself. He also would prefer to sit on my lap and eat off my plate if he can. I did allow this at one point, but then stopped. Now he only allowed on my lap if I have finished my meal. My daughter was similar but my oldest son never complained about eating by himself. Why does he want me to feed him and how can I encourage him to eat on his own without causing tantrums that ruin mealtimes?
This is a tough situation. I wouldn’t recommend going cold turkey with feeding him, but would start to institute some rules. For instance, I would enforce him having his own bowl/spoon to start. Then I would move to having him take a few bites himself. Overall, I would encourage you to slowly ease him into it. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be some tantrums or discontent, but it shouldn’t carry on too long. I would also consider any underlying sensory issues… does he not like being messy?
Thanks for responding. I have been trying to take small steps but it is nice to have confirmation in doing so. He does seem to be doing better. I don’t think there are sensory issues–at least not with getting messy. Possibly with food texture but that may just be toddler pickiness. I will keep on as we have begun. =) Thanks.
My son is 19 mo. I’ve been offering a spoon for several months but not only he’s not interested in taking it, he’s not interested in eating anything that is not pureed! He eats crackers, bread and pop corn, which means there’s not a problem of not being able to chew, but he refuses ti eat, even less touch fruits, vegetables or meat! I’ve tried a lot but even when he accepts it, he keeps it in his mouth for ages. What can I do?
Children don’t eat for a variety of reasons- I have a post on that, too. See below. I am going to point you towards some more reading because I think there may be some underlying issues going on. Try to let him play with new foods and get comfortable interacting with them. Also, get him in the sand box or other sensory bins to help get him used to touching various textures.
Are you in the states? I think it would be really helpful to get a free feeding evaluation done- I can help you figure out how to get more info on that. Also, I offer consultations, which would allow me to give you a lot more detailed answers. There is a tab in the menu, my email is YourKidsTable@gmail.com
I hope this helps a little, I know how overwhelming it can all be!
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2013/01/5-reasons-kids-refuse-to-eat.html
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/08/getting-your-picky-eater-to-explore-new_27.html
http://www.yourkidstable.com/2012/06/ultimate-list-of-sensory-bin-ideas.html