For many parents, feeding their kids is a bit overwhelming, especially in the beginning. It’s really straight forward when they are babies, right? Milk, then baby food. Simple. Things start to get a little tricky when real food is introduced and the bottles and baby food are weaned away. Those babes turn into toddlers and the eating transition can be challenging. I’m not just talking about how to get them to start eating table foods, I’ve already covered that in: How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food. It’s all the other things that come along with this transition like when, what, and where to feed them…. when and how do they feed themselves… how long should they sit in a high chair… etc.
Okay, if you weren’t overwhelmed already, I am probably overwhelming you now! Obviously, I am going to walk you through the most common mistakes parents seem to make and how you can avoid them to get your kid’s eating started with a good foundation. As an early intervention occupational therapist, these have been common problems I’ve helped parents with over and over again, and they are mostly simple things that the Pediatrician doesn’t have time to tell you or may not even know.
Staying on Baby Food Too Long
Going to get this one out of the way first. Generally speaking babies should be starting to eat table foods around 8-9 months and should be done eating baby food by their first birthday. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if your child has developmental delays. Each child is an individual and I do want you to follow their lead, BUT often I see parents sticking with baby food way too long because it is easier or THEY are uncomfortable exposing their child to more table foods. You may think, where is the harm in it? Although most kids will move onto table foods fairly easily, some can get stuck in a rut and refuse table foods if they are kept on baby food for too long. If you need more help with this transition check out part one and two of How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.
Abandoning the High Chair
I know the big high chairs can be cumbersome in kitchens and the trays are annoying to keep cleaning, but these seats and their ability to confine, ahem, I mean keep you child safe are the best bet for a while. Babies have learned to associate eating with this chair and toddlers are notoriously distracted. If you try to have them eat at their own little table or at a big table before the age of 2.5, you are most likely going to be in a constant struggle just to keep them sitting at the table and their eating habits will surely suffer.
There is nothing wrong with keeping your kid in a high chair or booster seat with a strap until they are 3. If you never stray from this, they won’t ever know the difference, sitting in a high chair or booster is all they have ever know. Once you let them kneel on a big chair or don’t strap them into the booster, it could be very difficult to return to the original set up.
This is my favorite strapped booster seat, I’ve used it for all my kiddos, until 3 years old and beyond really. Plus, it’s portable!
Once you do move to strap-free eating situation, lay the ground rules quickly about staying seated. If you child insists on getting down, meal time is over for them. Make sure they understand this and follow through. Click here for more info on setting up a schedule and spacing meals apart.
UPDATE: Check out 8 Steps to Keep Your Child Seated at Meals and to make sure your child is positioned correctly in the booster you are using, you’ll definitely want to head over to The Best Seated Position. You’ll find helpful pictures and the high chairs and booster seats I use and recommend.
Constant Snacking
I have to admit, this is probably my biggest pet peeve and the most prevalent error parents make. (Warning: stepping onto my soap box) Somehow our culture has evolved to constantly feeding our kids, most of the time we do this to pacify them. We hand them crackers or cookies in grocery stores, doctor’s offices, cars, parties, and even church to keep them quiet. It doesn’t always stop there. In the beginning, it can be hard to find a schedule for eating that works and leaving food out all the time can seem logical, or meal times become stressful and schedules are abandoned because it seems easier. It may be easier in the short term, but in the long run, it will become more difficult to get good eating habits established.
When kids are given snacks endlessly, the message sent is that we don’t need to sit and eat together (yes, even if it is just a snack) and that we can eat whenever we want. I think it is important to teach kids to respect meal time in it’s own right, so they can develop healthy eating habits for life. Constant snacking totally defeats this, and as I have discussed previously, snacking usually ruins their appetite. To learn 5 ways to increase their appetite, click here.
In my day job (as an occupational therapist), I see huge changes in a child’s eating when the family moves to structured, spaced out meals. At home, I also see a dramatic difference in my kid’s eating when they have snacked too frequently.
Toys at the Table
No toys at the table might seem obvious to some of you, especially parents with babies that aren’t really trying to pull this stunt yet. I assure you there will be a day when your toddler is insistent and will ultimately throw a tantrum just to have the truck or doll at the table with them. In the moment, it is very easy to give in because you are exhausted and don’t have the battle in you. However, this is a battle worth fighting, even though that toy may be keeping them in their chair, it will mostly distract them from actually eating. Sometimes it helps to place the toy in a spot where a child can see it (sometimes that makes it worse!). Either way, once your kiddo knows that you mean business about no toys coming to the table, they will stop trying.
*If your child is receiving feeding therapy, some therapeutic strategies employ the use of toys at meals.
Eating Alone
Eat with your kids. Often when we start babes out on baby food they are on their own schedule and we focus just on feeding them at their own meal time. This should be short lived, if ever a scenario at all. If possible, it is a great habit and benefit to the baby to eat meals together. As they start to eat multiple times a day and begin table foods, try to find a way to have your eating schedules coincide. Serving your kids solo means them missing out on a variety of social interactions, as well as the powerful tool of modeling. These mini-me’s just want to emulate us, and while we all know that they observe everything that we are doing, we often forget to apply that to eating. They notice that the broccoli is on our plate and what we like to eat. Not to oversimplify, but If your kid never sees you eating the broccoli, they might not eat it either.
Please don’t fret if you have already begun some of these habits, my hope is that this information will empower you to make some changes that will lay the groundwork for good eating habits throughout your child’s life. Although it may take a little more time to undo some of what I discussed here, you can get back on track by slowly making changes. Pick one thing to focus on at a time and be patient! If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, click here for some more tips.
If your looking for more help on establishing good eating habits, click here, here, and here. Follow me on facebook for quick tips and ideas.
As always, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment, let me know what you’re thinking or any questions you may have.
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
My 11.5 month old baby girl has always had feeding issues day 1. She was born 7.9 pounds but gain weight slowly and now dropped to 15 percentile. At the moment, she will drink approximately 400-450ml Milk (formula and breast milk) a day. We feed her 3 meals (consistent time) and 1 snack (sometimes). The best meal is breakfast because she will eat 2-3 tablespoon of iron fortified oatmeal with banana. Lunch, snack and Dinner, she doesn’t want to eat. If it is fruits, she will have a few bites. But if it’s veggie or protein, then she won’t open her mouth. If i add a small piece of banana with a small piece of veggie or protein together in the spoon, she will eat 2-3 times and stop afterwards. I’ve tried feeding her purée. Then I tried switching to finger food. During the feed, I’ve tried giving her toy to distract her. She will take a few bite and again start to scream. Trying to let her pick up food to eat by herself and eat with her. She will throw all the food on the floor. Should I get a timer how long she can eat a meal? But if I set it to 40 mins, nothing go into her stomach. And I was hoping that will drink more milk if nothing goes into her stomach for dinner. Then her last bottle, she still take the same amount. So a day without solid.. she is still in taking 400ml milk.
Hey Karmen,
So sorry you are having trouble feeding your daughter. I’d make sure to provide opportunities for her to be touching and interacting with the foods. We do have a free workshop that may help as well. You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi I have a very active 15 month old like never stops moving. He only eats 1 meal a day if that. Sometimes he will go the whole day and only have a few bites of something. I’m only breastfeeding in the morning and afternoon so he will eat more but he just isn’t. He used to be nice and chunky but now has the skinniest legs and I’m sick of people commenting on how small he is. We sit at a table and his in a high chair and we all eat together. I try need to give him snacks in between but his still not eating. I’m so stressed and worried. I feel like he burns more calories then he eats so how is he supposed to grow
Hey Stephanie,
At this age, they do start to move around more and burn a lot of calories, so you do see kids thinning out, because they learn to run, etc. I’d first start to work on having him complete some play with foods, to see if he will touch and interact with no pressure to eat. This can be a huge step forward. We do have a free workshop that can help with strategies and setting up mealtimes. You can save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Hi, We have a 12 month old who’s weaned off all breastfeeds except morning and evening, so we’re wanting to give her more snacks between her solids meals. Does it matter if she has a snack in the highchair or on the floor (crawling around some while she eats)? Also, any tips for not-too-messy but still healthy snacks?
Hey Alissa,
It is best for all meals/snacks to be served in the high chair as they get proper seating and positioning for eating there!
Best,
Desiree
Hi, we have a 14 month old who eats table food and a decent variety of foods too. I try to space meals and snacks out to be 2-3h apart. He has about 16-18oz of milk a day, I try not to exceed this even though he loves his milk as I am encouraging to increase intake of solids instead. Most of his meals involve finger foods, except maybe lunch, which maybe rice and veggies. My issues are:
1. We always start a meal in high chair, but it is rare that he finishes eating the whole meal there. Very often he wants to leave after 5-6 bites, if we get him down he will happily walk around but will keep coming back to his bowl or pointing at food to eat and will finish most of it till he is no longer interested. Is this ok and if not, how can he finish meal at the table?
2. Sometimes if he starts fussing, I try to offer him a fork and he will have a renewed interest to eat if he forks the food or if I help him get food on the fork. Is this not a good approach?
Thanks for your help!
Hey Thanks for reaching out to us!
Yes utilizing the fork is a great strategy and natural approach to eating, so great work, I’d keep modeling that and helping as needed. I’d work on keeping him seated that the table. You can read more about it HERE and there is a link in there to check out his seating to make sure it is great!
Best,
Desiree
Hi I have a almost 11mn old and I think the butchered the excitement of eating! He will willing eat his oatmeal in the morning but after that lunch and dinner it is really hard to spoon feed him food. He has two teeth but isn’t 100% on solids I normally to purée and solids mixed because he is only eating soft solids. He would eat avocado and bananas for every meal. He used to smile and now he looks away the whole time I try and feed him. He just cried in the beginning. Sometimes I can squeeze his cheeks and force the first bite and he will eat it after that but will not look at me or smile at all. What’s the best way to make this more enjoyable so he doesn’t just nurse all night.
Hey Lex,
Thanks for reaching out to us! Sounds like you are doing a great job at providing purees and then soft foods as well working your way up to harder foods. I’d try to get him more engaged with feeding of himself and providing him with a spoon too, to see if he is interested and able to help. We also have a free workshop that I’d recommend taking as it will be full of great information for you! You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi
We have a 19 month old who refuses to eat with his own spoon and fork and we would like to try for him to be more independent in this way and be able to but he gets upset and throws the spoon. We may have made a mistake by not being persistent and consistent with this enough when he is much younger. He is very intelligent and capable in many other ways but he doesn’t want to try eating by himself. It is really frustrating and I have half considered going cold turkey with spoon feeding but we really need expert advice. Thank you
Hey Heidi,
So glad you reached out! I’d try to make sure that you are modeling for him, so as he has his spoon/fork I’d over exaggerate you having yours and how to use it, this can peak his interest in copying you! We do have an article that is full of tips as well, you can read about them Here
Best,
Desiree
My granddaughter was born with Down syndrome. She’s beautiful and doing well. My daughter does not have a kitchen table. Too antiques in the small kitchen. Taking them out makes room for a table and chairs. Rearranging the kitchen would put refrigerator in sight of living room. She does everything on the floor with 2 big dogs and a mean cat. What is your opinion this situation. She’s 10 months old. The parents eat on the couch. Her kitchen has room but she refuses to make room for dining together. I watch her often and have our meals together at the table. I don’t understand this? Give me your thoughts! Thanks
Hey Patricia,
Thanks for reaching out! While we do recommend eating meals at the table, we do understand there are different family dynamics. If a table is not what they will work towards, even working on turning off the TV and eating at the same time and same space is a good first step!
Best,
Desiree
Hi, my 17 month old hates his high chair and won’t get in. He absolutely hates being strapped in anywhere – car seat, pram, high chair. He straightens and tenses his entire body which makes it very dangerous to try and hold him. Any suggestions for a calmer way of getting him to sit in his chair?
Hey Anna,
We understand the struggle! We do have an article that will help with some tips. I’d make sure that you are giving him warnings like in 5 minutes we are going to sit in the highchair, so he starts to make those connections. And make sure he has support under his feet. You can read more about these tips HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi, we live in South Africa and to get help here is extremely limited if not impossible. Our grandson is 3 years old and we tick all the blocks for food aversion. It is very daunting to tackle this problem alone. Are there online workshops to evaluate our grandson and to assist us. Kind regards, Lynnette
Hey Lynnette,
So happy you reached out! We understand how difficult it can be to get some help in many areas of the world. We do have full online courses as well as some free courses to get you headed in the right direction. I’d recommend taking our free picky eating workshop! This will provide you with some great advice on where to get started with your grandson’s feeding journey! You can save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hi. My son is 11 months and we are trying to get him off the habit of playing with toys and reading books while having meals. The problem we have is he refuse to open his mouth if there is nothing on his high chair he can play with. But having those things also make eating painfully slow because he is more distracted. But it’s worse without the toys. We know this is not good and hope you can provide us some suggestions how to wean him off his toys during meal times, otherwise as he grow with this habit, it will only get worse
Hey!! Thanks for reaching out. I understand that this is a difficult situation, but are so happy you are looking toward the future to successful mealtimes. I would try to slowly take the toys away or decrease the amount of time they are there! ie: if they are there when he gets to the table, have them hidden, and then bring them out and slowly increase the amount of time he is at the table without them. You can watch our free workshop on the 3 keys to picky eating, as you may find some helpful information in there as well!! save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Your Kids Table Team Member
My daughter is 11.5 months old and her schedule is roughly as below, i am writing to you as i feel something is wrong with her food and hence she doesn’t sleep well.
6.30-7 wake up time and breastmilk
7.30-7.45 bathe
8.15 – breakfast
9/9.30- nap
She doesn’t have a fixed duration of naps (anywhere between 10-30mins)
11.00 – snack (fruit)
12.30 – lunch
13.00 nap She doesn’t have a fixed duration of naps (anywhere between 15-60mins)
Breastfeed upon wake up
4.30pm snack
6.30pm dinner
7.00pm bath
7.15/7.30 bedtime
She gets up in the night but I have weaned her off night feeds
Kindly suggest changes
Hi Divya, Check out this post on 11-14 month Feeding Schedules. It gives you some good tips and examples that I think will be helpful.
Hi there, my 10 month old rarely takes her bottle. Maybe 10 ounces in total. So I had to relay on solid foods. Problem is she won’t eat without cartoons. I want to remove this habit. I am really worried it might lead to serious complications later. This started when she was around 8 months old. Please help me and guide me how to remove her habit step by step.
Hi, Thanks for reaching out to us!! We understand how hard it can be to be feeding your child! I’d really work on letting her play with the food first, you can do this outside of mealtimes if you’d like to let her get used to the texture and be accepting of it. Taking away the distractions you’d probably need to do overtime such as turning it on after she’s taken her first bite and slowly increasing the amount of time. We do have a free workshop that will help provide you with what foods to provide when and looking at some underlying causes. Save your seat HERE
Best,
Desiree
Hello!
My 23 month girl seems to be eating the whole day.
Wanting a bottle or eating. It’s always crying for something for her mouth.
It feels like we are missing out on life, all she want is food or drinks.
Pls help.
She is in school and also have stick routine, and sleep very well.
Hey Este,
I understand how this can be difficult. I’d try to get her on a good schedule of meals/snacks to really keep track of how much she is eating and getting her to increase the amount at a meal so that she is not always snacking throughout the day. Sitting down with more at one time should help hold her over till the next meal in about 2.5 hours later, but you can work your way up to that time period if it is too long.
Best,
Desiree
Hello
I have a child (5 year old in April) and it feels like he’s become more and more pick. He was entirely breastfed until 6 months and then we started food, BLW. Some purée/soups sometimes. He liked it, but never ate much as we breastfed freely until 2 years old and then occationaly until 3. At one he kind of lost interest of food and sitting at the table as he started to walk. I know now I should have acted differently. But anyway. We always have family breakfast and dinner. Lunch at weekends can be a bit different. But he’s become picky with meat and fish that he used to love. Now he’s become more interested in the carb-swamp. Breads, pasta, potatoes, chips.. you know. And sausage. And eggwhites. Things with no taste. I have really tried not to pressure but probably have made it. We have never forced him. I have tried not to give him other things after or before meals. Only vegetables before dinner to snack on but cucumber and somethimes carrots are the only vegs he eats. And basil. He used to eat more. Anyway. Now I want to try the “this is what’s for dinner and nothing else”. But he might know that we have sausage and pasta leftovers in the fridge and of course prefers that. Or he wants egg whites or cheese. He now also can go to the fridge, open it and take what he wants. How to handle this. It feels so bad to be like a guard of the fridge or to deny him the leftovers/cheese/egg whites that we obviously think is ok food as we have it at home and to deny it when it is ready and leftovers should be eaten, right? But maybe cheese and egg whites can be seen as snack. And leftovers can be saved for leftover-day. I just feel it’s hard to deny him when those foods are existing and approved. And when he can get into the fridge himself.
I wish there was a function to edit (or delete) my comment(s). This is okay but it happened so fast and I’m not sure I was done.
My son is nine months, he doesn’t want me to feed him with the spoon (for pureed food) but then he never eats anything an just plays. With finger food/BLW, he sometimes will feed himself but max a few bites. Then he starts almost pretending to feed himself, or misses his mouth but claps because we have been trying the whole positive reinforcement even if he is just playing with or touching the food. It’s almost like that backfired. My concern is that he will only take a few bites and then closes his mouth or archea his back and doesn’t let us try to offer him more. He has eaten the most when I give him pieces of food while he plays but that’s not a good habit I feel. I am overwhelmed and don’t know how to get him to eat more.
If you want to make life much easier, read this:
https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/
Hi Maria,
With everything I teach, there’s a way to make it your own and have it work with your own instincts. Serving leftovers at the next meal is usually something the child doesn’t want, but if you’re okay with it, it can work. I become more concerned with them seeing other foods, so one idea would be to serve another food along side it. I’d also be looking to set the environment up so that he knows you’re preparing the food, that he’s not getting out what he wants – if that makes sense!
Our 16 month old recently started a new class at daycare, and they use the kiddie chairs and table for meals/snacks. I’m sure you can already guess where this is going…he’s now refusing his high chair at home. We have a keekaroo that we tried pulling up to the table without the tray and even that didn’t work because he was so mad about the strap (and since he was flailing around so much I wasn’t comfortable without the strap fastened). Any suggestions on how to handle when we can’t control the environment during the day? Thank you for all of the wonderful information that you provide!
You’re so welcome! It can be hard when they do something different at school/daycare, but I think that if you’re consistent at home, he’ll eventually learn how to do different things in different locations. I have this post on how to stay seated for meals (and a free printable!) that I think will be helpful!
Hi! Article is amazing! My almost 16 month old refuses to sit and eat (high chair or booster). We have to feed him as he plays. I now understand we have perpetuated the habit. How do I break it? I am afraid he is too young to send to bed hungry but maybe not? I am guessing the first week would be rough but something has to give. It’s a problem especially when we aren’t home for a meal. Thank you!
It is going to take a little time. You have to start out having him sit for a small amount of time at first (just a minute or two) and then slowly build to more and more time. Consistency is the key. Keep working on it every day.
I’m wondering what your thoughts are about my toddler wanting to play with things on the table (vitamins, our plates and utensils, etc). They’re not toys persay but it amounts to the same effect as him bringing a toy to the table. He’s very distracted if we give it to him, but throws a fit if we don’t. We could clear away some things but clearing our plates/bowls/utensils would amount to him eating alone.
I’d say if it’s a huge distraction that I’d steer away from it, but you don’t have to do that cold turkey. It will take a few days/weeks but you could slowly wean him away from relying on them so much. I love your thought of taking away the other distractions.
This was so helpful to me, I can see now that I am making some mistakes with mealtime. My daughter is 16 months and she is still eating some pureed foods. I have been making her food so I have tried to make it thicker and with chunks so there is more to chew. She has only 4 teeth and she gags and chokes a lot on most foods, especially meats. I have tried to help her so she knows she needs to chew her foods but it doesn’t always work and as soon as she gags or chokes she doesn’t want it anymore. Any recommendations on what to feed her or how to prepare certain foods?
Not to be a buzz kill, but I disagree with basically all of these. I don’t think any of these are “bad habits”, I think they are simply choices. I did not introduce baby food until 7 months and table food until about 1 year. I had no issues transitioning. I did not purree all of her food though, so that may have helped. I wanted her to only eat fruits and vegtables, so she did for the first year.
We also never used a high chair. She ate where we ate. Sometimes at the table, sometimes on the couch, wherever. This has never been a problem for us either. When she started daycare she was able to sit with everyone at a table. They don’t have high chairs.
I think it helps that we usually eat together so she stays put pretty well and is not distracted.
On the weekends though, when our schedule is more fluid, I just feed her when she asks. So sometimes she is just snacking. This does not bother me one bit. I am not concerned about where she eats or how she eats, I care about what she eats. If I leave carrots and grapes out, I don’t mind if she picks at them all day. I am a big believer in letting kids guide their appetite. Who am I to say she’s not hungry?
Anyhow, again, I am not saying that everyone has to do it like me, but really meal time is no big deal for me. I just care that shes healthy. I don’t think that’s a mistake.
Thanks for sharing your story Katherine, I loved hearing it. It is a bit of a grabby headline! For me, as a feeding therapist, these are sort of pitfalls for a lot of kids that breeds or making picky eating worse. Thanks again, it’s always important to remember that every family is unique and what works for some doesn’t for others 🙂
Thank you for some good advice. I have 2 issues with my 15 month son. The first is that he eats constantly and never stops so I never know if he is full or not. He eats every meal and snacks too. I can’t eat anything without him crying to have some. During meals he will just keep eating and asking for food, eating way more than you would expect. It’s like he doesn’t know to stop when he’s full so I never know how much to give and when to stop giving it to him. Second, he eats way too fast and I don’t know how to get him to slow down. He shoves so much in his mouth at one time and won’t slow down. He isn’t over weight, he is at the 50th percentile. He is just a bottomless pit and I am afraid of creating future bad habits by him eating so much. Do you have any advice?
Hi Dana! This is actually a good problem to have, ha!
I’d try to only feed at mealtimes and keep meals to 30 minutes, saying “ALL DONE” when it’s over. I’d also think about eating at the same times as him so he doesn’t see you eating without him:)
Lots of interesting ideas here. I agree about high chairs and when kids are used to them, it means they can be more included in family meals.
Definitely!