For many parents, feeding their kids is a bit overwhelming, especially in the beginning. It’s really straight forward when they are babies, right? Milk, then baby food. Simple. Things start to get a little tricky when real food is introduced and the bottles and baby food are weaned away. Those babes turn into toddlers and the eating transition can be challenging. I’m not just talking about how to get them to start eating table foods, I’ve already covered that in: How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food. It’s all the other things that come along with this transition like when, what, and where to feed them…. when and how do they feed themselves… how long should they sit in a high chair… etc.
Okay, if you weren’t overwhelmed already, I am probably overwhelming you now! Obviously, I am going to walk you through the most common mistakes parents seem to make and how you can avoid them to get your kid’s eating started with a good foundation. As an early intervention occupational therapist, these have been common problems I’ve helped parents with over and over again, and they are mostly simple things that the Pediatrician doesn’t have time to tell you or may not even know.
Staying on Baby Food Too Long
Going to get this one out of the way first. Generally speaking babies should be starting to eat table foods around 8-9 months and should be done eating baby food by their first birthday. Of course there are exceptions to this, especially if your child has developmental delays. Each child is an individual and I do want you to follow their lead, BUT often I see parents sticking with baby food way too long because it is easier or THEY are uncomfortable exposing their child to more table foods. You may think, where is the harm in it? Although most kids will move onto table foods fairly easily, some can get stuck in a rut and refuse table foods if they are kept on baby food for too long. If you need more help with this transition check out part one and two of How to Transition Your Baby to Table Food.
Abandoning the High Chair
I know the big high chairs can be cumbersome in kitchens and the trays are annoying to keep cleaning, but these seats and their ability to confine, ahem, I mean keep you child safe are the best bet for a while. Babies have learned to associate eating with this chair and toddlers are notoriously distracted. If you try to have them eat at their own little table or at a big table before the age of 2.5, you are most likely going to be in a constant struggle just to keep them sitting at the table and their eating habits will surely suffer.
There is nothing wrong with keeping your kid in a high chair or booster seat with a strap until they are 3. If you never stray from this, they won’t ever know the difference, sitting in a high chair or booster is all they have ever know. Once you let them kneel on a big chair or don’t strap them into the booster, it could be very difficult to return to the original set up.
This is my favorite strapped booster seat, I’ve used it for all my kiddos, until 3 years old and beyond really. Plus, it’s portable!
Once you do move to strap-free eating situation, lay the ground rules quickly about staying seated. If you child insists on getting down, meal time is over for them. Make sure they understand this and follow through. Click here for more info on setting up a schedule and spacing meals apart.
UPDATE: Check out 8 Steps to Keep Your Child Seated at Meals and to make sure your child is positioned correctly in the booster you are using, you’ll definitely want to head over to The Best Seated Position. You’ll find helpful pictures and the high chairs and booster seats I use and recommend.
Constant Snacking
I have to admit, this is probably my biggest pet peeve and the most prevalent error parents make. (Warning: stepping onto my soap box) Somehow our culture has evolved to constantly feeding our kids, most of the time we do this to pacify them. We hand them crackers or cookies in grocery stores, doctor’s offices, cars, parties, and even church to keep them quiet. It doesn’t always stop there. In the beginning, it can be hard to find a schedule for eating that works and leaving food out all the time can seem logical, or meal times become stressful and schedules are abandoned because it seems easier. It may be easier in the short term, but in the long run, it will become more difficult to get good eating habits established.
When kids are given snacks endlessly, the message sent is that we don’t need to sit and eat together (yes, even if it is just a snack) and that we can eat whenever we want. I think it is important to teach kids to respect meal time in it’s own right, so they can develop healthy eating habits for life. Constant snacking totally defeats this, and as I have discussed previously, snacking usually ruins their appetite. To learn 5 ways to increase their appetite, click here.
In my day job (as an occupational therapist), I see huge changes in a child’s eating when the family moves to structured, spaced out meals. At home, I also see a dramatic difference in my kid’s eating when they have snacked too frequently.
Toys at the Table
No toys at the table might seem obvious to some of you, especially parents with babies that aren’t really trying to pull this stunt yet. I assure you there will be a day when your toddler is insistent and will ultimately throw a tantrum just to have the truck or doll at the table with them. In the moment, it is very easy to give in because you are exhausted and don’t have the battle in you. However, this is a battle worth fighting, even though that toy may be keeping them in their chair, it will mostly distract them from actually eating. Sometimes it helps to place the toy in a spot where a child can see it (sometimes that makes it worse!). Either way, once your kiddo knows that you mean business about no toys coming to the table, they will stop trying.
*If your child is receiving feeding therapy, some therapeutic strategies employ the use of toys at meals.
Eating Alone
Eat with your kids. Often when we start babes out on baby food they are on their own schedule and we focus just on feeding them at their own meal time. This should be short lived, if ever a scenario at all. If possible, it is a great habit and benefit to the baby to eat meals together. As they start to eat multiple times a day and begin table foods, try to find a way to have your eating schedules coincide. Serving your kids solo means them missing out on a variety of social interactions, as well as the powerful tool of modeling. These mini-me’s just want to emulate us, and while we all know that they observe everything that we are doing, we often forget to apply that to eating. They notice that the broccoli is on our plate and what we like to eat. Not to oversimplify, but If your kid never sees you eating the broccoli, they might not eat it either.
Please don’t fret if you have already begun some of these habits, my hope is that this information will empower you to make some changes that will lay the groundwork for good eating habits throughout your child’s life. Although it may take a little more time to undo some of what I discussed here, you can get back on track by slowly making changes. Pick one thing to focus on at a time and be patient! If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed, click here for some more tips.
If your looking for more help on establishing good eating habits, click here, here, and here. Follow me on facebook for quick tips and ideas.
As always, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment, let me know what you’re thinking or any questions you may have.
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 17 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
Hello, Alisha!
So thankful for your tips and explanations! I agree, it’s really very important to sit and eat together with all the family. Exactly as you said, our babies just want to emulate us. Our son is 2 years old and when we’re sitting and eating together, he wants to eat everything that his father is eating. Sometimes there is a problem when my husband wants something to eat that is forbidden to a baby. Usually I asks my husband to wait a little bit. What advice can you give on that?
Thank you again!
Sorry for the late response Katia, I missed this one! You’re totally right, at this point you can ask him to just wait until later or kind of don’t make it obvious that he’s eating something else! As he gets older that will be more challenging for sure though. It’s a sacrifice! Have you ever seen the funny meme’s of mom’s eating cookies in the closet, kind of the same thing:)
Hi Alisha,
I can’t believe I didn’t realize toys are a slippery slope. It makes total sense but we already did it! Starting at about 9 months old she would only eat when distracted and just like that, we have a little basket of mostly small books and a minnie mouse that she likes next to her chair. Lately, just as she turned one, she is just even more difficult to feed. She might eat by herself a few selected pieces of what she knows she likes, like chicken, peas and berries but then refusing to any spoon whatsoever. If I give her stuff that she likes, she usually eats it but the doctor told us to keep trying to give her a gamut of foods which I get her to try (sometime she won’t take them and spit them out) by feeding her with a spoon or with my hand.
Things have been escalating. Lately, she doesn’t eat more than 5 pieces of food (even the ones that she likes) unless distracted. I wouldn’t mind letting her be in her chair but she starts throwing all the food to the floor. On the other hand, if distracted with toys, she opens her mouth and will have significantly more food. Does this mean that she is or not hungry? should I not give her food unless she asks for it? In addition, I don’t mind taking the toys out but she will probably fuss about anything on the dining table, pointing at anything she sees and then screaming if not given attention (we eat as a family together). At the end, we all end up stressed out during meals, and if with no toys, probably with a hungry kid as well. What can we do differently?
These are great questions Liliana, and you are definitely in a bit of a catch 22 here, and I’ve worked with a lot of kids in similar spots. I hope you don’t mind but I’d like to direct you to some further reading because I think we are just scraping the tip of the iceburg here. I think it be really helpful to read When Picky Eating has Gone Too Far and 5 Reasons Kids Don’t Eat. Once you’ve read those, let me know if you have some new insights about your daughter- I think she has some underlying challenges that need addressed. Then, I want you take a look at The Best Picky Eating Strategy and How to Stop Distractions. Please don’t feel like you have to read this all at once- it can be a lot to take in, but make it a priority because there are a lot of elements that need to come in here. All of these articles are really going to be explaining why this happening which is really important to understand so you can move forward. I think these articles answer many of your questions, but I have a feeling you’ll be looking for some specific steps, please reach back out, I totally get it and addressing now will be much better than when she’s older.
Couldn’t agree more, and this is exactly what we have always done in our family. Our daughter went right along with our example. Our son, not so much.
So we’re going back to the drawing board, offering him plenty of grazing opportunities because it is that or starvation.
Each child is so different. And capable of turning upside down even the best laid plans.
Thank your for sharing these useful information. Sometimes I make
these mistakes and don’t know that it would do harm to my kid
Omg i wish i read your blog long time ago. I pretty much screwed up on most of the things you listed. My 20 month old doesn’t eat meals..so we got into the habit of giving him snacks throughout the day. He still gets 2 8oz bottle of whole milk during the day. Breakfast id say is ok…he’ll eat bread, yogurt,or fruits. And then usually 2 hours after that ill give him the bottle, then nap. But lunch/dinner…he doesnt eat meals. Im thinking maybe i should stop giving him snacks? The 2nd bottle we give it to him before bed. Its so stressful feeding him. I do try to offer meals but he just refused it. Hes in the lowest percentile for weigh/height since birth but still healthy as per our pedia. Hope you have some tips/advice for me!!!! Thank you!!!
Hey Marci, oh please don’t beat yourself up about it! You obviously were doing the best you could- the problem is nobody tells parents this stuff! I would highly recommend stopping the snacks- take it slow if you need to, meaning that you can start by going 1 hour. You can also start by attempting a meal for a few minutes at a kids table or coffee table if you think that it will be too stressful to move to a table. I know how stressful these changes can be, but I can assure you they are possible- I’ve worked with kids in so many similar situations. If you’re interested I do have an online class where I walk you through all of this to make sure you can be totally successful and move past picky eating. No pressure at all, but if you want to take a look: yourkidstable.com/join
My 11 month old won’t eat unless he’s distracted. He used to be a lot better about eating, but now he just points at everything and wants to hold something while he eats. How do I get him to change this habit when he literally will not take a bite unless he has whatever he’s pointing to? Thanks for your help!
Do you mean he’s pointing to other foods? If so I’d eliminate anything that you can- including other distractions. This can be tricky, but you’re probably going to tell him “no” and have to sacrifice him eating at a couple of meals. At his age he will get the point, after some tears, of course 🙂
Thank you for this! I feel like I’ve totally screwed up. My son will be 1 tomorrow & is a great eater, but still eats mostly pureed foods. I have given him quinoa, rice, oats & lentils, though. And he does love to chew on the chunks I put in his mesh feeder. I began with the purees when he was 6 months but, as he’s my first child, haven’t been sure how to proceed from there. He loves spices & seasonings & has adventurous taste buds. He’s learning to drink from a cup (we skipped the sippy) & has an amazing pincher grasp that he uses on sand, grass, etc. but getting him to pick up foods & put them in his mouth has been slow going. I see so many kiddos his age on full adult meals & feel like I’ve messed up 🙁
Oh Heather! It’s okay, really!!! You’re here reading, and you’re child is unique. You have done the best you can with the info you had up until this point. I want you to head here to read this post and let me know if you have any other questions: yourkidstable.com/2012/09/how-to-transition-your-baby-or-toddler.html
Thanks for all the tips!
My 15 month old eats a lot of variety, but is easily distracted. When my child eats in he’s high chair he has a few bits and then wants down to play… how do I change this? He screams when he thinks he’s done, yet if hes distracted he eats a lot more. Im mainly concerned because he’s only 20 lb and is small for he’s age. so I often follow him around as he plays to get a few more bits in him which i know is not good… i just push the calorie intake and i don’t know how the help his weight and hight without the foods. thanks again
Is he growing on a curve? He may be small but if he is growing well then he is okay. I know it gives you piece of mind, but as long at the doctor isn’t concerned I wouldn’t worry. Offer to have him come back in a few minutes and make sure you are spacing your meals out with no grazing so he is really picky. I know its hard but this is really common toddler behavior. Search the menu bar for a new post I wrote on toddler eating with some more tips. Lastly, if he wants down try to redirect him back to the table in 5 more minutes. Meaning let him get down and allow him a few minutes to change his mind.
Thanks for all this great information. We have a 15 month old who doesn’t want to sit in her high chair anymore. She refuses to eat and then when we take her down and she’s able to walk around..she’ll stop by me to eat her dinner in bites. I’m wondering if we should get her into a booster seat with straps so she’s at the table with us..? She did great in her chair till about a month ago and now she hates being confined in it. Also when she gets home from daycare I know I’m making a huge mistake handing her snacks that takes and walks around eating and juice..I’m going to stop that so she’ll have an appetite for dinner. Thoughts?
Yup, get her in the chair! I know it’s hard, but it is soo important! Stop snacking and using a booster is fine, but keep her strapped. Its normal for them to get down at this age, but only allow food when she is seated. You may have some tantrums, that is okay, she is learning you are serious about this and you are teaching her how to act at meals so she can eat safely and well. Let me know how it goes!
Hi Alisha
My 8 month old refuses his chair (mainly at his dinner time around 5pm) for what I thought was from being tired but perhaps it is due to some bad habits we have started as mentioned in your post such as snacking and eating elsewhere (i.e. in his pram on the go). The reason we provide snacks is because we were told to a few months back when my son wasn’t gaining weight (he doesnt really like milk so we were told to up his calorie intake by snacking but now i think it may have started the high chair problems).We also have lunch outside in his pram or on a picnic mat as we like to take him outside to play. We sometimes do this for brekky too. Could this be why he is refusing the high chair and if so, are you suggesting we always come home for meal times in his chair and stop the snacks (unless he is clearly hungry)? We always eat at the table with him and he feeds himself as he hates to be spoon fed so I can only imagine his problem is because he doesnt eat in his chair for other meal times…???
Hi! Your advice is so helpful! I wondered if you could help me on another issue. My daughter (21 months) eats really well (90th percentile which is steady since birth) however she still wakes frequently in the night for milk (she has about 4 bottles of 8floz each at night!!) This seems way too much but she won’t have water or a substitute. What can I do?
Also your advice in relation to toys at the table is really helpful! Would you suggest cold turkey on the iPad at the table or gradually stop it?
Thank you so much for all your helpful advice!
Oh my goodness, do you mean 32oz total at night? I would start to drastically cut that down and I would talk to her doctor if it is that much. THere may be something going on with her metabolism if she is drinking that much at night and eating well during the day. In terms of the ipad, it depends on what your comfort level is. There will be so upset when you don’t offer it and you’ll need to be able to handle that if you go cold turkey. If that is too much slowly transition away. By the way, you are very welcome, glad this is helpful to you!
Hi! I would appreciate any advice you could give me. (I have read many of the pages throughout your website and printed/often use your helpful list of table foods.) My 15 month old girl has slowly made the transition to table foods, but is still eating pureed baby food as probably half her food intake, with maybe 24 oz of milk during the day. She’s about at the 40th percentile for height and weight, which is great after being 10th percentile at birth. The main issue we have with feeding her is that she seems to actually NEED toys to distract her enough to eat when we are spoon-feeding her, so I’m conflicted about your rule of no toys at the table! She needs to have something to do with her hands. Is this weird?! She does better when feeding herself finger foods, and we’ve started letting her feed herself with a spoon when it’s thicker foods like yogurt, let her have a 2nd spoon in addition to mine, etc. Should we just let her totally take over and take away the toys? (Not “toys” so much as empty baby food containers she can put together, other random objects, etc.) I worry that she won’t eat enough if we aren’t spoon-feeding her, but I also worry that we’re making her somehow overeat BY distracting her, if that makes sense. My husband has started playing baby videos on the ipad to distract her while he feeds her, which is a habit I’d like to stop… but mealtimes are becoming a struggle, she’ll eat this way, and he says “but look how much she ate!” and I can’t argue about that. And by “how much” he means maybe 2 4 oz containers of food. Is this too much at one sitting?
Sorry for the novel and many questions, but please let me know of any suggestions you may have. ☺
These are all great questions and you are not alone! I understand your husbands thinking, but you are may be over feeding her, and the calories she is getting from baby food aren’t huge. It is not weird at all and is quite common for me to see. It is totally fine to still feed her, but she can also try to feed herself too. I would strongly recommend taking the ipad away, it is a very slippery slope. I can’t tell you have many kids I treat that are 3, 4, or older and can’t eat without distraction. It becomes a huge source of stress for the family, and often the skills kids need to chew and manipulate food are under developed as a result. The reason she is eating more is because she isn’t really paying attention to what she is doing, and because of that she isn’t learning how to eat or modulate her appetite. Toddlers need less calories than they did even a few months ago because they aren’t growing at the same rate. Is she eating a variety of table foods? How much table foods will she eat at a meal? I can give you some more direction with those answers.I know this is a hard time, my third is 15 months too!
I’d appreciate your advice please, my son refuses to be fed by us as he is used to being fed by the nanny five days out of seven, so weekends and when she is away he refuses to eat anything we give him. He hasn’t eaten for four days now and frustrating hubby and I big time! I’m hoping he’ll starve and give in but he is not. Please help!! I think psychological he associates feeding with her and i don’t know how to fix this
Sorry for the late reply… do you still need help? How old is he?
No worries. he is 2.5. we have stopped feeding him as suggested by a child psychologist. so now he feeds himself but he never finishes a meal. he’ll snack on stuff throughout the day but im sure he’s not full as he often runs to the fridge. he is also sticky about what he snacks on. he wont even finish a sandwich, which we let him cut into different shapes to make it fun, he’ll just have a few bites and leave it.
That’s great! I would strongly recommend getting him on a schedule, the way I describe in this post, it can make all the difference. Best of luck!
Hi! We follow a strict routine for naps and meals (we have twins!) so it helps save our sanity. We feed three meals a day with three bottles of formula and two snacks (one before lunch and one before dinner/mid afternoon). Our pediatrician suggested this schedule and has been great with helping us with feeding. MY girls eat everything and have the food repertoire of toddlers BUT i was just wondering if two snacks a day aren’t ideal? I find they are super hungry at those two times even after eating full meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We have a set time for snacks and don’t allow grazing so Iam hoping that i am doing it right! 🙂 Also, we do try to eat with them as much as possible (lunch and breakfast) and was wondering also when you recommend pushing high chair up to table for them to eat?
Wow! You are doing great. You can definitely play around with the schedule and find what works for you. It is most important that they not graze and that they have a decent space (at least 2 hours) in between meals. You are doing that!
You can start by pushing their high chairs up to the table now!
Thank you so much for publishing this article I was starting to feel like a really strict and mean mummy. We enforce all these things at dinner time and my little girl eats very well and we can take her anywhere to eat because of this. Thank you once again and I now feel very empowered as a mummy x