“Help, my teenager refuses to eat what I cook!” While it can be frustrating to still have a picky eater when your child is a tween or teen, there’s a lot you can do to help them eat new foods. Learn how with these 5 powerful tips…
You’ve been told, and probably hoped, that by the time your child was a teenager their picky eating would be a thing of the past, but that’s not always the case. Picky eating doesn’t just go away for some tweens and teens. And, with very little advice available on how to help teenage picky eaters, you may feel hopeless.
BUT, there is still time and ways to help your teenager learn to eat new foods!
While I’ve worked with teens as an occupational therapist, the focus of that treatment admittedly wasn’t picky eating. However, over the years, I’ve learned a lot about supporting teens through some of our Mealtime Works students.
Some teen parents have turned to our picky eating program that’s usually only for kids through 10-ish years old because there simply aren’t other resources. In adapting some of my most trans-formative strategies to teens and tweens, they’ve had fantastic progress.
Aren’t Teenagers Supposed to Have Outgrown Picky Eating?
Having a teenager picky eater is usually down right frustrating and even annoying.
You’re not alone if you’re scratching your head about why your kid is still a picky eater after all these years.
I’m sure you worried plenty when they were younger. I bet you were told that they’d grow out of it and yet here they are at 13, 14, 15, and 16 years old, still refusing to eat that chicken you just slaved over.
Unfortunately, the popular “they’ll outgrow picky eating” advice is often wrong. Unless we start to do something different that we’ve ever done before, lots of kids will turn into picky eating teens and even adults.
Why Are Some Teens Still Picky Eaters?
Teenagers have logic on their side, and it seems at their age you can reason with them. Help them understand that they need this food to grow and feel well, but when a teen has a history of picky eating, especially extreme picky eaters, there are other factors in play. Often lying beneath the surface.
Extreme picky eaters are kids that typically have less than 25 foods in their diet and have an extreme reaction to new foods (think gagging, flipping out, and refusing to even come to the table).
When kids are extreme picky eaters, it’s not just a developmental phase. There’s a lot more to it than that. Often difficulty chewing, food sensitivities, reflux, or texture issues with food (aka sensory processing) make it extremely difficult for a child to eat new foods.
For some teens and tweens, those challenges haven’t been resolved and they continue to be picky eaters.
For others who have worked through some of those challenges, all of the negative food associations remain in their mind, even on a subconscious level.
My Teenager Refuses to Eat What I Cook!
It may seem like a small thing to consider, but getting to the root of why your child is a picky eater lets you know exactly how to help them. For instance, if they are still sensitive to textures, you can work on that by slowly desensitizing them with cooking, art activities that get them messy, and even yard work if it involves digging in dirt or sand!
Or, if they’re still struggling with reflux, you can address that with a doctor or nutritionist so they can get relief.
That’s one part of the solution, but to help you move past saying, “My teenager refuses to eat what I cook!”, you’ll need a few other tips too.
Powerful Tips for Picky Eating Teen or Tweens
#1. End the battle
Often times picky eating teens and parents have developed a mealtime battleground dynamic. The parent is frustrated and worried about their nutrition so they prod their teen to try the food or tell them why they don’t like it. Parents may tell them why they think they’ll like it and even still try to bribe them with dessert.
All of these tactics lead to teens feeling defensive and misunderstood. That directly equates to them NOT trying any new foods.
At the next meal with your teenager, notice how often you say something in an effort to get them to eat. Watch how they respond verbally and with body language. You’ll see what I mean.
Stopping any pressure is a powerful first step that will eventually lead to your tween or teen feeling comfortable enough to try a bite of something new. It may take a few days, weeks, or in some cases months, but it’s totally necessary.
#2. Don’t Praise
When your teenager does finally take a bite of some new food, you’ll want to rejoice or say something like, “Oh wow, you tried the cherries, I told you they were good.”
But, don’t.
Act like you could care less.
Pretend not to notice.
Teens HATE when the spotlight is on them and most don’t like admitting when their parents were right. They don’t want it to be a big deal that they tried something new, so as much as you want to acknowledge it or teach them that they can now try other foods too, it will only backfire because they will deliberately avoid trying a new food in front of you again.
#3. Converse, Don’t Lecture
While I don’t recommend lecturing your child on nutrition or why they should eat more foods (this causes them to feel pressure), there is a way to talk to your child about food, but you have to be careful.
Teens are excellent at sniffing out hidden motives, which is why this can’t be forced. Instead you’ve got to wait for the opportunity.
As you take the pressure off and your teen begins to trust that you aren’t going to lecture them, they’ll likely ask you a question about food. It could be, “how did you make this chicken” or “why do you like your toast so burnt?”
This is your chance to nonchalantly talk about an ingredient of food or a preference that you might have for a taste or texture. You might say, “Oh, I used a little balsamic vinaigrette on the chicken, that’s why it looks a little darker. It’s a brown vinegar, but has a sweet and tangy taste to it a little like barbecue (or some other food their familiar with). Feel free to use ranch (or any dip they may like) with it.”
Or, “I’ve always liked my toast very crispy. I love crispy foods like roasted chick peas, kale chips, and nuts because they’re so crunchy. How do crispy foods feel to you?”
In this second example, you’re opening a conversation, and if your teen doesn’t ask any questions, you could just share this info with them sporadically off the cuff. The key is to not do it too often.
Focus on talking about foods and preferences neutrally, not labeling good/bad or like/dislike. Explaining textures and ingredients helps teens draw connections and process their own experiences with food. This is incredibly valuable because it often leads to them being comfortable enough to try new foods.
#4. Menu Plan and Cook Together
Listen, I know that menu planning may make your anxiety rise if you’re not a planner, but don’t skip this step if you’re struggling to get your teen to eat any new foods. It’s an effective tool in your bag of tricks and you don’t need to do it forever.
Pick a day on the weekend to start planning out at least your dinners for the week (one day ahead of time or monthly is an option too), and pencil in some ideas. Invite your teen to contribute. If they refuse, remind them that they get to have some say in what’s in a meal. This is often motivating. Grab some magazines or scroll Pinterest for ideas.
Put some parameters on the meal like it needs to include a protein, fruit/veggies, and a carb, which could be totally optional.
Then, ask them to pick 1-2 meals they can help you cook. Try to keep this light and casual, but for teens that aren’t interested, you can make it part of their chores.
If they’re nervous about touching or smelling any ingredients, reassure them they don’t have to do anything they’re not comfortable with. Follow through on that when it comes time to cook, BUT over time, you want to help them take baby steps to get more comfortable with the food. If they can’t stand cutting up the broccoli, can they get it out of the fridge? Can they wash it off?
Any interaction they can have with food will help them get closer to eating it, and cooking together also creates an awesome time to converse neutrally about food (see tip #3)
#5. Tap Into Their Interests
Teens are often fixated on something whether it’s skateboarding, makeup, or their favorite Netflix show. Use that to your advantage.
Mary, a Mealtime Works student with a teen daughter, leveraged her daughters love of Korean boy bands to help her try new foods. Even though her daughter was very picky, her deep interest in this music allowed her to be open to trying Korean food – the food the boy band ate!
If they faithfully watch a TV show, maybe you can find out what one of the actors likes to eat? Bring it up casually saying something like, “Oh I read that Noah Schnapp from Stanger Things eats chicken wings before every shoot. I’m going to make some for dinner tomorrow.”
Don’t follow that up with, “Maybe you want to try some?”
That’s putting on the pressure and setting the stage for a battle (tip #1). It’s critical that this is casual!
What to Do If Your Teen Is Obsessed With Junk Food
It’s common for teens to want to gorge themselves on chips, cookies, and candy. It’s worrisome when they aren’t eating anything else, but be very careful in labeling these foods as bad or unhealthy because it tends to make teens want them even more.
For some teenagers and tweens, it causes confusion and guilt and can lead to eating disorders.
If you’re concerned about the amount of junk food your child is eating, buy less of it and look at labels to make choices you can feel better about. Just make sure that your child has enough food choices that they will actually eat in your home. It can be very stressful if they feel they don’t have food they can eat.
Experiment with healthier snack foods like roasted chick peas, homemade granola, nuts, fruit, and plantain chips. Make these available, and set them out before they go rummaging for a snack.
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A Great Book For Picky Eating Teens
As I mentioned earlier, there’s not a lot of resources for helping picky eating teens, so I wanted to make sure I shared this excellent book by two feeding experts Katja Rowell and Jenni McGlothlin:
Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and Adults: Activities and Strategies for Selective Eaters
I highly recommend this workbook style guide to help your teen understand and work through some of the difficulties they face when trying to eat new foods.
Now I want to hear from YOU, what foods would you like your teen to eat? And, if this was helpful, let me know that too in the comments below so I can share more to help picky eating teens and tweens!
More on Picky Eating
How to Help Your Child Out of Picky Eating Without Nagging
7 Tips to Get Picky Eaters Eating the School Lunch
Why You Shouldn’t Use the Try-It Bite Rule with Picky Eaters
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 15 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
It always seems to be a better meal night when the meal allows for “buffet style” selection. For example: mexican. We do wraps and/or taco chips, with lots of vegetable options, guacamole, ranch, beans, beef, salsa, etc. The kids choose what will go on their wrap/chips and they seem to be happy. We do this with mexican, lazy man sushi (bowl of rice and choose toppings), chef’s salad, pasta salad. What it doesn’t work for is casseroles. Oh my gosh, when all food items are combined into one flavour…no thank you. Oh they also really enjoy meat and potatoes/rice meals so they can choose how much sides, and what toppings (gravy, butter, ranch, etc). It’s the little choices daily that seems to help, but man…it is hard to eat mexican, sushi, and salads every day lol. I miss a good casserole! Oh eats susages, but not beef, chicken or other forms of pork. Sigh*
Yes, buffet style is a big hit for picky kids usually. I totally understand the frustration of mixed foods being a no-go. Definitely keep exposing mixed textures alongside the other options. But it is hard!
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
I honestly thought I was all alone in this! I felt embarrassed to even try and explain to anyone that my now 15 yo son will only eat like 10 things. No jokes! I wish I was a parent who can say “my teen is eating me out of the house”. Not this one! He used to be underweight due to concerta side effects but he asked to please stop the meds (he has ADD) he is a good weight now but it’s only due to bread, ketchup , rice, chips, nuggets and maybe a banana once a week. Oh and over the last week he actually asked for a cheese pizza… I almost cried from happiness. How sad. Any case, I have just ordered the book and just wanted to come here and say THANK YOU for making me feel less alone.
Lin,
You are absolutely NOT alone. This can feel so isolating and I’m glad you found us and can feel supported by people who “get it.” Keep us posted on how things are going!
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
Suddenly I don’t feel so alone. I can relate to so much of the article and the comments. One thing that has worked for us (not perfectly) is having “feast nights” where we get out the nice dishes, everyone helps themselves, foods that appeal to both picky eaters. It’s more work so we do it at weekends.
The oldest child has been diagnosed with autism and I think the younger one will be as well. So, sensory issues around taste and texture.
I am lucky that my children have enough variety that they can get most of their nutrients. I find it hard to eat out, to visit anyone and feel embarrassed by their often emotional refusal to try other foods. I am sure we have all felt that other parents are judging us.
The younger one was diagnosed with Celiac disease which adds another difficulty. The teenager has stomach issues but probably more connected to the amount of refined carbohydrates she eats which is never balanced out by healthier foods.
Jennifer, you are certainly in good company here, and we hope you feel seen! It can be so exhausting and stressful when other’s don’t “get it” but we do! Feast night is an incredible idea, and sounds like it’s working well! Your hard work is paying off, and having medical needs on top of it all is added work, so give yourself credit for how hard you’re working for your kids.
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
Hello! I’m 14 years old and struggling to eat veggies, and a few fruits. I have Turner Syndrome, and my parents say that even when I was a baby, they tried to introduce me to healthy foods. However, I would just spit it out and cry if they forced it on me. To this day, they just taste weird. They leave this kind of bitter sour taste in my mouth Even when others taste the fruit as sweet, to me it still tastes bitter. Is there something wrong with my tastebuds? That’s why I just can’t handle eating them, they taste too bad. This taste is present even with fruits I’m accustomed to and eat regularly and so it’s not an issue of familiarity and “developing a taste” for that food. Please help! Thanks
Hey Sabrina,
Thanks so much for reaching out. It’s hard to say why you are getting the experience/sensations from the fruits and vegetables. It is something you can mention to your doctor to see if they have an explanation, especially when you are having it with fruits that you eat as well! Thanks for sharing with us!
Best,
Desiree
Your Kids Table Team Member
OMG! I’m glad I found this article! Everything you wrote about is exactly what I’m struggling with my son (13 years old now). It’s been a constant battle with him. I do feel guilty about pressuring him to try new foods and labeling food as bad/good but it’s so frustrating! I would always mention this issue to his doctors and of course the response was always “he’ll grow out of it.” Everyone would tell me the same thing, after hearing it so many times I then started to believe and hope that he would out grow this issue. This was clearly not the case. He does not eat any type of red meat, fish, or chicken except McDonald’s chicken nuggets and the frozen chicken nuggets from the supermarket, fries, bread, hot dogs, baloney, pepperoni pizza, plain spaghetti with red sauce or plain Chinese noddles with the sauce, corn dogs, Mac and cheese, fruits, no veggies, plain white rice and eggs. That’s what he ONLY eats. There are times were he doesn’t eat anything at school because of his eating habits. He loves basketball and recently he played a game for 30 min and felt so dizzy that we had to leave home immediately. I told him because of his bad eating habits this is causing him to feel this way. There isn’t much information out there to help us help them to build healthy eating habit and I now see there are a lot of moms struggling with this same issue. I will definitely purchase the book and follow the tips you shared with us. If you can share any additional advice I’d appreciate it so much.
Hi Michelle! So sorry to hear about your son’s eating struggles. We understand how stressful it can be, especially when it leads into their teenage years. It’s so great that you found this post helpful! Definitely check out that book and let us know if you have any other questions!
Best,
Kalyn
Omg you just described my 13 year old son to a T. He eats so little variety and its extremely stressful. We are constantly arguing over his lack of giving foods a try. He use to eat quite a few veggies but recently he claims they don’t taste good to him anymore. As well as other things he use to eat. One night I made him 3 different meals and everything tasted bad to him. We both cried out of frustration. Its refreshing to see that there are other parents out there in the same boat as me. Thank you to all for sharing. It makes me feel like I’m not alone.
Hi Courtney,
It can feel so stressful, and you are certainly not alone! Keep digging into these resources, it can feel hopeless when things go downhill, but repetition, low pressure, and positivity around mealtimes can really help. Thank you for your comment!
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
I will defiantly order the book. Your article was right on regarding the lack of help at this age. My son eats limited food. He is pretty good at Breakfast but NO eggs by themselves but pancakes, French toast waffles etc. Granola and vanilla yogurt he will eat (only certain brands). No fruit but will have orange juice with no pulp. Also eats bacon
Lunch and dinner is either pasta (max and cheese, plain or with red sauce), Chicken nuggets/tenders. Chicken cutlets (but only if I make them and he is off at boarding school so that is limited). No meat or grilled chicken or chicken with a bone in it. French Fries are the only potato. White rice with cheese. Only vegetable are baby carrots. Chocolate milk is a favorite.
He refuses to try anything new. He really wants to play football in collage but needs to gain weight and on this limited small diet it’s so hard for him. You would think that his would be a motivator but it’s not.
Should I seek a therapist? How can I find one for this age?
Hi Lauretta! Thanks for reaching out! So sorry to hear about your son’s struggles. Definitely check out that book- it should really help provide more detailed information! But yes, aside from that, it may be beneficial to talk to your son’s doctor about these issues. The doctor can then potentially refer you to an occupational therapist for feeding therapy. We have a post all about feeding therapy and what to expect, check it out here! Hope that helps!
Best,
Kalyn
Thank you for this resource. My 19 yo daughter forwarded it to me because she knows I’m struggling. Her brother, my 16 yo son, is a picky eater. He has a tactile issue with touching certain things and when he was about 14, this touching issue became a tactile issue in his mouth. He went from loving broccoli to hating the texture. It was the one veggie I could count on him eating. Now he struggles to eat it, along with most all veggies. The only veggie he eats now is corn or ceasar salad but one can only eat those so many times and then get tired of them. He separates his food on the plate, eating his favorite first (usually plain rice) then his second favorite (usually the protein) and finally the veggie. He struggles to eat the last part, often walking quickly or even jogging through the house to distract his mouth. I thought having him try veggies would help him get USED to them. Recently someone told me it might be making the problem worse. He was tested as gifted and I’ve learned some gifted kids have heightened sensory issues. Ugh. His pediatrician was no help and getting someone to look into this took so long that my son is no longer interested in OT “I can do this myself mom”. We aren’t making any progress so now I am going to try your suggestions on the MY TEEN REFUSES TO EAT WHAT I COOK page. I don’t know what else to do. Oh but he does love snacks…pretzels, chocolate pop tarts, little cesars crazy bread. The only healthy snacks he currently eats are cereal, apples, whipped yogurt (only the whipped one) and yogurt drinks. A long time ago I said “you can eat junk food after you’ve had something healthy” and now he says “I feel terrible about myself when I eat a cheeseburger from McDonalds” so I am now worried I’ve created this horrible sense of self by labeling foods. I am so stressed out about this and want to try your suggestions but I do not know how to undo the years of training I’ve already given him (like labeling foods as junk or healthy). Can you help me??? Thank you so much!!
Hi Ana! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your journey with us. We understand how stressful and discouraging eating issues can be. We assure you- you are not alone! You are doing a great job, and it sounds like your son is also trying his best to overcome his sensitivities and oral aversions. Keep offering a variety of foods- preparing food different ways and promoting a no-pressure environment. Since he only recently started having issues with broccoli, maybe try cutting the broccoli up into smaller pieces or putting them into another food as an ingredient. We definitely recommend this book to learn more tips for helping picky teens! In terms of labeling foods, try not to beat yourself up about that. We can only move forward! And moving forward, we can try avoiding labeling foods as good or bad and instead, be more neutral towards all foods. Work with your son to acknowledge that all foods provide nourishment. For more tips about this aspect of food, check out this post here.
Best,
Kalyn
This is long, sorry in advance.
My 11yo niece is almost certainly suffering from ARFID. Her list of safe foods is exactly 25 items long, and even those she will not reliably eat. She stayed with our family (me, my husband, and our 3yo, her own parents were not here) for about 3 months, and the panic over her eating set in long before the first week was up. We were brainstorming meals, sitting down every three days to plan lunches and dinners that would include safe foods and chain foods, and we were diligent about applying zero pressure and making zero comments. But she would still often sit at the table with a completely empty plate, politely say “no, thank you” to every single thing (even safe foods), and then say “thank you for (the meal), may I be excused?” and return her unused utensil and plate to the cupboard.
My question is:
She still comes to visit sometimes. I can provide the structure and routine she has come to expect here at our house, but I can’t do anything about her chaotic home where she has zero structure and usually fends for herself for meals. How do I handle these visits food-wise? I need to keep pizza rolls and dino nuggets in the freezer and serve them whenever she comes? I mean, I want her to have food she can eat. But I also can’t help feeling like I’m doing my own kid a disservice by putting junk food on the table (I would never buy/serve these things to my own kiddo on a regular basis). There is also a real possibility that we may be providing emergency kinship foster care for her in the near future. I’m bracing for that moment as well as the next casual visit.
Hey Heidi,
So glad that you are utilizing no pressure environment. This can be really huge for picky eaters. We do recommend having a safe food for her to eat when she is in your home. I’d try to have a list of foods that she does eat, so that you can plan meals around them. I’d try to have her help you in the kitchen with prepping of foods, this can be helpful in getting her to touch/interact with the foods (a helpful first step) to work on picky eating. If you haven’t yet seen our free workshop you can save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Oh, how I wish my 14 year old would eat rice! The amount of recipes I could make and easily would be greatly increased!
I am a teen, and my mother says I am a picky eater, but it’s not that. Eg. “Mum I’m hungry” and she says “go make some toast” I dont want toast. It’s not that I’m being picky, I just dont like toast at that moment. I don’t want anything in particular, I just dont want bread, or toast. It’s not very appealing. She says if I were really hungry I would eat it. Truth is I wouldn’t. I’d probably starve. I dont know why, I dont know what I want, just not toast. Does anyone get me?
Hi Tylah,
There are so many teens like you with certain preferences for food! You are not alone in feeling like that! We like to encourage parents and teens to work together to come up with a few new foods to try. It might be helpful to make a list of foods that you might be willing to eat and go from there.
Best,
Andrea
Thank you for this! I confess that it can feel very lonely being a Mom with teens who don’t eat. I am in the MW class and even there sometimes I feel alone. A local OT told me it was “too late” for her to help us. Ouch. I am happy to say that we are doing great with ending mealtime battles and are experiencing peaceful and even fun meals together, even if they don’t try new things. I too am ordering this book today!
Hey Mary,
So happy with the progress you are making progress with mealtime experiences that is huge, you’ve been putting in the work to get there!! Don’t feel alone, there are plenty of families in our Mealtime Works class with tweens/teens 🙂 WE are so glad you enjoyed the article too!
Best,
Desiree
There are not a lot of resources for teens who are picky eaters. Thank you so much for this. Can’t wait to try these tips. I was just planning a small vacation and getting frustrated trying to choose restaurants based on the few items they eat. That’s when I realize how limiting it is. Ordering the workbook today!
Awesome Michaela,
So glad this is helpful for you 🙂
Best,
Desiree
I am at a loss with both my girls, 11 and 8. my 11 yo is extremely picky. she won’t eat meat, only bacon. Not even chicken nuggets anymore. she lives on pasta, pizza, mac and cheese etc. she will eat veggies, and fruit. no dressings, no hummus nothing. I believe my 8 yo would eat more if she wasn’t monkey see monkey do. The 8 yo will eat meatballs, nuggets, pasta, white pizza, veggies and fruit yogurt etc. but getting her to try things is impossible. I am worried about my 11 yo. she is 5’3″ and weighs 149lbs. she has always been in the 90th % for hieght and weight. I am worried bc of bad genetics. I was put on BP meds when pregnant with her. It never went away. I am now also on cholesterol meds…all due to bad genetics. she watches me work out and eat healthy. she just won’t try anything new. She does have a hieghtened sense of smell and noises. Both have the noise factor. Can’t chew near them or they flip out. But the 11 yo will say a dish smells if its being cooked or even left out. I Have no clue how to get her to eat healthier and more proteins and less carbs.
Hi Dawn! Thanks for reaching out! We understand your frustrations and concerns, and empathize with how hard it can be! We like to encourage parents and children to work together to come up with a few new foods to try. It might be helpful to make a list of foods that she might be willing to eat and go from there- having a conversation with her about it and involving her in the process can really help! In terms of their sensitivities with noise and smell, that could be sensory related. We recommend learning more about the underlying cause of the sensory issues, which will then help with the picky eating issues. We have a free sensory workshop that can be helpful for this! Save your seat here!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Alisha I realy like all the information you put.I have 12 years old boy ,only child I think he is ultra picky eater .He has egg allergy carried his epi pen but he never has experience to use it thank God..I can tell you in one sentence what he eating his.morning ceareal is only Cheerios anf he eat his pasta with meat souce i put boild smashed vegetables in it,alternatr day put cut chicken brest with debatable too ,lunch and dinner the same thing paking ti school the same thing .I am very frustrated and worried about it I was thinking he will grow out of it .he loves sweats cookies and chocolate even that is only one a kind only and he is over wait I think much carb from his pasta and sweets too I want to stop buying sweets but ge has nothing to eat .sorry for my long comments Please give me advice any advice is helpful thank you
Hi Negusse! Thanks for reaching out! With an older child, communication can be so helpful. Talk to him about his likes and dislikes. Ask him what he doesn’t like about certain foods, or how it makes him feel. If we can get to the root of the problem and help him feel more comfortable with foods, then that will better help with the overall issue of picky eating. Continue to promote a no-pressure environment. The less pressure we put on kids to eat something, the more likely they are to try it. Plan out the entire week of meals together, so that he feels like he has some control in what he’s eating, but it’s still a structured mealtime for the entire family. You can also start small, by including 1-2 of his preferred foods with each meal. The hope is that seeing his preferred food plated with the other food, will make him feel comfortable enough to try the other foods. Hope that helps!
Best,
Kalyn