Toddler eating, or lack thereof, can make parents totally nuts. I can attest to that on both fronts, as an OT and mom. In fact, I’m in the middle of it with my third child again, which is partially what inspired me to write this post.
There are so many times that I’m feeding my son and I use a little trick or make a decision about how to handle his behavior and I think, “Most people don’t know to do this, and inadvertently make eating worse.”
This plan I’m going to lay out for you can potentially prevent toddlers from becoming picky eaters.
Of course, I’m not trying to underestimate the complexity of picky eating and there could be other layers to the problem if your child is already a “picky eater”, or you feel like you have a toddler that often refuses to eat.
If that’s the case, I’ll give you some direction on that at the end of this post. Also, I wanted to point out that while I will focus on toddlers between 1-2 years old, a lot of this stuff is the foundation for any kid and certainly is really effective well into the preschool years.
Why Toddlers Struggle
The year between 1 and 2 years of age is a big one in terms of feeding. A lot starts to happen that creates the picky eater perfect storm. Let’s look all the factors that contribute to toddlers becoming picky eaters:
- Onset of picky eating – It’s a well documented fact that most children enter a phase of picky eating, to some degree, in between 1 and 2. The good news is most will come out of it by 3-5 years of age. However, (this is the really important part) if the parents unknowingly handle the picky eating incorrectly (ouch, sorry to sound so harsh) it can really spiral into a severe picky eating state that can last a lifetime.
- Difficulty sitting still – A natural part of development, toddlers are made to move. Sitting still long enough to eat is an inherent challenge.
- Short attention spans – Another feature of toddlers that can make mealtimes difficult.
- Will only eat when really hungry – Toddlers (and most kids actually) haven’t learned to overeat, they will only eat if they are hungry, which doesn’t always coincide with when you think they should be hungry.
- It’s normal to eat really well for a few meals or a few days and then not for a few days -This drives parents crazy, but the pattern is real. Toddlers tend to calorie load for a few meals and will then just coast until they need the calories again. It is really hard for parents (myself included) to watch their child barely eat anything for several consecutive meals and not jump ship, doing anything just to get them to eat.
How to Prevent Picky Eating
Let’s talk about what to do, so you DO KNOW and can stop guessing, which I know is the most frustrating part. I totally get that you’re doing the best you can with the information you have, and you are here reading so you are doing a great job. If this list seems overwhelming and you’re already deep in the picky eater trenches, start with one strategy at a time in the order below.
- Stick to the routine and structure as much as possible – This includes everything from eating at a table, eating together, no grazing, offering variety, ALWAYS having one preferred food available, creating a positive atmosphere, and setting up a schedule with meals 2.5-3 hours apart. I cover these completely in Eating Basics, and highly recommend reading about them in more detail so you can totally nail this. It is the most important step!
- Don’t panic if they don’t eat anything anyways, this WILL happen – As I already mentioned, despite all your best efforts toddlers will still not eat sometimes. When this happens, try to serve a food that is highly preferred at their next meal or two. If your child goes for an extended time without eating, which is very unlikely unless they are ill, call their pediatrician.
- Keep them strapped in a booster or high chair until around 3 years of age – Remember how I said toddlers have a hard time sitting still? If they aren’t strapped in, they will likely be trying to get down several times during the meal and you will be spending a lot of energy just trying to get them to sit. If you’re able, just continue to keep them strapped the way you always have. By the way, it is totally appropriate for a child to sit in a high chair until 3 years old. I also want to mention that allowing your child to sit at the dinner table in an adult sized chair or on your lap is dangerous because without a solid base of support and proper alignment of their trunk they are at an increased risk of choking and may not be able to physically eat their food as well, which of course leads to them refusing more foods more often. Read more about proper positioning during meals.
- Use your bag of tricks first – This step is really important for toddlers because of their short attention spans and need to have some control over their little lives. Toddlers will sometimes start fussing at a meal and you don’t even know why, or they start fussing over some small grievance but continue endlessly. When this happens (or if they start trying to get down) I want you to try a couple of tricks to right the ship. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done these thing with my children as toddlers and they’ve saved a meal. Is isn’t 100%, sometimes it just doesn’t matter what you do, but they should make a big difference. You’ll notice every one of these tricks involves changing the direction of the meal, with this strategy you are taking advantage of your toddlers high distractibility.
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- Change the presentation – Literally, in the middle of the meal, change something about their food. If you’ve been serving them cut up chicken nuggets offer it in a strip instead or vice versa. The novelty will intrigue them.
- Get a utensil – Many toddlers often aren’t eating with utensils regularly, so go ahead and get one out. I will usually ask, “Do you want a fork,” in a high pitched and inviting voice. Then, I’ll get it quickly and poke a piece of their food on it for them and lay it down. If they already have a fork, get a different one, having Micky Mouse on the fork may get them excited and re-interested.
- Pull out a dip – Give a little squirt of a dip on their mat or tray, and show them how to dip. Experiment with different types. Toddlers usually love this, but if yours doesn’t take to it at first, keep trying. Get some dip inspiration.
- Give a stick? – If you feel comfortable, give an older toddler a toothpick, with close supervision. Oh man, they love this! While I haven’t had the chance to try them, these safe versions look really awesome.
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5. Don’t get into a power struggle – Young toddlers have a really hard time understanding that they need to sit at the table or to not throw their food. I’m not saying to not teach them and use simple phrases, but its important to keep in mind that in most cases they aren’t going to understand what your asking of them. Try to take a step back from the situation and use your best judgement.
A Few Tips
- If your child doesn’t eat a good dinner and you’re nervous they’ll wake up at night, give a bedtime snack, even if it is breaking the schedule. Don’t make a big deal about it, or say, “Since you didn’t eat your dinner…” You want to just present this snack casually, if it isn’t normally a part of your schedule.
- Parents easily slide into short order cooking for toddlers because they often served them their “own” food as babies. While there is some wiggle room here, as toddlers are learning to eat more foods, this is a VERY slippery slope. On occasion, it is okay to break this rule, but use it wisely and sparingly. By the time they are 20-21 months you should no longer need to break this rule at all.
- Toddlers need much less milk than they did as babies. Once a child is 12 months old they only require 16-20 oz. of milk a day. But parents are use to relying on that bottle or sippy cup as a crutch from their baby days. It’s hard to switch gears and trust them to eat without relying on such heavy milk intake, but if you don’t, eating can really be hindered because they’ll be drinking their calories.
Applying these strategies should give you a big start in the right direction, but I know you may want to read more. You can either head to the article index, a huge vault of every post I’ve ever written organized by category, or check out some of the ones I selected below, that I think will be particularly helpful.
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More for Toddlers
Ultimate List of Meal Ideas for Toddlers
How to Teach Your Child to Self Feed
Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 19 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. Alisha also has 3 boys of her own at home. Learn more about her here.
I would love some help on what to do with my 14.5 month old. I’ve been reading a lot of your posts and a lot cover older toddlers/kids picky eaters and babies/toddlers that are only on milk and trying to get them to eat table food. I’m kind of in the middle, as she eats a huge variety of bakery items (bagels, toast, sausage rolls etc), any fruit (apple, banana, berries, etc) and a big range of dairy (cheese, yogurts, etc)… so brekkie and lunch all good. However dinner time – meat, potato and veg she just plays with maybe has a lick and then throws on the floor, so fear she isn’t getting any nutrients from our meals (she is low on her growth chart and always has been) – i always give her a baby 10m+ pouch (e.g. beef and veg casserole that is pureed but has chunks of carrots in etc) along with our dinner chopped up (which she doesn’t eat). I’ve tried blitzing our dinner up and mixing it with the bought stuff to get her onto our food, but she refuses that also – only eats the bought pouches (with encouragement). I feel she is really too old now to be depending on the pouches at dinner time but worried about her lack of variety/nutrients if i didn’t give them as she would only eat more yorkshires and bread etc and no protein or veg. Or when i have done this, she wakes in the night hungry. Would love some help how to get her onto our dinners and not the pouches? 🙂 Or is she young enough for me to not worry yet?? Look forward to hearing from you 🙂
Hi Jodie,
She is definitely young, but not too young to start showing preferences like this that can be improved upon. It sounds like texture/sensory might be to blame. Have you taken our picky eating workshop yet? We have a table food transition one as well. I’m linking both because you might benefit from watching each to see what might be to blame. Let me know if you have questions after checking these out as a starting point!
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
My daughter is 3.5 years old. She only likes snack foods, and junk food. When she was a baby she ate everything. We have tried to cook her what we eat and it hasn’t been successful. What can I do?
Hi Jessica,
This can be common but still stressful. We have an article on decreasing junk food that you may find helpful.
Best,
Laura
Your Kid’s Table team member
Hi Alisha ,
My 21 month old plays with food more than eats it …. what should I do ?
Hey Riz,
It’s great that your little one is able to touch and explore his food. I’d modeling eating for him and over exaggerating chewing, so that he will model you back. You can check out this article for how much food they actually need as he may still be getting what he needs.
Best,
Desiree
Hello, My 13 month old daughter will not pick and eat fruits or vegetables. She’ll eat sticky oatmeal, rice, cheese, cheerios, and mashed up fruits and vegetables. How can I get her to self-feed fruits and vegetables? Thank you for this article. I’ll try to have some extra patience and teach her to eat with spoon/fork.
She probably doesn’t have the coordination to do it yet. But, this article on teaching your child to feed themselves will be helpful!
Hi! I have a question about the preferred foods to include in each meal. My toddler will devour green peas one day and then refuse them the next. Or she’ll eat eggs everyday for a month and then won’t touch them for another 2 months. There isn’t a single food that I know she will eat consistently. In fact she almost does better with new foods. Anyways, is it considered preferred if she has enjoyed it at one time in her life even though I don’t think she’ll be currently in the mood for it? Or is it only considered preferred if I know she will at least eat that item at that certain meal? If it’s the latter, what would you suggest I do since there is literally nothing I can guarantee her to eat? Thanks in advance!
It can be difficult with finicky toddlers. First, I’d recommend avoiding serving the same main food (fruits and veggies are okay) two days in a row. Then, I use the rule of thumb if they eat it 50% of the time it’s fair game to serve it as a preferred food.
I love your blog! So much helpful information! I have a question for you about my 19 month old. He is incredibly picky, always has been. Right now he only eats 4 foods. I have been including one of his preferred foods at each meal, as well as two other foods that he doesn’t usually eat or are new foods. He will only eat the preferred food, and not try anything else. I am so stressed and flustered! If I give him a meal where there isn’t a preferred food, he won’t eat anything at all. Then as soon as I get him out of his booster seat, he cries because he’s so hungry. I’m not sure what to do. Do you have any suggestions?
Hi Nikelle! Thanks for reaching out! We understand how hard this can be to work through. Sounds like maybe there are too many non-preferred foods on his plate. You can try starting with one (possibly one that he chooses) and it can be even 1 pea- plus his preferred food. You can also have him try to help serve others as a start so he is interacting with the foods. We do have a free workshop that is a really good place to start as well. You can save your seat here!
Best,
Kalyn
Hi, my son has just turned 18months, and he was eating everything I put in front of him (except on the days his teeth were really at him) but it seems over night he has changed and now flat out refuses to eat dinners. He will devour toast, cheese, fruit, crackers, rice cakes, and his breakfast is no problem, which is usually wheatabix and banana, and it is gone in seconds. But lunch and dinner is a huge problem, he will not even let a spoon get near his mouth and I don’t know what to do!!!
Hi Megan,
This can be very frustrating, especially when they were eating everything and now they are refusing!! Know that almost ALL kids will enter a picky eating stage and your son, is right in the time frame. I’d really try to use the tips in the article for preventing picky eating such as sticking to a schedule. There will be days where he doesn’t eat dinner, and that is okay, Toddlers can be funny and skip meals (normal). I’d also recommend checking out our free workshop!! You will find some good pointers for mealtimes and how to set them up/what to offer so that your son can continue on a good path with his feeding journey! save your seat here
Best,
Desiree
Hi! My 22 month old will not pick up a piece of fruit to save his life. He’s always been like this (though he 100% will eat fruit purées either in a pouch or by spoon). We’re in OT right now with a big goal to self feed with cutlery, since he does eat table food with his fingers, but he won’t eat fruits, either whole, like an apple with skin taken off on one side, or a berry, or a half a banana even with the peel on it to grab, and he won’t eat it cut up. Weirdly he’s pretty averse to holding most foods that require a whole hand now, even preferred foods. I’m baffled. Any thoughts on how to help him with this?
Hi Heather! Thanks for reaching out! Try play feeding, with a doll/toy/stuffed animal, where you demonstrate feeding the toy a piece of fruit, and have him try feeding them too. Try having him play with fruit outside of mealtimes to get him used to the feel of them. Demonstrate feeding with each other and show him how you feed yourself fruit. Just take the pressure away and keep trying! Lastly, consulting with your pediatrician for a potential referral for occupational therapy, would also be very beneficial.
Best,
Kalyn
Hi Alisha,
My kid is 20 months old and he is having his meal correctly then also he Wl be chewing the clothes always please advice how to make him not to keep clothes in his mouth
Ahh, so this sounds like a sensory need. If sensory is new to you, check out this beginner’s guide.
Thank you for the advice and tips in this wonderful post. I am struggling with getting my twin girls (14 months old) interested in food. They will eat a good variety, but just not much in terms of volume. It’s like they could take it or leave it. So I have two questions, first how long should meals last? Because of their lack of interest, meals can take 30+ minutes. I also am struggling with their weight, as they have always been on the thin side (15th percentile with some dips into the 10th), so I am one who is still using formula as a crutch because I want to get as many calories into them as I can. I know, of course, that this is likely the biggest contributor to the amount of solids they eat, but when they don’t eat well at a meal, I just can’t help but stress out about it and feel like I have to follow up with formula. Their pediatrician isn’t overly concerned because they have stayed on their growth curves, but it’s one of those things that they always “just want to keep an eye on,” a phrase which of course causes me to worry. I would like to start to wean them from formula and have made some attempts, but my question is how long after I cut back should I start to see an increase in solids intake? I feel like I’ve given up too early in the past when I didn’t see a change right away.
I think its important to keep meals to 30 minutes, longer than that and they’re at the table for too much of the day.
I’d check out my high calorie foods for babies too, you’ll get some good tips to maximize what they are eating.
It may take a few weeks before you see a change in what they’re eating. I’d definitely look into feeding therapy through early intervention in the mean time:) yourkidstable.com/feeding-therapy
Great article, Alisha, and this has become a cause for concern for me.
My eldest is now three. When he was a toddler he actually wasn’t that picky, and I marveled at how he loved vegetables in particular.
Now he’s gone off them and ants away from the table ASAP! I guess it’s another developmental phase. Sigh.
If he absolutely refuses to eat, I will say something like “5 more spoonfuls and we’ll go play outside” and that usually motivates him.
It’s just a bit of pain as I’m usually carrying my 1-year old at the same time and she’s trying to grab everything in sight and put it in her mouth. Not so picky!
I’m so glad you like it:) It can be really hard, following these tips will be great for getting things back on track. If you start to feel discouraged know that consistency and patience are really important to and that it takes some time. This will benefit for you 1 year old too!
Thank you for this great read! I’ve learned so much from your blog, and I try not to stress too much when my 16 month old daughter doesn’t eat–some days are definitely better than others, and I’m very okay with that. What I am worried about is that at dinner, she’s refusing everything except noodles and cheese pieces and tot pouches. Anything else gets thrown. And the trouble is, I give it to her because I know she’ll eat it. I know that I should just be giving her whatever I’m eating (with at least one familiar food along with it) but the thought of her waking up hungry at night scares me into submission. She was a really crappy sleeper until pretty recently, and I really don’t want to ruin a good thing. My husband is out of town 3-5 days a week too, so often I’m flying solo and I’m just trying to make it easier on myself. I work full time, and our evening routine takes me twice as long and it’s hard to cook for 1.5 people. How do I get past this so I don’t create a monster later in life?
We do have a “schedule” and she always (ALWAYS–unless we’re on the go) eats in the high chair. I have stuck to some of your advice!
We are pretty adventurous eaters, and pre-baby I cooked from scratch with total abandon. Now, I have resorted to a lot of short cuts and I hate it. My daughter will try new foods when she’s in the mood–she LOVED spicy curry sauce on her noodles, even though it upset her belly later–but we’re getting into a rut with the daily stuff. Any suggestions? (And sorry for the epic post…)
Sorry for this late reply Kristine! This can be a really tricky age… How much is she drinking of milk? Make a side of what she is eating and have some too, try to rotate through the foods and expand on them, meaning change them a little- use a little sauce- use different noodles- different cheeses. But, be careful, in two months you shouldn’t need to do this at all, have that one preferred food and if she doesn’t eat well it will be okay.
I’m so glad you’ve been reading and you’ve done a great job applying everything. DON”T beat yourself up about cooking differently, that is normal. One day you will return to that. What you’re doing is fantastic. Buy ready made options for now to keep your sanity, keep that one preferred food there and consider offering a bedtime snack and not catering to her at dinner. Let me know how it goes!
I enjoyed this post. My first child was high needs and has sensory issues. I was afraid your article would ignore sensory issues and totally blame the parents. I’ve been on the receiving end of those types of comments! That’s not what I found at all! Thank you for a great article that gives truly helpful advice!
What a lovely comment, thank you for taking a minute to share it Janis! Yes, you are so right! I am all about us building each other up as parents- even with everything I said here every parent needs to do what they need to do. While I want to share what I believe to be effective strategies I hope it is never lost anyone to support and encourage each other instead of judge! By the way, I have a bunch of sensory stuff on here too.
The sensory stuff is how I found you in the first place. Thank you for that! It really explains for others what I failed to explain for myself. I now have five kids and with my second I was able to recognize that I really did NOT cause my son’s sensory issues, as some had suggested.
Having to feed 5 young children has given me perspective that I didn’t have when my oldest was an only child. It’s easy now to see that they really won’t starve themselves and that being hungry helps them accept the vegetables that show up at dinner even though they refused the ones that showed up at lunch.
I find myself doing many of the things that you suggested and I can only think that I do it because I read posts like this one and changed slowly (but intentionally) over time. I am encouraged to see how far my own family has come and encourage other parents to believe that improvement can happen and is worth pursuing.
Again, thank you for this article and your other articles, too … especially the ones about sensory processing.
You are so welcome Janis! Thank you for your fabulous and valuable perspective!