Welcome, welcome, welcome. Oh my gosh, this is the first episode of the Connected and Capable podcast. Woo! I am excited. Oh my goodness, this has been a long time coming. My name is Alisha Grogan, and I’m a pediatric occupational therapist of over 20 years. I have three kids of my own who have tested me in all areas of my expertise, and then some, with everything from extreme picky eating to major anxiety to ADHD. So I’m living this right alongside of you, and I am so excited for this space because I want to connect with you.

I want you to know that you are not alone if you have a uniquely wired kid. I want you to know that it is possible to help your child calm, to help them focus, to help them build skills without it being this major task or this thing on your to-do list. It can really help. It really become a way of life when you understand what so many people just don’t tell parents that have these struggles. Because, unfortunately, the message that parents are often given is that you’re doing something wrong. You need to discipline them in a different way. You need a different parenting strategy. You’re too easy. You’re too hard on them. Or, that there’s something wrong with your kid. They’re really bad. They’re really weird. They’re really wild. They’re really sensitive. All of those things are labels that people are using to try to make sense of what looks a little different.

When we don’t understand, we will fill in those blanks. And so, I want this first episode to be about what I think are the four most foundational, hidden causes that are often pulling the strings underneath the surface that, unfortunately, are just not communicated to parents. Some of these you may never have heard of before. Some of them may sound familiar. But you don’t really know what they are. And so, we’re going to walk through that today in this very first episode.

Now, if you don’t know, I have two videos have been in the online space since early in 2012. That is, like, archaic in the online world. So, I have been here for a long time. Started with blogging and sharing my knowledge there. I was not a writer, but I learned how to write. But what I have always been is a talker. My first grade teacher told my mom, if no one was around, Alicia would talk. And so I am so excited to be leaning into my strength here in this podcast. Over the years, so many people have told me, you should do a podcast. But I was busy writing. And so I have dreamt about this for a really, really long time.

I’m gonna share with you, after we go through these four key areas that you need to know about, if you have a kid that is struggling with focus, attention, sitting still, picky eating, refusing to go to school, not being able to track their homework, or keep their room clean, or there’s constant tension between you guys. When we get through those four things, I’m going to share why this podcast is called Connected and Capable. It is so near to my heart, and is our vision for how we want to serve you. So let’s, let’s jump into it.

Okay, so what is the first hidden cause of autism? Well, it’s retained primitive reflexes. That is probably the one you are most likely to not have heard of, or if you have, not really know what the heck it means. It sounds super weird, but it is really foundational. In fact, it is the first thing that develops in babies while they’re still in the womb. And it’s designed, I mean, it’s, it’s actually, gosh, it’s just like insanely genius design to be a system for helping your child develop, to help them do all the things that they need to do in life.

Starting with just getting out of the birth canal. These reflexes help with that. They also help with your kid eating from the very first days. It protects them and keeps them safe at the birth. If there’s something dangerous, if something comes in their mouth, if they’re falling, if your child is needing to talk or walk, all of our kids need that. These reflexes help with that in a way that is automatically happening in their brain and not something a child has to think about.

So that’s really the key with a reflex. We have tons of reflexes. Many of them we don’t lose. These reflexes are designed to happen automatically, so that we don’t have to consciously think about, oh my gosh, I need to put my hands out, I’m falling. Our brain will automatically do that to prevent ourselves. That’s a reflex we don’t lose. But there are a whole bunch of reflexes that we should lose, or should go quiet, dormant. The therapy term for that is integrated. And so there are anywhere from ten, give or take, reflexes that we want to see go completely dormant by the age of two.

If they don’t, then they are still firing in the brain, and they can be firing very strongly, they can be firing very mildly. So, think about it this way, we all know the reflex that when you hit your knee in a certain spot, your leg naturally kicks up, right? You kind of have to hit it in a really specific spot. And you can’t even go, you control what’s happening, it’s kind of the craziest thing, right? If the doctor hits your knee in that spot, oh my gosh, my leg just moved, I didn’t tell it to move.

Well, there are a whole series of triggers that happen like that for babies, when they turn their head a certain way. Their arm shoots out and their other arm bends back. This helps develop hand-eye coordination, it actually helps start to put them in the position for movement. But if that is still firing, when it shouldn’t be, it’s going to make coordination difficult, it’s going to make riding a bike difficult, it might even make learning to read. Difficult, because that, that signal is still going in the brain.

So, with the knee example that I was just using, with the reflex that we don’t lose, let’s say that was more sensitive, and every time something bumped up against your leg, even in the slightest way, your leg kept kicking out. Can you see how that would interfere with your life? It would be a very obvious sign. Unfortunately, with these primitive reflexes, they’re called primitive because they are early in development and they’re supposed to go quiet. If it doesn’t go away, it’s going to have a big effect.

Now, this is just one of the underlying causes that can be pulling the strings. But here’s the thing, because it’s the first thing in development, it can affect everything. Everything else. It affects sensory processing, so if your kid has sensory sensitivities, if they’re seeking all the time and running wild, it affects emotional regulation. It affects executive functioning skills, like focus, following directions, learning.

So this is really instrumental. And listen, this is a huge topic. So we’re going to be diving deeper into it in the next lesson. But right now, I just want you to know that this is a major piece of what is going on underneath the surface for some kids. Not all kids have them retained, but many uniquely wired kids have some of these reflexes still firing.

Alright, second hidden cause. It is sensory processing. Oh my gosh, if you’ve been around your kid’s table for long, you know that I talk a lot about sensory. It is my heart. It has been a major part of my practice as OT and how I see and work with children, including my own. But sensory can be really sneaky. And so even if you think you have an understanding of sensory, I want to challenge you to just be open to the fact that there might be more, because we have eight senses. That’s right, eight, not the five you learned about in school. And they do include registering things like our emotions on the inside of our body. That is part of our sensory processing.

But when we see kids kind of doing odd things, like licking the wall, or people when they meet them, or sniffing everything, or melting down our bodies, or refusing to go into that party, or the doctor’s office, or the dentist, or the store, there is a huge sensory component likely going on. This is not something our kids are choosing. It is how their brain has been wired. It’s about the way their brain is connected.

Now, the awesome thing is that we can help build new connections in the brain that help process the sensory input better. We also can give lots of supports when our kids are overwhelmed with sensations or when they need more sensations. When it can’t stop. When kid is running non-stop, it is a sign that they need movement. How we give them that movement and how we kind of shape it for them can really matter if they’re able to calm down or regulate, if you’re familiar with that word.

You’re gonna hear me say regulate a lot, because a lot of our uniquely wired kids are living in a dysregulated state almost all of the time. And when they’re dysregulated, it’s really hard to focus because the brain is so focused on helping the brain calm back down and get organized. And so how we support sensory needs and how we, how we help start to create new connections in the brain so that that sensory input is perceived in a way that’s more efficient for them can absolutely change a child’s life.

And I also just want to say on a side note, if you are an adult listening, for yourself, it is not too late. It is not too late for any of this. The brain is fully capable of making new connections. This is called neuroplasticity. Yeah, I’m going to throw out some science-y terms here, but I promise I will always break them down to be really simplified. Neuroplasticity just means that at any age, even 80 or 90, our brain has the capability to make new connections, and when it makes that new connection, it learns something new. The more we use that pathway or connection, the stronger and stronger and stronger it gets. That’s what learning a new skill looks like. It’s also what development looks like. It’s also why I encourage families to just do something sensory activities because they’re so beneficial to the brain in the way that it’s developing.

It’s helping to wire and connect the brain in a way that when those sensations come in from the environment, that the brain knows where they’re which ones to pay attention to, which ones to ignore, how to, when it’s time to overreact and send the signal. So many of our kids have hair trigger reactions. They’re overreacting for lots of different types of sensory input. But when we do sensory activities, give sensory experiences, it helps to reshape that. Okay? So we have to realize that. That sensory processing and the way our kid’s brain is wired is likely what is causing some of these big behaviors that we see.

Alright, third underlying cause. Is emotional regulation. This is a big one for our uniquely wired kids. If your kid is struggling with going from 0 to 90 in a second emotionally it feels like they are frozen. They’re flopping all over the place. This is their emotional regulation that you are seeing in action. If they have meltdowns on a regular basis that is emotional regulation.

Here’s the thing. We are all going to have big emotions. The goal is not to avoid them. The goal is to be able to make them. And that’s what emotional regulation is. But here’s what I need you to hear. Is that emotional regulation is a skill. We often, especially, with kids, we often describe it as a personality trait. Oh, they’re so emotional. Oh, they overreact. Oh, they’re so sensitive. No. Those are how their brain is wired, but it’s also about how they are regulating their emotions, how intensely they’re feeling their emotions.

And so there is this overlap with the sensory system to be sure. Because the brain is perceiving these emotions and how intensely they’re felt, that’s part of the sensory processing. The skill of executive functioning, which is all in a different part of our brain, has a job of regulating those emotions. How long do we stay in them? How do we help calm ourselves back down when we’re feeling really excited or really angry? We’re making a feeling really low and sad or even depressed, how do we regulate up out of those emotions? It is a skill, and if you’re seeing this kind of chaos in your child’s emotions, emotional regulation is 100% a major component of it.

Now sensory can be underneath that, those primitive reflexes can be underneath of that. But this is what we’re really talking about, emotional regulation, when we see lots of meltdowns, aggression, big emotions.

So our last underlying cause is executive functioning. Executive functioning is a ton of different skills, and they are developing all the way into our 20s. Here’s the thing, kids with sensory needs, kids with ADHD, kids with big emotions, often struggle with executive functioning skills. They’re often behind or not as developed as their peers. So all of these things are connected that we are talking about. All four of these areas overlap and connect underneath what we typically see. It’s one of the reasons for the name of this podcast because it’s so much more connected than we tend to think it is.

So, to be fair, emotional regulation is one of many executive functioning skills. I pull it out because the emotional roller coaster that so many of our uniquely wired kids are on is one of the biggest stressors for us as parents. And ultimately, it has one of the biggest effects on that child’s life. It doesn’t feel good to be on a roller coaster 24-7. And so, what we can help them build that skill of emotional regulation, they become more calm, they feel more grounded, secure in their life.

And so when we’re looking at executive functioning, that’s one piece of it, but there are lots of other skills, including attention, following directions, starting a task. Seems like a small thing, but task initiation, that’s our therapy term for it, is huge. If you have a kid that cannot start cleaning their room, that cannot start their homework, that cannot start cleaning up that pile of toys, or doing the chore that you ask them to do, you’re seeing an executive functioning skill called task initiation that is struggling.

Now if we’re dysregulated, task initiation gets even more challenging, but even if you’re dysregulated, they may struggle with that because they just don’t know how to start. They don’t know how to sequence the steps. Organization, memory, remembering to tell the teacher, oh, I’m leaving early today. Here’s the note my mom sent me. Is part of an executive functioning skill called working memory. There’s a whole bunch of them.

And so, again, kids will often get a label that they are lazy, that they don’t care, that they need to put in more effort. Things I’ve been told about my own son with ADHD. Because they think it’s a personality trait, not, oh, this is actually a skill that this child needs help with.

And here’s the thing. We, with all of these, want to balance out supporting our kids and giving accommodations like, hey, you can have some extra time to finish this. Or, I see you forgot, I know you struggle with executive functioning skills, I’m going to give you a little bit of an extension. But also, so that’s the accommodation or the support, just one of hundreds of examples of different accommodations.

But also, helping them build these skills, we can build new connections in our brain. And we can do that for executive functioning skills too. That, to me, is so exciting. That excites me, as an OT, who became an OT, to make a difference in kids’ lives.

But it can bring me to tears, if you’re watching on YouTube. Right now, my eyes are watering up, because that gives me so much hope, as a mom, with a kid, who is struggling with executive functioning skills. ADHD is basically an executive functioning disorder. And when we’ve been doing the work, this targeted work, I see those skills developing.

And what I have learned, is that my son is capable. That your kid is capable. I believe that with all of my heart. We just need the right tools. We need the right support, because this is hard.

So, I’m already leading into why this podcast is called Connected and Capable. It’s all connected. All of these challenges that we see in our kids.

Early on in my career, my son’s life, I thought, we just need to get over this really extreme picky eating. Okay, that’s it. Check it off the list. He’s a huge sensory seeker. Okay, we’ll deal with that. Check it off the list. He has horrible, crippling anxiety. That’s a really hard one, a little out of my expertise. Okay, I’m going to learn about it. I’m going to become an expert in it. I’m going to check it off the list.

But the challenges, new challenges popped up because his brain is uniquely wired. These weren’t individual problems. They were all connected. So if you have seen that in your kid’s life, and maybe you haven’t yet, maybe your kid is only two or three years old, this podcast is for any kid one to 18 and even beyond, because I want to support you and your child.

But even then, even if you haven’t seen it and how these are all connected, I promise you that it is. We’re talking about one brain, not just isolated difficulties.

But it’s called connected for more than just that. It’s also called connected because you can build new connections in your child’s brain like we just talked about. But also, when you see your child and understand these challenges that are underneath the surface, you will feel more connected to your kid. And I hope that this is a place where you feel more connected and not alone.

And of course, I just spoke to the capable. Connected and capable, because I believe that your kid is capable. That is what I’m leaning into with my son. It is what I’m leaning into for my members in the Connection Hive, that’s our membership where we give parents a plan to work through all four of these areas in whatever little time you have, because it needs to be doable. It needs to be practical to fit our hectic, busy lives. This is possible. This can work.

And so I’m telling our members, our parents there, that your kid is capable. I believe that. And I want you to know that you are too. If you have your own uniquely wired brain, like me, as I’m realizing more and more, you too are capable.

Man, I’m so excited for this. I hope that you join me next week for lesson two. We’re gonna dive deeper into sensory. If you love this episode, please hit follow. I would love to have you following along, so you make sure that you see that episode first. And I’ll see you in the next episode.